Natalie's Dream About David

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason has cum on his shirt. I don't know what that is, but I've been staring at it all day. Is it toothpaste? Please tell me it's toothpaste.

No, it's paint, man.

It's paint?

Yeah, it's like that painter's look.

I think you'd get away with calling it toothpaste, but I'm calling it frosting.

How do you cum, David? Do you cum like fucking frosting? Is that what your cum looks like? Do you think that's what cum looks like?

I don't know who you've been having sex with, but it looks like he tried to hit your face but missed and got all over your shirt.

I'm not fucking a snowman, no.

Jesus Christ.

I know for a fact you haven't been painting. So, so what is that, bro?

I paint with my kids. It got paint on the shirt. Now it's a cool look.

Bring your kids into this. I wrote the intro music. Hi guys, this is the Views Podcast. Jason's a very old man and I'm a very young, um, young individual who's learning how to speak. Who's learning each day.

I get better.

My assistant Natalie's here. Natalie, you had like a had a fucking horrible dream last night. What happened?

It's like beyond me. It's really freaky.

Okay.

I had like these crazy nightmares last night where I was like— I woke up out of my sleep just like screaming.

I was like, so you mean like your actual life?

Okay, so it all like— my— for the first time that I initially woke up screaming, it felt like when I got into my room to go to bed— I've always thought this house is haunted, right?

Yeah.

So I got into my room to go to bed and I felt like— like I felt like there was something in the room with me. I don't have a voice right now, so you can't scare Um, and I felt like something was in the room with me, and I was trying to go to bed, and I felt like— I just felt like something was there. And then in my dream, I woke up, I was looking at my body on my bed, and it felt like someone was holding me down. I couldn't like break out of it. I was like tossing and turning, and then I just like woke up screaming. And then somehow I managed to get myself to go back to bed. And second dream, I'm like in this mansion with David, and he's in his side of the house, I'm in my side, like real life, and except for like minus the mansion. No offense, um, just kidding.

A bigger mansion than this mansion.

Yeah. And so I'm there and like there's this— I'm like, I'm just walking through the house because I can't sleep because there's like something chasing me. So I'm running and I'm just yelling in my dream, just running through the house like trying to find somebody to help me, and I can't find anybody. And then all of a sudden I hear David just screaming from his room, and I was like, I didn't know what was going on. And then a party starts happening, and then I run into David and he was like, I had the weirdest dream. Like, I was in like all this pain or whatever.

And this is real life or in the dream?

This is in the dream.

In the dream.

David had a dream. David's rolling his eyes.

Do you always dream about David?

Oh shit, this shit was so long. Yo, I'll be honest with you. She told me this shit in the car on the way to fucking Nickelodeon tonight and I spaced out, but I didn't want to put her in a bad mood because it was in the morning. And I go, oh wow, I didn't hear it because it was so long. Just like now she's like, she goes on for so long and you don't even know what's going on. Like, did you know what she was saying? You were like, is this still in the dream? Like, you didn't even know what she was talking about.

That's where it got confusing because David was having a dream.

Yeah, that's where I checked out too.

Anyway, I know I got to hear the end. I got to hear the end.

I don't know what happened.

If you don't know the beginning, if you don't know the middle, tell me how it ended.

How did it end? Fucking shit. Just how did it end?

So you, you run into David and he said, I had the same dream as you being held down.

So in the dream, David come where we meet each other and he tells me that he had the same, like he had the same dream as me and he was like screaming and in pain or whatever. And then I come out of the dream, but like, I basically— I don't even know what the fucking point of this shit is, but, um, I got off— like, I was so terrified, like, to go back to bed.

Yeah.

And I was like, think this is on the way to Nickelodeon this morning. I'm like telling David this, and I was like, yeah, I almost got up to, to be like, hey guys, sleep on the beanbag in your room because I'm like terrified. And David's just like, well, good thing you didn't do that because I would have been like, fucking bye.

Um, yeah, that would have been really— Natalie came in here in the middle of the night and was 'Can I sleep in here?' I would have thought I was dreaming. I'd be like, 'What the fuck are you saying, Natalie?' That's pretty obvious what that dream means.

You guys feel like you and David are really in the trenches right now, and you're shared— a shared experience.

We're sharing this home, but it's— we can't—

no, you're working together.

Yeah, but, but there's more to it because we're in love with each other. We haven't figured that out yet. Mrs. Nash in the back goes, 'I knew it.' No, I think—

yeah, what do you think the big mansion means? I think it— I think it means like you guys are working really hard and like, you know, trying to make all this money. But you could—

I hate talking about dreams because then people just like— I don't— I just have a dream and I just move on with my life. But so many people like deeply interpret it. Yeah, and then I just like get in my own head. I'm like, oh my god, am I— I need to like psychoanalyze.

Stick your head in the sand, Natalie. Awesome.

Jason, you realize you interpret dreams, but like, you know, you're not doing anything.

Of course I am.

No, all you're doing—

so much fun to interpret dreams. I get tweets all the time. Can you interpret this dream? I'm the dream master. I have, I have a show coming out on TLC right after the Ghost Hunters people's. It starts in October.

You're the dream master?

They call me Dream Master. Yeah, I go to different celebrities. First episode's Aaron Carter. Yeah, and he had this meth dream.

How did you interpret it?

You look like a meth addict to me.

Was he the one that came on your chest?

No, that was you. That's why Natalie didn't come in last night.

Well, regardless, yeah, bad dreams are a serious thing. Serious issue.

Yeah, it's a serious issue, guys. David, I'm glad you said it. Guys, if you're suffering from bad dreams out there, you're not alone. There's people like Natalie.

All right, real quick, we have a guest here. His name is Benny Blanco. Benny, introduce yourself real quick.

Yeah, well, you just introduced me. I'm Benny Blanco.

No, but give me a little bit more information about you. Okay, we've talked about you twice on this podcast, and we've only hung out with you once.

We've talked about you 11 times on this podcast.

We talk about you like as if we hang out with you every day.

From the— from the—

I'm fucking down. From the third— from the 30 minutes we hung out with you that one time, we have taken every second and dissected it and expanded it into, into full stories.

And the running joke, even if we're not recording, I'll just say, I'll run up to David, I'll go, has Benny called about me being on the track? He's like, no, he hasn't called.

All right, so Benny, you have— you've produced a lot of music. Let's just throw them off.

Rihanna, Maroon 5, Katy Perry.

These aren't songs, these are artists. What are some songs?

Fuck. I got to—

oops.

Am I allowed to curse? I got to open.

Yeah. Dynamite by Tyo Cruz. Jason already has TikTok by Kesha.

Jason's tattooed on his arm.

I look it up every day. He doesn't know. Could you imagine if I asked you, David, what have you done in your vlogs? I—

it makes sense, but like, not knowing a song is pretty fucking crazy. Okay, okay, these, these are the songs that Benny— you've made these songs?

I've made these, yes. Okay, here we go, here we go.

He's reading his Wikipedia. Well, I think we have talked about it. Jason, Jason always says when we were— we met you at Charlie Puth's house and you kind of just plopped onto the couch.

Yes.

And Jason was like, oh, that must be Charlie's pool boy.

You rolled in, you sat on the couch, and you like scratched your belly. You look like you were waiting for Postmates.

Yeah.

Yes, he was.

So, and then, okay, and then, and then, and then I asked you, I was like, what song have you made?

And did I know?

And no. And you go, you go, all of them. Okay, okay.

Here's what, here's what I did. I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry, Hot and Cold by Katy Perry, Circus, Britney Spears. I mean, dude, there's so many. California Girls, Dynamite, Teenage Dream, We Are Who We Are, Stereo Hearts, Moves Like Jagger, Payphone, Diamonds, Die Young, Maps, Animals, Black Widow. Oh yeah, then I started— oh, Love Yourself, Cold Water, and then Castle on the Hill. I did Ed Sheeran's last album.

Now he has— now he has a song Eastside, which is— that is— which is straight up by you.

Yeah, yeah, I started putting out songs myself.

And you don't sing?

No.

And you don't play any instruments?

Not very well.

But you just hear the music in your head? Yeah. Oh my God, some sort of crazy genius or idiot. I don't know what it is.

Your name precedes you because I've heard your name for a long time and like, oh, Benny Blanco, Benny Blanco, and he's a big producer. So I imagine this like, like gangster, like this. Yeah, like this. Come on, Benny, you're wearing—

there are sparkles on your face right now. I'm not sure if you're aware.

I don't go by Benny Blanco.

Okay, so, so, and not only are you a big producer, but you're very fucking scared of flying.

Yeah.

Like, Jason, this is real. He's terrified of flying.

Yes.

So explain to me.

Okay, like some people are like, oh yeah, I'm scared of flying. Like, you know, like before a flight I get so nervous, or oh my God, this one time on a flight, like I threw up. No, I am so scared of flying. I didn't fly for years and years and years, and the last time I went to Europe, I took a boat to Europe.

Is that fucking crazy?

Not only did I take a boat, but I took a bus from Los Angeles to New York, then to take a boat. I'm basically living— it's basically the 1500s for me. If you want me somewhere, you have to wait 2 weeks. I'll be there soon.

Okay, okay, so how long does it actually take you?

Oh, just 7 short days. Just on the boat. So basically, Ed Sheeran. I was recording his last album and we traveled all around the US while he was touring, making the album. And then he was just like, I really want to finish it in my hometown. And I was like, yeah, okay, man. I was like, I don't fly. I was like, if we take a boat. And he was like, cool. And I was like, wait, what? And he was like— and I thought he was gonna forget it, but he never forgot it. He was like, we're still taking that boat, right? I was like, I'll only take it if you take it. And he was like, cool, I'm taking it. We literally took a boat from New York City all the way to London. It was us and like— and it's really, you know what the boat— it is the Titanic boat. It's the same thing, same. You literally pass one day on like the third day, they just show the ocean and they're like, to the right is where the— where the boat sank. And everyone takes pictures and it's like, I missed the day, so I just took it on the fifth day and just said it was the same spot. But, but it's like But it was crazy. We were on a boat, we were stuck on a boat, and everyone— it's not like a thing where there's like one or two people. It's so hard to get like a reservation for this boat. Everyone wants to ride this cross-country— not cross-country, we're not even on land. Yeah, it really is a transatlantic trip, and everyone's wearing like tuxedos and everything. So yeah, I'm scared. And then like recently I was supposed to take a plane, and I was so scared that I Got off.

This is, this is interesting. This is— I hung out with you when you said this. You had to go to New York, I think it was.

Yes.

And you got your own private jet that you paid. How much is it? Can you talk about it? A lot. A lot.

A lot.

A private jet to New York is a fucking lot of money. Okay. And what happened?

You set it up and made me sound like a douchebag. No, I mean, I was on this. I got on the plane and I literally— I was with my girlfriend. I literally Got off, ran out, and I was crying. And then I tried to get back on again, and then got off again. And like, the pilots were like, we've never seen this in like all of our 30 years. And I got off the plane, went home with my tail between my legs, and then took a bus the next day. By the way, guys, I almost died on a tour bus. My tour bus exploded like the movie like Speed, like in like a, in like, like Spider-Man or one of those movies where like the bus explodes. That's what happened to my bus.

And then And then you booked a flight?

No, I got back on the bus again.

You got another bus?

Yeah, I'm psycho.

So you— and then you left the private jet and you instead you took a bus? Yes.

Yes.

That's fucking crazy.

I know. I'm crazy. I'm trying to get over it. I go to a hypnotist.

Oh, does it work? I know.

Yes.

You look like— no, you look like you're a hypnotist yourself.

No, no, it actually works when I do it. If I do it for like the 3 times that the guy wants me to do it, I get on the plane. I just like, I didn't do it this last time, I forgot.

Oh wow, so you gotta do it right before your flight.

Yeah, and it works, it works. I'm still petrified, like I went on a flight with that guy over there in the corner. I actually went on it for my first music video. The guy in the corner's name's Jake, and he directs my music videos, and he told me like I had to get on a flight for my music video, so he filmed me literally while I was like in tears on the flight.

Do you cry?

Yeah, I thought you were gonna say, do you crash? Of course I cry, are you kidding me? I like, I like bawl. On that flight I wasn't terrible, but like, I was really thinking like, when the camera was on, I was like, wait, is that like too much weight? Like the cam— like I was like, dude, I didn't— I purposely took less stuff because I knew the camera was gonna weigh more.

Do you, uh, do you have any other irrational fears? You do realize that it is a crazy fear?

Of course.

And do you have other fears like this?

None.

It's my only fear. Is there anything else? I'm throwing up. That's it. That's it. I hate throwing up.

Also, you just filmed a little, like a second of a music video here at my house.

Yes.

Is that a secret?

No, it's fine.

Yeah, you did that and you had like craft services outside. You have beef jerky, clementines.

Yeah, you mean they're all in my bag right now?

Fruit snacks. Yeah. And I noticed you took a bag from my house and you started filling it up with the food that you brought for the crew.

It's free food.

We had to tell you to slow down because there are other people here.

They were eating. There was no one out there.

You're a billionaire.

You guys are making me seem so mean. I give to charity, I promise.

I believe it. All right, well, thank you for being on the show, Benny.

Thanks for ruining my life and making it public.

The title of this is Benny Bonkers, a fucking—

I'm never calling you again.

No, no, you're great. And hey, thanks. That's fucking crazy. I'm so— I feel so bad for you for your— thanks for your 20 days.

Any irrational fears?

No, nothing at all like that. Just like getting sick. I actually— I have a fear that I'll I'll accidentally like commit a crime and like something like on accident where I'll go to jail for life and I won't be able to kill myself before I go to jail. Does that make sense?

Is this real?

Yeah.

Let's read an ad, David.

Well, it's really yours.

Irrational fear? Um, just choking on my tongue in my sleep. Yeah, sleep apnea.

He has sleep apnea, so that's pretty normal.

Yeah, well, that's, that's, that's irrational. I think that's real. I feel sorry.

Dying penniless.

Do you want to plug anything? And not that you need to, guys, Go listen to fucking Kesha's new song.

Do I want to plug anything?

Yeah. What do you— what do you—

what's—

what's coming up for you? I've never really had a guest, so you can kind of just do whatever you want to do.

I plug something. Yeah.

I'll be on the Bishop Mary going transatlantic in August.

I don't know.

How long does it take to go to England?

8 days.

8 days.

And everyone like donate to Planned Parenthood or something.

Oh, right.

Are we not supposed to say that on your show?

No, you can do whatever you want.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's that. No, no, that's great. Okay, good.

That's what I want to say. I don't want to plug anything in my music. You'll hear the music and you'll— I hope you like it.

Oh, thanks. And be my friend and save the Earth.

Oh yeah, we saved the Earth. I made a song with Lil Dicky where we donated all the funds to Earth.

Oh, you donated all the funds?

Yeah, to Earth.

What did you— what do you mean to Earth? Where do you go? Where do you deposit the check?

It says, 'Dear Earth.' Um, no, it's like—

and then it ends up in my pocket.

Yeah, no, it's split up between like a million charities. Actually, Leonardo DiCaprio's charity helped us like disperse it all to the right places.

Wow, that's sick. Yeah, because you had— you guys had every fucking person on that song. Genuinely, it's crazy.

Yeah, I love doing stuff like that. We did another one. We actually did one together for like a woman who was like, um, who was separated from her child. And then, um, and it's a crazy story. And then, um, we donated all of our funds for it. And then randomly, Fiona Apple like just donated all of her funds for her songs to it too. For like her biggest song, right? Yeah, for Criminal. It's crazy.

When did you get into charities?

I started Cherry Lake 10 years ago. Yeah, but now it seems like— now it seems like I'm just plugging this stuff because I'm such a bad person.

You're trying to save yourself.

How old am I? I'm 31. That's why we couldn't use my arm in the video.

You're 31?

Yeah.

Oh, wow. Good for you. You look young. Actually, I don't know what you look like.

He's like, good for you. Fuck. I thought you were going to be like way younger. No, I used to be the young guy. What are you, like 22?

Yeah, I just turned 23.

Did you really?

Yeah.

Oh, I was making a joke. You're actually 23?

How old did you think I was?

I don't know, like I thought at least you were like a little bit older.

Oh no. Yeah, I mean, did you just say you used to be the young guy?

Yeah, I used to.

Everyone used to be the young guy.

Yeah, but no, but in the room they used to be like, oh my God, Benny's so young. No, one time my, uh, my godfather was like sitting inside and like, uh, you know Blake? Remember Blake?

Yeah.

Like I was like, uh, He was like, hey Blake, how old are you? And he was like, he was like, oh, he's like, I'm 18. He goes, nobody's 18. That's my godfather. I have nothing to plug. I'm 31, I'm old, and I'll probably—

you're not a bad guy.

Yeah, I'm a good guy. I'll probably be dead by the time this—

all right, thank you for joining us. We'll see you later.

All right, bye-bye.

AJ, I should let you know that today's show is brought to you by Honey.

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I used to wet the bed all the time.

Yeah, did you, Natalie? You've peed yourself?

Yes.

You went to bed, how did you pee yourself?

I, I like— I was sleeping. I just— I think it was like hot and I, I could go on forever. I go on for the next 30 minutes.

Sorry, whatever fills the fucking time.

I'm good with February 28th. 2004. I just finished. Natalie, how did you fucking piss yourself?

No, I like peed in my dream, so then I peed in my bed. That's the most—

When did that happen? Thank you. Uh, you know, like last week. Do you ever, you ever laugh so hard you pee? No, no, no.

Yeah, shit, that's tough.

You ever shit yourself?

I did. I shit myself.

Oh, you've told that story.

Well, yeah, but I've also, I've also shit myself at a bus stop.

How's that? How'd that happen?

It's the worst. It was— this was when I was like really young. Yeah, I was in like I don't know, sophomore year, and it was like— no, I was like, I was like third grade and we're waiting for that.

I was like, that's not that young.

I was like the third game, we were waiting for the bus and I was just like, I gotta get this fart out before I get up there because I saw the bus coming and I'm like, I can't do it on the bus. It turns out it wasn't a fart, so I pooped myself. So then I ran back, I ran back to my, to my apartment And I opened the door. My grandma was sitting right there on the couch. She's the first thing I saw when I walked in. And she saw my face and she goes, did you poop yourself? And I go, yeah, how did you fucking know? And I went to go and I changed and then I ran back and I totally missed the bus and my parents had to drive me to school. And that's the worst, having to explain to your parents why you missed the bus like that. You pooped yourself. That's so fucking— it's so embarrassing.

Pretty denigrating.

Have your kids pooped themselves?

No. No, never. And if they did, I wouldn't say it here. But no, sure. I mean, when they were babies.

Yeah. Do you— when was the last time you did something like that where you, like, peed yourself?

I'm lucky I have— I have good, like, anal muscles. I don't ever poop myself.

Yeah, you do.

No, I don't.

What?

What? What? What?

I was just trying to make a sexual joke. So you have good anal muscles and you go, no, I don't.

Oh, I wasn't— I didn't know you're making a sex joke.

I was on set today for the—

oh boy, fancy guy.

Made $3 million. No, I was on set today and someone came—

which TV show?

So there's, so there's like, you can order whatever you want. I told you this like last time, right? Like you can order whatever food you want and they bring it to you.

Sure.

So I've been getting Chick-fil-A, so I'm like, like, beautiful. Yeah, I get nuggets. And one of the women like at the, that like gets the food and like organizes all that, she comes up to me and she goes, you do realize that you're not paying for any of this food? You can order something a lot more expensive. She's like, she's like, don't tell anyone I told you this. So tomorrow I'm getting food from Catch. Oh, which is like, you know, $50 steaks. How fucking crazy.

They are just ruining you each day.

It is bad.

Yeah, it's— there's gonna be a real monster at the end of this. Yeah, we're gonna bring you Catch in 2 weeks. You're like, what the fuck is this?

This is undercooked, and where are my smiley french fries? Yeah, no, it's really spoiling me. We had a photo shoot today, and it was just, we were just doing press for the day, and everyone kept coming, 5 people came up to me and they're like, do you have sunglasses? Do you have sunglasses? And I was like, no, I don't. And they kept asking me, I'm like, oh, I must need sunglasses for the next shoot. And it wasn't because of that, it was just because we were going outside into the light, and they didn't want my eyes to get sore. 4 or 5 people asked me if I wanted sunglasses. Like, they take care of you so much. It's so insane to me.

David, we have 4 people to carry you to craft services. We're sorry we don't have a 5th right now. Is 4 okay with you?

It's— no, it's so incredible. It's such a weird, weird thing. And then when you come back to this YouTube thing, it's like, fucking—

it's like Vietnam.

It's brutal. I mean, I don't— you know, it's like the most stressful thing in the world.

Does it make you want to get more help on YouTube?

No, I don't know. I appreciate someone to bring you sunglasses. I appreciate— I appreciate YouTube because it's full— it's fully up to me, full creativity. Everything is mine. And then I appreciate that because I get to hand off a lot of that power and it like, it makes it a lot less stressful on me, right? So both of them have positives.

But don't you appreciate that— what I appreciate most about YouTube is we don't wait around.

100% ever.

There's no way. So nice.

Yeah, but I mean, we also waste a lot of time. Yeah, we waste a lot trying to get stuff to happen. But yeah, but no, I'm having— again, I've said this last week— I'm having so much fun. And yeah, I really recommend it. You should—

did you poop your pants at all on set?

I haven't. No, I haven't.

Not yet.

That's good.

That's awesome.

Thank you.

David, who are the most popular kids in your high school? I want you to list all— maybe the 3 most popular. Nellie, put your hand down.

The most popular kids? My mind automatically goes to Michael Myers Michael Mariella, Courtney Lawless, and Pat Crowley.

What was so special about Michael Mariella?

He was just very good-looking. Natalie thought he was like the hottest.

He had like a— was he a football player?

Football player. And then Courtney Lawless was the cheerleader captain, and they dated.

Okay, hang on. Oh, they— the best— the best two looking people got together?

Yeah, it was like out of a movie. Oh yeah, Natalie was so jealous. What?

Michael Mariella and I won Dream Date in high school, so you had a dream date?

We won Dream Date.

What's that?

Like, it's like a senior superlative.

I don't understand.

Tell me about that.

Take the mic away from David.

You know, sometimes people vote like the people you'd least expect for like prom king and queen just because they feel bad. Oh, that was the situation Natalie was in when she won Dream Date.

That's not true.

People just genuinely liked me.

Oh, you didn't know?

That was David's senior prank. No, everyone to make you homecoming queen.

She won Dream Date. You should have seen her fucking face. She was like, I'm so excited. We were like, oh, you're so stupid. Was he—

was he— did he have a personality?

No. People actually really liked Natalie in high school. People were like— people— so many people would come up to me and they're like, dude, are you fucking smashing that? And I'd be like, what the fuck are you saying?

What does smash mean?

Um, yeah, no, people— yeah, people were obsessed with Natalie.

Really?

Yeah.

Sort of like they are now, I guess, huh?

Yeah. Natalie is like—

all the boys are after Natalie.

I have to say, I don't know what it is. Ilya has like the biggest crush on Natalie and I'll be like, Dude, she's your fucking closest friend. Get a grip. And I'll try talking him out of it, and I'll be like, why am I trying to talk him out of it? What am I doing? Well, yeah, so those were the most popular guys.

Natalie, we were in Chicago, she grabbed my fat last week.

She did grab your fat.

Yeah, that was pretty crazy.

Crazy. You wouldn't expect dream date to grab somebody's fat.

We were trying to leave somewhere, Natalie was stressed out, and she just put both of her hands on my belly. She had a couple of drinks. And she grabbed my belly and she was like, Jason, now! Like that. I was like, I turned into like, um, like a scorned woman. I was like, I went like this. I went, Natalie! Like that. It's pretty funny. And then she apologized here, which I was like, that's not necessary. I thought it was funny. She goes, she goes, Jace, I want to say I'm sorry about Saturday night when I grabbed your fat.

The fact that she remembered grabbing your fat is my favorite part.

The best is when Natalie's boozing and a deal comes in for you. She's like, 3 swipe-ups for $60,000? Okay, we'll take it.

Yeah, Chicago time's also funny because we'll negotiate deals at like 7, 8 PM when we're like pre-gaming. So Natalie will be, you know, downing tequila and on the phone with my manager. Who's the most popular guy in your high school?

Jim Dugan.

Jim Dugan.

Yeah.

Fuck. Every popular guy has a cool name.

Jim Dugan was the coolest.

Like, you never hear the most popular guy name be like Ersh Middleston. Like, it's always like, it's always something that like fucking punches. Like, you never, there's never like, well, maybe in Bulgaria. Like, yeah. If you name your kid Earl.

Yeah.

Like, you know, you fucked him, right? Like, you know, it's over. Like, poor kid. But okay, what was Jim Dugan? That's crazy. What was— what made him so popular?

He was just a— he was like, he was all things. He was like funny, and he was like tough, and he was kind of like a cut-up, and kind of like he defied authority. He was like, there's just a cool guy.

Where is he now?

He lives in New York. We went and saw him. He lives in on the Upper West Side.

Is he doing great?

Yeah, he's doing pretty good.

You know, there's like a big misconception like in high school, like it's a lot of the times you hear people go like, fuck the popular kids, like they're gonna be fucking broke as hell one day, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But I feel like, I think that's not necessarily that true, that the popular kids don't go anywhere. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I think a lot of popular kids, they're, they're so involved with the whole thing, like with athletics and with school, that they like find a way to like like they're so outgoing, you know what I mean?

Sure.

That they like find their job and they find it easier than a lot of people, right?

But why is it when we always like talk about celebrities, they're always like the nerds? They're always beaten down. Do you think it's bullshit when a celebrity says that when they're on a talk show and they're like, what were you like in high school? I mean, the most beautiful girl ever, and she's like, I was a nerd.

Yeah, really?

Really? Megan Fox?

Really?

I highly doubt you were a nerd.

Yeah, I always wonder that too. I don't feel like I—

what would you say if you're on a talk show and we went, David, what were you like in high school?

Well, I just— well, in high school, I loved high school. What I would say is I love high school and I talked to everyone, but I wasn't like— I like bounced around groups. I had like a— like, I, you know, I wasn't like with the biggest losers, but I wasn't with the coolest kids, you know what I mean? I was just like whatever, no man's land. But I think the people that say that they were nerds in high school are actors and singers, but that's because they're very artsy, and usually when you're artsy, you're not like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, you're not leading the charge out there.

Yeah, you're not, yeah. So I think it is kind of fair for actors and singers to say that, 'cause it usually is, especially people that, 'cause you're fucking crazy. Have you ever, you know when people say they wanna be a fucking singer when they grow up?

Right.

That's crazy, right?

Yes.

You're not sane for saying that, even though you should definitely fucking go at it 100%. Like, you know, you got to be a little crazy to fucking pursue a dream like that.

Yeah.

So like, it is— I don't know, it is, it is a little bit— it's a little bit outcasty to have that, you know what I mean?

But what if you're just so poised at a young age, like you're just 10 years old and you're just like, that's what you're born to do?

Oh, speaking of poised 10-year-olds, we watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Yeah.

And this girl in it, she's 10 years old. We met her yesterday at a party. Isn't she crazy?

It was insane. She has this one scene with Leonardo DiCaprio that she's incredible. She's 10 years old and she came up to like, she had a pantsuit on. She looked like a little perfect woman.

She looked like she was like 35 years old and just like closed the biggest deal of her life. Like she, and she came up to Jason and I and we were like, you did so well. And once upon a time I got really nervous. I got nervous too. She fucking made perfect eye contact. I was like, why the fuck? Why are you so good at this?

You You were great, but before you started talking, I was like, oh, how do we play this? Like, what do we say?

Yeah, no, she came up because she wanted a picture with you.

Yeah, yeah, I couldn't believe that.

She watched the videos and she's like, I feel like I already know you guys. And it was just like so weird listening to this 10-year-old like make— she was making perfect conversation and we were like complimenting her and she was like, thank you so much, that means so much to me. Like, fucking, like, what?

Like, it was—

she's the— I haven't, I haven't met I've actually hadn't— haven't had a conversation with like that with anybody in fucking LA. It's like, that's really refreshing to see, no matter any age, right? Yeah, it's really refreshing to see from a 10-year-old. If you go see the movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood with Quentin Tarantino, there's a scene with a girl, she's very young, with Leonardo DiCaprio, and she is fucking incredible. Go watch the movie. She literally steals the entire movie. Yeah, she's so good.

Yeah.

This next segment of the podcast called Joe's Scene Weenie Podcast. It's where we give our editor friend Joe 25 seconds to say and do whatever he does. He hasn't been on the podcast for 3 weeks now, so we're giving him a chance. Joe, go ahead. Take 3, 2, 1.

What's up, weenies? Sorry for the delay, but I am back and I have rollover seconds. So this segment's going to be 2 minutes long.

It's not, guys. Don't worry, I control this.

Unfortunately, I don't have anything planned for today, so I'm just going to sit next to Wait, David, what is this under your—

Oh my God.

You have two big bags of weed under your chair?

Why do you have bags of weed under your chair?

Okay, Joe just found some leaves outside and he's trying to say that this is weed. Joe, that's all the time we have.

This smells like— this is like Pineapple Express.

Joe, get the fuck out of there.

This is high-quality stuff, man. It's kale.

It's kale.

It's dried kale.

And he's pretending it's weed.

Yeah. How does he—

how does he— how does he— I don't know.

He's turning into that uncle who has a fart machine and then you go to the holiday party and you're like, oh, Uncle Dan's got the fart. He puts the whoopee cushion underneath.

Yeah, it's like, we fucking know.

Yeah, that's who he's turning into. Because this gag I saw this morning at 11 a.m. in my house.

Oh my God.

And now it's back again.

I guess there won't be a team podcast next week. Don't worry.

Oh, I didn't tell you what happened to me at Lollapalooza. We were there this weekend and And the crowd was like— we walked out and the crowd started chasing after us, some kids or whatever. So then Jeff decided to just sprint, and David decided to sprint. And I know Jeff's fast. You're fast.

Sure, you were gone. Yeah, we all just— we all ran. We all kept up with each other running.

So if even Zane was fast, I was like, wow. So I'm like, oh shit. And that was just the bane of my existence the whole weekend.

Yeah, we were running from, from the— from Lollapalooza back to our hotel. Yeah, it was like a mile. Mile, probably.

Yeah. So I'm like, okay, I guess we're running. So I start running, right? And then eventually I just am going so fucking slow that—

I see you in the back. When I see you run, it always looks like your pockets are full of pennies. Like, that's what it looks like.

It looks like quarters.

It looks like you just have dollars. Yeah, it looks like you just have a bunch of change in your pockets, and you're either— either it's so heavy it's weighing you down, or you're trying to not move too much so they don't fall out of your pocket.

That's what—

that's what your running looks like. So I look— as we're running, I look back and I see you kind of far away, like, you know, like, and what'd you think?

Fuck him.

I was like, I was like, fuck this. I was like, I honestly, I was like, he's probably gonna call a flight after this because he's gonna be so tired. He's not gonna want to go out and shoot. So I was like, fuck it, whatever.

Anyways, I was running and I was like trying to keep up, and this little 14-year-old girl like runs right up next to me and she's like, can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah, yeah. Like, I thought I was going fast Yeah, but I wasn't at all. And she's not out of breath. That was pretty, pretty funny. And then someone goes, oh, Jason, they left you like that.

I'm sorry.

Oh no, no, it's okay. I'd rather you run than wait for me, and then I fuck everything up for everybody. The great thing about me, David, is that— and there's a lot of things— no, the great thing about me is you, you'll never let me down. You know what I mean? Because I have no expectations. You know what I mean? I literally am like If you told me right now, like, hey, get out, never want to see you again, I'd be like, okay, a new chapter.

That is true.

You know, it's, it's, it's really the beauty. It's what I bring most to the table. It's like I said tonight, we were setting up the podcast and you had a million things going on and, and everybody was like getting stressed because you were coming home. And, uh, and people were telling me what to do to say to you.

What do you mean?

People were like, well, you got to do this and you got to do that. And he's coming in, you need to move your car because he's got to put his car there. And he's like, you should tell David that there's a problem with the podcast equipment. And I said, I said, no, no, the reason David likes me is because I don't speak to him. I don't bring up anything. That's my best quality.

Wow. Well, yeah, no, you have, you have that careless quality about you. I appreciate that.

It's good. Oh, so check this out. There's an NFL player named Kendrick Norton. He lost his arm. Yeah, in a car crash recently. Yeah, and he's getting a prosthetic arm, and the arm is so good now that the elbow, like where it's cut off, the brain can send fucking nerve messages to this new mechanical arm. Isn't that crazy? Which brings the next question, which is like What if you really want to be a great athlete, cut off both your legs and your arms, and then put these robotic arms on there?

Who's asking these questions?

Just me and my bong.

Sounds like a pretty fucked up question.

Well, I don't think it's that crazy, actually. Like, what if— like, at what point can you not compete athletically because you have fucking a robotic arm or something, right?

Sure, yeah, of course. No, I've always thought—

more interested in that one. No, no.

Well, this, this is my question. Yeah, if you could fly, right, how fast could you leave my house? No, if you could fly— yeah, let's see, you're a basketball player and you could fly. Yeah, I think we've talked about this. I don't know why I have this question so often, but if you could fly and I could just fly the ball from one hoop to the next— yeah, um, does that count?

Is that traveling?

It's— yeah, is that traveling?

No, as long as drop that ball, but as long as you put the ball in the hoop before you land.

Yeah, so they'd have to make new rules, right? There'd have to be a huge press conference. I mean, I feel like if I flew, the last thing I'd have to worry about is, is what the rules of basketball would be. But I don't know why I find that so fascinating.

Superman stops fighting crime and he goes in the NBA draft.

Yeah, I mean, he'd make tons of money.

What would they do? Would they let this guy play?

I mean, here's the thing, if I could fly and I was playing basketball, I'd make sure that I'm not looking like I'm flying. I just jump really far because I wouldn't want people to be like, is that flying? I don't want people to be like, I think he just knows how to jump really far.

Yeah.

And then I'd have like my coach on the side be like, hey, hey, jump, jump a little less far, a little less far.

You're, you're, it's starting to look like you're flying. It's starting to look a little bit like flying.

It's, you're definitely, you're definitely turning into an airplane.

Okay, Coach.

Yeah, got it, got it, got it.

I think there's 4 Rocks. You ever thought of that?

Huh?

There's 4 Rocks. We only think there's one.

You think there's 4?

And there's 3 Mark Wahlbergs.

There's 4 Dwayne Johnsons. There's 4 Dwayne Johnsons because there's no way he could be at one place at once.

Possible way he has like a sports show on NBC that he hosts.

It is weird.

A primetime show where he's like—

it's fucking really scary. Do you follow his Instagram?

No.

It's because he'll like— he'll be like taking off from China and, and then like in like an hour he'll be in Hawaii. It's a little suspicious. It's like you got to follow this guy. And like, and one, one second he'll be promoting his like show Ballers.

Yeah.

And then next he'll be like, oh, Hobbs and Shaw is the number one movie in America. And then literally 4 days later he'll be like, guys, Jumanji just sold a record-breaking amount. Like, and it's fucking weird, right? He just reads stats like he's just like a fucking— he's insane. I was watching an interview with like Kevin Hart or something, and I don't know like exactly how accurate this is, but But he has like his schedule booked until the year 2021. He knows what he's doing every month until 2021. He has his movies and his shows booked. Like, he has his schedule— isn't that crazy? I have my schedule booked for the next 2 weeks, and then I could be fucking done.

I could be—

it could be all over for me.

I have no idea what's happening tomorrow. Mom, what are we doing tomorrow? I was going to try to go to the cleaners.

It's crazy.

What's the—

would you rather— would you rather be super busy or have a lot of free time.

Well, we had that great conversation once on Sunset Boulevard. We were like really busy one day, and I was like, you know what, Dave, I miss— I miss it when I was just like hanging out, doing nothing. You're like, you're like, oh, fucking living off your wife in that huge house? Yeah, obviously, obviously anyone would love that. Oh yeah, hanging out all day. I woke up this morning and thank God I I know, thank God, another day. Everything's a gift. I didn't want to go anywhere. My mother had booked a dentist appointment at 11:30. Oh wow. On the other side of town at the dentist you go to, and I just didn't want to go at all, but she made me go, and I was happy that she made me go. This story is—

what the fuck kind of story was that?

That's where you jump in with the interesting part.

What was that?

I don't know, dude.

You literally— you know, let me tell you back your story because I think You may have blinked out. Your story was this morning I woke up and my mom wanted to go to the dentist, but I didn't want to go. But then I ended up going anyways. That was your story.

How about an improv class, David? Oh, why don't you—

What was I supposed to say?

You're the world's worst podcaster. I've decided I was supposed to improv that. Yeah, you're supposed to go, oh, cool, cool. Oh, cool.

Was it?

And then you go, what happened at the dentist?

Was there a dragon? And then, and then, and then there was a robbery.

Well, there was a dragon.

I forgot.

Shit.

And then there was a robbery, right, Jason? All right guys, well that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. This is The Views.

This is not all the time we have. No, none of us doing anything. You just made— I just made everybody so excited. They're like, oh, 5 more minutes, Jason fucking called.

Well, now they can check and they can see that really there's 20 seconds left. Thank you guys for listening to The Views podcast. It's one of my favorite podcasts and, um, I love listening to it. Jay, anything that you want to say?

Yeah. Big tour coming in the fall. Check my website.

You're going to 13 cities?

14 cities.

What is up with that?

You're coming to all 14.

So you're gonna tell people? Yeah, I'm on the flyer. Yeah, yeah, go check out Jason's show. Go get some of our merch. And yeah, follow me on Instagram. Trying to hit 10 million. Okay, bye guys. This has been the Views Podcast. My name's Jeff. Bye.