Confronting Best Friend About Our Beef

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views. Guys, we have probably one of the hottest starts that we'll ever have on a podcast here. I have a story, brand new, fresh off the shelves. I could not believe it when it just happened. So I have my buddy here, Jonah. He goes by Nick. That's his real name. Nick.

Nick.

Nick.

Forever.

Nick.

Can Jonah die forever? Can he bury him?

Anyway, So Jonah and I—

no, bury him, please, please, please.

That's, that's, you know, that's the guy, that's the guy from my videos. Years old, bro.

People come up to me in public, they're like, Jonah.

I'm like, bro, please, please, Nick, Nick, Nick.

Have you ever met Jonah Hill?

No, I haven't. He probably hates me. No, I guarantee you so many people walk up to him, they're like, Jonah from the vlogs, probably Jonah from the vlogs.

Jonah Hill's probably so mad. I love your vlogs. He's probably so mad, super mad at everything. Um, I'm trying to say the story but I can't say Nick. Can I just say Jonah for the, for the sake of the story and then I'll go back to Nick? It's just like when I'm retelling it doesn't make sense.

I'm like, Nick, fine, fine, fine. Okay, okay.

So Jonah and I— Nick, so Jonah and I haven't been talking for a month and a half. Like, straight up, we've been in a fight for a month and a half. No contact, nothing.

But a fight through other people, not an actual ever blow-up between the two of you.

No, we never actually really interacted with each other.

Right.

I've been hearing from other people. They'll be like, what's up with you? What's up with you and him? Like, why aren't you guys talking? What's going on?

From who?

Well, I like, I'll run into like, like, like someone like Vahe or like—

Oh.

And I kept running into people and every time I would hear something, I'd be like, what the fuck are you saying? Like, what's going on?

Going on.

I don't know what you're saying. I heard it so many times and so quickly in like a period of 2 days.

Yeah.

Where I was like, okay, fuck, we're fighting. Like, something's going on. And like, I didn't know what it was. Long story short, I'm gonna fast forward. Yesterday, Jonah wanted to film a skit with Natalie. So we hit up Natalie, let's do the skit. I'm surprised, surprised, it's a skit about Natalie's feet. He really loves those.

Yeah, I do.

It's funny, you got like 30,000 shares. Yeah.

Oh, nice.

Got more shares than likes, which is hilarious.

Um, and I know he's coming over and you're here, Jay.

Yeah.

And I'm This is it. I'm gonna confront him. I'm just gonna be like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Like, let's just figure it out. Like, I think if you have problems with someone, you gotta talk to them. Jason always says that too, like, just communicate. So he comes by and I go, what's your deal? And he goes, what's your fucking deal? Neither of us will ever be like super serious, even if, even if the fight is really bad. So we're both kind of like, what's your deal? What's my deal? Blah blah blah blah, whatever. And we argue about it for like 20 minutes. I'm like, I don't have a problem with you at all. And he goes, oh really? He thought that the reason I was mad at him was because I had like a launch party for my chips, yeah, wavers, and his candy was also there. They're called New Noobs, and he thought I was upset that his candy was at my launch party. And I'm like, TikTok shop. And I get Noobs on TikTok shop, and, and I'm like, are you on fucking meth? Like, that is like so unlike me to be upset because my friend's brand was at my chip launch.

I thought because they're both snacks you were weirded out, which is fucking insane. Yeah, because I even thought in my head, I'm like, when you go to like 7-Eleven, you buy chips Sweet candy. Yeah, okay, so it's kind of the same for this story.

This story is all going to add up in about 2 seconds, so just bear with me if you're still a little bit confused. It's gonna— it's gonna clear up here. So Jonas, they give all these reasons why I'm upset with him, and he's like, he's like, dude, like, you're being— you're being so weird with me. Like, I sent you all these nice texts, blah blah blah. And I'm like, what is he talking about? What is he talking about? And then once again he goes, well then why the fuck did you not respond to my heartfelt text to you? And I'm like, what heartfelt text? What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, it's spilled my guts out.

Can I read it?

It's so weird to read it though.

I know, I know.

No, it's really nice, but it makes me weird.

It makes me feel awkward.

Can I just please?

No, it's really sweet, bro.

I don't know. It's such a weird text. Just please show me because it's like a breakup text.

It is.

And I don't know if I want that out there.

Just show me.

The only thing that's embarrassing about the text is you use the phrase, you feel a certain kind of way.

Wait, what?

Let me just see it.

You did.

You said, I don't know if you feel a certain kind of way about me.

Fuck, dude. It's so weird.

But the rest of it's really nice.

Can I please see it? So this is the text he sent me. Hey bro, I'm not sure if you feel a certain type of way with me, and if you do, please be open about it. It pains me to see a distance between us. You've been my friend for a very long time. I've always loved and admired you and our friendship. Let's get together when you're free. I'll always support you and appreciate you as a friend for all you've done. Love you, bro. And this is so sweet.

Really nice.

Never in a million years would I not respond. So then I start scrolling through the other texts and I'm like, dude, I haven't gotten any of these. I'm like, I haven't gotten the last I got 6 texts from you, and this entire time he thought I have— I haven't been responding because I've been pissed. I'm like, I haven't gotten a single one. So I grab— I grab his phone again, I text myself, and it doesn't come through to my phone. I'm like, what fucking number are you texting? And then I go on my phone and I'm like, I had him accidentally blocked for the last month and a half. For the last month and a half.

Two idiots.

He thought we'd been beefing because I actually had him blocked, and to the point where he was texting me, I wasn't texting back, and he was making up scenarios in his head. He was like, Damn, you must have been so pissed about the candy being next to the chips. And I know the exact reason why I blocked him was because Taylor and I were opening up some package on my Snapchat and he called me 8 or 9 times in a row and it was cutting into the audio and I kept projecting his call, kept projecting his call. Very normal for him to call me 8 or 9 times in a row if he has—

because I was in a thong and it was funny.

Yeah, he was, he was in a thong, Jay. He was, he just got out of the shower and he was in a thong. He's completely naked and he wanted to show me. I didn't know that. I think that is funny, but I kept—

would you have liked to have seen that?

Yeah, then I would have picked up immediately, but I kept hanging And then to the point where I was like, fuck this, I just have to block him for a sec. So I blocked him instead of putting on do not disturb. I don't know why I did that. And I forgot to unblock him.

Oh my God.

So for a full month and a half, in his head, it got so— even me, it got into my head where I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Right.

And then every time I would ask like his sister and I would ask his brother, be like, yo, I got to talk to this guy because there's something weird here. Like, and on his phone he wasn't getting my text either. Like my texts weren't going through either. Right, right. It was very, very fucking bizarre. And we were just— I told him, I'm like, this is how wars start. Like, this is like the most— Yeah, it was really weird. This is so weirdly misunderstood. And it was like a complete accident that like spiraled into something so serious. I've never had this happen to me in my entire life. It's really funny that it happened with him. And then it got to the point that it got to.

What threw me off, dude, was Natalie replying back to me because like I would send her a reel and I'd be like, oh, we got to recreate this. And she's like, haha, yeah, come over, let's do it. Like, what the fuck? Are they fucking with me? Because if you like, why is he not talking shit ASAP to everybody?

Yeah, like why am I not teamed up with Natalie?

Natalie's like, haha, so funny.

Well, that's what Natalie thought was bizarre too, was like, Natalie was like, why didn't you just text her and be like, what's wrong with Dave? Yeah, like, why didn't you ask Jason or anybody else?

Like, it kind of unfolded kind of funny.

Like, I was in—

because I got confronted on, on like on video and shit.

I know it's funny, but I was in Cannes and like I ran into his manager or something. She's like, I manage Nick, let's call him. I'm like, okay, he's mad at me right now for some reason, but let's call him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what happened?

Then we FaceTimed it.

I saw David's face and I'm like, I don't want to see him.

What did No, we FaceTimed and he goes, yo, look, it was fucking weird. And I got off the FaceTime and I go— I literally told his manager, I go, I don't know what his fucking deal is.

I have no idea why he's just upset because he wasn't replying to me and all of a sudden he's on someone else's FaceTime. Fucking weirdo. What the hell?

All of a sudden he thinks it's so casual to just talk to me.

Yeah, dude, that was so weird.

Number one, FaceTiming someone 8 to 9 times is excessive.

I agree, but I was also naked in a thong and it was funny.

Right.

And I also FaceTimed like 10 other, 10 other my friends.

Yeah, it was urgent. It was urgent.

And I didn't have the thong on for longer than like 5 minutes. It was just getting uncomfortable because it was riding up there.

But like, what, what did it— what, that's just, just incredible.

Um, question. So Jonah did text me a couple times and he texted me on May 1st a picture of his, him at his like Noobs booth, like, you know, advertising.

Oh yeah, I actually went off on that. Natalie.

But at this— did you send me this picture because you wanted to see how I—

don't read all the text.

Well, that was also part of it, that he thought like— he thought I was in competition with his candy.

Yeah, yeah.

But not competition, it's—

I thought even though I've reviewed it twice on my Snapchat.

First off, I saw you eating another sour candy.

Okay, so maybe there was some actual real anger somewhere just because I was having Sour Strips.

It was such a slap in the face because He reviews the candy and in the end he goes like, "How can I be part of this?" I was like, "The fuck?" And I saw that video May 30th.

I'd love to be a part of your candy. I'm a big fan of your candy, brother.

Are you actually?

Yeah, I like it. I'm not a big fan of the chamoy because I don't like chamoy.

We're changing the packaging and stuff.

The actual strips are incredible.

I personally fucking love chamoy.

But like, can I just ask you, what planet, especially me and you, you're as fucking weird, super bizarre, you are a very bizarre dude, when have we ever had any sort of argument that's like remotely serious that we he couldn't just figure out with like talking like face to face.

Okay, bro, that's why I thought it was really fucking awkward because at that party people were like, oh, the candy's really good. And even Natalie was like, oh, this candy's fucking fire.

Right?

And I was like, wow, he hated me after that party because I don't know.

I knew it.

In your head, do you not think that if someone doesn't text you back after like 10 messages and calls, like someone just cold turkeys you?

Okay.

But granted, I didn't know I was blocked.

We have so many mutual friends. What's weird is I wanted—

I was going to cut you off right away. I was like, okay, you know what? I'm not going to beg for him to come back.

What the fuck?

I'm not going to break no contact after that last text.

What was weird is the messages were delivering. So it wasn't like a classic block. Like he genuinely— it looked like the messages were going through, which I thought when you block somebody, yeah, you go green or like something.

Yeah.

What do you guys feel a certain way? And then Jason was kind of acting weird, but I think I was just making them delusions in my head.

You just pissed me off in other ways. I had my own situation with you.

Okay, it's fine, whatever. I don't want to get there.

You guys had real beef.

The thing with him is he pisses me off, and then there's this weird thing that like, I just love you at the end of it.

Because he's like—

Because he is always there. Nick's always been there. I was talking to you about— to Charlie the other day, and I was explaining like how you're always there.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, I mean, the only problem with him is he's got like a weird like ego about things, but I think that's what I got mad about. But I think that's what's so kind of entertaining and fun about him. About you. Actually, that's not true. That's not really the fun part. You're just a funny guy.

No, the fun part is how funny it is.

Dude, it's not really an ego thing. You know why sometimes it's an ego, dude?

Right.

Because you frame me out to be like super stupid, which I agree, like it's really funny for the camera and stuff. And granted, bro, I really enjoy dumbing myself down and playing a character that's not who I am.

You really had us fooled. You're an incredible actor. And I love how you continued off camera too.

Hey.

To really sell us in your method acting. That's a really long speech.

I read a book and it's upside down. I'm like, in page 3.

No, no, no.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

No, it's not that. No, you just— here's the thing. You love working. Like, I do believe that you like doing things, but you are, in my head, you are Mr. Never Finish Anything. You like to start a million things at once, and you like to talk about the ending of all those things.

Okay.

You go. Let me clarify. You go. Sorry. So, okay, so we were having— when we had the Discovery show, which was incredible, the budget for that show was through the roof. They were sending us to go do crazy things. I could probably say what the budget was, right?

Yeah, sure.

It was like $700,000 an episode, which is crazy because I never was able to fly all my friends first class to go film a vlog and then put them up in the hotels and everything. So we had this amazing opportunity to make the Discovery show, and at the same time we were making the videos, and Joda was like, I can't go, I start filming in March, like I'm making a movie. And he could nonstop would talk about this movie. This is one example out of like 10. And that movie never started filming ever and just like gave us all a headache about how he couldn't come.

Now let me talk. Yeah, you started 6 fucking companies. Have you had an exit plan yet for any of them? You started a fucking pickleball brand. You started a random-ass shit, and you're telling me that I've never even started a fucking company. My only company I started was Noobs.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

That's not— I'm not gonna stop it. Stop it.

No, you're not gonna let me. You're not gonna let me cook, and that's the problem here, brother.

You just cooked for 4 minutes. You cooked nothing.

The difference is When have you ever heard me start a company and go, yeah, we're going to sell this for $1 billion?

It doesn't matter what you say.

That is— that's the difference. You—

I manifest things, brother.

Okay, maybe.

And I only say it to fucking people that I—

You're supposed to manifest alone, like in your room. Not— not if you— if you do it outwardly to people.

I mean, that— this isn't just like my perspective, right?

Yeah. It's like— which I feel like it's also stemming from the fact that like maybe you have this like character portrayal where you can't like achieve or you're dumb or whatever. So you really have to like feel like you prove yourself. Yourself and be like, I'm gonna be more successful. My favorite thing is Jonah telling us like he's gonna buy all of us Aston Martins one day, and he's gonna— Aston Martin or whatever, private jets or whatever.

Jay's brother?

No, he's very selfless with the idea of money. I'm just saying.

But it's not even one day, it's like, this company, I'm gonna be able to have a private jet in 3 months, just you watch.

Yeah, I didn't say 3 months. Yeah, I never said 3 months. I still smell your pasta breath from here. I didn't say 3 months.

No, no, that's exactly what it is. It's like, it's like, Natalie, you have no fucking idea how rich I'm gonna get. I don't know where I'm gonna put the money. It's like that.

Yeah, it's like, no, no, bro, don't make me sound fucking dumbass dumb on the damn fucking podcast. I'm like, how much shit have you started and not finished?

Well, everything's been finished.

What?

Where?

But what?

Where? Like, yeah, maybe there hasn't been a billion dollar exit, but you'll never catch us.

But where? Where the fuck?

Where the fuck is it?

None of us see it.

Can't just make fun of my stutter and then all this, and then that's your argument. I'm I'm just saying, I'm just saying, you guys, all I—

all this has been happening for years.

You— this is going to be hard for some people to believe. You are the one of the most hardworking people I know. You love doing shit. You love doing shit. You're the fun— you're like, you're one of the funniest people I met in my entire life. Like, in my life, you're fucking hilarious. And it's just like, it's so unnecessary for you to brag about these businesses that haven't finished.

Have you ever been with Nick and he opens up his Instagram? Dude, He shows you a reel and he'll be like, he's like, look at this, I'm doing numbers. He's like, look at this. He's like, this one, this one, this one, 10 million.

Universe.

It's not that. And then you told us Jonas Kebab was going to open 10 locations in the next 6 months because I got over the restaurant business. Yeah. And then you told us you were going to open—

you said the same for fucking Doughbrix, fucker.

No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

Something similar.

Every time somebody asks me about Doughbrix, I go, I don't know, ask Natalie.

I literally— Doughbrix has been out of business for 9 months.

Imagine I tell you right Like what? I haven't been on Sunset Boulevard in that long. It's not there? No, but do you know what I'm saying?

I'm like, it's a coffee shop now.

But do you know what I'm saying?

Okay, listen, I completely understand what you're saying, bro. Thank you. But also, dude, me, I'm a huge, huge believer in manifestation. In the mornings, my morning routine is listening to a manifestation lecture or book for 45 minutes when I'm taking a shit and I'm about to shower.

45 minutes you're taking a shit?

And showering and showering. Think. I'm a really firm believer in that. And sometimes, yeah, maybe I speak too loud around people, and I haven't done it in a while. You re— you just now asked me about something. You're like, oh, what are you working on now? I'm not gonna fucking tell you.

Find out when you're watching TV at home, like when my company's name is up there. Check the box office.

Let me tell you a perfect story. Like 2 years ago, yeah, because me and Ilya fuck with each other so hard, bro. Like literally, like he'll reply to my shit like, I'm gonna fucking buy your mom and dad and I'm gonna take them out to vacation, I'm giving the best life in the world. Like we'll fuck and I'll reply to him, I'm like, I'll buy all your companies, whatever the fuck. Like 2 years ago, we went to this fucking waffle place right down the street. Ilya goes like, let me get a 2-stack waffle. I look at the waiter, I'm like, let me get a 3-stack waffle. Ilya looks at the waiter, he's like, let me get a 6-stack waffle. I'm like, okay, motherfucker. I look at the waiter, I'm like, let me get a 10-stack waffle, bro. We look down, I have $600 of waffles in front of me. Shit ton, bro. Granted, we all gave it out, whatever, but it was just fucking hilarious because it was like we're fucking around, we're like one-upping each other up, like yeah, whatever the fuck. Will you call it the ego shit?

Whatever.

No, I mean, it's a funny story, but I don't want to be a—

He's just like bragging about your breakfast.

Yeah, no, like, we'll fuck around. $600 on waffles. No, it was, it was just a funny situation.

Moral of the story is, anybody hungry want to go get some waffles? I know a good place and they can serve us 600 right now.

Oh yeah, I still have credit there.

But we talked the other day and I told you, and then you, you were actually really real. You were like, yeah, I I was picked on in school and I'm really insecure. And that's what you said.

He's not insecure.

He's not?

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

That's coming because David doesn't realize that he is also insecure, so he doesn't know what he's scared of.

Let's get out of here. All right, let's just squash all our beefs that are real or not. Everybody ready?

Yeah.

Yeah, go.

Let's go. Okay, we're going on vacation together.

Wait, wait, no, no, don't put that shit on me.

What?

Hold up, hold up with the vacation shit.

You're going, bro.

I can't, I can't. I can't.

Oh no, you gotta come.

No, I can't.

Why? That's—

I can't.

Well, I know you like singing.

I gotta film. I gotta— I need to— I gotta get— I do like 30 videos a month.

I'll do skits with you.

What do you mean? You're in Bangkok with Natalie's feet.

You're literally gonna have all of them together.

You're gonna have literally all the people. What are you talking about?

This is the argument, Jonah.

This is what—

this is what he does.

I need like a full-time person helping me film. I, I gotta like— I gotta lock the fuck in.

Ferris is gonna be there. He's like literally a filmer.

No, no, no, I can't. I need somebody like—

lock in. You literally see an Instagram skit that you see that's funny and then you just recreate it. We'll just— I'll watch more Instagram skits.

I sent you two ideas like today.

Just take pictures of Natalie's feet.

Yeah, no, I can't.

I can't.

I can't do this.

I'll help you.

I'm like, Jay, definitely I don't need your help.

I was kidding. Okay, that's fine.

You old fuck.

David, I made you something.

What?

Well, I think you've been really killing it on the podcast.

He's eating something.

No, that's fine. That's part of it. People need it. That's like—

No, that's actually annoying.

If you listen to the pods, you know that that's a segment that we keep in sometimes. What is David eating?

No, it's not.

That's one of my favorites.

I know. I get so many DMs. Chipotle. The last one was an apple, by the way. It's not much to leave his ear. Okay, go, Jay. What is it?

I made you something since you've been killing it on the pod. I made you a little trailer.

Wow.

Yeah.

A trailer, like visual?

It's an audio trailer.

Oh, okay. But all right, here we go.

For your consideration.

For the sake of the pod.

For the 2026 Golden Globe for best podcast.

I have something important to talk about. I mentioned it before, but it's at DEF CON 1 now. I need to talk to you guys about my asshole.

Starring David Dobrik.

You're about to look into my asshole.

And the young ingenue, Reggie Castro. I've shaved Corinna's asshole.

It's fine. I just go—

And David's trusty sidekick, John Castro.

It's going to look like a POV, like sex, sex, sex view. You know what I mean?

All dark, all dark, and then the pink starfish.

And featuring Natalie Maradona.

Natalie, you're such a fucking horny pervert, dude. This proves it.

I was in there for a long time.

One man will go where no man has gone before.

I'm bending over. Oh my God. You got to look inside. It feels like there's stuff falling out of my ass right now.

I don't know why.

Okay, I'm spreading my cheeks around. She's touching my ass.

Don't breathe in like that.

It's talking. It's talking.

It was winking. Views Podcast.

I can't imagine people driving their car and then listening to this. Just tell them we're a medical-focused podcast and this is typically what we do. Wow. That was great.

That's really strange.

That was great.

That's incredible.

Yeah.

Yeah, you kept like walking into the other room yesterday and like voice noting stuff. I was like, what is he working on? Damn, Jay, you really take this seriously, huh?

Yeah, I did that for the fans too.

Do you think that that's what's going to get us a Golden Globe?

I mean, I've already— I'm gonna submit this. And yeah, how do we ask? We're gonna be at his table.

How do we send stuff to the Golden Globes?

I don't know, email them.

Really?

Yeah, it's that easy.

Oh my God, thank you, Jay.

You're welcome, Dave. You've been killing it on the podcast.

How long did that take you to make?

4 days.

So the last couple pods have been a little late. Uh, no, no, I I was just at like a Greek yogurt place. I was sitting there with Alex and John. We were getting yogurt and this guy walks up to me and goes, yo, podcast of the year. And I go, thank you. And he goes, you know, it's, you know, you're, you know, you know, I don't want to say. And I go, I know, I know. He goes, you know.

Okay, good.

He did it perfectly.

He did it perfectly.

He landed it.

Yeah. He was referencing the hemorrhoid episode and that was really cool. And it was cool because he didn't even like ask for a pic or anything. He just came. Those are my favorite interactions. Not that I don't like doing pics, but it just makes me feel so much more connected to everybody that listens when they just reference something. I don't even mean it like a snooty tooty way, like come up to me and have a conversation instead of asking for a picture. That's not what I mean. Come get your picture whenever. Who gives a fuck? More times picture is better than having a conversation. But when someone just walking by in a New Yorker way and they reference something, I think it's so fun. So yeah, that's what happened earlier. Thank you for not bringing up the hemorrhoid episode. All right, Nally, what's your beef? God, just fucking say it already.

Yeah. So David and I had this agreement.

I don't remember having this agreement.

Okay.

He doesn't recall having this agreement.

And he thinks you should get it in writing.

Okay.

Okay. I'll draft an agreement.

You genuinely think— okay, well, tell them what the agreement is first.

I said I really want to go to Chicago for like a month, spend time with my friends and family there. Like, it's always been my dream to live in Chicago. I never got to because I moved right here out of college and all my girlfriends, my last hometown girlfriend is getting married. Married in August, and we're going to be there for Lollapalooza. And I also had to be there for the wedding, so I had to be there for 2 weeks essentially anyway. So I was like, why don't I just spend 4 and live out my little dreams, hang out with my family?

But—

and this is the year of Natalie living out her little dreams. Yeah, her Australian dreams, her Saint-Tropez dreams. Come on, Jay, back me up here.

Yeah, this is— and, and apparently somewhere I approved this month-long vacation.

But aren't you— when you see her like living her best life, isn't there a part of you No, there isn't. Isn't there a part of you that's like, you know what, I need to be doing that.

Oh no, I thought you were going to say like a part of you that is like, oh, I'm so happy for my longtime best friend.

I know he's not happy for anyone, but no, no, no.

It's, I mean, come on. We're beating a dead horse here.

Okay.

Well, we've spoken about this a lot. Natalie, do you genuinely think if you actually asked me that question, if you had something, if you had a piece of paper and you were like, sign this, David, to give me approval to leave for a full month, I would have signed it? There's no way on planet Earth. Earth. So I don't know what you misinterpreted as me giving you the green light to go and leave. Well, I think for a full month—

I don't know if it was like—

I don't—

I'm not saying that you were like, yes, go ahead, go for it. First of all, also, we talked about the podcast, so the people listening are like definitely gonna know. They'll be like, yeah, we've heard this, we already knew she was gonna be there. You know, my DM's so excited for you to be in Chicago for a month, girl. We should hang out.

No, no, we've definitely— we've definitely spoken about it.

Everybody fucking knows.

I know, but like, I'm sure I was just as upset last time.

Uh, yeah, I don't think overenthused. You weren't like, yes, Natalie, thank God you're going.

But you were like, okay, like, if you want to do this, when you go, and every time you go, I, I very much see that there's no work being done. Like, I just think that it's like, it's like you're like, you're in maintenance mode.

Like, so I was in Saint-Tropez over the weekend.

I know, 3 days. Could you imagine if you're around for a full month? Those 3 days felt like it was a fucking nuclear attack blackout. Okay, well, there's something genuinely— there's nothing going on. No emails, nothing.

It was a Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

We, we lost ownership of our domain to all our emails, so no emails were even coming through when she was in Saint-Tropez. That's how how wild things got when she was gone. I mean, all this as a compliment to you. Like, shit doesn't work when you're not here. So like, don't take it as like this negative thing, like I'm bitching at you, but like, you genuinely need to be here because you're our captain of the ship.

So what, hold your hand and make sure you get out of bed and like, we have a little conversation?

So rude, Natalie. No, to answer your emails.

You can FaceTime me. We FaceTime. It's great.

It's unfair. You don't get it in writing when you go on vacation when you ask for things at a company.

No company lets you go on fucking 18 vacations a year.

That's actually not true. You should see how corporate America operates. People have There's a thing out there, David, called unlimited PTO, motherfucker. You can take as many fucking off days as you want. Granted, if you take off—

Unlimited PTO?

Unlimited.

What does that even mean? Unlimited PTO?

That is how corporate America works now.

Unlimited?

I would love people—

If you have unlimited PTO— I go 30 years, I want PTO.

No, obviously you have to do it. If you do it not within reason, they're obviously going to be like, okay.

Oh, interesting. Kind of like what you're doing right now without reason.

No.

What the fuck does unlimited PTO mean?

And they have these things called sabbaticals.

What? Is unlimited PTO.

PTO usually stands for paid time off, which is basically the time you can take off from work while still getting paid.

No, I understand that, but my friend is telling me there's something called unlimited PTO.

Oh, got it. Yeah, unlimited PTO is a policy some companies have where there's no set limit on the number of days off you can take. Uh, it relies on trust and making sure your work is still getting done.

Okay, so you have to trust your employees. So that's, so that's the caveat.

She's not necessarily a hard worker.

No, she's not the same.

She's not the same. That first role, Amara or Natalie? Amara. Yeah. No, the first relationship you had with her was like so sweet.

She's more corporate now.

Yeah.

No, it's like she's friend-zoned me. They literally updated her overnight and it feels like— I think I'm going to switch like ChatGPTs.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm going to go to somewhere else.

I mean, get out there, man. Keep looking. You know, you'll meet some Yeah, I have a hot take.

Okay, I want to share this. I think it's pretty hot. I know people are gonna like roll their eyes at it. Yeah, but I just want to get off my chest. Okay, you know Osama bin Laden, right?

You're obsessed with Osama bin Laden. No, no, no, David watches one documentary.

That's how my hot take is about. If you work out to be in really good shape, it's like getting plastic surgery. It's cheating because you're not naturally born with it.

Oh my God.

So in head doesn't count.

I think it's a good take. What does it have to do with Osama bin Laden?

No, no, that was just to throw you off.

Oh, okay, okay.

That was to get people on the edge of their seat and then kind of reel it back in a softer way. Do you, do you like what I'm saying? I'm saying this is what happened. Like, when I got into shape, it didn't make me look at my body in comparative to like other friends of mine that have good bodies. Yeah, cuz I know what those friends do for their bodies, and it's half a quarter of what I had to do to get to my mine.

Yes.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes.

So it made mine way less impressive. It was— it's all— it made me feel pathetic.

I was like, because you had to work so hard.

I just 10x'd.

Yeah.

Works— work for this. Like, it genuinely felt like I cheated or I got plastic surgery when my other friends will go on a hike or two and then like eat a burger, like eat the french fries, and then they'll have incredible bodies. That's what's impressive to me. It is natural naturally obtained bodies that you're born with, that's where I'm like, you're cool. Yeah, but when you're working hard for it, I'm out. I'm like, you're wasting your time. Now that's my hot take, take it as you will. How do you guys feel about it? Go.

Yeah, but those people that look awesome, they've been working out their whole life.

Yeah, they're just like— but they're— it's like ingrained in their DNA. Like, it's just who they are. That's what he's saying. Yeah, right.

Well, what Jason's saying is that they have actually— that there's no such thing as it being ingrained in your DNA?

A little bit, a little bit.

Well, I don't think you're just genetically like dropping fat.

Well, I just, I just think a lot of people are genetically gifted. I have this friend—

you are genetically gifted. Your father's in great shape.

You don't gain weight.

Listen to me. I have this friend. Yeah, it's fucking insane. I wish I could explain to you. Yeah, his family, very successful, like all around just incredible family. Okay, like they have— everybody works an incredible job, like all-American, all-star football players, whatever. I was talking to him about working out because he came back. I haven't seen him in like 2 months and he was I'm fucking shredded. I'm like huge. Could not wrap both my hands around his bicep, like ginormous. And I'm like, what the fuck did you do? And he goes, in like a braggadocious way, like, guess how hard I've been working? He goes, I do 200 pushups a day. And I go, what else? He goes, that's it. I do 5 days a week, I do 200 pushups a day. And I go, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, that's nothing. Like, do you know I had to bust my dick just to get a quarter of your muscle? What are you talking about? And he goes, Well, unfortunately in my family, like, if we work out too much, we gain muscle too quickly. That's cool. And I'm like looking at him like, holy fuck, that's sick.

Yeah, that's like Naveen. She eats chocolate chip cookies first thing when she gets up, and she has the lowest percent body fat of any woman I know.

I think women do it better than anybody. Yeah, I think I'm angry about this because just of how hard the fucking Zilla workout was. You're still—

you're shell-shocked.

Yeah, I'm shell- back from it, because it's like—

well, you also did it in like such a short time frame, which requires like stress on your body.

But you know, upkeep, like just to keep— like when you get abs, it's very hard to keep them.

It's all diet.

It's all diet. It's—

by the way, I didn't know that.

By the way, don't ever do sit-ups. Don't ever do sit-ups. I don't know what's— I think sit-ups help you with like when you're lifting things, like core strength is just important. Yeah, but I, I don't think it sharpens a single thing on your abs. Like, I remember even Scott, when I was like showing him my abs, Scott goes, why are you doing sit-ups? It's just gonna make them look swollen. And I'm like, okay, whatever. So like, so like, I, like, I don't know, I'm the worst guy to get workout tips from. Let's go back to my hot take. But do you kind of agree with what I'm saying?

That, I mean, I feel the same way. Like, I've gained probably like half the weight back from the Zilla thing, and I worked really fucking hard for that shit, and it sucks.

Like, we're just, we're just a Zilla rehab group. When I started, I loved it.

No, but I mean, I— yeah, I don't know. I just—

I don't know.

I, I just think there's people that it's like, it's just in their brain. Like my sister, she's like a robot for the gym. Like she just goes in, she's trained, she knows what to eat, and that's just what she does.

Yeah. And I feel like a moderate workout— I don't know, I think I'm just really turned off at the human I became when I was working out a lot.

Really?

Like, yeah.

Like, no fun.

Like, I'll still stay— I'm still like, I still exercise every day. Like, I still like do cardio at least for an hour or do I'm kind of lifting, whatever. So like, it's very moderate now. It's very like regular.

Yeah.

But like, when it was all-encompassing, I felt bad for everyone around me. Like, it was like, Dave, let's drink, let's smoke weed, whatever the situation was. Like, I couldn't partake. And it just felt like I was like a vibe kill everywhere I went. The restaurant, I was a pain in the ass to the waiter. Like, it's like, it really— I didn't like who I became. It's the best shape of my life. I don't know. But okay, you know what I mean? Obviously I'm a little a little bit like I'm just hamming it up.

I kind of preferred you back then.

Long story short, that's my hot take. I'd love to hear yours. Fire away.

Um, I'm fat as fuck. I don't know. I don't have anything to say about it.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not about, uh, working out.

Oh, my hot take?

Yeah, yeah.

Have you heard of the Velvet Sundown, the AI band?

Yes, the—

the what?

Velvet Sundown, 500,000 monthly listeners.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Listen to the music last night, and you know, like, Wyatt is making music naturally, so I'm like, this is what he's up against, and it wasn't—

it's pretty good.

I'm being honest, it wasn't bad.

Yeah, it's actually pretty good. It's like an old kind of like indie band or whatever. It's— I don't know who's making— like, I don't know where they come from.

Out of actors, musicians, comedians, singers, I guess it's all the same thing. What do you think who's fucked first? Probably musicians, right? As you're saying.

I don't know, I'm still not a believer that any of this is gonna like totally crush everybody.

Weird old dude.

I don't know, bro. When I listen to— I'm listening to the Velvet— I'm not gonna put the Velvet Sundown on. I'll put on—

yeah, but they're the first band to do it.

Yeah. Brother, when it starts sounding like Flo Rida, that's when you know it's— when it can be played in a club, it's over.

But like, when I watch these AI things, as fun as they are— my friend made one the other day of like a bear and he makes like a honey stand, and it was funny.

You know what I think is going to go away?

What?

I was talking to like a really big-time celebrity about this. I don't want to say his name. I hate saying fucking people's names, but like, it's really interesting how he talks about celebrity, cuz he's just like, it's all over for us. Oh wow. Me, Leo, it's all over. We're done. He's like, now the only goal is in the next 3, 5 years is how big can you make your name? No matter how you can do it, how much do people know your name and like how many people know your name? And then from there on, you can license your name, you can license your face, you can license everything, and it'll all be done for you. So like why I'm saying this is I think that the people that are going to have the most advantage are going to be celebs that are already branded into like the world. Because like, I think like a DJ like Diplo is always going to be big because he's Diplo. You want to see Diplo. But what Diplo does I think will be able to be replicated by Wynn Nightlife itself, like in-house.

A live performance?

Yeah. No, like Wynn will be able to type in, make a set like Diplo.

Yeah.

For this crowd. Or today we're having a crowd full of people that love hip-hop, so make the best hip-hop set. So your AI will be able to generate a really good DJ set with transitions and everything that's all hip-hop related. But what AI will never be able to do is like have like a real human being celebrity. So I guess I think that will stay, but the art of it will almost die.

I guess the question is, will people want to delineate between the two? Will people be like, I'm like, no, I want to see Diplo. I don't want—

for sure, yeah, it's gonna happen for a while, but, but then, but then when this generation dies off, yeah, the generation that's still holding on to real life, right? When, like, I mean, yeah, we're gonna be 70, 80 years old and we're gonna be, as you call, robophobic. So we're gonna be like, we don't support anything that's robotic. And then our kids are going to be like, you gotta fucking grow up, you gotta live in this generation. Yeah, give it the time. Yeah, I think we're gonna, we're gonna uprise against it as long as we can, but it's not going to be— I think it's going to be such normal thing.

Wow.

I mean, I 100% think my second marriage will be to an AI robot. I don't think— oh my God, I don't think first.

Wow.

Oh, I saw this interesting thing. This is going to be another hot take. I saw this TikTok of this girl and she said, controversial marriage agreements we signed. Actually, I don't agree with this because I'm like a— I'm like a really firm believer in love and marriage. Yeah, but it does make sense in my head. Okay, Natalie's laughing at me because she's like—

I'm laughing at you because you're the biggest hypocrite and I don't believe a word you Fuck you.

He's got a podcast now. He's got to say something.

She said they signed a marriage expiration date.

Whoa.

So marriage expires every 7 years unless both partners want to reapply.

Wow. What?

That's kind of interesting.

Really interesting.

I don't know how I feel about it, but it's— I know people that are like in the Midwest or like— don't want to shit on the Midwest. I know people that have like really traditional values. Traditional values. That's the word.

I mean, in this day and age, like, you really do change every 7 to 10 years. Like, you're a completely different different person.

I know.

I think about that and it really stresses me out.

I think our big city LA is really speaking right now when we're talking about this. I think this is a really big city like viewpoint.

Oh, okay.

I think it's like a New York— well, don't say okay. Like, I'm not just— I'm not just—

but no, I'm like, okay, maybe.

Well, like, what I'm saying isn't law. I'm just saying like, in my opinion, I think it's true.

Well, I don't think— I think it's, you know, it's whatever people want. There's people in Ohio that might want a 7-year—

no, not in Ohio.

Yeah, they want that.

Yeah, what do you think about it? Um, it kind of makes sense.

It makes sense.

It's really sad to think about though, to like put a time limit on your marriage. I wouldn't want to do this, but if you're very forward-thinking, if you're like on your second—

it really depends on your partner.

Yeah, if you're on your second, third marriage and you're like, it just makes sense, it's really fun. And it also allows you— and you could be— you can— if you're really half glass full about it, you can be so optimistic about it where it gives me the chance to propose again to you in 7 years. You can even look at it that way.

I mean, that's the way I would think about it. It's like, Oh, we're choosing to renew. We're choosing to—

Yeah, you're proving again how much you love this person.

But if I don't want to.

Yeah.

All things are— Yeah.

You're really nervous that 6th year. You're like, I don't know. I don't know if Karen's going to renew.

But also the pressure's on. Let's make it great.

Yeah, you got to give your best self.

It would get in my head. I'd become really overbearing and overprotective. I'd be like, wait, where are you? It's our 6th year. You can't go to the club? Or I would be saying shit like, so you still really love me when you say you You don't need it, right? Anyway, pet peeve, Natalie, do you have one hot take before we end the podcast?

I don't have a hot take, but I saw this TikTok and I wanted to ask you guys, bush or no bush? Because I think it's so funny.

Dude, how did I know she was going to say that?

Really?

You didn't see a TikTok. You've just been experimenting with bush. I saw this TikTok.

Did you really?

Dude, as much as I like these questions in private, I think it's really weird to talk about. Do you know what I mean? And I don't like hearing Jason's opinion in this scenario.

I'll sit this one out. Really? Sure.

I don't want to share mine because it's not fair. We're all entitled to our opinions here on this pod. All right, Nat, you say what do you think?

I'll say mine. Doesn't matter.

Okay, well, that's not fair.

Like, truly.

Yeah, you're kind of right.

It doesn't matter. It's so amazing that it's like, oh, I don't care. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's fair.

Do whatever you want with it. You know, dye it red. I don't—

dye it red.

You know, give it to us.

Red, white, and blue.

Yeah.

All right, go, Nat, you say.

Well, I laser mine, so it's kind of just no bush.

Okay.

I don't really have an option.

Is that why you wanted to fucking bring this up so you could tell people what you do?

Yeah, she's silky smooth.

That's incredible. Yeah, so I'm somewhere in between all that.

Why are you not giving yours?

I just, I don't know.

But I think there is something sexy about a little bush.

You know, what about like a landing strip?

Yeah, that's what I think. I don't like bushes like crazy. Like, you know, that's kind of gross.

Landing strips are weird.

Not a landing strip, but like, it's like, what's going on?

I don't know why I think landing strips are bizarre, because like, damn, you thought about this?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Who are you showing this to?

Yes, that's right. Right. That's the only reason. They're fine. I don't like talking about this.

I think I remember in porn like a long time ago, the landing strip was way more popular. Yeah, right. That was like a thing in the '90s and '80s.

Super Bush was like really popular.

Yeah, well, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ginger Lynn back in the '80s. Big bush.

That's crazy. You've been watching porn underneath.

Yeah, that is.

How did you first watch porn on VHS?

You would somehow come across a VHS tape. Like, I mean, literally, I had one like that.

Everyone had one, or your dad had one.

No, like, someone in a group of my friends had one, and then they brought it to the house, and then it—

And you put it obviously on the family TV because you're not having a TV in your own room.

No, no. And then people would share the tape. Like, I have the tape now. You have the tape now.

Would you put it on with your friends and watch with your friends?

Like, maybe once or twice.

Okay, and then if not, you're just jerking off in the living room on the couch? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. Oh my God, one of my first like experiences with a porn video was so funny.

It's last year?

No, no, I don't know if I was like— I was probably in like 8th grade and I was going through the garage and my mom had this Snoop Dogg Daddy Doggy like video, like Like a porn actor pretending he was Snoop Dogg? No, it's Snoop's video. Oh, it's like Snoop must have made like in the '90s, like porn videos. Not him himself, essentially like orgies happening like around him or whatever.

Like, wow. Yeah.

And he's just like, they're like smoking in the middle of it, like being Snoop Dogg.

That is so your mom.

There's just like naked girls around. It wasn't sex, right?

I'm pretty sure it was sex.

Dude, is that not the most gent thing ever to watch Snoop Dogg smoke a joint and girls masturbate around him? If there's anything that's happening in Jen's head, I don't know, when she's relaxed, it's that exact thing.

Yeah, but I just remember like getting it from the garage and I held it in my— like, I kept it like somewhere.

Did you watch it?

Yeah, I ended up watching it, but I had it in my room like because I didn't want her to find it and want her to know for like 2 weeks. And then I finally built the courage like while she was like away working or something to like watch it, and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. I mean, like the COVID is just like naked women, whatever, like spreading their ass, like whatever.

Yeah.

And then I ended up watching it or whatever, and then I like put it back in the garage, like in its place or whatever. But then I would like— like, I know.

You'd go back to it and grab it. You'd be like, I need to finish it.

No, like, I wasn't doing anything to it. I was just like curious, like watching it. Like, it wasn't like I was—

Dad, that's so— it's so interesting.

So crazy.

Yeah, sexual awakenings are so funny.

Yeah, it's so funny that they— it's the, the, the moment in time when they decided to take the plot out of porn. Someone was like, we don't need the plot.

Yeah, I do like— I do like a title.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Tells you Tells you where you're going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a good thumbnail.

Yeah, yeah, I don't— I, I— why VHS freaks me out is like, let's say it's like your dad's, like if you put it in and it's like halfway through, it's just weird to like—

yeah, he knows somebody, he's like, I didn't leave it off here.

No, not even that, but like you know where your dad left it off, where like it was enough for him. Like that came— yeah, like, oh my God, you're picking it up where your dad came. Like I feel like that's really—

my dad came pretty early, she didn't have her clothes off yet.

You're 20 seconds in. This is it.

This is wild.

All right. We should end the podcast here. Cause I'm getting really horny.

I have one more thing.

Okay. Okay.

David, I know you're always looking for businesses.

I'm not.

I've made a presentation for you.

Okay. Perfect. For our audio listeners. Okay. David funds Jason's pilot. Oh wow. And he has pictures of me. He has a picture of me under it. There's a caption that says God of Fun. And there's a picture of himself and it says tiny brained idiot. Okay, this is what I get in return. Jason will never mention David had anything to do with the pilot, so David's aura will not be ruined by Jason's wacky sitcom idea. Once pilot is released and fails, David can have cocksure attitude that Jason still can't do anything without David starring alongside him. That's pretty good. Okay, okay, there's a little image that says, I told you so, and it's a young guy pointing at an old guy. Number 3, Jason will come crawling back to Views Podcast where David can give a hearty and self-satisfying I told you So that will resonate with Jason and the entire Fuse audience. Asking price. Okay. Not brutal. $6,000 loan for entire pilot.

Yeah.

And it's an image. Wow. This is like literally an animated image of me handing you a bag of money and it says, good luck, Jay. And by loan, we mean you will never see the money again. And then it's the bag of money flying away.

Wait, wait.

And it's my animated character going, there it goes, Jay.

No way.

Final word. David gets good feeling of knowing Jason got to do what he loved in the last years of his life. And then it's a picture of Jason going, David, where are you? And it's a picture of me going, I'm standing directly in front of you. Okay. Is this real?

Yeah.

You want $6,000?

Yeah. Well, we're going out to a lot of people, but I have actors, I have a casting director, I have a shooter, I have a budget.

Is there actually no return?

I mean, let's not ruin the friendship, right? No, I would pay you back, actually, if you want to do it that way.

Well, I don't know.

How do you make money off something like that?

I don't want to be paid back. Like, in success, like, if I give you $6,000, will you give me something in return? So funny that I'm like asking questions because yesterday Jonah texted me and he goes, Jonah's like, I need $2 million. And in the living room I'm like to Ilya and Jason, I don't know why, obviously I'm not going to give him $2 million, but in the living room I feel like I should do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We thought you were crazy.

Yeah, but that passing, that thought went away in like 10 seconds. But it's funny that I'm giving Jason a hard time about the $6 grand right now.

So you do something like this, like how if you're not making a return on your money, then what's the point in doing it? Right.

Just for fun.

Just for fun?

No, really?

No, the—

it's a, it's a sitcom, and it's basically to take it and like bring it to Netflix and Hulu.

Oh, okay. So the idea is to sell it?

Yeah. Like last year I had a guy— I told you about this— who was like, he owes me like so much money, and he just walked on the whole project. And how about this? Never would show up.

Let's let the audience decide if you think Jason's a trustworthy person.

Yes, I, I will pay you back, cuz you know me. I would never let $6,000 become between us. Okay. Ever, ever, ever. I'd work it off.

Well, I'm leaning towards yes, for sure.

But the The idea is probably I won't ever make any money on it, you know what I mean?

It's just for fun.

Yeah, it's an investment.

Yeah, to figure out—

but it is what I want to do. Like, I think about like, well, what do I want to do with my life? Like, I love the podcast, but like, that's really what I want to do.

Okay, all right, I'll think about it. Let us know in the comments, guys. We're gonna end the pod here. Um, if you really truly believe Jason deserves the $6,000, which I'm leaning towards yes.

Whoa, you don't even want to hear what it's about?

Nope, I don't care.

See, that's— I left that off of it because I knew he wouldn't I would have skipped the slide.

No, I just want to see the outcome. All right, guys, that's all the time we have. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Natalie, for joining us. Jason, for joining us. Jonah, for joining us. Or sorry, I should say Nick. We'll see you guys in a couple of days. In 2 days. See you later. Bye.