Jason's New Tattoo

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where sometimes when I start these podcasts I can tell that Jason is really tired and it's one of those days.

Well, you're tired too. You're guilty of it too.

You're tired too, Patrick.

Well, after what we've been through today, the last 24 hours, what you put me through, the most insane orgy you will ever see. Crazy, crazy day to talk about or not to talk about.

Some things we have to leave out.

Well, no, we're gonna talk about it.

Really?

You don't have anything else to talk about?

We're gonna talk about the orgy.

Oh, the orgy.

Yeah, what'd you think I was talking about?

I missed it. I, I'll talk about the orgy.

Okay. I thought you were a little rude during the orgy. Yeah, why?

Well, it was me and Zane and you and Todd and Scott and Big Nick and Brandon. Uh-huh. And all the other men in our lives that we know.

Okay, and then how was I rude?

At one point you just stood up and you were like, uh, hey guys, look at how handsome I am.

I didn't mean it that way. I thought you guys would get the joke.

Oh, that was a joke?

Yeah.

Oh, because a lot of people were like, oh, David's really conceited.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, okay.

And you're handsome, don't get me wrong, but it's like—

this is so tough. Guys, before we get the show started, I just want to let you know that you guys have heard me talk of the amazing shave I get from my Dollar Shave Club razor, especially when I use it with their Dr. Carver's Shave Butter. Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm never gonna give up my membership. In fact, I'm even adding more DSC products to my daily routine.

Dollar Shave makes products for your hair, face, skin, shower, everything you need. They have me looking and feeling amazing.

It's all their own original stuff. They only use the finest premium ingredients and deliver it to you just like they do their razors.

That means no more annoying trips to the store, cruising up and down the aisles looking at shelf upon shelf of What the hell is that and what do I do with it?

I use Dollar Shave Club for almost everything: razors, body cleanser, hair gels, and yes, even butt wipes.

And now is a great time to give Dollar Shave a try. You can get your first month of their best razor along with their travel-sized versions of shave butter, body cleanser, and yes, even butt wipes for just $5.

After that, replacement cartridges ship for just a few bucks a month. It's the Dollar Shave Club starter set. Get yours for just $5 exclusively at DollarShaveClub.com. .com/views. That's dollarshaveclub.com/views. Guys, right off the bat, ka-ching! Right off the bat, in our pocket, already cash in our pocket from Dollar Shave Club.

What's up? I just feed my kids right there.

Look, boom, straight out of the gate.

You like that, Wyatt? You like that food? You like that new bike, Charlie? Well, boom, Daddy just brought it home.

Yeah, we brought it in. And I, you know, I think some people maybe even thought that we were gonna read the ad towards the middle of the podcast. But we read it right away because we have so many ads to read.

And Dollar Shave, thank you. Tweet me.

Yeah, guys, by the way, this is—

no, tweet Dollar Shave. This is—

guys, you know what we should do one time, Jason?

We quit the podcast entirely.

Yeah, maybe the podcast would be a good idea. No, but we should have a podcast where it's all ads. I love that idea.

Sort of like a telethon.

Yeah, maybe every other week. We do the podcast and it's all ads.

Yeah, I don't know how a lot of advertisers would feel about jumping in on an all-ad show with no content, but we are so entertaining.

Yeah, we'd make it hilarious. Like, see that tripod over there? What can we say about that? What's a nice tripod? You can get it for $30 at Best Buy.

Mm-hmm.

You know what's it—

speaking of Best Buy, what I've got— they've got a great new sale on flat-screen TVs. Boom.

And that's more money in our pocket.

How are we not How are we not rolling in it? How do I not have a girlfriend or my own house?

Well, that's different, that's different.

That is different.

Guys, so we just got back from a pretty busy day of filming. I just posted a vlog 5 minutes ago and—

I shuttled David in here, I said let's go, let's do it, and he's, David, I gotta give you credit, man. You've been going at it for the last 24 hours on this prank and you're in here doing the podcast. Guys, give it up for David at home.

We've been going at it, we've been doing this prank, it was—

I've been at it too.

It was convincing our friend Jonah, who's kind of had a high ego, big ego about comedy.

Jonah's the guy who sits there and goes, yo, yo, yo, dude, put on my latest short. It's fucking amazing. It's fucking amazing, bro.

It's very cute, and it shows his confidence, but he may or may not think he's the best comedian in the world. So we pranked him by having him think that he got a big movie with set, Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow, and there was a whole bunch of things that happened. It took, you know, it took 24 hours to get the prank done, and over 24 hours, it took like 36 hours to get it done.

We had the idea around 3 o'clock yesterday.

Yeah, and it was just, I mean, it was, it was go.

The funniest part was on Sunday we were at the house and there was like this argument between our friend Zane and Jonah about YouTube, and you know how, yeah, 2 days before this Coincidentally, uh, Zane—

Zane was talking about YouTube and Jonah was talking down about YouTube. Yeah. And he was like— he was like—

he used the term, um, thumbnail-ass videos, which is my favorite term of the year. He wasn't—

he wasn't putting respect on YouTube videos. Apparently they don't invoke enough emotion, as he would say. Yeah, well, that's— that's what we did. We came back and we bit him in the ass with that one.

Um, I just can't believe that I can't believe it worked.

Every time we do a prank of like that caliber with that many things, that many moving parts, after it's over, I'm just like, I can't believe that worked. I can't believe that worked.

And you know, they were saying it's not gonna work, but having been the victim of one of your pranks, when you're in it, you just don't see it. And then after, you feel so stupid.

You don't see it coming. But then, yeah, I mean, so we got, um, our friend Nicolas Caprio let us use his, um, basically owns like a— he doesn't own, but he co-owns. I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, he's high up at a major studio here at a big production studio, 4 floors.

And he let us use like his biggest conference room and he got 4 or 5 of his coworkers in on it.

He played Seth Rogen's development executive. Yeah.

And he— and then our friend Jonah came in and he had this like interview with them slash, you know, slash audition. And then I popped out and Jonah was just fucking furious. I mean, he was really mad. He was so mad. That I didn't think it was ever going to come back. But surprisingly, it only was like 12 minutes, 15 minutes. Yeah. And then he calmed down.

Yeah, he came back.

And then 30 minutes later, he totally—

he was full on laughing at how ridiculous. Yeah, he loved the video.

But like, I'm telling you, the first, the first 5 minutes, it was just—

sign.

He punched a sign. We went outside. I didn't even vlog when we went outside because I turned my camera off and he was— I mean, he was—

I hate when you tell me to turn my camera off.

I even told Jason to turn his camera off. 'cause I'm like, dude, we can't record this. He's like actually freaking out. And he was punching signs and he was yelling and people from the building came out and they were like, what's going on? We're scared to let our employees go for the day. We heard there's someone out here. And we're like, oh, that's just my friend. We just pulled a prank on him.

Oh, it's a prank, okay, great.

No, but yeah, no, it turned out great and the best part is that he's really into it now. He, yeah, he loves it though.

The funniest part is that as, as he was actually— we gave him a fake script to read and he actually did it well.

Yeah, he read— we had, we had a fake script that was written by Brandon Cavillo and yeah, he killed the read and he did a really good job. And it was the first time he saw the script and he did a really good job reading it.

And I think he actually got a bigger head. Yeah, from the whole thing.

This whole thing was to test his ego and fucking minutes ago he just left. Yeah, he literally— the video goes up and he goes, yeah, David, did you see my my acting in that. And I'm like, son of a bitch, it didn't work at all. He's literally just like, he's literally like, thank God you were in there with a cameraman, because people wouldn't have believed how good I was at acting if you weren't recording it.

I thought the funniest part was when we went to Jack's yesterday. That was probably my— where we laughed.

Oh, we went to our manager's? Yeah.

And how we were joking about how Jack still wanted 15%.

Yeah, we went to our manager because our manager had to call him and tell him that this fake deal came through for the movie. And our manager got really into it, like almost to the point where I was convinced that he was going to ask Jonah for 15% of this fake deal. I mean, our manager was really into it. Thank goodness, because I mean, that helps sell it.

But don't forget about me.

Don't forget about me.

Hey, I was the guy who brought you this.

Remember who got you the job? No, I mean, overall, it was, it was a really, really long day, but it's— I don't, I don't have this much fun often.

Hey, hey, you said something really fucked up to me on Sunday.

Okay, go for it.

Really fucked up.

You know what? I probably won't believe it.

Okay, well, that's cool because you live in your own world. I would imagine when you do live in your own world that you can believe whatever reality you want. It's different in here and it's great. I mean, I wish I, I wish I had that skill. I don't.

I'm in reality. What did I say?

I took a photo on my daughter's birthday on Sunday. You are so jealous of these kids.

I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it.

Oh, but then why did it come out of your mouth?

Oh, well, no, I meant it. I meant it. But so you did mean it. Listen, I just meant it in like a fun way. I didn't mean in like a bad way.

That's what he said to me. I walked in, I took an Instagram photo of me and my daughter on her fucking 9th birthday.

I didn't tell your daughter this. I just told you.

I told her.

Oh shit.

I said, David said we have dumb smiles.

I didn't see your dumb smiles. I said, I said your smiles look like you're being forced to smile and like you haven't smiled in years. Your mouth's just, um, They're like tighter so they don't like, they don't like let loose during a smile. It's just you and your daughter. Your ex-wife, your ex-wife has a, has a regular smile.

It's a really happy moment that we had.

Couldn't tell.

Really? Yeah. You're the only person who would shit on my Instagram photo, David, of my daughter's 9th birthday. I liked it.

I didn't even say anything in the comments. This is just between me and you. Now you brought it out to the public. Now everybody knows you have a shit smile.

I wish you would. Commented, nice smile, dorks.

Nice smile, Jackass. Who's that?

I mean, how can you say that to somebody? How do you say that? You guys, you guys have said a bunch of—

you've said a bunch of mean things.

Like what?

You said, you said my penis left a bad taste in your mouth.

Yeah, well, that's because it couldn't get hard. I was just angry.

That's gross.

You started it.

Yeah, I know. So, so yeah, there's that. I wanted to tell you something. I'm— there's like people fighting outside. Sorry, I got really scared. I have a— I come from a small town, you know, Vernon Hills, Illinois.

Yeah, I know everything about you.

Yeah, and tell me. And I have a friend there, his name's John Gerke. Okay, this is actually pretty interesting. I thought this— I'm not sure if I'm gonna get this story completely right, but I'm gonna— I'm gonna try my best. John is like a sports fan. He really loves sports. And last year during the Super Bowl, he tweeted at this very popular tennis player, like, you know, one of the top seeds in the world. Um, female or male? Uh, female. Female. Yeah. Saying, hey, if you, um, if, if the, who was in the Super Bowl last year? The Patriots.

The Patriots. Hey, we're recording a fucking top 5 iTunes podcast in here. Can you shut your fucking hole?

Shut up.

Oh wow.

Zane, you think you own the world. You think you own the world. I'm going to say it. Let's say it right now on the podcast. Say it.

Yeah.

Oh, Scott.

Great. It's Scott. Go ahead, Zane. Zane. Glass Man number 16 on trending.

Guys, this is Zane Hijazi and Scott Sire. Scott just released a new song, his fourth this month. Zane just released his fourth vlog of the year. Both doing incredible things. Okay. Goodbye, guys. We're doing a podcast, so if you point to the wall and you ask us if it looks good, people won't know what you're talking about at home.

Zane, why did you put 16 pictures of yourself on my— in my podcast room?

There's pictures of Zane on the wall. Zane, get out of there.

Take a Snapchat of it so people can see it.

Bye, sluts. That was our friend Zane. He's a cool guy. Listen, okay, back to my story. John Gerke. You remember his name?

David, I listen to you. I care so much about you, and that's why when you say— I care about you too. That's why I'm saying—

You gotta get that smile fixed.

What am I gonna do? I'm kidding. Can I tell you something? When I was taking those pictures, yeah, especially hurt me because when I was taking, I was like, how do I, how do I make this look good? And it really was a fucking awkward photo.

Okay, so you admit it.

Yeah, I admit it.

And by the way, you fucking put so much effort into your photos.

Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, you do fake smile too. You put your hands in your pockets like you're fucking, like you just got there, like I don't know what the photo's about to snap. You do it all the time.

Like, I never know. I never know when the throw is about to snap. Yeah, I have a fake smile too.

Okay, I guess we're not so different. John Gurkey. Okay, John Gurkey.

So John Gurkey tweeted at this, at this tennis player, female, female. And he's a guy and he likes, he likes the girl. He's straight. So anyway, he tweeted at her.

He experimented in college.

Yeah, he was gay once, but now he's, he's straight. So he He tweeted at her, he said, if the Patriots win, can you go on a date with me? Yeah. And, and she, she tweeted it, she quote tweeted saying deal. And then, and the Patriots ended up winning and he got a date with her.

Where'd he go?

I don't know, they just went out to dinner and she like Snapchatted him and she like put him on her Instagram and it was like on ESPN, like they're going on a date. And then 3 months later they posted more pictures and they are still going on a date. So they're still dating. They're still dating from this all of 2017.

Yeah.

Oh wait, wait.

Did this happen 2 weeks ago or last year?

This happened last year. Okay.

And then what happened?

And now, and now it's just, it's come full circle. She's taking him to the Super Bowl game.

No way.

Next week they're still dating or they're still seeing each other. How cool is that?

Where does she live?

I don't know, but I think it's so cool because it's like, that's like a, like from our hometown to, you know, to like be on ESPN for dating someone. It's like a big deal. Sure. And like everybody in my hometown is like, holy shit. Did you see John Gurkey's date and everything? It's insane. I don't know, I think it's really cool.

And have you talked to him?

I haven't. Oh, you should call him. I'm kind of nervous.

You gonna run into him at the, uh, at the big game?

Um, yeah, I hope I run into him at the big game.

Okay, cool. Um, I never know what we could say on here anymore. Yeah, so we, uh, we, we—

did someone fart?

Not me. Oh, it's my feet.

It's your feet.

I don't know. Take a look.

Oh, it's definitely your feet now. Oh yeah, that's your feet. I think it smells good. You know what's funny is that I farted, but I can totally blame it on your feet. You fucking asshole.

Okay, that's two strikes. That's crazy.

Um, guys, uh, just because there needs to be more money in our pocket and because we can't read another ad yet.

Oh, we can't?

I don't think so.

I think we just read one. Why?

We have like, we have like 30 ads to read. We can just keep reading them.

All right, let's make it entertaining. Yeah.

All right, get ready guys. A fresh new year has begun, and if you're setting new goals for your business, it's extremely difficult to reach them without the right people on your team. ZipRecruiter has transformed how you go about finding them. ZipRecruiter posts your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards with just one click. They're gonna call us after this.

They're gonna hate this. Let's do it again.

All right, here, let's just start from here. ZipRecruiter actively looks for the most qualified candidates and invites them to apply. Because if you want to be that guy, then you should go and fly on the ZipRecruiter website. Goodbye. They even review every application to identify the top candidates, so you never miss a great match.

They're calling right now, actually. Oh shit.

What are they saying?

I know, I heard him. No, got it. No rapping. Got it.

They said more rapping. That's why ZipRecruiter is different. Unlike other hiring sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on the right candidates finding you. It finds them.

No wonder 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Find out why today. ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses all of all sizes and industries to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results.

And right now my listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. Just go to ziprecruiter.com/nash. ZipRecruiter.com/nash.

One more time, try it for free.

Go to ziprecruiter.com/nash.

Guys, tweet ZipRecruiter and tell them you like ZipRecruiter rapping. Yeah, you guys, um, and maybe you can hire a rapper. Yeah, you know, maybe You're a producer.

Speaking of making money on ads, how's your money? How's your, um, how's your money situation?

Oh, that was great. What happened the other day? What happened? David, uh, I, I'm doing, I'm doing pretty well on my YouTube ad revenue. To give you an idea.

Oh shit.

To give you an idea. This is really funny.

First of all, let me set it up differently. Okay.

Um, go ahead.

So as you guys know, I'm fucking lit and I'm savage. Um, no, as Jason and Jason is not, as you guys know, um, I was hit pretty hard with, uh, YouTube monetization. Thing. Yeah, it is pretty sad. Don't be a dick.

So there's this whole thing, as you guys know, I was making $575,000 a month and now I'm only making $515,000 a month.

You're a dick.

No, no, I'll be honest, I feel for you. This is a funny story.

Okay, so, um, so basically I was, I was making a good amount of money on YouTube and I still do, but, but yeah, I was hit with, there was this whole thing on monetization and everyone got demonetized and they told me, David, you have to change your content. Or we can't pay you normally. And obviously I'm, you know, pretty in love with my content and I love doing it, so that wasn't gonna be the case. And I'm not the biggest fan of bleeping out swear words either, so I took the hit in monetization and now I'm making 5 times as less as I used to. Guys, 5 times as less as I used to.

And then about a year ago when I started—

I'm making 25% less. I'm sorry, I'm making less than 25% of what I used to be making. Let me explain.

I can explain it even a better way. About a year ago when I started YouTube, I made a conscious decision to bleep all my swears and not put anything dirty in because I'm trying to feed my kids every day.

Let me, let me also make this clear for you guys. I— let's say I make—

okay, I know I have more to say. No, no.

Okay, can I say that I know how to do the dollar prices without giving away how much we're making?

I do too, but go ahead.

Okay, so I get, I get 115 million views a month. Yes. Okay, 115 million views a month, and I'm getting paid $80 for it, right? Yeah, $80. And Jason— Jason is getting paid $40, and guess, guess for how many views? 9 million views.

He has 10— more than 10— more than 11— more than 11 times my views. I make— I get 9 million more than—

more than 12, actually.

Yeah, I get 9 million views a month. David gets 12 times that. Put in your calculator, 117 million views a month or something, whatever.

Yeah, I get 12 times more. I make almost— and he makes—

David, it's a little bit more double than me.

Yeah, so let's— we were talking over—

we can say how much we make.

No, I don't want to. Yeah, I better not. To be clear, it's— I would tell you guys how much I make like on a brand deal, but like I just feel like YouTube's weird. I don't know how their rules work.

So then David calls you.

Hold on, let me set this up first. Um, so, so just to clarify, Jason gets 9 million views, gets paid $40, I get 115, and I get paid $80. So I get paid— I just get paid double for when I get 11 times his views. Now I'm not complaining, I'm really fucking lucky to be in my situation, but it's, it's, it's kind of just bullshit, you know what I mean? It's, uh, it's, it's hard, it's hard for you guys to look at it and be like Oh, you're fucking such a spoiled bitch. But like, once you're in my— when you're in my shoes, you're like, this is kind of— no, fair is fair.

Yeah.

Okay. Anyway, and then, and then go ahead, Jason, tell them what I did. So then Jason's going to make it sound a lot worse than it actually— how it actually went down.

So then he gets a hold of what I'm making, he screenshots it and he's like, I'm going to call my YouTube contact. And I was like, I was like, my whole body just shut down because I was like, fuck, they're going to take my money away. Okay. And so he calls, he calls the YouTube contact and the first thing out of his mouth is, This is what Jason's making. She goes, Jason who? Yeah, first of all.

And I'm like, I'm like, Jason Nash sucks. I'm like, I'm like, Jason Nash sucks. She's like, and she's like, what's his channel? And Jason's like, no, no, don't give her my channel because Jason doesn't want to be demonetized too. Um, and yeah, no, I just compared it.

I just, I mean, I'm assuming it's a glitch if I'm only, if I'm making—

no, you're, you're making it because you actually have clean content and you have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't actually say that and put you in in harm's way. You genuinely have more—

I work really hard.

You have clean content. You shouldn't be upset.

It works out when we shoot too, because then I called— usually you take all the dirty stuff, which works good.

Yeah, yeah, that is good. Then I take— like, Trish will be— Trish will be talking and Jason will just turn his camera off and he'll be like, okay, this is disgusting, let's, let's put this on David's vlog.

No, I don't think it's disgusting, but I, I will— the other day we were, uh, it'll get vulgar out the wax museum. I'm like, David, you better take this one. She was at the Marilyn Monroe this thing where the wind was blowing up her skirt.

You know Marilyn Monroe, her dress like blows up in the wind and the museum had this vent that you can stand over and it'll blow up your skirt if you're wearing one. But instead, Trisha just lifted up her shirt. Yeah, instead Trisha just lifted up her shirt and revealed her bra and Jason just put his camera down. He's like, Dave, I'm gonna let you take this one. And I'm like, no, I'll pass on that one too. No, but Trisha's great.

She's funny.

She's amazing. Jason's going— let me fucking say this, by the way. Jason's going to fucking Hawaii with her without even running this by me. This is gonna not only affect our relationship but probably our podcast. What are you talking—

I'll be back in time for the podcast. I scheduled it so we wouldn't miss a podcast.

But you won't be back in time to fix my broken heart. Oh yeah, David. Yeah, it's fucking real.

Now I wish we had like a sound guy that could put in some really Tender Music Kids.

We do. Go ahead, sound guy. Jason, is that you? Jason, that's you. I can hear you singing. Listen, go back to that. Stop singing. So you're going to Hawaii?

Yeah, I leave tomorrow morning, 10:30. My first vacation in 10 years. Well, no, like a year, 2 years. I don't go anywhere. Come on, you just— it's like a true vacation.

Just started working 2 years ago, let's be honest.

I'm taking a vacation. I'm going. And David was all like, well, why are you— why are you going at 10:30 on Thursday? You could go in the middle of the night and then come back on Friday.

I think that's a weird time to take a flight. First of all, they're flying first class, so understand what I'm saying. They're flying out at 10:30 in the morning, so they're gonna land there and it's gonna be like 9 PM. So you just lost the entire day. No, you gain—

you gain time going there.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, you're going the other way. Coming back.

Okay, whatever. Oh, never mind. Well, maybe I'm wrong. Well, It doesn't matter.

I love it.

Cut this part out. No, the part where I'm just—

let's just sit in an awkwardness of your wrongness.

Now people don't need it. No, people don't need to know.

No, I really like it.

People will be confused.

I like to hear—

what do you plan on doing in Hawaii?

Well, I don't know. She's insisting on like a first—

okay, by the way, Trisha is his, um, is his online girlfriend, his real girlfriend. I don't know what's fucking going on with them two. He just got her name tattooed on his foot, um, completely randomly. He calls me and he's like, David, I don't know if you're gonna be happy about this. I'm like, what is it? And I was actually really excited because No, you weren't.

You gave the worst reaction. Because I didn't know how to react.

You went—

no, I know how you reacted. You went like this. She went, oh no, no. And then it was awkward. And then you went— I go, you don't like it? And you go, no, it's great.

No, no, no, no. I just, I don't know. Because I couldn't react like, oh my God, because everyone gets tattoos, right? I was just confused how to react. But it's such a weird thing for you to do because you have an ex-wife that you see every day because you guys still take care of—

I saw it this morning.

Shut the fuck up.

Like an idiot, I wore fucking shorts this morning. I don't know what I was thinking.

Oh, what did you— it says Trish. Did you tell her it's something else?

Like, like she said, she said something like, um, is that a tattoo on your ankle?

She said something like, I'm glad you found someone else.

Um, she said, is that a tattoo on your ankle? Like really loud. And I, and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, Don't tell the kids, like, whatever. She's like, huh? And I was like, yeah, yeah, it's— is that real? And I was like, no, no, it's not real. It's real. And then, and then she brought it up again. Well, no, like, what does it say? Like, she didn't have— she wasn't getting the fact that I didn't want the kids to know about the tattoo yet, but whatever, it doesn't matter.

Okay, and then what'd she say?

I was like, I gotta go. She's like, why do you have a tattoo? What's going on?

You haven't told her who it is? No, I'm sure she could go online and figure it out if she wanted.

It's none of her beeswax. I can do whatever I want.

Imagine taking Trish to your ex-wife and being like, this is my new girlfriend.

She actually asked me, she was like, who's that blonde girl? Is that your girlfriend? And I was like, no, it's not my girlfriend. And she was like, come on, tell me. She's like, you can tell me. And I was like, no.

Oh my God, that's so interesting. And, uh, how's her boyfriend?

Uh, I don't know. I haven't seen him. I don't know.

Are they going on any 7-month vacation soon where they leave you with the kids? Those are my favorite. You have something black in your teeth.

Oh, it's this couch.

What the fuck?

This couch is falling apart. Can we get a couch sponsor?

So you're eating it?

No, it's just—

oh shit, don't want this to hit the ground. Just going to put it in my mouth, save it for later.

Can we get a couch sponsor in here?

Wait, Jason, you, you Did you— you— did you hear what I said?

I have something black in my teeth. Yeah. What'd you say?

Yeah, that's what I said. I said you have something black in your teeth.

Oh, it's still there.

Is it actually the couch? Are you eating pieces of the couch? Oh, thank you. Don't make those gross sounds into the mic. What is it?

Oh, that's a piece of cilantro.

Oh my God, I fucking hate this. I hate all this.

You do, don't you? Yeah, I hate it so much. It was your idea. The podcast was—

it wasn't my idea. We just talked about it.

It was your idea. No, it wasn't. I guarantee you it was your idea.

No, it was your idea.

What did I say?

You said, Dave, let's do the podcast. I said, fuck no. And you said, let's do it.

No, that's not how it goes down. You have a very selective memory.

Yeah, you—

because you— you— and it's very— if I want— if I want you to do something, yeah, I'll ask you once and you'll give me the answer I don't want. And then I'll wait, I'll wait a week, and— and you'll just— you'll be like, yeah, maybe you'll come up with the idea yourself. And I'll be like, cool.

Wait, what do you mean?

Like, I'll be like, um, like I was like, let's video the podcast. I said, I said this to you like a couple of months ago and you're like, you know, honestly, I just don't want to. I don't, I don't want them.

Oh, and then, and then last week I'm like, dude, we should videotape the podcast. Yeah.

No, I was like, okay, cool, David. Good idea. That's awesome.

That's how you have to talk to me. You call our manager. Yeah. The fucking moron came through. I told you I had to give it 2 weeks. No, I just gave it some thought and, uh, yeah, I think I want to videotape the podcast. Yeah, yeah, fuck yeah. Because honestly, just because I'm not making a lot of money on YouTube right now.

Oh, that's why. That's a good reason.

It's getting to that point. And it's because it's for the viewers. The people want it.

Of course. I care about you guys. I really do.

I care about you guys, guys. But you know, you know what's good about caring about you guys is that you guys also care about us. And that's the whole amazing thing about this whole thing, because Blue Apron is the leading meal kit. I have I don't know, I don't know if my transitions are smooth or shitty, but I do know that Blue Apron is not neither of those. I mean, it is smooth.

It's the leading meal delivery kit service in the US, Dave. I don't know if you know that.

Many don't know about the types of meals you eat when you cook with Blue Apron. You're not just having burgers for dinner. You're making short rib burgers with a hoppy cheddar sauce on a pretzel bun. You're preparing seared steaks in thyme pan sauce with mashed potatoes, green beans, and crispy shallots. All in under 45 minutes and without a trip to the grocery store.

Turned into a SpongeBob character all of a sudden. Uh, Blue Apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country.

Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone. Blue Apron achieves this by supporting a more sustainable food system, setting the high standards for the ingredients, and building a community of home chefs.

Blue Apron offers 3 plans. 2-person meal plan, that's the first plan, guys, write all this down. Meals that serve 2 people, choose from 8 new recipes per week.

With the choice to receive either 2 or 3 recipes any week. Family meal plans. Go for it, go for it.

Family meal plans.

Meals that serve 4 people. Choose from 4 new recipes per week with the choice to receive either 2, 3, or 4 recipes any week. Wine plan. 6 bottles of wine from renowned winemakers delivered monthly. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. There's a bunch of upcoming meals that are coming up. It's all high-quality stuff. You got approved seared steaks in warm lemon salsa verde with roasted broccoli and sweet potato. Damn, that sounds really tasty. And it's honestly, they deliver fresh pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door.

I like things that are healthy. Now we've had a bunch of— oh yeah, I do. I'm trying to stay healthy, David. I have to. This morning when you had me do Jonah's prank, I was on my way to the gym.

I haven't eaten all day other than that lemonade I had earlier. I'm about to puke. I was actually gagging at one point during this podcast. At one point during this— not during the Blue Apron—

we get the meals delivered to the house. Scott gets them, Kristen gets them, I get them. We cook them up. It's always something so tasty. Bomb as hell.

You know, why do we even have to tell people this? It's kind of obvious at this point.

You'd like to go to chain restaurants. You know what I think would be fun? And you're always working so hard. Thanks. One night you come over here, I take your phone, I take your camera, I lock it away.

Can you kiss me?

For 6 to 7 hours. No, David, I have a girlfriend. Well, I have an online girlfriend. I have a fake girlfriend that I tell the world is my girlfriend. Okay. And we just cook some Blue Apron.

I'm down. Also guys, I forgot to add that Blue Apron is treating Views listeners to $30 off your first order if you visit blueapron.com/views. So check out this week's menu and get your $30 off with free shipping at blueapron.com/views. Blue Apron, a better way to cook.

ZipRecruiter, Blue Apron, thank you.

And Dollar Shave Club. They came to play this podcast.

Those are big, big companies.

I was gonna say, that's it for the— that's it for the ads, by the way, guys.

Yeah, there's no more ads, so just sit back and enjoy hot content courtesy of Dr. Dave and Scientist Jay.

A lot of you guys are probably gonna just exit out of the podcast at this point because the ads are gone. Jason actually— and Jason and I actually talked about Coming up with fake ads just so we can reach it and make us seem like we're making a lot more money on the podcast than we actually are.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

How's the podcast doing for your pocket? Um, it's great.

I made $600 last week. It's pretty cool.

It's cool. It's not the most.

No, we don't make the most money doing this, but that's okay because we do it because we love you guys. We love you guys. I like to check in. I think it's cool. I think it's— I don't think you can get— especially your video is only 4 minutes long. I don't think you get enough David Dobrik in your life without this. I don't know what people would do.

Yeah, I mean, and back to what I was saying, I was gagging earlier because I haven't had food, and you were saying something on the podcast, and I put the mic away from my mouth and I gagged a little bit. Why are you gagging?

Because I'm just really—

I guess you're hungry.

Yeah. Oh man, you got to order some food. Don't you have an assistant to do that?

Yeah, she clocks out at 10:30, and it's 11:47. It's 12 o'clock right now. Yeah, it's midnight, bro.

I got to get on that plane tomorrow.

I know, dog, it's brutal.

I can't wait.

Speaking of getting on planes. Yeah, and enjoying the ride. Logan Paul's in the news again.

We all sat around, we watched the video.

Let's finish off the podcast with some good old Logan Paul. Everybody always wants us to talk about the topic. Logan Paul, I don't think we even need to like let people know what happened. Logan Paul made a bad video. Sure. He filmed the guy that committed suicide at the suicide forest in Japan. I mean, he posted it on YouTube. He wasn't— he wasn't respectful.

The general reaction around here today from two of our friends.

Anyway, hold on. Well, you have to set it up. Okay. And today, after 3 weeks, he released his video after his apology. Yes. So today he released the video, you know, he took a 3-week break and today he came back and he posted a video. And I mean, I did exactly what I said I was going to do. We were in the middle of planning our prank and Logan posted the video, like literally right in the middle of planning the prank. And I'm like, oh shit, guys, we got to fucking watch this shit. Like, like I was ready. You're an hour away.

Yeah. Yeah, I kind of like David. No, not now.

Yeah, so, um, yeah, so he, he posted the video. Our friends were kind of like, oh, it's bullshit. It's a bullshit video. I don't know. I don't know.

He, he, um, first of all, he did exactly what I said on this podcast he was gonna do. He's gonna donate $1 million and make a video about suicide prevention. He did exactly— I mean, yeah, and, uh, but I mean, to a T. To it. Yeah, there was nothing else.

Did you know he's a big— he's a big listener to the podcast? Logan is actually— I don't know.

I'm sure he's never heard of it.

Okay, so here's the thing. I thought it was fine. I thought it definitely didn't do— it definitely didn't heal the situation. Yeah, but it was the first step of many, right?

I thought it was good. I liked it.

It's just, what more could he have done? Exactly. That's the part. It's like he fucked up, you know what I mean? Like, that's behind him.

Like, you can't The argument today that we were having, what I was saying was like, they're like, well, you know, he doesn't really care. But it's like, there's no way he could have gone through all this and not felt something. There's no way he could have. He had this guy in his video who had actually tried to commit suicide and he lived. Yeah, it was very touching. And I'm sure it was a good video.

But, but at the same time, even if he doesn't care, like even if he's just, you know, cold-hearted, I don't think it matters as much as long as the kids are buying it and they're like learning something from it, right? And they're taking something from it. And people that are, you know, that have like suicidal thoughts are taking something good from it, then I don't think it matters. I don't, I don't, you know, I don't, I personally don't care for how he actually feels about anything. But as long, as long as he's projecting and he's making it, you know, he's doing the right thing.

I didn't like the cynical argument that it's all fake. I just, I don't know.

I don't know if it was— I don't believe that. Bottom line is he still has a lot of work to do. Um, but that was, that was the right step, I guess. I don't know.

Yeah, it was pretty good. I thought it was good. Yeah, I liked it.

We'll see what he—

what will he do next week?

I don't fucking know, man. He's got, he's got a lot to do, like a lot. Like, it's, it's gonna be the next—

yeah, but that, that's tough. So the next year, I think the second video is even harder. Yeah, what do you do? Yeah, second, you go right back to being, to being your goofy self. Yeah.

Or do you, or do you keep playing this like calm guy?

Yeah, because you don't want to just keep doing suicide prevention videos. Maybe he'll do forest fire prevention next. I don't know.

You never know.

You know, maybe he'll just turn into a guy that's completely off the cuff helping everybody.

But yeah, no, um, but okay. Yeah, we'll see how that unwinds. I feel like it's just gonna be a weekly update on that. What are you doing when you go on vacation this week?

I am gonna just sit back, okay, and watch your vlogs. And are you each one of us having sex? No, no, we are just friends.

When you guys go to Hawaii though?

No, no.

You don't think you're gonna have sex once?

I, I don't know. It's not something that like I'm actively seeking, but you know, we'll see what happens. I mean, we're going to like— Are you in love? No, she's my friend. Yeah, she is my friend. Uh-huh. What?

You're in love?

Yeah. Really? No, she listens to the podcast, David. What are you doing? She probably—

Dude, we're done with the ads. I doubt she's listening at this point. The best part already fucking passed.

I mean, I'm going because She's— she's— we're gonna go, we're gonna relax. Who else can I go with?

Yeah, you're right.

And I can still make videos.

Yeah, well, you're not good. Yeah, it'll be— it'll be a good time.

I'm gonna relax on the beach. I'm gonna read, I'm gonna write, and I'm gonna— you better not show up. I am already thinking about it.

You're staying on—

oh, actually, I'd be excited if you showed up.

Are you staying on Oahu?

I'm going to Maui. Fuck.

Yeah, okay. That's fine. I'll change my flight.

I would love it if you showed up. Todd Kriner almost came.

So what should I show up and do? Should I show up and shoot you with a paintball gun?

Yeah, just on the beach. Just find me. Oh, you imagine I get on the beach and my fat stomach is out like, ah, finally.

Hold on. Let's do this. Let's do this.

Okay.

Do you give me permission to come and find you on the beach in Hawaii and shoot you with a paintball gun and leave? Tell me, tell me, because, because if you, if you, if you do— Oh, David, no, no, no, if you do, I'll say it's a great idea.

See, this is what happens. He poses these ideas like last week he wanted to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart gun.

Don't give him our ideas away. Fuck, it's gonna be next week's video, or maybe on Friday in Hawaii.

I kind of want to give you permission to do that. That'd be fucking fun, but I don't want to lose an eye.

I would scare a lot of people though.

You'd probably get arrested if I was on the beach with a paintball gun.

You know, I'd put it in like— I'd wrap it up in a cloth and I'd walk by like it's a silencer and just shoot you once and keep walking. I honestly, I would fly in, shoot you with a paintball gun, not even talk to you, get back on my flight and go home.

I have to say, I want to say it, be clear about this. Yeah, I do not give you permission.

Fuck you.

Come on, it's a great idea.

It's kind of crazy.

It's a good idea.

I can shoot you 3 times. 3 times. 3 times.

What if you shoot me in the eye?

No, no, no, no, no. I would not. I would never. I would— nowhere near the face. And it's gonna be close, so I won't miss.

You're in disguise. You have a mustache. I'm Trisha. Nice to see you, Mr. Nash.

Can I do it, man?

Come on, just give me the permission.

Give me the permission.

No, because then I won't be relaxed for the 4 days I'm there. I'll be thinking—

you never know. I probably won't.

People at home, you think this is a ridiculous this conversation, it's actually not. It's quite plausible that he will fly there to do that one joke.

Give me permission and let's see. Let's see if I'll do it.

I can't.

You know you're gonna—

David, I want to.

After we finish this podcast, you're gonna regret that you didn't give me permission. You're gonna be on that beach bored as fuck and you're gonna shoot yourself with a paintball gun.

Hey baby, what's wrong? Oh, nothing. Just— what are you looking for? Nothing.

Let me do it. No, please, please, please, please, please, please, no, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, Jason.

Dude, I won't be able to enjoy the 4 days.

Jason, I have to end the podcast. Would you please fucking say it, please? No, dude.

All right, fine. Yes, fine.

We'll see you guys later. That's it for today's podcast. Make sure you guys like and subscribe. Tweet me @daviddobrik. Follow him @jasonash. He's great. Um, I'll see you guys in Hawaii. Bye. You gave me permission. I'm— you gave me permission. All right, bye guys.