Our $40,000 Private Jet Flight

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason says something that he likes about me in a foreign language.

Yo me llamo.

Not Spanish.

Yo me gusta.

Not Spanish, dude.

You didn't say that. You said a foreign language.

Say anything but Spanish.

I am so close to knocking your effing teeth out.

Why didn't you swear, pussy?

Because I'm trying to keep it nice for the kids, because we got some comments in San Francisco that we had a rude show.

All right, fuck this. All right, roll the intro music. What's up guys, it's me, me Gusta. We're done with it.

David's Palo. Okay, your hair, you have nice hair. I like your hair.

Thank you. Are— is that— are you being a dick?

You're being a dick.

No, you—

you're being a dick.

You know I'm balding. That's why you're saying that.

Oh, you fucking insecure little shit.

You always bring that up.

I said you have nice hair, that's it. You have nice hair.

If it's not in English, it's in Spanish. You're a jerk. You know what?

Why are you pressuring me?

Let me tell you something.

Don't make me feel old. I'm not old.

Let me say something that you'll understand.

I just like to do things right.

Let me say something that you'll understand. Tú es un pendejo.

How dare you? Chicky told me what that means.

Yeah, what does it mean?

Our housekeeper.

What does it mean?

It means I've got a tiny dong. No, Ben Deho is a bad person.

But are you admitting to having a tiny dong?

Maybe. You're like, I heard you have a bad big dong.

You go, you go roll the intro music. Jason, we've already rolled the intro music. Um, all right guys, what's up? We're back. Or this is the live show between David and Jason.

Um, it's not a live show.

Oh, whatever. At all. Well, we had a live show the other week. It was in San Francisco.

It was dope.

How do you think it went?

I thought it went really great.

I thought it went all right again, because Jason comes off every time, every time we do a live show.

No, I did not. I did not say that. I said nothing on purpose.

Listen, I could just take a shit on stage, and Jason will run off stage and be like, oh my god, David, that was amazing.

Is that your impression of me?

Yeah. Oh my god. And it's like, I don't know if Jason doesn't have standards, or if he's just such a positive person. But either way, it's very confusing.

I did not run offstage. I purposely didn't say anything because you were such a crazy lunatic at the first show in Irvine that I was like, all right, I'll just wait and see what he says.

Yeah, but I could tell by your silence that you were trying to tell me that it was a good show.

I was not.

No.

I thought it was good. I had nothing to say about it.

OK, I thought the show— listen, I thought the show was below average, and average being our last show.

You thought it got worse?

I thought it was a little iffy. You know what's beautiful about these live shows is they suck. What? Because where do you get that? What live show do you pay $100 to go see where you come out of being, hey, that sucked? You don't go to a Taylor Swift concert or a John Legend concert or a Justin Bieber concert and come out of there and be like, I'm disappointed. I want my money back. No, but when you come see us live, there's a good chance you're going to come out of the show being like, holy shit. It was a fucking mess.

No, there's a good chance they're gonna come to the show and go, David is crazy, and Jason's totally— I don't know how he deals with him every day. And Jason, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with a Charles Manson Sonic the Hedgehog.

Fucking Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, another hair reference.

Yes. Yeah, that's right. It's all over the place.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

No, no, I kiss your mother with this mouth.

Okay.

Jesus Christ, that's actually a good comeback. What's wrong with you?

Um, what was I gonna say? Oh, but speaking of shitty shows, we have a show coming up New York and Boston.

Yes.

Um, if we sell it out quick, we get a bonus.

We get $1,000.

We get $1,000 extra. Um, I'm just going to give that straight to Jason.

You will? No, you'll make me pay for it in, in Postmates.

Yeah.

Um, no, David refuses to get the Postmates.

But guys, go buy the tickets real quickly. I don't know where they're going to be linked, but the faster you—

they're on my Twitter—

the faster you guys buy them, the better.

But it's confusing because you have to use the promo code for the next 24 hours, Jeff. You have to— but then they go off sale for like 12 hours, and then on Friday anyone can buy them.

What's the point of a promo code?

They're pre-sale. They're— it's not a promo code, it's a pre-sale promo code.

So there's a promo code to buy our tickets early, and you have to use a promo code, which is stupid.

My name, Jeff. I guess the idea is if you're like a really big fan, then those people are going to get the tickets first because they have this promo code. They follow us on Twitter.

Makes sense. Okay, makes sense. Um, but yeah, there's a show in New York.

Like some random stranger would just buy our show?

Yeah, yeah.

Someone would just see, oh, he looks cute. Oh, the other guy looks old.

Okay, this is what I wanted to say. So we were performing at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco.

Yeah, a whole mess of us went up there.

Yeah, it was like 10 of us that went up there. Way too many people. Scott went up. He's our roommate. He just started rapping a couple months ago.

He started rapping Saturday morning. Yeah. And the show was Saturday afternoon.

We gave him the chance to perform live, like during the show, and it didn't go too well. The night before, Scott was rehearsing his lines, and Googling the lines to his own song because he forgot them. And then when he got on stage, he just froze and got like 4 lines out. And then he kind of just had to wing it. And then we left. I cut the show off like midway through the song. I'm like, well, that's all the time we have for today's show. And the show ended. We went upstairs and that's all. That's all that we talked about the show. And then unfortunately, we just got back from New York and Jason tells me on the flight that we got word from the people that own the club and they gave us their review of the show.

Yeah.

And, um, which, by the way, glowing review from the fans.

We made a little sizzle video. Yeah, some— we hired someone to make like a video, and every kid that they talked to loved it.

Let's just say it was great. The comedy club, um, kind of views the podcast in the same way I do, and they fucking hated it. They, they sent— they sent my agent a letter. I don't know who they sent a letter to, but they were like there was a 21-year-old and a 44-year-old man talking about sex in front of a bunch of teenagers.

Yeah, creepy.

Which is, they said it's creepy.

You want me to read it?

Which is kind of stupid because let me—

We didn't talk about sex.

We didn't talk about sex.

The only thing you said was, do you think it's okay to cheat?

Yeah.

And that's not sex.

Okay, we talked a little bit about sex.

What was that we said about sex?

You asked me how big my penis was.

That was before we went on.

But they said it was creepy. And that really stressed me out, 'cause these are, the most stressful part about podcast shows is, I understand that the kids are gonna like it 'cause they're just there to see us and they're just there to kinda hang out, but it's looking into the crowd and seeing the parents not give a shit about what you're talking about. That's the toughest part. When you're sitting on stage and you're talking about God knows what, and you look out and you see a parent and they're just looking at you pissed.

Arms crossed.

Arms crossed, bald.

I paid $100 for this shit? Parents love— which, by the way, it's only— it's, it's $35.

Yeah, it's only $100 if you want to take a picture with us and meet us for 4 seconds.

Um, no, you— we go longer than that. We say hello.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, we say— let's be real, it's not worth $100.

Well, I mean, to some people it is.

The, the reason it is $100 is because for some odd reason it's in high demand, right? And that's why it is $100. Um, but what I was saying to the people at the podcast is It's so crazy that we can sell out these shows, but it's such a bummer that we can't use our influence for something cooler. I can't start dancing, or I can't start singing. I want to be able to put on this Taylor Swift-esque show, but I'm just not capable of it, and I feel kind of sad.

Yeah, no one's— we're influencers. No one said we were talented.

Yeah, you're right. Definitely no one ever said that, especially the people at Copps.

And then you know what else they said?

What'd they say?

They said it's creepy, right after 44-year-old man. That's what I remember. I remember reading.

And that's fucked up. And they called you ugly.

Yes. And they said Jew.

Yeah. They said, "He's a Jew." Which we don't know what that means.

I don't know. I think I know exactly what it means. They don't care for Jews.

What's a Jew?

Huh?

What's a Jew?

A Jew is someone of Jewish heritage.

No way.

Yeah. Oh.

What a coincidence that Jewish and Jew are so similar.

You know, the word Jew is not a bad word, but people use it as a bad word.

Yeah. People, "You Jew." I'm gonna backtrack a little bit, guys. I knew what the word Jew meant.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

Oh, I was— I'm totally lost. We should take this part out. I didn't— I thought you really didn't know what a Jew was.

Let's restart the podcast.

Um, guys, you know what else they said? And then they said, uh, a guy did talk about my penis. And by the way, the experience at Cobb's, everybody was so nice. Yeah, they were great. And they— and they really liked it. And their initial response was, oh, this is great. It was a matinee show, they sold it out, awesome. They were in and out. And then we got this weird email, and like, I loved the club. I've performed at the club before. I love the audience. The audience was great, smart crowd, and except for the people that were 8, and they were pretty smart. No, but, but, and then they said the guy took his shirt off because— and so yeah, yeah, he took his shirt off in front of a bunch of 14-year-old boys.

What the hell is that all about? Todd, our roommate, who's super sexy, we had him go on stage and just warm up the crowd. Okay, now it sounds weird. We had him go up on stage and take his shirt off Yeah, this sounds weird. I can't get it out.

No, there's nothing wrong with it. It's like a guy comes out, he throws, he throws a bunch of, um, yeah, he threw some shirts out, threw some shirts out, and he takes his shirt off.

He took his shirt off. It wasn't a big deal.

It's, it's, it's— and then, and then I pretend to cover him.

I think, I think they were jealous.

Regardless, yes, that might have been it. I, I saw the general manager and he also had abs, but not quite as good as Todd's.

Um, regardless, uh, we have new shows in Boston and New York. Okay, I'm done with that topic.

November 11th, November 12th.

Yeah, show up, don't show up, stand outside the door, call us names, I don't care.

Um, we just got back from New York and they said we trashed the hotel room. Trashed the room? What?

It's okay, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. Hey, we didn't do anything wrong.

Yeah, no, we did a good show. Um, I would say I've been saving a story for you.

Oh yeah, tell me what happened.

So we went to New York, we went for a Samsung thing.

How was it?

Um, it was— well, you were there. All right, um, basically You went to bed at like 1 AM, I think.

Yeah.

You went home.

Yeah.

And called it. And Todd has a friend, this super New York, like, cool dude.

Yeah.

Like, I mean, like straight out the wazoo, like super cool dude. Yeah. I met him for a second and it was just like the best day of your life, right?

Yeah. He was wearing a sport coat and jeans.

He just looked, he looked insane. He looked like he one-upped Todd and he looked like he gave birth to Todd. That's how cool he was. Um, and he took us to a bar. And he, he, he walked us into the bar like straight away.

Yeah.

No questions asked. They didn't even ID me.

I know.

They just walked, walked me straight into the bar. So we go upstairs, guys, bear with me. You're going to think I'm making this story up, but I'm 100% not. This is 100% real. Please just trust me on this. Okay. So we go up, we go up to the, um, to the bar. It's completely full. There's so many people. You were there. You went into the bar.

I went for a minute. Yeah.

You went for a minute and then you left. But we went up to the balcony, and on the balcony you can oversee the stage, and on the stage is a naked woman dancing nice and singing a song. And I'm like, okay, this is— this— this is that kind of a place. Like, this is kind of like a— like a cool jazzy type vibe.

Burlesque.

Yeah, yeah, like— like, I get it. Naked women. That makes sense to me. Sure. And then— and then the show ends. She gets off stage, you know, we're all sitting there, we're all having drinks, and then this lady comes up on stage and she, she throws up immediately. Just throw, like, serious throw up. And guess where she throws up? Well, onto the first row.

Shut the hell up.

I'm not kidding. On the first row of people, she throws up. She throws a pizza.

Did they have Plastic wrap?

No, no, listen to this.

Is it planned?

Just listen. Yes, it was planned. It was like, it was planned. And then she takes the pizza that she was chewing on, throws it on the ground, and starts stomping on it. Just starts stomping on it. And then she takes her top off and you see her boobs. Very, very muscular. Very muscular woman, right? Like, like built like a man.

The people in the front row, were they part of the act?

No, they were— these people were— these people that were just coming in. Wow. Yeah, it's nuts. And then, and then she takes her pants off. Okay, guess what?

She's a guy.

She has a penis. No, she's a penis and she has boobs. And I'm like, this is great, this is like, this is fun. Like, she's— she, she or he's having a good time, you know, they're killing it. And then I, I, I don't want to skip too many things, but I'm gonna refer to her as she, even though she had a penis. She ran into the crowd and took everyone's drinks, took like 4 people's drinks and just started spilling it all over them. No, like, I'm being—

you were up in the balcony?

I was up in the balcony. Oh my God. So none of this was happening. Took pitchers of their drinks, like they had vodka, like in pitchers or like chasers, and just started spilling it all over the tables everywhere. And then when she spilled the drinks She started running, like she started running on top of the people completely naked, hitting everyone with her penis.

What do you mean running on top of the people?

People were sitting down. Oh, and she like bear crawled over people sitting down, right, right, right, in these seats, over the banquets, completely in people's faces. No, with her penis.

Big dong?

It was a normal-sized penis.

Sure.

Yeah, it was, it was kind of small. It's like your penis.

And that was unnecessary.

Yeah, I know, I didn't need to add that.

It's quite the jag.

Um, I don't want to— I don't want to skip any parts of the story, but then that— this is where it gets weird. Yeah, she, um, she started— she started throwing the pizza at everyone. And like, at everyone, like, she threw it, she, she just started chucking it at people. Just, here, have some pizza. It was hitting everyone like thick— like, not thick, thin slices of New York Giant pizza. And I'm not making any of this up. And then, and then people laughing Yeah, I'm having a great time. This is the best fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. And then she takes duct tape and she starts taping the pizza to her body everywhere, her head, everywhere, her entire thing. And then she takes her penis and sticks it right through the pizza and tapes the pizza to her like penis, and it's just dangling there. Yeah, nuts. And this is, this is my favorite part. After all is said and done she takes a pizza. Yeah, this is actually not even my favorite part, but she takes the pizza, she wipes her ass with it, like wipes her— like bends over, wipes her ass with it, and throws it at the audience once again. I'm not even kidding. I'm not kidding. And okay, this is— I lied, that wasn't the best part. This is the best part. After she's done throwing stuff at audience, even in the people in the balcony she's throwing stuff at, but luckily she wasn't aiming at us, she goes So she takes the last slice of pizza, puts it under her, and she shits on the pizza. Fucking shits on the pizza like a big log. No, not kidding. No, shits on the pizza.

She's gonna get nominated for a Tony.

Yeah, well, you would think, but she's getting nominated for the whole fucking Oscar. You know why?

Why?

Because she takes a bite out of the fucking pizza. With the shit. And then the curtains close and everyone goes, wow, we just fucking sat through that.

No fucking way.

Swear on my life.

While I was outside trying to get an Uber. Yeah, that's what was going on.

There was someone, and I'm not—

and I missed it.

I told the story to Liza and she's like, okay, at what point are you gonna tell me that you're making this up?

I thought you were leading me down a whole hole where you're gonna say you made it up.

Every part of it, every single part of that story was 100% real. No, and it was great. It was so phenomenal. It was like—

was it?

Yes, because you just— you fucking look at me like I'm— I'm— you don't even believe it because it's just so, so extraordinary. It was, it was honestly one of the best. I, I hate bars. I hate going out.

Is it an act that had been like refined and done before, or did it look like a first-time thing?

No, it was— yes, it looked like it's been done before, but it was chaos, right? So it looked like it— she was, she was just running all over.

Did she have a name?

No, she didn't have a name.

Mariah Carey?

I think, I think it was something the Magnificent. And sure, I mean, the, the poop she pooped out was quite magnificent.

It was a big poop.

Yeah, huge.

And then she took a bite out of the poop.

She took a bite out of the poop and the pizza, and then the curtains closed and everyone clapped.

And about how long was this?

Um, this was about— this lasted about 7 minutes, but it felt like an hour because it was just like you were dodging, you were dodging, you know, everything. And like, she didn't throw the poop at anyone, which is the best part. Everyone, like, the second she pooped on the pizza I swear to God, everyone just hid behind their chairs. They were like, it's fucking coming at us. But yeah, it was, it was amazing. And then, and then the friend, the people were with, get this.

Yeah.

They turned to me and they're like, you want to get out of here? I'm like, are you fucking nuts? Where do you want to go? You want to go to, you want to go to Dave Buster's and play pinball?

Yeah. I was thinking, uh, we'd head down to Dave Buster's.

Like the best, the best thing I've ever witnessed. DSW. If I ever go to New York. I'm 100% taking— I'm taking my friends there. And then after the show, after that, after that part of the show ended, um, a guy dressed in a, um, in a bear outfit came on stage and it was very cute. He was dancing to cute music.

I saw the bear dancing originally. I want to see girl who poops on pizza.

You're Googling it? Yeah. No, but, um, but the best part, the best part about the bear dancing is you saw the cute bear dancing. He was adorable. Yeah, but it's, it's a, it's a It's a big man with a huge penis.

He's got a huge penis too.

He takes the costume off, and then he invites people from the audience to come and touch and dance with his penis.

And did anyone? Yes. What kind of crowd was in there?

Let's just say I've never choked on anything like that. But no, but other than that, other than eating weird things, Um, wait, that's a bad transition. I'm just gonna go right to our sponsor.

Yeah, I would love to see a proper review of the show you saw last night.

Oh, I'll, I'll give you, I'll give you a full comprehensive review. I'll write out a thesis on it. Um, guys, but let me, let me say something.

I love HelloFresh. Oh yeah, all the HelloFresh stuff came because we want to cook it.

The other night, Kristen cooked it because we want to make cooking more fun, so we focus on the whole experience, not just the final plate. That's literally what, that's what HelloFresh said. They like to think of themselves as farm-to-box company because we want everyone to have access to ingredients that inspire great meals, but we don't stop there. We also—

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Recipes will make you feel unstoppable, and your taste buds will thank you. Customers can order 3, 4, or 5 different meals per week designed for either 2 or 4 people. New recipes are created each week. Did you die?

Hello? You were skipping around a little bit.

Yeah.

Oh, got it. Our recipes will make you feel unstoppable. I read that. I know, but then, but then you went back up before you read. You read something lower and then you went back to something before that you were reading before that, and then you have the audacity to say me, to tell, ask me if I'm dead because you're jumping around. You're reading Things that aren't in order.

I just did it to mess with you.

Oh. In 6 easy-to-master steps—

All right, and that's all for the ad.

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Well, we're getting into it.

I mean, you know, we're letting people know what HelloFresh is. Well, these are the Ten Commandments of HelloFresh. HelloFresh employs two full-time registered dietitians. You know what, I never wanted a moment like that, but it happened.

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Yes, it comes in a box. We got two boxes, you know.

Yours is here.

Thank you. We made one of them.

I can't wait to unbox it and just put my mouth in and just start eating.

We had like some, some tacos.

HelloFresh is now offering light summer meals and just introduced breakfast options.

Less than $10 a meal. You know, anyways, this is where I discuss the personal experience. Yeah, the stuff. How was it? It was really good. Kristen made it. It was like a maple glazed chicken.

Oh, you had someone else make it? Well, wait till HelloFresh hears about that.

Don't tell them that. I'd rather they not know.

But yeah, you know, I didn't know how fresh his logo was— make someone else do it.

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HelloFresh is new, right?

They're brand new, and that's amazing. I love having new—

um, we tried to read them on Saturday.

We got— oh yeah, live show. If you're wondering why we never posted the live show, it's because it was dog shit, um, and because Cobb's Comedy Club said that they don't want to be associated with anything like that. Um, no, but we just— so we just got back.

Why did you just take the laptop off my lap? So I would pay attention to you?

Yeah, because you get really distracted when you're looking at the laptop.

I, I've been paying attention.

I know, but just to make sure, I took it away from you.

Would you like to tie me down to the fucking couch too and put toothpicks in my eyes?

No, I'm good, thank you.

So I really, really focus in on David. You get so jealous. I get jealous? You're jealous? What do you mean I get jealous? Attention being gone to a laptop.

Jason, we're recording a podcast.

Like when I'm with my kids.

No, I don't get jealous of your kids.

Yeah, you do. You get real jealous. No, I don't. Yeah, like you'll come in with like a David problem and I'll be dealing with like a real problem.

And you're just like, oh God, I can't believe— you're saying that David Palmer isn't a real problem?

Yeah, like a thumbnail problem or something. Meanwhile, like, I'm like, you know, trying to guide a child, okay, during their formative years.

I'll make sure to bring this—

what I do—

parenting is important. I'll make sure to bring this up next time, uh, we go grocery shopping for your kids.

When have you ever gone grocery shopping for my children?

Don't pretend, don't pretend like on the podcast, like I don't take them grocery shopping every week.

We can let the listeners know that if you want. I mean, we can float that out there. It's just like the lies you've told about Bruce. I found out the other day, I ran into Bruce. Yeah, I saw him at Target.

And he hates you, I told you.

No, he goes, I don't know what this whole thing is. It's been going on for weeks.

I don't hate you. He's so shy.

Well, I don't understand then, where did this rumor come from?

He has this rumor. He has a hard time speaking what's on his mind. Bruce is the guy who wrote our intro song, and he hates hates Jason, but Jason is having a difficult time coming to terms with it.

Well, we, we went and we bought some razors and some deodorant at Target. Yeah, and we had a good time, so I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaking of good times, tell me, HelloFresh— no, I'm kidding.

Part 2. Why won't you get the Postmates? That David won't get the Postmates.

No, no, hold on. This is what I wanted to bring up. What? We just got back from New York. Yeah, we flew on a private jet. Oh my God, guys, let me Let me talk to you as a guy who's never been on a private jet, like most people listening.

Yeah, I can talk that way too.

We can all talk that way. We've been on one private jet and it was to Vegas. It was an hour-long flight. Um, for the sake of better terms, it wasn't good. I would have rather flown economy. It was great. It was very cramped.

You liked it just because it was called a private jet, but it was no more cramped than like a Southwest flight that you would take. We would have taken Southwest.

Yeah, but I would have rather taken a first class flight. Flight as opposed to that private— as opposed to the private jet flight through security and saved a bunch of money. Do you know what I mean? We didn't pay for it. Anyway, our trip to Vegas was what, like, it was a $12,000 flight round trip. Now our trip from New York was $40,000, just one way from New York. And guys, this jet was fucking incredible.

Yeah, we flew out first, United.

We flew first class in. Yeah. And then I surprised everybody with the jet ride back. Right. And my goodness, I— it was, it was unreal. It was— there was 8 seats in the main cabin, and then in the back there were 2 couches that you can fully lie down on, and then a beautiful bathroom where it smelled great. It had everything in it, like full bottles of alcohol, full bottles of Lysol wipes, everything.

It was like a drink you wanted, any drink you wanted in a nice glass.

stewardess, right?

Flight attendants. Sorry, two flight attendants on the flight with us that were there the entire time with whatever— a back rub— with whatever we wanted, they were there to give us. It was incredible.

And right before we got on the flight, one of them, um, taught me Taiwanese. Yeah, they tutored me in a 6-hour flight. And now I can just speak— I can speak a little bit to get by.

When we got on the flight, it was just me, Jason, and Gabby, and we got on there— we got on there before the rest of friends, because the rest of our friends went to go get Chipotle. And we told this to the flight attendant, and she's like, oh, why didn't you just tell us? We could have gone and grabbed it for you. They grab you food. They grab you whatever you want on the flight.

She said, we would have brought Bobby Flay here from the Food Network.

They could have—

guys. She said Guy Fieri is here and waiting.

And the best part is, before we took off, they came into our cabin and they were like, hey, if you ever want to shoot something with the pilots or us, just come on over, turn the camera on, and let's do it. That's why you really loved it.

Yes, I, I— dude, I would never—

whatever you wanted. Never felt like— so just felt incredible.

Yeah, it was awesome. I didn't want to get off.

And, and it was— it's, it's—

and I didn't really relax on it because we, we shot and then we edited the whole time, but it would have been nice to like relax.

It's an experience that people won't— like, a lot of people unfortunately won't get to do. And I'm so Dude, I was on it and all I could think about was how lucky I am. Like, it was just like, this is insane. I know, $40,000. It was like $6,000 an hour to sit on that thing. And I don't know, it was—

I could rarely say that I enjoy something thoroughly like that. I can't even—

me neither. I mean, I have a tough— you know, I have a tough time enjoying it.

Yeah, you're very picky.

But let me tell you, the car ride before getting to the airplane, you remember that? We got picked up by a driver.

I that you were upset because I had no idea.

Yeah, I wasn't talking.

I was just in the back.

I wasn't talking during the car ride. You didn't notice?

I did notice you weren't talking, but you do that a lot.

We were on—

we check out for a lot of times.

We got picked up by this guy to take us to the, um, take us to the private jet. And I have this weird thing if I, I have to be driving a car like constantly. So if I'm getting— if someone— if let's take a look at that. If my car is— if my car is busted or something and we need to take Jason's car. I'm the one driving Jason's car. Yeah, Jason's in the passenger seat. And, and it's because this guy was driving so slow, so slow. And I'm not— I, I know I feel like a— I feel like a—

what are you trying to accomplish?

I sound like a twat here. I honestly sound like a douchebag.

It's okay, but, but you're being honest. I mean, I want a douchebag. This is something that annoys you, but it shouldn't. You should probably let it go.

I wanted of fucking— I wanted to scream.

I was— you're gonna stress yourself out.

I know, I know, I know, I know. And I try to— I try to calm myself down, but for— if we were in that car for 7, 10 more minutes, I would have screamed. But, but— and I know, I know what this— I know what this sounds like. This sounds like, like a prissy bitch.

I'm not saying— I don't think it sounds like—

no, she bitched it out. No, it does, but, but to me, it's almost like a men— it's like anxiety. It's like a mental, like, block I experience. It's like something serious, like something like— it's like when someone says, um, I have depression and you say, what the fuck is that? Just be happy. It's the same thing. It's you looking at that and being like, what do you mean? Who gives a fuck if he was driving slow? It's the same thing. I can't explain it, but it's so real. And I was so anxious and so—

but you understand that when we got there, we didn't do anything. Like, it was another hour to get on the plane. How long do we wait to get on the plane?

We were going so slow, my hand was shaking, dude. I was having like withdrawals.

I believe you.

And I don't know what it was. You think that is— I don't know. And it stressed me out, and I felt like an idiot. And it was fucking weird. Like, why am I—

are you like, maybe you're nervous about the work that you have to complete, so during that time, that time feels wasted to you, so that's transferred? Well, that's what it is. Is that what it is? You're like, I gotta get a vlog done today, and I just— and I'm not— I don't know why. And maybe you're thinking, and I could be, if I was there, I could start editing already, even though I'm not— the plane's not taking off yet.

I just want to be in control. Like, I want to be there, I want to know what I'm doing, and and just— I don't know. And I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for, for sounding like this, but yeah, apologize to the audience. Well, don't make me feel like shit, Jason.

You don't have to apologize.

I finally opened up on the podcast and shit just goes south.

I love the pendulum of emotions here. You go from fucking angry, yeah, guilty, it's tough, to just down and out, and then accepting your anxiety.

It's not as easy as being a dad, Jason.

Oh yeah, it's a fucking cakewalk. Yeah, it's so simple, you know, trying to do a live show and taking your son along because you don't want to go a Saturday without seeing him.

Oh, oh, okay, we mentioned this on the live show, but since we're never posting live show, I can talk about it again. Um, the other day I went to go help Jason pick up his kids. Oh yeah, yeah, his son from school, from his elementary school, and I thought it'd be a fun idea to take Josh Pack back, huge celebrity, and the kids love him. It was my idea. Oh, it was your idea?

Yeah.

Well, I loved it.

It was your idea to bring Josh because you weren't gonna go.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm thinking it was my idea. It was your idea to bring Josh, but it was a dumb idea. It was a dumb idea. So we get to the school, Jason pulls over on the road, and nowhere to park. Yeah, and this is a big schoolyard, like a bunch of kids are out, school's out, everyone's happy. All the kids are just sitting out there just talking to their friends. It's a Friday, and hop out. I tell Jason, don't worry, Josh and I are gonna go get your son. And I bring my camera out and, and I just get— I just go to the highest elevation I could find, like a stoop, a stoop in the courtyard. And I get on the courtyard stoop and I yell. I'm like, everybody, I need your attention!

Why would you do that?

And I go, Josh Peck is here! And all the kids, literally all of them, they're just like Oh my God! They just start running at Josh. All these middle school and elementary school kids, I don't know, all start running at Josh. I mean, I'm talking like 50, 60, 70, 80 kids. And it gets so bad that a kid falls and gets knocked over, almost gets trampled, and we have to help this guy up. Really badly, or falls? No, no, he was okay. He just felt— I helped him up. He fell down. Okay. He was, he was stupid. He was a young kid. No, no, no, no, he wasn't.

No, he wasn't.

It is funny to say. No, no, he fell down. He was really happy that he was around Josh Peck. And I'm filming all this, and at the corner of my eye, a really tough guy is approaching me, and he's like, you're recording minors. You are recording minors right now. And I'm like, dude, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm putting the camera away. I'm totally sorry. And I was really respectful, like I wasn't even being like a dick. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm putting the camera.

And meanwhile, I'm in my car like, oh, Oh, that's so cool that like David's like a part of my family life and like, you know, and Josh has become a good friend.

You're like, oh, that's so cool, David's so good with kids.

Yeah, that's all I'm thinking. I'm taking my sweet time parallel parking. It's kind of cool, you know.

And, um, and this guy— I turned my camera off and this guy goes, you were just recording minors, you were recording minors. And I'm like, I know, sir, I won't use any of that, I'm sorry, I won't put it in the vlog. And he's like, who are you recording for? I'm like, David Dobrik, I'm sorry about that, won't happen again. He's like, who's David Dobrik? I'm like, it's me, it's just for my YouTube channel. And then he repeats it again, he goes, you're recording minors, you're recording minors, and it's scaring the shit out of me.

So, so you were shaking.

I was scared. And we get—

we get David—

we go back inside the car and tell me what went on.

Yes, so I, so I see that there's like kind of a mob And I'm like, oh, we're out there and Jason's sitting. Why would you do that? Why would you stand on a stoop and, and cause a scene?

I was gifting these kids Josh Peck. Yes, but you know, yes, you know, I knew it would cause a scene.

Tell me what went on in your head in that moment.

I was like, this is great, this is exactly what I wanted.

You're like, this is gonna be good, great content. I'm gonna have a sea of kids running for Josh Peck. Let's see what happens.

I was like, I can't believe that kid fell. I totally wanted that No, but we're standing out in the courtyard causing a scene, and then one guy was not fazed at all.

Yeah, just like, oh my god, Jason's son was just like, whatever. I walk up, I walk up, I'm walking up and I see the crowd, I'm like, oh no. And then there's this girl and she's probably like, you know, 13, whatever. You can just tell her personality right away. She's just like really smart, know-it-all, probably like head of student council or something. And she just goes— how old is she? She's like an 8th grader. 8th grader, okay, perfect. She's got her backpack on, she's really smartly dressed, she's got glasses, and she just goes, hey Jason, I saw your friends over there. It seems like there's kind of a scene, and guess what? The dean is on his way.

That's great.

So she said the dean is on his way, so I was totally alarmed.

And then what'd you say to her?

I just— I had no comeback. I was just like, uh, uh, oh God. And, and then I slept with your mom.

Yeah.

Okay, great. So then I see Josh and David walking, and there I can see that you're like— you guys were frightened. You guys don't say— you don't get scared of anything. Like, you're pretty brave about all kinds of stuff.

I get scared of teachers. Yeah, one of my weaknesses.

I was surprised when teachers are like that.

When teachers are yelling at me, I get scared. And, and then we leave, and then what happens?

Um, and, and then we leave, and, um, I get a phone call. Yes, I get a phone call. Be in, um, the principal's office at 8:30 on Monday.

He gets a phone call to go to the principal's office, guys.

Like, yeah. And Wyatt's just rolling his eyes. He's just like, you better go take care of that.

This is my least favorite part of the story. In conclusion, Jason ends up going to the principal's office. Yeah, it doesn't tell me that he ends up— that he ended up going. And 3 days later, I get a call from the principal, and so does Josh. And Josh texts me freaking out. He's like, why is the principal of the school calling us? I thought Jason settled this problem. And then Jason goes, oh man, yeah, I totally forgot. I gave the principal your phone number to prank you guys. So after he went in the meeting with the school principal, Jason somehow convinced this guy and was like, "Hey, it'd be funny if you fucked with my friends," and called them and said that he needed to speak to them. And Josh calls me scared and I call him scared and I'm like, "Dude, what's going on? Are we gonna get detention?" Even though we're not in school, I'm still scared about detention. And it was just a prank set up by Jason that he didn't even record.

I had a principal who used to do stand-up comedy.

Oh, really? Yeah. He was one of you. Yeah. He's like, this is great. I'll finally get back into the groove.

We had a whole— we had a whole conversation, like a 40-something conversation. Like, he was like, you know, why did he do— the guy couldn't have been nicer.

Yeah, he was— he's just a 40-year-old dude who used to do comedy.

He was you. Yeah, he was the nicest guy. And I was really nervous. I sat down and I was like, oh God, this is awful. Like, what kind of dad am I? I'm like, this is not the kind of thing a dad should be doing. And then, um, and he just brought me in and he was just like so nice. He was like, he's like, hey, he's like, I know you had a thing on Friday. He's like He's like, by law, I just have to tell you, you know, we can't have big crowds like that, you know. He's like, I get it, no worries.

Us guys who couldn't make it in stand-up comedy gotta stick together.

No, he didn't know me at all. Oh, at all. He just spoke to me as like a dad, but then I told him all about you.

He's like, let's get this douchebag. Yeah, yeah, that's great. He called me and I had a voicemail and he's like, hey, I don't know his name, but he's like, hey, it's Principal Taft. I'm gonna need you to come into the office. We have a situation here. This is pretty urgent. And I'm just like, holy shit. But yeah, that's the story about how I got pranked by a high school principal, or a middle school principal, sorry, of a school I didn't even go to. But guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. That's all the time we have. Yeah, we don't have much time.

Yeah, I'm gonna go get something to eat.

We're gonna go get something to eat. Make sure you join us in New York City and in Boston. We're definitely gonna bring some of our friends along. Yeah, we don't know who yet. We're gonna make sure Scott knows his song. If not, we're gonna make sure to learn the song ourselves so we can perform it if he bails. Or if he comes. We don't even know if he's coming yet. But yeah, guys, make sure to go buy some merch at fandrew.co/dorbrick. Go, um, go buy some stuff from Jason's. Mm-hmm. And go buy the tickets so we sell out. November 11th and 12th.

Make $1,000. Yeah, and then Chicago, maybe.

Oh, and then Chicago coming up, hopefully in November, right after Thanksgiving. There's a really good chance, right after. And that's gonna be my favorite because that's my hometown. So get ready for that, guys. This has been another David Dobrik and Jason Nash podcast. That's been Jason Nash, and my name is Jeff. We'll see you guys later.

Bye.