How to Sneak Into David's Party

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. We have an emergency podcast here. I've gathered everybody together. Oh my God, Elon Musk has just made an announcement. As you know, a big recurring segment on this is that I bought a car 7 years ago and I've yet to receive it. It's the Tesla Roadster. Paid full price for it. Don't really get updates from Tesla about it. Elon just went on Joe Rogan's podcast. Oh, we're having an emergency podcast here, guys.

Everyone's been called here. Poor Natalie. We're getting ready for Halloween.

This happened 4 hours ago.

We're trying to get into makeup. I have 3 hours of makeup. Natalie, I'm sure, has a couple hours.

Okay, so this is important. This could be a little bit of cheating because I'm going to put Joe Rogan on the mic. Joe Rogan's not cheating.

He's not here.

It is cheating. It's cheating because I'm gonna play his episode and just listen to it for 3 minutes.

3 minutes?

Yeah, well, because Joe Rogan wants answers. Joe Rogan's like, tell me about this roadster. No, Joe Rogan wants answers and Elon's not giving it to him. But listen to how Elon dances around these things about this car. This is why I'm telling you it's gonna be a spectacular car. Are you still doing the Roadster?

Yes, eventually. We're getting close to demonstrating the prototype.

I, I, I—

one thing I can guarantee is that this product demo will be unforgettable.

Oh, chills.

Unforgettable.

How so?

Whether it's good or bad, It will be unforgettable.

Can you say more? What do you mean?

Well, you know, my friend Peter Thiel, you know, once reflected that the future was supposed to have flying cars, but we don't have flying cars.

So you're going to be able to fly?

Well, I mean, I think if Peter wants a flying car, we should be able to buy one.

Are you actively considering making an electric flying car? Is this like a real thing?

Well, you have to see in the demo.

So when you do this, like, are you going to have a retractable wing? Like, what is the idea behind this?

I can't do the unveil before the unveil, but I think it has a shot at being the most memorable product unveil ever. It has a shot.

That's crazy. And when do you plan on doing this?

Hopefully before the end of the year.

Really?

That's crazy. I mean, for a guy like Elon who works on rockets, I know he's been hyping this car up for like 7 years.

Yeah.

But like, and then he goes, sorry, then he goes, listen to this. The end of this year?

Like, this is some crazy, crazy technology we got in this car. Crazy. That's crazy technology. Is it even a car? It looks like a car. Let's just put it this way. It's crazier than anything James Bond— if you took all the James Bond cars and combined them, it's crazier than that.

Is it a rocket launcher?

I mean, is that not crazy? To oversell your product this much before its launch is crazy.

Right.

Yeah. It must mean it's even that much crazier. You know where my head went? My head literally went, oh, you're going to be able to teleport. My head literally went to, oh, you're going to get in this car and you'll be in— Shanghai. Yeah, in 2 minutes.

Or you go to the 1860s.

But he's really good at upselling though. Like, like, I don't think there's like—

I think he's perfectly saying everything that he doesn't need to say but has to. Like, he's saying enough to like egg on the person like you that's been waiting for 8 years or whatever for this car.

You've just been edging for 8 years. No, 100%.

It will be—

it doesn't even have anything to do with the car.

But do you understand? And like, now it's all suspicions are confirmed. It will fly. That's not true.

Yeah, I think it's gonna fly.

Well, he said Peter Thiel wants a flying car.

I don't think you're going to be able to just go down the street here and fly that shit around.

I don't think I can take off from the driveway and like land at Erewhon. Like, I think— right, but I think there will be— I think it will. I'm telling you, like I've said before, I think it's going to hover off the ground. I think it'll be like— it'll be able to get like 10 inches, a foot, yeah, 3 inches off the ground where it's not touching. Yeah, the ground, and it's a smooth ride.

And I don't know, like almost like what they had in the first Star Wars.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like imagine a hoverboard but a car. Yeah, like a hoverboard from Back to the Future, like just hovering. That still would be crazy. Yeah, it'd be insane. Smooth ride, no potholes, life is good. Go on water, it's a boat. Imagine Santa Monica, game over. All right, that's it, that's all for the emergency.

Thank you for calling us.

Should this be a 9-minute episode? Where half of it is just Joe Rogan's. Joe Rogan collab.

That's funny.

Here, I had a really funny— one thing that's really funny around here is when you edit, right? And you go into like 7, 8 hours of edit.

Yeah.

And then what happens is Natalie has to sit next to you.

Yes.

Right. And so then what happens is Natalie also has a job to like— she's doing things too, right? So it's, it's this fucking awesome, insane thing to watch, because like anytime you come in, you just be like, fucking Nat, fucking Nat, fucking get off your fucking phone, get off your fucking phone, Nat, like that. And you're like, well, she's working. And then the funniest was the other night I was here and it was late, it was like 11:30, and you were stressing about the edit, and you go, Nat, Nat, I'm gonna break that fucking phone, I'm gonna break it. And then right above you, as I looked up on the bed, there's a neon sign and it says, "The noblest art is that of making others happy." And I was looking at your demonic face yelling at her, and right behind you was this neon sign. And I was like, if I could only make a fucking movie.

Yeah, that's really— No, I always think the— I always think our edits should be recorded.

Oh, please.

Our edit sessions are like the closest things. I don't know. It feels— It feels like really like when people are working together.

Yes.

You know, like when people are like really passionate about something and like they're all working together, like when me and Ferris are in a room or something and like we disagree with each other and we'll start yelling at each other, like that's my favorite because it's like, damn, we really want this to do well.

You really care.

Yeah. And I think the edit is the best part. Yeah. When Natalie— when Natalie fucking touches that fucking phone, Natalie has like a tick to touch her phone. And like when I'm editing, I want her to see everything because I always need second opinions.

Right.

I can't make an opinion on my own for some reason when I edit. Like, I need to know what either you think, what Nellie thinks, what Joe thinks, or what Ferris thinks. And yeah, so yeah, I really do lose my shit. It really is. It's like, it's like unearthly, unworldly. But I think I'm going to film it one day for my second channel. Oh yeah, like a full— but it won't be like, it won't be like funny. It won't even be scary. It'll just be like, oh, okay, that's how it works.

Just a raw 15-minute clip would be fun. What'd you say?

The things that you guys don't see.

But yeah, the noblest art is that of making happy with the sacrifice of making Natalie not happy for 8 hours while we edit. That's what comes at that expense.

Yeah.

I saw a TikTok the other day that said that Ozempic is taking down Vegas. Oh. The lack of people— people are not drinking as much. People are not going to buffets.

Why do you shake so much?

My father, he terrorized me as a child.

It's like you're a punter, like you're practicing a kick. Dude, it's like he's coked out sometimes. Jake, I know maybe it's not like a big deal to you because you're doing it, but you're going like this to everybody's eye. I mean, you can't see it because it's a pod, but guys, he's kicking his foot up and down. He can't notice it because it's covered in foam.

I'd be the goblin of a video pod. I'd look cracked out.

You guys, Halloween weekend was such a blast.

Oh yeah, I had a great weekend. Thank you for the party. Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you.

It was so fun. Everyone was having like such a great time.

Everyone had a blast.

And there were so many people here, but it didn't feel like too—

no, crazy.

Like, I felt like it— I felt like it went well.

What was really interesting about the party— not interesting, but it was just like a really funny coincidence. So Julia lives with me, um, who's John's girlfriend— brother— John's brother and girlfriend. No, Julia's dating John. They live together. And Shaun White came to the party. I met him at Vegas WODs.

Sure.

And I think he was in town. So they're coming to the party, whatever. He stopped by and he's— we'll have like some people upstairs, like who are like our closer friends, just like to drink and stuff. There's another bar upstairs and John saw Shaun White downstairs, like John Castro, my John. And he goes, hey, Shaun, you want to come upstairs?

Oh my God.

So Shaun's like, okay. So Shaun followed John and they kind of hit it off and they exchanged numbers. And when I bring up Julia, is because this is a huge coincidence. Julia's brother is— his occupation, he like, he's a snowboard photographer.

No kidding.

And one of the reasons, I mean, I would probably say the reason, as he said, he got into photography for snowboarding is Shaun White. No way. So like, out of all people, like, he probably thought that was so random. Shaun White's a very random person because I don't think he lives in LA.

Yeah.

And then also, yeah, I think it was a very, very—

Was his mind blown?

Yeah, he was like, what the fuck? And Julia lives here. It's just like, it was like a really big coincidence that he got to like meet his hero.

Yeah, that's so cool. And Julia's brother's great. I got to meet him.

Yeah, he was so nice. So he hit it off with Sean. But yeah, John Castro was also having a really good time at that party.

Yeah, I've heard Natalie rave about Sean White in the past. What a great guy he is.

Yeah, he was very nice.

I didn't get to talk to him. I really wanted a picture with the performer, Ty Dolla Sign. Ty Dolla, and which everyone was like, just go ask him, he's so nice. And I was like, nah.

But it was really nice.

Every time I was gonna go talk to him, someone was taking his ear, so I felt bad. And there was one point he was just on your bed chilling, and I was like, okay, this guy's having a good time. He was on his bed like on his phone like, okay, I'm gonna take this in. I loved it.

I did find that bizarre about Ty Dolla. Uh, he like He's got a really, like, intimidating look.

Intimidating look, but like his demeanor once you speak to him is like so calm.

So opposite.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So opposite of the way he looks.

So opposite of—

it's so fucking crazy. It was like really throwing me for a loop when I was talking to him. I was like, is this actually you? Because he's like, really?

Did you get the real Ty Dolla?

Yeah, because he's like, yeah, because I mean, he looks just like a, you know, some rappers don't want to be bothered.

Sure.

But like, he was like, And he was talking to everybody, talking to everybody, taking shots at everybody. He was just kind of like listening to everybody. He wasn't just talking, he was like listening. Like, you could go up to Ty and be like, yeah, dude, like, my mother, like— and he'd be like, oh, really?

For real?

So yeah, he was like really invested in everybody. I was very, very impressed, and it was very sweet.

I talked to Natalie's friend that's a boy for a long time. We got real deep.

Natalie's friend that's a boy?

Yeah.

Oh, so it's okay. So one of the guys that we've been mentioning on the podcast that Natalie likes talking to was there. That's who Yeah, so love him. Potential boyfriend.

He doesn't listen to the pod, but love him.

Yeah, he doesn't. I don't think he knows this pod exists.

No, definitely does not know this pod.

We shouldn't tell him because I didn't tell him. We're going to keep talking about him.

But did you fish? Did you see? Test the waters?

I went down to the bottom of the ocean.

What did you ask? Wait, did you ask if he listens to the pod?

No, we just got deep about him and his life.

Well, you know what was unfortunate for him? He was hanging out with Natalie's mom the entire night.

I know.

The entire night.

I know. I was having a great conversation and then he's like, I got to go. I got to go see Jen. And I was like, Oh, I'm out of here.

But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Jen is, uh, Jen's like, um, for the first couple of times you meet her.

Yeah.

She's incredible.

Jen's great.

One of the best people to speak to. Like, so easy to speak to.

She locks in with you.

She locks in with you. She's interested in what she has to say. And she's never done talking. Like, she can always keep talking about things. But then as time goes on, You get to know her. You realize all the energy comes from her sucking it out of everyone around her.

Oh my God.

And you realize— you realize—

That is so terrible.

Jen is a blood-sucking vampire.

Oh my God. My poor little mother. She's just trying to have fun and enjoy herself. This is her first party that she's gone to.

Oh, Jen. That was mean. Sorry. What's that? Is Jen here? Jen, are you on the line? Yes. Oh, gosh, you sound very demonic today.

I'm a little sick.

Okay, you're into the weather?

I had to come over and speak to you so I can Use your energy to harvest.

Are you able to get the—

I need to power my RV.

Are you able to get Natalie's car started? I know it's on block.

I'll get it started by sucking the energy out of you.

And I understand there's tons of boxes in the back that need to be cleared out too at Natalie's house.

Those are fetuses.

Oh my God. Is it true that Natalie can get nothing done when you're not in town and when you come, it's just a huge mess that you have to take care of?

I'm responsible for everything in Natalie's life. As a matter of fact, Where is she? Okay, we're a little Batman, but yeah, that is— that's Jen.

That's fucking—

how's the RV doing?

Yeah, Jen's.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I need a bigger one.

Bigger?

Gosh.

And I heard you didn't love the car that Nat got you.

Yeah, well, anyway, so yeah, so Jen was here, which was, um, which was tough.

It was really sweet. He was like taking care of my mom, talking to her the whole time, bringing her around, making sure that she was good.

When I was—

the party was nice.

The party was great. When I was single, I had a lot of good times with Jen.

A lot of good times when you were single.

Yeah, like I was like making vlogs and she would like come out with me for the day and stuff.

And she was real cool. She always likes a buddy. She has like a new best friend that's from— that they met. It's the most Jen thing ever. She came over. Yeah, her new best friend's from— they met at Lowe's in Burbank. At Lowe's.

I'd love to see how that went.

Like, is that not the most— she was definitely in an aisle and just started chatting it up about paint or about 2x4s. And then they just like, you should come over and help me with this project. It's like 100%.

It's great.

And they are kind of the same person. But yeah, so that was fun. Like about— okay, so this was the problem with the party.

Okay.

This is our biggest party that the amount of RSVPs— I don't think I want to do Halloween parties anymore because it's just too much.

Yeah.

And it's just like—

I said this.

Yeah. Yeah. It's too much. We had a total of 3,800 RSVPs. And that's that. And think about that in like I know we're like influencers or whatever, so like we throw around big numbers. This is 3,800 people, a house party. This is just like— and I sent the invite out to like 100, less than 100 people probably, like close friends. Sure. I'm not just like blasting it out to like— sure, I'm not obviously not putting it on my fucking story, but like I'm just like, it's not going anywhere, right? So 3,800 is ridiculous. We let about 600 in. 600 RSVPs in, and then God knows, I think probably another 300, 400 snuck in. Maybe.

How do you sneak in?

Well, I do. I genuinely, I don't know. I don't, I don't really know how people sneak in, especially this time around.

Like, we had, we had a whole system in place with like, we have like 30 security guards.

Yeah, nearly impossible to sneak. I mean, yeah, okay.

It's not sneaking in. You don't like go around the side of the house because there's people like stationed all around the house. Yeah, that's actually probably the worst way. The best bet is you go to the front door and this is what happens is a security gets bribed for a security guard gets bribed for like $1,000. Oh, and like then you're in.

Yeah.

Like that's what's happening. Oh, I mean, we assume, I mean, no, we don't assume like that's like that has to be. I've gotten texts where it's like, yo, not, not for me, but someone has sent out saying that it's $1,000 to get in through security. Oh, which is like, uh, yeah, it's pretty fucked. But like that's called cash. There's like, there's this one guy that comes, he's like a 55-year-old man.

Okay.

And I could clock him.

I think he's like 70.

He's a celebrity.

Okay.

And so I can easily clock him. He's— there's nothing wrong with him at all. Yeah. But it's just like, just a different vibe. And he like sticks out like a sore thumb. Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he's— he— because he— it's just a different vibe. So like, careful.

Most lightweight possible.

I'm around that age.

I know, I know, I know.

No, no, he's much older. He's like 70, which is why he sticks out like a sore thumb.

Oh, okay. But he's not like a friend.

Okay.

Just like a random celeb, but like, he's always here. And that is my, like, um, like, that's like my constant. What do you call it? Like, that's how, that's how I check to see if the security's doing good. If he doesn't get in for the last 3 years, every time he is there, comes and says hello to me.

Wow.

I'm like, what's up?

Was he there this weekend?

This weekend he was not there.

Oh, I didn't see him.

This weekend, I guess security was sick or we succeeded somehow.

Wait, you know how the other day we were saying that, um, you're gonna be able to live to 1,000?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. So like, Imagine if they had that technology, like, you know, 200 years ago, George Washington would be alive right now.

Yeah, that is kind of crazy.

Like Abe Lincoln. Well, he got shot, but you know what I mean? Like, what would they be doing?

Yeah. I mean, it'd be dangerous, right?

I don't know. Like, and obviously, like, if George Washington is like on the stream and then people are like fucking canceling him for keeping slaves, you know what I mean? Like, it'd be wild.

Yeah. I mean, the whole thing would just be like, I feel like it wouldn't work because then you'd have fucking— you definitely wouldn't have like presidents anymore. You'd have like a dictatorship, or somebody would figure it out by then where they want to rule for the rest of their life.

For sure.

And I think, I think people just operate better with the fact that we have 100 years on this planet. People started to know they had 2,000, shit would get kind of scary for sure, because I think people would be more cutthroat and they'd be like trying to get to the top.

Urgency, you know.

I don't know. I think there'd be more of a hustle and bustle to acquire wealth.

No, I think people would take their time.

Yeah, I think people would have more time.

Really? And I think the fact that we don't have time—

you're only 284 years old.

I think the people at the top would get even more greedier, and I think that would hurt everyone.

For sure.

Yeah.

There'd be a way bigger separation of wealth.

Big separation of the wealth.

I mean, yeah, the top would be scary. It'd be like, how do I stay rich for eternity?

But imagine, imagine, like, and the other thing that Bill Gates was saying is that there'll be a 2-day work week. 100%.

What?

Just wild. Bill Gates was saying, he did a whole big interview on AI and he said there's going to be a 2-day work week.

I'm really not understanding when people say that.

I guess.

What is that? Why is that? How is AI going to help all of us? Work less. What does that mean?

So let's say you have a company, right? And right now there's like 160 employees at this company. Company's going to have 2 employees and Larry and Ted, it's 3 employees. It's, it's David and Natalie and Alex. David's the boss. Natalie's coming in on Tuesday and Thursday to make sure the prompts are right. And Alex is coming in on Monday and Wednesday.

Incredible. That's really cool for David, Natalie, and Alex.

Yeah. But what about everybody else?

That's what I'm saying. So 2-day work weeks for what, like another top 1% of people? Like, what does that even mean? Like, I don't even know. Like, we can't all have 2-day work weeks, right? Like, how do you make money? How do you succeed? How do you like get bigger? How do you get more money? How do you get bigger houses? How do you find success? How do people innovate? I don't know. I'm like confused by that. No.

Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know.

Does everyone get fed? How does— why are we getting into politics? What am I doing? I don't know. I watched the movie Astronaut today.

What's it about?

Did I tell you what it's about?

No.

Can I spoil it?

Please.

Can I just spoil this movie?

What year was it made?

2025.

Oh no, no, probably not. Spoiler alert. You can spoil it for me.

Spoiler alert. Okay, I'm just gonna spoil it.

I love when people spoil movies for me.

It's this woman who goes—

dude, I love it.

It's pretty fucking crazy.

I don't have to watch it.

It was a bit— can I just say this movie is pretty fucking ambitious for what it was trying to do? It's this woman who is an astronaut. It starts with her coming back to Earth.

Okay.

And the little pod opens up in the ocean.

Crazy.

But her mask is destroyed. So like something went in her mask, blew all over her face, like she interacted with some sort of space anomaly. So they put her in like a chamber, they're testing her, make sure she's okay, she's fine. And then they put her in a safe house to, to track her vitals for another month just to make sure she's okay. And then for the next hour and a half, she's experiencing things like she, she starts to become telekinetic, she can move things with her mind. And you're thinking like, okay, is this— she's either— she's either hit her head really hard in space and she's imagining all of this. This is all a dream, or there's some real shit going on. And then every night there's like a new space monster that comes and interacts with her and you're like, what's going on? Are these actually aliens or are they in her head? And then she has a daughter and she has a husband. And then long story short, at the end of the movie, this alien is chasing her around the house. She escapes to the back of the house. She's in the woods. The alien comes up to her and now she's face to face with the alien. And now her husband is also seeing the alien. So now as a viewer, you finally decided, okay, these aliens are real. And the alien goes, we are your parents. And you're like, what?

Oh, no.

So, so the aliens the entire time have been trying to get to her because they're, they're literally her parents and they invaded the Earth. Like 60 years ago, and to hide her, like the FBI came and shot at all the aliens or whatever, and they were all running back to the ship, but she as a baby, like as a cloning device, changed herself into a human, and she was raised as one of the humans.

And became an astronaut.

For 40 years and became an astronaut. And then, and yeah, and the head of the FBI was raising her as an alien human, so one day he could catch the alien when they came back to get her.

Oh my God.

So she also discovered she was an alien this entire time. And her daughter, who's like 4 years old, fully accepts that she's an alien and she has to go back to her alien life. And her daughter's like, "Bye, Mommy. I'll see you soon." And the mom's no longer a mom. She's a full-on alien creature on 4 legs.

Oh my God.

Who stars in this?

I don't know, but this is what I did.

Did you hear about the NBA gambling scandal?

Yes, I fucking saw this on the news.

Yes, it was like—

it's like Molly's Game. There's like 80 guys being arrested.

Yeah, poker tables. There's poker tables.

We haven't seen this.

See-through cards.

FBI. Yeah, FBI conducted a raid on like everybody in the United States at once. Like fucking 30 different— everybody— 30 different sections of the— are we talking about the same thing? Yeah, I mean, 30 different sections of the agency, like all different parts, arrested everybody at once so no one had time to flee. Okay, right. Alex, you're the sports guy in the NBA. Al, is it all NBA? Uh, I don't know.

Oh, you guys kind of covered everything I knew just by that. My big thing was the x-ray table thing.

Okay, this is what happened. Ready? So basically, the latest NBA-FBI situation is about a federal investigation into illegal gambling. Chauncey Billups, who's the head coach of the Portland Trail Blazers, and Terry Rozier from the Miami Heat just got arrested. This is big. The FBI says they were caught up in some rigged poker games and insider betting schemes. The NBA's put them on leave for now. And that's the gist. That was me asking AI.

So it wasn't pretending it didn't have anything to do with the NBA itself. It was just people.

No, no, they were rigging the games.

They're rigging the games.

Yeah.

There's all these TikToks that like, watch, they take, they take Rozier out at this moment when they're down by like 12 points. Why is he taking out his best player? So like, you know, It's, it's, I guess the main—

Can I just say, sorry to cut you off, but how are you not illegal gambling when you're in the NBA?

I disagree. This is what this— I'm glad you said that, because why would you? Like, in other words, like, Kevin Garnett's name was brought into it. Whether Kevin Garnett is guilty or not doesn't matter, but let's say he had something to do with it. Why the fuck would Kevin Garnett put his reputation on the line? Reputation, money, anything on the line for 50 grand? You get suspended for like a year and that could be $10 or $20 million. Like, I don't get it.

Okay, I guess I never looked at it. Well, I also mean like, I mean like a little low-key things. Like if you're a tennis player, like you can bet on like, will X player double fault once in this game?

Okay, like yourself?

Yeah, and if you, and if you just bet on yourself to double fault, like why don't you just make a quick couple, $10, $20, $30, $40, $50 grand?

No, when you're like maybe a tennis player that doesn't make that much money.

No, no, like let's say you're Djokovic. Yeah, it's like, well, Djokovic double fault the first game in the first set, and you say yes, and then Djokovic double faults for himself.

That's like, that's like, that's like me saying to you, David, why don't we fake this prank in the YouTube video? We won't tell anybody.

You'd be like, no, no, that's like saying, why don't we make this prank? Why don't we really reel this prank and also bet that the prank's gonna happen? In my opinion. I don't know. Okay, I see it this way. Well, this is why you can't do it. Somebody told me— this is really interesting— Ferris, our photographer, actually told me this, that you could have bet if I'm gonna bring the vlogs back this year. Oh wow. There's like a website where you can place bets.

Oh wow.

And one of them is, will David Dobrik post a vlog this year? And like, the odds were pretty good of me not posting a vlog. And I never knew about this. Wow. And I was like, I was like, Ferris, you could have made like fucking millions of dollars here. You could have bet fucking all your life money. You're here with me as I'm editing the video. Nobody knows I'm posting it.

I can't believe you didn't tell me about this.

Yeah, I know. See, now you're pissed. Look at you, insider trading.

Stupid Ferris.

Stupid fuck.

But I know, Jason, I should have said something.

But what they do, what they do, he knew about it before.

Yeah.

So he also thought about betting.

Yeah.

But what they do is when you win that bet, bet, they like, especially if it's a crazy number, they'll make sure you don't have any association with anybody who knows of that person. So they'll do research if it's like an anomaly of a bet. Like if Ferris won $8.9 million and then I was just taking the money back, they're going to figure that out. You know what I mean?

They'll take the money back or that's like actually illegal inside of trading.

I'm sure they don't administer it until there's like a check.

I can't imagine that they like arrest you, but yeah, I'm sure like the money doesn't come to you till it's like fully verified, especially when it's something big.

Here's what I think happens. I think that some of these players, like, they like cheat on their wives or whatever, and then the mob like comes in and they're like— they kind of like sink their teeth in them, and then they're kind of forced. Yeah, that's what I think, because why else would you do it?

Oh, like, well, that's what— that's what they're saying about this new basketball thing, the NBA scandal, is it's mafia-tied, right? It's like the mob. Yeah, so you're saying somebody came in and was like, you have to throw this game?

I think.

I don't know.

Or they're like in debt to somebody.

And that's crazy.

It's also interesting, like, Yo, is the mafia like the cartel or no? Uh, well, how do you mean?

Well, because like the cartel, like, is very scary to me. The mafia's— and I think this is just like a how we portray things, like in entertainment. Yeah, but I think the mafia to me is very elegant.

Oh, like they have a code?

They have a code. Yeah, but when I see the cartel, it's more like haphazard. It's actually fucking terrifying. But do they all kind of operate in the same way? I don't know.

I, I think, I think that's just the way it's portrayed.

But I think, I think, I think so too. I think they're both equally scary, right?

I think so.

And mafia's got such a softer name. Yeah, I think that's because of Kaisenat Mafia-thon. I'm like, oh, you're going on a stream? I think, no, we're bringing the NBA.

You're talking about two different governments too that like, that work with these organized crime organizations, like in Mexico The cartel has a much bigger hole.

Yeah, because like I've been in New York and like they've been— there's— they'll be a person there, it's like, yeah, his dad is linked to the mafia.

Yeah.

And like, I won't be like, I have to leave this place.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't feel like that.

Right, right.

But I guess— I don't know. You have any mafia stories? Yeah, I feel like you've been around a while. I don't know anything about mafia. I haven't seen The Godfather. I don't know.

I should watch it.

I don't really know how— I can't— I can't get myself to watch it for some reason. It's like my kryptonite when it comes to movies.

Can you watch Goodfellas?

Also my kryptonite.

Why?

All those movies, I've tried, I just can't, I can't get behind them.

I think they're kind of overrated. I was really excited to watch them and then— I fucking hate This House.

Not the house, the people in it.

Huh?

The people in the house.

Oh yeah, the people. Sorry. The house is great. It sucks. How can you say that it's overrated? It's like the best.

I'm not saying it's overrated.

Especially if you like like a code and stuff like that, like it is all about that.

Okay.

I love the mafia stuff.

Really?

Yeah.

I love the cartel stuff.

I mean, I like the cartel stuff too.

Yeah, like that I could get behind. Narcos? Yeah, I could do that for some reason. I don't know why, but like, I think it's like the old-timey movies I just can't do. But I think I should probably—

Goodfellas isn't an old-timey movie.

I've seen Goodfellas.

It's like 1991. You didn't like it with all the music in it?

I don't know, dude.

With the way he like—

It's how I feel. All those movies I put under one bracket, and it's The Departed.

You don't like The Departed?

I know I'm just pissing you off, and I'm probably pissing a lot of people off.

You don't like The Departed?

I just can't. I can't do it.

The Departed is so good.

I can't do it.

Leo's so good in it, and even the little— like, Alec Baldwin's great in it.

Dude, I can't tell.

Wahlberg's great in it.

I know actors pretty damn well. Yeah, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Leo. I cannot tell who is who. It is like crazy. It is like I feel racist towards white people when I'm watching that movie.

Really?

I'm watching The Departed, I'm like, I know all of these actors, I don't know what character is what character.

You don't know who Leonardo DiCaprio is when you're watching it?

I don't know what it is. Do you suffer from this when you watch The Departed? It is— I've tried watching it 3 or 4 times. I can't tell them apart.

It's so simple. Leonardo DiCaprio.

I get it now. I get it now. I don't know why. I'm so sorry. I hate to tease you.

He's undercover. He's working— he goes undercover in the mob. He works for the police. That's it. And Jack Nicholson's the mob, and Matt Damon is the police working for the mob. I guess— oh, actually, now I see why.

That is so confusing.

Now I see why you are confused.

Yeah.

Well, that's what's so great about it.

You have no idea what's going on.

No, who's Matt Damon in The Departed?

Michael Jackson. Matt Damon is in the mob working for the cops.

No, he's a cop who's been compromised by the mob, who works for the mob. He's a cop, he's a cop who's informing the mob.

Dude, fuck this.

You, you can get it.

Leo DiCaprio likes drugs, makes money. So easy to follow. No Matt Damon or Mark Wahlberg in sight. Nobody to confuse me.

So you don't like when there's a lot of big actors in one movie?

I don't like when it's the Mark Wahlbergs and the Matt Damons.

They have a very similar look. They fucking— storyline is living shit out of me.

Similar look, like Matt Damon.

Matt Damon is like my top 3 favorite actors, like of all time, one of the best. And he's so good in it and he's still confusing.

He plays such a prick in The Departed.

Yeah, listen, I don't know, man.

I watched the ball game last night, and I never watch sports.

Oh my God, you were updating us till forever. I was shocked that this game was still going on.

I never watch sports, but I—

The longest game in the World Series history.

Yeah, 18 innings, right? Wow. It was fucking amazing.

Is it what, 7-hour game?

Yeah, 7 hours.

I couldn't believe it. I was like standing again. I was going like, oh my God. I was doing that what guys do. I couldn't believe it. It's 2 games. And then I'll tell you what happened.

Yeah, I saw the coach in the locker room. There was a debrief with the players and he was like, we have a game today. He was saying that for a speech because it was already the next day.

Yeah.

So like during his— yeah, in the locker room speech, they had to go to bed real quick.

And you know what I did too, which was like really weird, which makes me think I have like a problem with my brain. Like I have a chasm in my brain.

Yeah.

I was like, I watched that game for 7 hours. I was like so into it. It. And then it got really late and it was in the 17th inning and Naveen was sitting there, he's like, we got to get up in the morning. And I was like, I know, I got to take Charlie. And then I just turned it off. What? Yeah, the 17th? Yeah. And then I woke up, I woke up the next—

oh, you're a fucking psycho.

I'm a psycho. I woke up this morning, I was like, I got to see who won the game.

That actually describes you perfectly. Yeah, yeah.

Leaves at the end of the movie.

Leaves at the end of the movie. Actually, actually, it honestly makes me believe— not that you did that behind closed doors with your wife— it actually leads me to believe that you have genuinely enjoyed all the moments you've walked out on? Because that is crazy to think you are enjoying yourself and then you're like, nope, I'm done, bye. Especially a sporting event. It's not like a movie that you can pick it up. You have to know it there. Yeah, you have to know the result.

Or you can go the next day and look it up.

Yeah, but you're not there for the fucking— you've like, you were so deep, you put so much time into it.

6 and a half hours in. I know. And then something went off in my brain and I was like, I don't care. I realize you don't care about sports. I don't. Yeah, but I was into it for a while.

That's really crazy.

But I started to love baseball again, and I was like, I remembered all the little things about baseball that are great, you know, like 3-2 pitch, everyone runs.

Okay, so Shohei Ohtani is like the greatest baseball player of all time.

Yeah. Oh, they fucked him so hard last night, Dave. It was so awful.

That's actually my question.

Yeah.

Would you let the Dodgers, 5 of the players, run a train on you for you to become Shohei Ohtani?

100%. A train?

5 of them?

Am I bleeding from my butt?

I mean, it's whatever happens when 5 guys run a train on you. I don't want to—

Oh, so tell me. You would know. Oh.

Nice. Cut that out.

But no, what they did to him last night was he had 2 home runs, 2 doubles.

And they started walking him.

They walked him 4 times.

Oh, wow.

Fucking bullshit.

Intentionally walked him 4 times. It was like, it took all the fun out of it.

Is that crazy? I didn't even watch the game, but I feel like I'm keeping up with this conversation. Well, because you were texting so much.

I know, I wanted you to watch it.

I was trying, I couldn't find it. I've— did you know I have so many— no, I have so many fucking TVs in this house that I get— this is the craziest fucking first world problems ever, okay— that I get logged out of every fucking device. I went to go treadmill, so I put on Netflix there, but that logged me out of the gym TV next to the treadmill that's bigger. So then I was done with the treadmill and I was gonna lift weights, so I had to log in to the big TV in the gym.

You're fucking kidding me.

Yeah, and then that locked me out of my bedroom. When I went back and I wanted to watch The Astronaut, I was logged out there.

Did you call Tay, your personal slave?

Yeah, I called Tay panicking. But yeah, I just, I have to—

That is frustrating.

I think I have to call corporate and explain to them that there's 17 TVs in this home.

Corporate?

And they are all actually being used by me. I'm just switching rooms constantly.

Oh.

They think I'm like, you know, I've shared it with 5 families. But no, no, no. It's just room to room.

It's really funny. Who do you give your passwords to?

Nobody.

Me and my entire family.

Yeah, really?

You're such a fucking thief.

Me too.

I knew it. Really? Yeah, I guess my parents use it too.

Oh, do they really? That's probably why.

Oh yeah, that could be it. Okay, so it's not just the TVs.

Do you ever go into a Netflix account and you're like, who the fuck's been watching Bridgerton?

That's really funny.

You ever do that?

No, but there was one time I was seeing this girl girl.

Yeah.

And she came by and, um, we would watch like cute movies together. Not cute, but like Ratatouille, you know, like movies I shouldn't be watching by myself. And then one time I did actually watch a movie by myself. It was High School Musical 3. I watched that on my own.

Yeah.

And she came back and she's like, she saw it on like queued up, like continue watching. Yeah. 3/4 of the way. And which is a, it's a red flag like for a 28-year-old man to have High School Musical 3 queued up. She's like, what the fuck is this? And I was like, I genuinely was watching it on my own.

Yeah.

Like, I had like a High School Musical kick and I had to watch it.

But yeah, do you think it's a red flag?

What?

Breaking news.

What?

Kylie Jenner just posted Doughbrix on her story.

Oh, no way.

Oh, hell yeah.

There's a Kylie billboard above Doughbrix Pizza and she just posted it.

That's so cool.

That's really funny.

Big time.

It says sunset. Hell yeah, Kylie. Hell yeah.

Do you imagine our sales go through the roof? We sell the company tomorrow.

Wow. Now, do you think you will see a spike in visits?

It's so funny because you see your eye goes to Doughbrik's Pizza when you see this story.

Yeah.

Yeah. You can't even tell that it's a Kylie billboard. Shout out to Kylie. Thank you.

That's nice.

That's really nice of her.

Very sweet.

I guess there was no way for her to cut you guys out.

Fucking Doughbrik's ruining my shot.

She's like, goddamn it.

I'm actually so impressed that she didn't cut us out. Yeah, I would think she'd put some kind of funny emoji over. It. It is crazy, dude. The Doughbrik's pizza location— let me talk about Doughbrik's a little bit. I feel like we never talk about it.

You never do.

It is one of the craziest fucking— craziest.

When you guys got that location, I was like, oh my God, it's the craziest location in all of Los Angeles.

And when I say crazy, I mean every single celebrity that you can imagine, yeah, knows that that pizza place is there.

Yes.

That doesn't mean they know who I am. Yes, but that doesn't mean they go. That doesn't mean they go, but everybody knows it's there because it's right across Sunset Tower, which is like— it's right across the street from Sunset Tower where I got engaged. Yeah, it's like a celebrity hotspot. Everybody goes there.

Beautiful.

And, um, yeah, it's, uh, it's big and it's like poking out around that curve. I remember.

I remember. Now the problem is, is that street is dying.

Okay, take it easy.

That's not a you problem, that's an LA problem.

I don't think that street's dying, dude.

I think LA is— everything's shut down. Den is gone.

That's why I'm shocked.

Pink Taco's gone.

Yeah, we like stand.

Yeah, I'm also—

yeah, but you don't pay a lot in rent. You have a small place.

Oh, you pay a lot.

Oh, you do? I thought, I thought you told me once what you pay there, and it was— I was shocked.

I know, it's like $10,000 to $12,000.

Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot around $10,000 to $12,000 for a pizza place.

It's a lot for a pizza place, but that's not a lot of rent on that street. That's insane.

Uh, I mean, I agreed, like, in comparison into purchasing a billboard on that street. It's cheaper.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

I mean, $10,000, I— that's what I thought it was, and that's crazy that you paid $10,000 in rent for that spot.

Yeah, no, I think it's pretty fucking insane. But next to Saddle Ranch, everything—

and The Comedy Store—

everything next to us has closed. Yes, like, yeah, like you said, everything up the street's closed.

Now granted, The Comedy Store is doing great. Yeah, killing it.

But that's what I'm saying, like, Dobrik's— this was our biggest last— our last 3 months have been our biggest months in Dobrik's, like, Really? Yeah, like it's been crushing. So it's like, so it is kind of confusing. But back to what I was saying, like Doughbrix has gotten so many, like I've met so many like cool celebs through Doughbrix. Like it's kind of fucking insane. How? I don't know. I really hate name-dropping, but you don't have to name-drop.

But what do they do? They, they come into the pizza place?

No, no, no, no. Like, like it'll be like I'll be at a party and it'll be like a talking point for somebody to approach me all the time. Like I'll have like one celeb introduce me to another sub, like, he owns the pizza spot.

Yeah.

Right across Sunset.

It's like, oh, Doughbrix.

And it's like, and it's—

It's a great talking point.

It's, 'cause you could be, I could be in fucking, it's the craziest thing I've ever actually experienced. 'Cause I could be in Italy or I could be in Cannes. Yeah.

Right?

And it's like, oh, where do you live? LA. And then they'll be like, I live in West Hollywood. I'm like, oh cool, I own the pizza place. And it'll be a person that doesn't know who I am at all.

Right.

And they'll be like, oh, Doughbrix Pizza, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, they'll know it before they know me. Wow, that's just like a really cool experience to have that.

Well, I liked what Natalie said. It's like, if for a billboard on that street is what, $50 grand?

$50 grand.

Yeah, there was one time— I've got to fucking name drop. I got to— no, I can't name drop him.

I can't.

But like the biggest fucking actor. Okay, like I'm talking like huge actor. Okay, it's not going to— the story is not going to work without saying his name, but like imagine like a George Clooney, okay, right? And who I was just like, doesn't even— I didn't even know he knows who I am. I'm like, yo. He was like, congrats on your new pizza spot. And I was like, oh my God, thank you so much, like I'd love to bring you one sometime. And he's like, no, no, I'm gonna go in, I want to put the coin in the little thing and have the pizza party.

Oh my God.

And I was like, what? I literally said, I was like, you know about the pizza party?

Are you doing a little Leonardo DiCaprio impression?

No, no, no. And he's like, I know all about it.

In the pizza.

But yeah, it was really, really cool. That like blew my mind. I was like, that's fucking crazy. You know about the pizza party? So that's like really exciting. Like, it's like a really— why are you laughing?

You like start doing Shaq. I want to put the corn in the pizza.

Very obviously doing—

it's obviously Shaq.

After my game tomorrow. All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you everybody for joining us. Jason, Natalie, Alex, It has been a wild ride. See you later.

Bye.

I like the color on that. You actually did a good job.

Thank you. Now suck a fat fucking dick.