I Have a Death Row Penpal

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. There is trouble in paradise here at the house. Natalie and I are getting into an argument. Honestly, Jason is too. Um, now I— now I'm mad at both of them. Yeah, let's just address it.

I can see it in your eyes, you're on fire. I came in.

There's moments where Natalie reveals herself as just a sheep.

A sheep? Really? A sheep?

And that is— I obviously I'm being dramatic for comedic effect.

Yeah.

But, um, I'm fucking not furious, but I'm disappointed.

Really?

That's all. I don't really get mad, I just get disappointed.

David showed me a video of a penguin on TikTok walking to the mountains, leaving the flock, like going—

okay, hold on, let me play it for the audience.

You're going to play the whole thing?

You're going to hear it. It's a Visualize a penguin walking towards a mountain.

That's it.

And this is the audio. Listen, guys.

But one of them caught our eye, the one in the center. He would neither go towards the feeding grounds at the edge of the ice nor return to the colony. Shortly afterwards, we saw him heading straight towards the mountains, some 70 kilometers away. Dr. Ainley explained that Even if he caught him and brought him back to the colony, he would immediately head right back for the mountains. But why?

But why? But why? Okay.

He's trying to get laid.

Okay.

He's got a female penguin on his mouth.

There's something obviously—

One of the top comments is, I saw the full clip. Apparently he lost his mate. He was heartbroken.

Oh, okay.

Does that better put you in the mood for what this could be? I just think that you're experiencing— first of all, Natalie watched it, and what was your response to it?

The penguin is mentally ill. He's sick and there's something wrong with him.

Okay, that— it's, it's, it's actually disgusting that you like go on with your life like thinking like this because it's just so uninspired.

But what he's doing is not inspiring. Like, I wasn't inspired by the act that he was doing. Like, I, I'm inspired by people that are doing inspiring things, but this This penguin, I'm not interpreting the, interpreting, fuck, interpreting the penguin that's walking away from the flock, that there's something wrong with it.

This is arguably more inspiring than a human doing something because this is an act of nature or act of God or just like something that every creature has in it. And that's like, it's doing something for itself. It's like not sticking with the flock. It's not doing what everybody else is doing. It has something it needs to get done and it is laser locked and it's going to achieve it. Whether he is traveling out of depression or whether he's facing his fear or he's going to confront something or he's going to find something, recover something, whatever it is, it is him on a mission. And it's fucking genuinely, I'm not kidding you. And I posted this on my close friends. I haven't been inspired by something like this in a really long— it's my phone background. I had to change it. I had my phone background for 2 days, but I had to change it because it was actually making me sad because I was I kept thinking about him.

I think that the people like yourself and like Ilya that are feeling inspired or motivated, whatever the hell, by this video clip, you're going through something and you're interpreting this like with your— you're projecting yourself onto something that's like non-existent. Maybe I'm just like really— like I'm not in a place where I need to go like against the grain and have this like individual free thought.

And like, I don't really honestly ever have that feeling to have to go, but you're having it right now because of this thing, because I'm never like looking around like, how do I go against brain today. Like, that's never my thing.

Are you looking for—

are you looking to lock in on something though?

I'm really not. Okay. I mean, I don't— I don't even know what I— but just what he— what this— what this animal's feeling is just like— it's like, holy fuck. Like, it's— it's grand purpose. That's what I think it is, is that— right— is that this penguin's like— so let's say he wants a purpose bigger than what his peers have around him, whether it's to walk to the mountains till his legs give out and he faints Whatever it is, it's that he needs to get it done.

Well, now that you know he's looking for his mate, do you look at it differently?

I think that was like a theory. I don't know if that—

I also just think I know maybe a little bit more about like animal behavior. And so I'm like just thinking about it really logically.

You're too smart to watch a video that inspires you.

I'm just logical. Like, I'm just like, oh, there's— the penguin is sick. I'm not like, oh my God, he's achieving some greater mission in his life.

Like, you know, it's It's really sad. That's fine. I'm not going to get into it with you because I already did off pod and I can't go back down this rabbit hole.

You could take back some of the things you said.

This penguin hole.

Yeah. Sheep was— that was a little tough.

When I called her a sheep? That was on the pod.

Yeah, I know.

It was worse off the pod, guys.

What else inspires you like that? You called shee— cuntie sheep off the pod. What? What else inspires you like that? What's something else?

I mean, obviously like Marvel edits. Oh yeah. I just like, I like things that are burdened with like purpose. I think it's really interesting.

Well, like a Marvel edit is inspiring.

Okay, cool. Maybe because that's how it needs to be painted for you. A little bit easier. You need to see humans because you don't have—

Don't talk down to me. Don't be condescending.

I'm not being condescending, Nellie. I just, I genuinely, genuinely don't think you have the same heart that I do.

Oh my God. This man and his big pumping heart.

I don't even think— I don't have a big heart, Natalie. When I touch the ground, I feel the empathy of people 3,000 square feet away.

Bro, you're fucking ridiculous.

I can feel Taylor's heart beating in the other living room right now while I'm feeling the ground.

What's she doing?

What's she doing? Yeah, she's resting.

She is.

Yeah, I can feel her BPM.

Really?

And it's gentle.

It's incredible.

I mean, yeah.

What's your neighbor doing?

My neighbor?

Yeah.

He's pissed off at me. Too many cars on the street.

What's my mom doing?

She's She's further than you guys can hear right now, but she is thinking about me.

Oh, she is?

It's late there, so I'll just let you imagine what she's doing. No, that's Lorraine. Please. I was kidding.

What's Wyatt and Charlie doing?

I know that's something you should figure out, Jay. You should call them.

I really should call them. I really should. You're right.

No. Okay. I don't know. What's something that gets you going like that? Has there been anything you've watched?

Pursuit of Happiness.

Will Smith movie gets me going every time because I mean, dude, because that is you. Yeah, yeah, okay, that's really funny. You are that guy.

I am that guy. Okay, yeah, I mean like when he's like trying to get the job and he's taking care of his son and he's changing in the phone booth and he's just trying so hard.

Yeah, when they sleep in the bathroom.

Oh, I think that's like a really big moment when you sleep in the bathroom. Oh my God, and you— I can't believe that's, that's Jaden. Yeah, acting his ass off as like a little kid.

That is Jaden.

Yeah. I remember seeing that being like, damn, well, I never get good.

I never even think about that.

But then he doesn't really act much, does he?

Uh, he used to. No, yeah, not lately. It's weird. He had some fucking incredible roles as a kid. Yeah, he was really good. And he helped give my teacher $10,000.

Oh yes, he did. In the back of a—

back of a—

what do you call it? A rickshaw.

What was it? Yeah, I was in Chicago. We were at a club.

What gets you going, Nat?

Um, gosh, nothing. Me and my big cold, hard, dark heart.

Good.

Yep, that's it.

No, no.

Okay, who's got a bigger heart out of the two of you?

It's different. Our hearts are different. David just thinks that he feels more.

I don't know why you say this. I don't know why you like— why you chalk up my like yearning for, for warmth because you don't share that one with me.

So like, I don't, I don't have that experience with you, so therefore X doesn't happen, doesn't exist.

I don't share it with you as much as I would with others because I think you are part of this. Like, I think you're—

here it comes. I'm so happy. Happy New Year, everybody. I'm so glad you'd ask.

I think you're part of this. I think you're part of this mission to share with other people.

Like, I'm the darkness in the world and everyone— I need to let everyone—

I think when we were making the videos and like, it was like very hard. I feel like a lot of people that like, make fun stuff are troubled, like, a lot of times, right? But I think it's that person's job to, like, bring joy to others. And I just think it's our job to bring joy to others. Like, I think that is our purpose, is like, can we make other people laugh or smile? I never think about it like this, but I think that's what it is. So I think if I'm, like, really analyzing why I'm not like, I love you, Natalie, it's because, like, I'm trying to create something that's with you guys for other people. I don't know.

I see what you mean.

Like, it's—

You're creating—

This is less important because the greater purpose is more important.

I think so. And I think you guys should know that I appreciate you guys.

Really?

But like—

That's really nice.

I don't know.

I didn't know that.

So thoughtful, so empathetic of you.

Yeah, see, there you go.

You could do both, you know. You could say— you could do it for the fans and for us. It'd be real easy. It's like 7 or 8 people. That is funny. I was watching a show over the weekend and the 2 bro characters in it, the 2 male characters in it, they say "I love you, man" every time they get off the phone. They'll be like, "I love you." "I love you too." And then I thought, "Oh man, Dave would never say 'I love you' to me." "I love you." Would you ever say that? Do you have any friends you ever say to John and Alex, I love you?

I'll only say to someone that it'll make feel uncomfortable. Like, I'll say to John because, like, I know he'd never say it back.

What if you—

what if I wouldn't say to Ilya because he would be like, what the fuck are you saying? But John would be like genuinely stumped by like how nervous he would be when I would say that.

Okay. What if you gave somebody like a nice gift? Would you say after, like, I love you, man?

Not if they're like Like if they're just like my friend?

Yeah.

Fuck, I don't know. I don't— for some reason I can't like—

Yeah, you can't do it.

I can't. I don't know. They love you. I love my friends to death. I can talk about like in like the third person.

Yeah, yeah.

Like I can't like directly say it to them. Jason, you know what I'm excited to see?

What?

I mean, literally any team, artist, band ever because I have SeatGeek. So it makes it so incredibly easy to get tickets to anything.

The best.

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How many cars have you got? SeatGeek?

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Well, it's on my 2026 goals list, whatever, for this year to just give more hugs.

What?

Yeah, I never hug.

Like unwarranted, unsolicited?

I'm not saying like a welcome to the party. You walk in, you give a one-arm hug. I'm saying the people that I love in my life to give hugs, like my sister, my parents.

Your sister's a fucking robot, by the way.

No, I'm kidding. How's that going?

Yo, Jen, you know our last podcast where we called her a robot?

Yeah.

She sent us a video of her listening to it in the car.

She did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said we just do it every pod. She texted it to us. She's like, I keep catching strays.

Oh yeah.

So let's make it a recurring segment where we mention at least once that Natalie's sister's a robot.

Now I have this—

Have you implemented it? You've been giving hugs?

I'm trying.

Have you given David a hug?

I think I tried to give him a hug in Australia, but he was really uncomfortable.

What? When?

I was like, I'm going to hug you. And you're like, no.

Why would you do that to me?

I don't know.

I don't know. What was like the moment?

I think we were like at a restaurant or something. I don't know. I'm trying to think.

I'm pretty sure I hugged you when you gave me a car. I think I forced it.

Yeah, but that's like not what I'm talking about.

I like forced hug. I was like, come here.

I'm not talking about like celebratory moments where—

It's like, yeah, I'd hug Natalie if she got me a car.

Yeah, yeah.

You would.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I think at least I can do it.

And if you want to implement more hugs, Natalie, love more guys, a GTR.

Um, no, I was on this bachelorette trip this weekend in Cabo.

Yeah.

And I was with a bunch of girls that I just, from like my whole life, that I have not seen in a really long time. Well, like, from like, it feels like another life where I was with these girls, like my camp childhood friends. And one of my friends, her name's Dave is like the only name from my camp friends that David remembers.

Or Lainey's the only name that I remember.

Yeah, sorry, Lainey is the only name that he remembers. And her like outlook on life still to this day, she was like this when we were a kid, but now seeing her again, I haven't seen her in years. Yeah, she is like the most optimistic, constantly just exuding positivity person, and like in like a great— not in a way that's overwhelming, but in a way that's like actually like warm and welcoming. Like her energy is just like— I've never experienced another human like that. And I mean, she— yeah, you're so warm.

You fucking sheep. You fucking idiot.

It's a penguin.

Did you get it?

But it was funny. Like, she kept giving me hugs. I'm not a hugger. Like, I'm not like a hugger. I'm not like—

I've just implemented hugs for 2020. No, I know, I know.

But this is why.

Okay.

Yeah. And so like, she kept giving me hugs all weekend. She was like, we just can't stop hugging each other. And I was like, we, I don't think I've hugged you once.

Lainey listening to this is all sad. Lainey, if you need cheering up, watch the penguin video.

But it's so funny. And she was sharing this story, which I thought was funny to share with you guys. This is like the epitome of who this woman is. She was saying that she really wanted to like volunteer and donate donate her— she doesn't have like a lot of money, so she's like, I have to donate my time. Like, I have to do a good deed to like balance out whatever other parts of her life.

What do you mean?

No, I don't know. Just like, I don't know. But, but so she decided that she wanted to get a death row pen pal.

What? Yeah.

And so she had this pen pal. She like, you know, found some sort of program, and she had this pen pal in prison. He's on death row for for murder, which she casually—

wait, what?

This is the great— we were in the middle of like this like big nice dinner in Cabo, and she's like, yeah, I have this pen pal, he was in prison, or he is in prison. And then she's like telling the story, and we're like, what is he in prison for? Like, spit it out. And she was like, oh, murder.

What?

Lainey!

Oh my God, give me a hug.

It was so funny. Anyways, but she— it So good. Her delivery was amazing.

What kind of murder?

I don't know.

I don't want to know. I think it'll ruin the story.

Okay.

Okay. She didn't know either. The pen pal session didn't last very long because she—

They killed him?

No, no, no, no, no, they didn't. But he wrote back to her being like, he didn't like the whole interaction or whatever because he just felt like he was, I guess, like a fish in a fishbowl sort of situation. She was so curious about what life was like and about him. And he was like, I don't see that, you know, want to talk about that. Like, he wants to, like, escape this prison, right? Like, he wants to, like, just know about the world and things, I guess. But it was just so interesting, and it was so, like—

so he was like, don't email me again? Or he was like— or he's like, if we— is it email or, like, physical letters?

Uh, I think it's physical letters.

What the fuck?

So, but she, she also just—

and he's on death row?

He's on death row.

Where? What state?

Utah, I think.

I wonder what that's like, telling somebody about your life when their life is on the inside, you know?

It's so interesting. Like, I just, like, I can't—

yeah, like, I posted this week and I got a brand deal for Instagram. It's been good, I guess.

I mean, I wish the views were higher, but my friend Natalie in Cabo, so many margaritas and too many hugs.

I don't know. Yeah, it's just really interesting. I've never heard of some— I've never obviously known anybody that had prison pen pal.

Okay, so it stopped?

Yeah, so she, well, she just felt really bad because then she started, it's like she is like the most empathetic person that I know. So she was, she felt so bad that he felt bad that she was like, oh, I can't write him again. Like he, he hates me. Like he doesn't like what I'm doing. Like I was trying to bring him joy and happiness and I wasn't bringing that to him. So she's like, I gotta stop.

Um, so I don't know, I think she might have a new pen pal or something, but I mean, that feels like she should have kind of stuck with the guy. Like, that's kind of like, hey, man, I don't want to talk about prison. Can we talk about something else? She goes, nope, sorry.

Oh, man.

But I feel like she should write him again, be like, what are your interests?

Yeah, maybe she will.

I feel like no. Like, isn't that like— he's like, the fact that he wrote back means he wants to conversate.

No, I think that there was more to the letter. I think she was like, withholding some information. I don't think he wanted to write. I don't think he wanted to continue that.

He's like, I'm gonna find you when I'm out of here. This letter pissed me off so much. I know exactly what resort you're at in Cabo. Coming.

I went and used the bathroom yesterday. I was in Pasadena, so I went to— I went to like a sports bar to use the bathroom. So I go in the bathroom and there's two guys in the one stall doing cocaine.

Oh my gosh. Wow.

And like I just hear two guys in a stall. It's a really active bathroom. It's like 4 o'clock, whatever. And you can just hear them like doing tons of cocaine. And so I'm like, okay, whatever, whatever. Then, then a guy comes in with like, like two 5-year-olds to take their kids to go pee. And the guy walks in and he comes in and he goes, man, man, manly, manly, man, man, man. And then the guys are doing coke. And then the dad is going over to the Stall to the stall going, man, let men, manly, manly, man, man, just to cover the sound of coke. No, he's just singing that song.

Oh, okay.

And then you hear from the other side of the bathroom, the guy goes, hey, Charlie Sheen, occupied.

That's funny. Like that. That's funny.

And it was like, I was like, damn.

But I guess that's what it, that's what it is now.

Is it?

I don't think, I think cocaine is one of those things that like you grow up and you're like, You see it everywhere, right? Like, I see a lot of memes like that too. It's like you don't realize, like, I think it's like L.A.

too. It's very much like—

I don't think so.

Really?

I don't think it's L.A. I think this is one of those things that actually is like—

I think people do more cocaine now than in the '80s or less.

More.

You think?

Probably more.

You think so? It was really prevalent in the '80s.

Yeah, but I think it's just as available.

Jay, I think it's— cocaine's been like glorified too, like crazy, like in like movies and stuff.

Right now on the podcast, But you know that Gen Z is not drinking alcohol. They've lost like billions of dollars.

I've seen that.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'll go on to see that.

And maybe they're doing cocaine and marijuana instead.

I have met people— this is real— that only do blow.

Really?

No alcohol. When they go out, they're only doing coke. Wow. I think it's really, really bizarre. Did you see the Colombian president the other day?

No.

Well, whoever the leading official is in Colombia, I think it's president, was talking about how we should Um, we should legalize— yeah, you should legalize cocaine.

Wow.

Because it's an interesting point. It's like the only way to defeat every cartel in the entire world is to legalize cocaine.

Yeah.

I mean, is that not like— that's pretty on point. I get that he's like Colombian and that there's like a stigma with Colombians.

Yeah. And he's got a lot of good cocaine there.

He's got a lot of cocaine.

Yeah.

And he talks about how like the mortality rate in Colombia isn't as bad from cocaine, nearly as bad as the United States, because in the US they're like cutting it up with fentanyl. Yeah, it's incredibly dangerous. And in Colombia they don't have the same, like, the same policies on it as they do here. Like, it's not like you don't go to jail as hard for— I don't know. I don't know if that's it or I don't know. I don't know what it is, but people aren't cutting it up with fentanyl there. Yeah, I don't know for what reason why it's purer there, but he's saying it's— that's why it makes it safer there.

Wow. They should legalize it. But I wonder why they've legalized weed but not cocaine.

Well, I also think, like, I know that sounds like the most— it's the most insane take to legalize cocaine.

Yeah.

But also, like, alcohol is incredibly dangerous.

Yeah.

And like, yeah, it's like just available. Do you know what I mean? Like, how many alcohol-related deaths are there a year? Fucking millions.

Yeah.

So like, I don't know. I don't want— this is like a pretty strong, strong stance.

No, it's like—

but it's like, as crazy as it sounds, it does sound like there is some argument to be made there. Like, there is a safer way.

I think, I think, you know, 20 beers is not going to kill you, but 20 lines could. I think that might be part of it. Like, people can't control—

like, the alcohol is over time.

Yo, I saw that we put out a 30-minute podcast. Is that true?

Yeah, it was like 37.

Oh, 37? Yeah, I got a couple DMs.

They were like, yeah, you're already gone. And then they were heated with me.

They're like, are you fucking kidding me? 30-minute podcast? I didn't even want to message you guys because I was like, they probably don't want me to see this.

I mean, you were already gone. Yeah, so I was like, all right. I told Nat, I was like, I don't know what to do. And then—

oh, you guys talked about it?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, and you were like, don't tell David.

No, I knew you'd see it.

There was nothing we could do.

I knew you'd get DMs, but I was like, I didn't know what else to do.

Yeah, it's more important for the episode to go up. At least you guys got an episode, you know?

Okay, see, that's not— that is—

we're not firing the people.

That's cold-hearted.

It's logical.

They got something.

You're very—

I tried, I tried to find like 6 more minutes. I was looking through stuff.

I don't like when you do that.

Well, I didn't.

Okay, okay, okay, because Jay will say— Jay Jay will like, we'll like record a pod and then he'll be like, it's fine. I had 5, 6 minutes for March. And I'll be like, what? Jay will like, when he's cutting up pods and like sometimes we'll go over and it'll be like an hour and maybe like a moment won't feel right in the pod. So he'll like put it to the side, he'll like save it and then he'll stick it in another pod. And I'll be like, what? That can't, I don't know.

It's pretty evergreen though when I do it.

No, I believe you.

I actually haven't done it ever. I don't think I've ever done it once.

Really?

I've messed it up and put something in that was already out, but I don't think I've like—

last podcast someone DM'd me that you like looped the outro twice, that we said goodbye twice.

Really?

Yeah, I get a lot of DMs about you messing up the pod, and I know it's just people fucking lying.

I get messages on my vlog now about it too. You messed up the pod, you messed up.

That's really—

yeah, deadass.

That's really— oh, now, yeah, now they're saying deadass too, and some have lied. Yeah, so now I don't know.

That's not cool.

Yeah, that's not— if you're a true listener, you're fucking confusing me like crazy.

How was your weekend?

It was good. I'm happy to be back.

Yeah, you are.

Yeah, I'm like full-time, um, full-time Los Angeles now.

Yeah, me too.

I'm back to being an LA boy.

I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.

What?

We can't travel anymore.

Why?

We have to cut it off.

Really?

It's too much.

Wow, coming from Natalie, of all people.

I'm not saying I don't want to ever travel again, because you say that, you feel like you take that to the extreme, but just like the past month of traveling, the amount of sicknesses that I had in the past 4 weeks is like not good.

Can I tell you, I haven't been sick once.

That's great.

Oh my God, I've like been to the hospital like 3 times.

Are you taking— are you taking— I've been, I've been taking iron. I'm not even deficient, I've just been taking it. Iron, um, vitamin C. I take a lot of vitamin C and like calcium pills, and I take them every day. I take 3 pills every day, and ever since I've been doing that, my body's been like crushing.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what— I, I don't know.

I need to do that. I need to go get like tested and figure out what I'm like deficient.

But I'm not deficient in it. I just, I just went into Erewhon and I was like, what will me be healthy? And they were like, take these 3. And I was like, all right, fuck it. And then I've been taking it and there's days where I'll go like 2 days without taking it and I'll feel myself slipping and then I'll take it again and I'm like back to being standard. It's really, really interesting.

Yeah, I should try that.

I honestly think it's a placebo effect of popping pills in your mouth that are like vitamins that make me feel like, oh, I'm being really good about this.

You guys went too many places in too little time.

So many places.

4 continents in 20 days. I was doing the math. 4 or 5.

4 continents.

4 continents. I went to Europe, Asia, Australia, and, well, LA, because I came back to LA for 2 days.

I love you said no more travel, but you went to Mexico this weekend.

Well, I had no choice.

She really didn't want to go. She hates that friend. She's like, I fucking hate her.

Yeah, for sure.

I had no choice.

Yeah, right.

What? I'm being serious.

You're going to get called for something like tomorrow.

You have like a job is different.

I'll leave for work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I'm not going to leave like because someone's like, come party with me in Ibiza, right? That's just like, can't do it. I'm fucking 30 years old. Like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, I might, but like, no, I know you will. You bounce back from these, like, these little talks quickly.

I just love life. Like, I just love— I love my life and I have so much fun.

Really?

Yeah.

Why are you looking at me like you don't believe yourself?

You don't believe me, or you're questioning me?

I guess that's true. Are you gonna go out now that we're back here in LA?

I'm thinking about it.

Wait, really?

Well, I do have some dinners that I have to go to.

And like, where are you going tomorrow?

Uh, that's like, uh, uh, at our friend's house. He's getting a bunch of like business entrepreneur people together. Oh. Um, Ryan. Pickleball Ryan.

What? He's getting people together for a business?

Like hosting a 20-person dinner at his house? Yeah.

Oh my God, that's so Ryan. Do you know, Ryan, I burnt my, I burnt my, um, my face with sunglasses, uh, or I burnt my face in, um, in Australia really bad. I'm still burnt. Yeah, like pickleball on my stomach from, from the 27th. Yeah, pickleball Ryan. And he let me borrow his shades.

Sure.

He had like these rose-colored nice glasses.

Let me borrow these shades that he like really, really likes.

He was like, I'm gonna let you keep them. And I was like, no, Ryan, I can't, I can't, I can't. And then like the next day it was very obvious he wasn't letting me keep them. And then he like slowly started me asking me when I— when he can have them back. But I still had like burns around my face. I was like, I'm just gonna keep wearing them for a little. And then, and then he'd check in with me every 3 days. And like, I was in Dubai, and then Alex—

and then no way.

Yeah, Alex texted me, he's like, yo, Ryan's asking me if you left his sunglasses here anywhere, or after Dubai I went to Madrid and I still had them in my backpack. I was like, no, I still have in my backpack. It was really funny. I've never seen anybody like— especially him, who's like, you know, yeah, multi-millionaire. Yeah, I've never seen him. Not that it's like— not that you should lose anybody's stuff ever, right? But he was so— he's so attached to these sunglasses. I thought it was so funny, and he wants them back so bad. I'm really excited to give them to him. But you got I still have them. Yeah, I didn't lose them because I could— no, not damaged. I could tell how much he cared about him, so I was like, I gotta. And normally if you lend me anything, anything, it's gone. Like Natalie's sister gave me her portable charger, and in my head, when you give me a portable charger, it's a temporary charger. Like, it will disappear. Like, once the battery's out, I'm leaving it because I don't want it in my pocket. I know it's so stupid, so dumb.

I know, I know that I've given you stuff before and I let— and I've handed it to you and I'm like, I know I'm not— I'm never getting this back.

She texted The next day she's like, do you have my portable charger? And this is the one thing that I'm very, what is it about?

Flip it?

Lax?

No, like when you're privileged.

Oh, like first world problem?

That's not a first world problem. It's like I'm just like an asshole about it. Like prissy. I don't know what it is, but I'm totally an asshole for not keeping the charger. I did in this case again, but I laughed at the fact that she was asking for it because for some reason, We have, we have the stations here also from Ryan.

Yeah.

Where there's, you know, there's 100 portable chargers laying around the house constantly. I think we've gone through about 800 chargers. People just steal them.

Yeah, right.

People take the charger, they take it from the machine that we have here at home and they take it home. So like, I have now been programmed when a portable charger is with me, like, I don't return it either. Like, I'm stealing it for myself too. I'll leave it at like a random restaurant on accident. I won't even think about it.

We should just have that set up like a regular charging station where it charges you.

We're not gonna charge our friends, Natalie, to take our—

sorry, if you don't return it.

Yeah, but that's like kind of fucked up.

Uh, no, it's not. It's kind of fucked up that they're stealing our shit and they're losing it.

Yeah, but you're gonna have your— you're gonna have our friends come and enter their credit card information into our house?

Yes.

Just so they could borrow a charger? No, no, no.

Hey, have you ever been— have you ever been eating somewhere and then you start to like talk to the waiter, and the waiter like starts to talk to you and like tells you about your life? And then you're like, tells you about their life. Yeah, you're like, you're kind of connecting with the waiter and it's a good conversation, but then you want more drink, like you want like a refill.

Oh, I hate that. That is weird.

Yeah, you cross the line of friendship. Now you can't be like, hey, you had a great story, can I get some more?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, yeah, like now you have to like, yeah, you because you now you've now you're friends. Yeah. But now you're like, now he's like your servant. Yeah. Oh yeah. That literally has happened to me multiple times and it's really weird.

Yeah. Oh, that's happened to me yesterday.

Oh, Jay, that's like one of those relatable thoughts. That's very, very cool and rare.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Good job. I love when people come up with stuff like that.

Yeah, that's fine.

I just saw a girl post a TikTok the other day. It was literally yesterday and it was European people when they visit America and it's— she takes the cap off the water bottle and since it detaches, she like takes a sip of the water, but with her other hand puts the cap up to her nose. Just to like recreate the feeling of European water bottles not detaching with the caps. And I thought it was really funny to see that. That's very good to see that joke from the other end. And I got so mad. I was like, these are the exact kind of jokes that like made Vine so popular.

Yeah.

Like, and that's like a very clever twist on an original thought.

That's where my brain's been heading. And Jay, you just knocked it out of the park. This is why you were big on Vine.

Yeah, I'm ready. When's Vine coming back? I thought it was coming back.

I don't know.

I don't know, someone brought it up to me in Dubai.

Really?

Yeah, that it is coming back.

It's—

so apparently the guy that started it, I don't know if this is confidential, but like he started it and he thought he was going to do it like more leisurely. Like he's just like, I'm gonna bring back Vine. But like the first like day he got over 100,000 signups.

Oh, wow.

So he had— so he couldn't just like relaunch it. Now he has to go back and he has to like make it ready for like the influx of people that are about to download this thing. Oh, he was just going to do it more casually.

He thought it was just going to be a fun little thing, like a side project.

Yeah, like a little like— like, yeah, yeah, like niche thing.

Have you heard of Choppelganger?

Chopper gang?

Choppelganger?

No. What's that?

It's like a Gen Z term.

Wait, can I— can I do it? Yeah.

Yeah. What's Choppelganger?

It's like an uglier version of you.

Yeah, exactly.

Wow.

Oh, that makes sense.

That's really funny.

Why?

Who's your doppelganger? Are you the doppelganger of someone?

I'm Simon's doppelganger.

Of Ellen DeGeneres?

Yeah.

That's really funny. I'm like young Dylan O'Brien's doppelganger. Who am I?

Who am I?

Oh, Dylan O'Brien's doppelganger. Doppelganger.

That's a really funny term.

Who's Natalie? Who's your—

You actually don't look like anybody. It's kind of interesting. Oh yeah.

Maria Menounos.

Maria Menounos, the one that does the thing before the AMC movies.

Hi, it's Nicole Kidman.

No, she does do it.

It's Maria Menounos. This is Minute by Minute.

Yeah, I think so.

That's her, right?

Yeah, she's this talk—

I almost did her pod. I did do her pod.

She was sick.

And then I think her husband interviewed me.

Maybe.

Yes, I think that's what it was.

Over in Encino.

I did it on Zoom.

Oh, okay.

Remember those Zoom times during COVID Yeah.

Yeah, I remember COVID was wild.

Yeah.

Like, I didn't— I was like, I was on— I was like, was on my, on my YouTube and just like looking at things I've done. And I didn't know I did the Fallon Show 2 more times.

What do you mean?

Like, they were just running low on guests during COVID I zoomed in with Fallon twice.

Did you really? Yeah, you did once.

And then with Kelly Clarkson, I zoomed in.

Oh, that I remember.

But also, did it—

he was on it.

Yeah, I don't remember.

I remember Zooming too. I remember you doing Kelly Clarkson a couple of times. And then when you did Fallon on Zoom, was he like in his house?

Yeah. Yeah. In his office or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah.

What a weird fucking time.

So, right.

But so amazing.

So crazy. And then when people— when people talk about it, I do this thing in my head where I'm like, I don't like to think about it.

No, it's really strange.

Yeah.

And time is really strange.

Did you think that we were all going to die at one point?

No, I didn't think we were going to die.

I did.

Well, that adds up.

Well, GJ, you probably think that now. But what was interesting, Ilia brought up the other day, Ilia was saying how the kids now that are doing their orientation in high school, so they're just leaving the 8th grade to high school, they're doing their orientation. They're the class of 2030. Yeah, like how fucking ridiculous that is. And then someone replied to him saying, what's even crazier is when you did—

when we—

when I did my high school orientation, those kids weren't even alive yet. Like, that's how— that's how fucking old I'm getting. And anybody that was in 21 or 25— anybody that was 25 in 2001, yeah, is 50 now. Like, that's fucking That hurts my head. 25-year-olds in 2001 are 50 years old now. Oh, dude, time's been freaking me out more than anything. I don't know if it's because I'm turning 30.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, Ryan had this incredible take. We keep mentioning Ryan. Let me, let me, let me call him. Ryan was talking about how— so because I've been hearing a lot about this, that 30 is the new the 30s the new 20. Have you been hearing this? Yeah, but I know, I know. And I was like, are people just saying it, or is it like—

well, I just think it's because we're 30.

That's what I said. Ryan, you're on the pod real quick. Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay, I have your sunglasses, don't worry.

Okay, thanks.

I was worried about them.

I know you were. Um, okay, uh, you— me and you were talking in the car about how 20 is the new 30, and I was like telling you, I was like, is that just because We're like, I'm 30, so now all of us are saying that. But you had like an interesting take on it. What did you say?

My, my take was that 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30 because of all these things that people are doing in the last 10 years that we weren't doing 40, 50 years ago in terms of longevity, diet, sleep optimization, like all these little things that some of which are health and wellness fads, some of them are really here to stay. I think also people are later on in their journeys where they're starting families later. And so objectively, but also from like a biological standpoint, I feel like people are aging slower and taking more care of themselves than they were 20, 30, 40 years ago.

Okay. Yeah, I agree with that.

Think about it.

So I don't have to grow up, Ryan, in any way?

What did he say? So Jason's asking. He's good. He doesn't have to grow up.

No, I'm saying I'm being you so I can continue to live with my high school friends in this mansion, Ryan.

Is that cool?

That's—

listen, that's exactly what I'm saying here. And, you know, it's healthy for you. But at the end of the day, think about it. 30 years ago, people had 2 kids by the time they were 22, 23 years old.

Yeah.

I think that's like a shared— like, like, I think even when I talk to adults who are like so out of it, like are 60 now, will be like, I had kids young, but that's not what you do now. Like, even, even adults under— like, even adults understand that times have changed.

Yeah.

So it It's rare.

It's rare for people to have kids now as young as they were back then. You're right. Times have changed 100%.

Okay. All right. Thanks, Ryan. Thank you for being our expert on age.

Have you seen the guy on TikTok who's 60 and says he's going to live to 200?

Yeah, the Brian guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, not Brian. It's another guy that looks— who's much older than Brian. He's 60. He's actually 68.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Let's not leave what Ryan said here. Do you understand this?

Yeah, of course. It makes total sense.

I think it's really interesting.

Yeah, I mean, that's—

that—

that also, that phrase has been around for years. 40's the new— no, no, no, like that kind of turn of phrase. But that reasoning is new, right?

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that reasoning is great, but I believe it. I know I'm gonna live longer than my mom.

When you were turning 30, yeah, was everybody saying 30's the new 20?

Yeah, they were saying it, but for a different reason.

Why were they saying— they were just like trying to get themselves? Yeah.

They were just trying to be like, 30 is the new 20. Like, we're young. We're young. Like, yeah, like, I think my generation too, like, a lot of people had kids later. My parents had me when I was— had my sister when they were 21.

Yeah.

Okay. They had me when I genuinely do think— well, I think that the stigma has changed.

Yeah.

And 30 is actually the new 20. And I can play Call of Duty tonight.

Well, I think too, like, I just—

going back to high school next year.

Just to like double down, because I also feel like with the internet and the way that like plastic surgery and things have changed the way people can like look when they're older, like, I feel like your perception of age is just completely different.

I mean, yeah, I think Kris Jenner is also like—

oh my gosh, the Kardashians have literally—

Kris Jenner's sucking us every time. That woman looks like she's 25.

It's crazy.

Yeah, she's what, 70?

70.

You used to be fat. If you're 70 It'd be like, how is that person walking?

No, like you need to be in a wheelchair.

No, it used to be when someone was 70 and they got plastic surgery, it would be like a butchered job. Like you'd be like, oh my God, their face looks— but now the surgery is so good, you're just like, you can't even— you can't even—

now it's just like, oh, you, you have to.

Could you imagine when we're 70? It's going to be like, oh, that's a 25-year-old.

You're gonna look exactly the same as you look now. Dude, you might get great.

I fucking hope so.

That'd be sick.

You will. Wow, it's pretty awesome.

Yeah, so as much as I am frightened by time, I have—

as much as you what?

As much as I'm frightened by time. Yeah, it's been really freaking me out.

Yeah, why, why, why does time frighten you? You have so— you have your whole life ahead of you. You're like, all the good things are like, you haven't even done them yet.

I really, really appreciate that. I have been.

I love you, Jason.

I have been very much in the rush to like, like I have to settle down. But what do you say to that? To settling down? No, no, no.

You're going to live to like—

I don't understand why you feel that pressure like at all.

Because I'm so young.

Yeah.

And just like, one, you're young, and two, like, I want to be a young dad. That, that's— oh, that's, that's like—

well, that Well, that you've got to work. You've got to go get someone pregnant.

Yeah.

And then like, you want to be— why do you want to be a young dad?

What's that?

Why is that important?

Because I just think it's cool to be young with your kids. Like, I think it's like, I want to be like, that is easier to relate to me. And like, just like, I want to be active with my kids.

But that's a 50-year-old David is going to be even way more active than and way more youthful than a regular person anyway. Really?

Yeah, I think it's like, I mean, not to yuck anybody's yum, but like having a kid, like having kids, right? Like I just cannot imagine. All of my friends are popping out babies left and right, and I cannot imagine. And I feel like I am an incredibly mature and responsible like adult, but I could not imagine. Granted, they have partners, right? They have husbands or whatever. Like I could not imagine taking care of a child. Like, I just don't even understand. It's easier than you think, but it's also like not.

I'm confused. I get— so like on TikTok, I think I relate a lot of things to TikTok, but on TikTok I see like, I'll see people, I'll see a video of someone with a kid and it'll be hot and cold and it will never be down the middle, but it'll— sometimes the comment section will be like, okay, I'm gonna have one now. And then other times, a lot of times, the comment section will be like, I'm so sorry, but like like, sure, I cannot believe you did this to yourself. Like, I cannot believe you have a kid at 25.

Yeah, I mean, like, it's kind of—

it's kind of crazy, like, like how hot or cold people are about kids. Some people— what blows my mind, some people don't want kids. Yeah, yeah, I don't understand that at all.

Uh, I do.

That sounds so exhausting to me.

Really?

It sounds so exhausting to not want kids. Like, what do you want to do with your life every day?

You just want to fucking Just live it. You want to be in Saint-Tropez?

And like, like, I don't want to do that.

I want to be at home and I want to be—

I want to be in a small town with my kid, raising that kid.

I mean, I think about somebody like Seth Rogen.

I don't want to go to fucking Vegas F1, Jay. I don't want to go every year.

You don't have to.

I know you're probably still gonna go every year even with your children.

I'm just like, I, I don't know. I've had enough.

Yeah, I've had enough of doing activities.

I've— and it's because I'm so lucky that I got to to do the activities. I realize it, but please.

I got bad news for you.

What?

30 is the new 20.

No way.

Yeah, you got another fucking 10 years of this shit.

Fuck.

Damn.

Another 10 years of Vegas, have fun. I don't know.

But I look at somebody like Seth Rogen, I'm like, he doesn't have kids and he probably just loves his life. He's like into weed. He like has a pot business.

I think I did my life also in reverse.

Yeah.

Where I did all the fun things really early. When people were in school.

I was going to say that too.

Yeah, like people were in school and, and I think it wasn't until recently where people are like, now people have like money, they're starting to be a little more— not even that, but like now people, I feel like because of social media, are more like awakened.

Oh yeah.

But, and they're like, I have to go fucking live my youth.

And like where I feel like I did that full blast, 100%, 1000%.

Yeah.

And I very much lived things in reverse. And I think that's why I have such trouble. Like meeting people too, because I'm— because a lot of people that I meet that are like 25, whatever, they haven't seen the world. Not that I have, not that I'm fucking Christopher Columbus over here, but like, but like, well, you have, but like, yeah, I've gotten such a fill of everything where I do want to do the things that like somebody would do back in the fucking '80s when they were 23. Like, I want to stay home and bake a cake. Yeah, not bake a cake, but I want to stay home.

Yeah, and your girlfriend will bake the cake and then you'll eat it.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Same for you, Nat. You've, you've done so much. Like, I could see you, you've gone everywhere. I want to do therapy too, but yes, Nat, I know Wyatt was trying to get me to do therapy the other night.

Really?

I'm gonna go.

Yeah, I need to start talking.

I just got health insurance, so I'm gonna go.

Definitely.

Yeah.

Yeah, but back to the youth thing, you know, Wyatt was— we went into dinner the other night and he had this like core memory he was telling me, and it was with you. And he was like, he was talking about the time that, um, he was talking about the time that Josh— you and Josh Peck went to his middle school and the three of us went.

What?

You don't remember that?

We went to his middle school?

We went to pick up Wyatt at middle school.

Okay.

And it was me, you, and Josh Peck.

Did I go into the school?

We, we walk— We walked out into the middle and it was a huge scene.

I remember.

And Josh was like standing on a table maybe, and it was like a crowd of people.

Oh wow.

And like, I didn't compute it at the time how famous Josh was, but it was like pandemonium. And so he was recalling that as a kid, like he was saying like, yeah, like that moment was like a really core memory for me of like creating like situations and like, you know, creating like fun. And so I thought it was really interesting.

Wow, that's really interesting.

Remember I got home, the principal called me and called me into his office for Monday?

Yes. Wait, what was— okay, what did he say? He said you can't do that again?

He just left a message. He's like, he's like, Mr. Nash, I need to see you in my office Monday morning.

Talk about this on the pod.

Yeah, we talked to like—

no, no, but it's really interesting because we talked about it when it happened.

We did?

Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's cool.

It's really funny. Um, and then I got in, he just wanted to get into stand-up, and we just talked about YouTube the whole time.

Time. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

But anyways, I just think that you'll be— you'll be a fun dad just like I was. I was youthful even though I was in my 40s.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, I hope, you know, you'll always have it.

I also, like, see— it's gonna make me cry.

You guys are living in the best time. You're so fucking lucky. The best.

But Jay, I also see, like, TikToks of, like—

of— maybe TikTok's hurting me. I see, like, TikToks of, like, you know, like, me. You don't probably— you probably don't see them because you're like— childhood wasn't photographed as much as ours was.

Yeah, but Like, you don't have cameras.

Yeah, yeah, right.

That's true, right? You didn't have cameras as easily as we did.

We didn't have phones.

Like, you had to, like, roll a camera or something and a guy had to, like, get under that. You go rent one sheet and go, everyone hold still for 20 seconds. No, but like, I'll see photos of, like, of, like, middle schools or elementary schools being set up for Christmas time or like, right. Or like there's, there's this, there's a very famous photo that goes around and it's of a generator. I don't know if you can relate to this, of like a green power generator outside in the middle of a neighborhood, and kids would hang out by it. It's a green— like the box, electric box, the electric green box. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Why would you hang up by a generator?

I don't know, but it was just like a thing that you would go sit on. Or I actually— what, what I have an even crazier memory with the generator. There's a— there's— I used to do these things in middle school. I still do it and I have it around the house. I don't tell anybody where it is, but I set up things for myself in the future. So like, so I'm like, I'm very big on this. So like, it's really funny. I don't want to, I don't want to tell you what I have here because it's just like a very personal thing that I do for myself. But like in the, in the generator box, like one of the first days before I even met Natalie walking home, I had a yellow fuzz ball like a fuzz ball that you would like decorate like a funny Christmas sweater with. And I put it inside the generator to where I could see it when I walked by. And I set it there for myself as like comfort, like I'm going to see this every day on my walk home. And one day I'll finally touch it again when I'm done walking home from school. And then in middle school, I put a dime into the crack of, of of like the outer edge of like the curb of inside the school, like right under like this big art piece, there's a crack in the wall and I put a dime there and I told myself at the end of senior year in high school, I'm gonna come back to this middle school and I'm gonna pick up this dime. And like, I'll do things like that. A lot of times an easier version is like, I'll make some sort of like art piece. Like I'll like draw something or I'll have like a painting and I'll do a box in the corner and I'll say, I'm gonna come check this box when I become fully happy. Like, and when I'm like really content with myself.

Did you get the dime?

I went back, it wasn't there.

Oh.

It wasn't there. And I actually didn't go back. I didn't even get to get to senior year. It was like, I visited middle school like freshman year. So 4 years later.

And checked on it.

And it was already gone.

No.

But that fuzzball stayed there for fuck, 6, 7 years. No pun intended.

First day.

Really? Yes. Yes.

Wow.

It was, it was really crazy.

I'm imagining the therapist getting this on the first day.

Um, but yeah, I don't know why I was in the Penguin video, right? I don't know why I was saying that, but yeah.

So why was I saying that? Uh, what were we talking about?

I don't know.

Talk about the generator. You're talking about something you have in the house.

Oh, oh, it's like about the generator and just like like, yeah, how much like those things mean to me from childhood.

And one of the comments I saw in this video was, which I know thousands of people can relate to, is I can't believe that I'll never be able to go back to this time. It's like, it's fucking, it's, it's, it's, it's insane.

It's the worst that you can't go back.

You can't go back.

Look, I don't know.

I feel the same thing, but with my kids. Like, I can't hold Charlie as like a little kid anymore. Yeah, it's fucked up.

That's like unfathomable to me.

I genuinely—

I don't actually believe it. I think there will be a way to access those moments again. I really sure— yeah, I just don't— I don't— I don't think we could do it here. But it's—

no, no, we'll be able to do it.

You think?

100%. Do you think we'll be able to do some kind of virtual reality or something?

Oh, you think we'll be able to do it? Through technology, not like through like spiritually.

Yeah.

'Cause I do think it's really interesting how like someone will bring up something and then like, you know, you say like, I've unlocked a memory.

Yeah.

I think that's fucked. How can you have memories that need triggering from other people's words?

So crazy.

And then all of a sudden you remember. How the fuck is that possible? How can I look at Natalie and I'll be like, Natalie, what's our earliest memory? I'll be thinking for our earliest memory, won't have one. But then Natalie will say something and I'll go, oh yeah, how's that fucking? How could I not recall it just by going back like, what is it labeled at? What is it labeled as in my brain that I can't find it in the Rolodex when I just, when I type into my brain earliest memory?

I had one the other day. It was crazy.

What?

Naveen handed me an apple and I—

Isaac Newton.

Yeah, no, and I took the apple and I took a bite out of it. I took a big bite and I remember that when I was a kid, I couldn't bite into the apple because my mouth was too small. So I would give the apple to my father Oh, that's really funny. I would say, hey, can you start this apple for me? Or my father would grab it, he'd go, hey, you want me to start that for you?

That's amazing.

I was fucking dying for like 10 minutes. I was like, start an apple. Oh, Boston accent. Start an apple. Let me start that apple for you.

Wow, that's amazing.

Fucking awesome. Yeah, but I never thought I had thought about that for so long.

But like, where was it?

Where was what?

That memory.

Oh yeah, I don't know. I mean, especially me, like, I wish I could take one of those pills like Limitless, like Bradley. Like, I feel like my brain is so not functioning on the level it could be functioning on. I would love it.

I don't think anybody does, probably for good reason. Well, regardless, guys, that's all the time we have.

Did you watch the new Ben Affleck and Matt Damon movie yet?

No, but I've been seeing their interviews. Is it good?

Yeah. It's really fun.

I'm—

it's just a fun movie.

I'm dying to see a Ben Affleck-Matt Damon movie. I love those two together.

Yeah.

Um, all right guys, that's all the time we have for today's pod. A little bit longer because the last one was 30.

Yeah, make up— let's make up the time because we feel bad for the 6 minutes.

We're, we're at like 49 minutes.

Okay, good, good, good.

Yeah, yeah, no, we're very long. Okay guys, we will see you for the next pod on Thursday.