Coming Out of The Closet

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason forgets that toenails do grow back and they're about to claw my eyes out because they're getting back to the disgusting length that they were at before.

Don't you move, motherfucker! You want some of this?

It's right by my nostrils, guys. Bruce, roll the intro music! That was the intro song by Bruce. Bruce is an amazing producer. He killed that song. He did a really amazing job. I know you guys are probably freaking out because you guys haven't heard an ad yet. There is an ad coming.

There's two.

There's two ads. So don't worry, we're gonna be paying the bills. But we got, we got some bigger fish to fry right now. Um, Jason Nash, my co-host, he's 44 years old. Yeah, I'm 21 years old, so that makes him 23 years older than me.

Yeah.

Went on a date with someone that's 2 years younger than me recently.

Go ahead, go, you go ahead.

No, you're looking for, you're looking for words.

I, I did go on a date. I went on a YouTube date.

He went on a YouTube date, which She collabed with this girl, she was 19, and that's okay to go collab with her 'cause you're a YouTuber.

Sure.

Yeah, but my favorite part is they were in the dressing room together, they were shooting some kind of a sketch, and the cameras were off. I've said this in my vlog before, and Jason felt something. Jason was like, this is my time.

She went, she—

And he leans in for a kiss. I wasn't even there, but I already know exactly how it went down because I know Jason and he's leaned in to kiss me a couple times. And luckily I'm used to it, so I know how to ignore it.

Don't flatter yourself. You wish you were fucking cute enough for me to kiss you.

But Jason is 100% the type of guy to get attention from a girl because they're collabing on YouTube and him to misread it as, oh my God, this girl wants to fuck me.

Dude, she, I had, I definitely misread it, but at the same time, you're not letting me tell my side of the story.

Yeah, sorry.

She called me to collab.

Yeah.

And I was like kind of surprised that she wanted to. I don't know why she would want to.

Yeah.

And then she came into the dressing room with me, which I thought was so weird. Yeah, strange.

I mean, yeah, I guess that it is weird.

And then when we were gonna leave, I was like, all right, let's go. She, she like lingered. It was weird, I'm telling you.

But, but my question is, I read the situation around 100%.

So you're standing, and the girl we're talking about is great, and she— I, you know, I don't think she I'm wrong, but—

So you're standing there, and she's not really making a move yet to leave. And in your head, you're like, this girl wants to have sex with me right now in this dressing room.

I don't think she wanted to. I didn't think she wanted to have sex with me in the dressing room. Also, part of it was like—

But best case scenario—

But let me finish. Also, part of it was like, OK, we're here creating a video. So how— why not make this video interesting? You know what I mean? There's that part of it, too.

This is the type of guy to work at Subway. And a girl takes a shift and he's like, are you trying to fuck me? Jason, you're at work making a video with this girl and you think she wants to kiss you. And I think it's really cute.

But even in failure, it's still gonna be a good moment.

Yeah, you're lucky that it's funny and lucky we get to talk about it on the podcast. But just explain to me, best case scenario, she kisses you back. Do you guys just get it on?

No, I thought maybe we would kiss and then that would be a funny story to tell. That we'd made out, then, or yeah, maybe it escalates, or maybe we come back and, like, dude, you don't make vlogs Monday, Wednesday, Friday like I do? Like, I make a vlog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Oh, do you? And I've been doing it since December. Really? Yeah, so you wouldn't know about this.

Oh, so you're a YouTuber.

I'm a YouTuber.

Oh, okay. My thing, my whole weird understanding of this Or what I loved about it, I should say, is when I accused you of doing this, you were like, you know Chris Hansen?

Well, first of all, I told you about it. You didn't accuse me of anything.

No, but then when I made fun of you for it, you were like, from, you know Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC?

Yeah.

I felt like him, and you were like, oh, I wasn't gonna have sex with her. I was just, I just wanted to kiss her.

No, no, if she wanted to have sex with me, then yeah, maybe. I'm not saying that.

No, I know, I just think it's weird. Really funny that that's what happened because like I can't imagine like in your head you're like, okay, I'm gonna kiss her, she's gonna look at me, we're gonna fall in love, and we're gonna have YouTube babies.

To be honest, like I didn't think that far ahead because I mean obviously I don't in my life. I mean, look at my life. But like I obviously don't think that far ahead. I'm not a well-planned person. But like, you know, like I don't know. And then the other part of it was like, I was like, I I would've been thinking about it still. Like if I was sitting here, I'd be like, what was that in the dressing room?

You're literally like a 44-year-old high schooler that's like, I'm gonna live life to the fullest. And if I have an opportunity to kiss another high schooler, I will.

But it's either way, like it didn't seem like that big of a deal to fall on my face. Like I don't really care.

I know.

You know what I mean?

And that's what's so special about you is you can literally be strung up by your penis, hanging from a flagpole.

And fuck you, David. I told you about this. Yeah. So I could have not said anything.

Yeah. But the second the kiss happened, you said that she whipped out her cell phone to record it.

But she wasn't— she's super cool. Like she wasn't— if I didn't want her to put that on there, she wasn't going to put it on there.

I know.

But regardless, I mean, I recorded too.

I mean, I'm giving you shit because, you know, you told me about it. I wouldn't bring up something on the podcast that I heard about someone else, like that I heard from someone else.

Right, right, right, right.

I absolutely love this story.

Yeah, and I heard—

How come this didn't make your vlog?

I haven't put it in yet because I haven't realized how to edit it, but what bothers me about this is that you knew you had this gay experience. I've asked you if you were gay multiple times and you always say no, and you just blow right past it. Like, explain to me, who was this man? How did it happen? Are you in love with him still? Do you miss him?

It's so funny to me. It's so, so funny to me.

What is? This topic. Why?

Because I don't— I wouldn't care if I did have a gay experience. Do you know what I mean? Like, I would tell you if I did.

Yeah, but I feel like there's something else behind it.

Like, I mean, would you— if you had a gay experience, I don't think you would care. I think you'd be like, oh yeah, I sucked some guy's dick. Like, it's not my thing, but I did it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, I totally tell you.

I don't think you would care either.

Yeah, no, not at all. I wouldn't hide that.

Do you think I'm— do you think I'm gay? Do you think I'm gay?

Yeah, I've had feelings for you.

You think I'm gay?

I said I've had feelings for you. Yeah, my gaydar went off. I'm in love with you.

Do you think I'm gay?

Yeah, I mean—

You think I'm a little gay?

Yeah, I think you're a little bit gay.

You think I'm— No, no, be honest.

I've had conversations with people behind your back about you.

Who?

Everybody.

Who?

Literally everyone.

Why, because I hang out with you and you're 21 and you're like a twink?

So you are trying to fuck me.

I'm not trying to fuck you ever. Fuck you, David. Don't flatter yourself.

Bro, me and Brandon were talking. Me and Brandon's another kid that's my age, he's in the vlogs, and we bonded over the fact that both our parents thought— when we first started hanging out with Jason, both our parents thought that Jason was trying to have sex with us. Jason came over for Thanksgiving once and my parents weren't home because they were in Florida, and I'm like, could Jason spend the night at our place? And they were like, 'Uh, yeah, what are you guys gonna do there?' And I'm like, 'He's just sleeping.' Play video games, suck each other off. Play video games, give him a blowjob. They were just so confused. But no, yeah, I do think you're gay, and there's no problem with that. I've always wanted a gay best friend.

Who else did you talk to about me being gay?

With Liza, Alex.

What does Liza say about it?

She says, 'Yeah, he's probably a little bit gay.' Liza says that about me? Yeah, I'm being honest right now too.

Alex says I'm probably a little bit gay?

Actually, I haven't talked to Alex. He's the only one I haven't talked to. Okay, but I've talked to all of All our friends, Todd, Zane, you know, all of them.

And Zane thinks I'm a little bit gay.

Yeah. Really? Yeah, there's no problem with that. You don't have to be so defensive.

What does a little bit gay mean to you?

It's like you like dick a little bit.

Okay, cool. And who, if I like had, who do you think I'm fucking around with?

I don't think it's necessarily that you're gay. I think it's that like, I think it's that you'd be down to hook up with another guy. If you had feelings for him, if that makes sense. Like if you really liked another guy, you'd be, and he was like, hey, I'm gay. You'd be so open to hooking up with him.

I can tell you right now that if I was gay, I would try to fuck you. I'd be trying to fuck you right now. Here he is. 'Cause I like you. How about that? How about that? Have I made a move on you?

I don't know.

Oh, what's that supposed to mean? What do you mean?

It sounds like a move.

Do you think I'm fingering you in your sleep? What is that supposed to mean? I don't know. Jason, you don't know? You're not conscious?

Listen, you're turning red, and if this is the first time you're admitting your feelings towards me, we don't have to put it on the podcast. I can delete all of this.

This reeks of the fucking guy. This reeks of the jock in gym class who picks on the— calls the guy gay when he's gay. That's what this reeks of, and I think your audience can fucking smell it. No, I'm a mile away.

No, no, no, no, no, this isn't— this isn't like— I'm not— I'm not trying to defend myself for being gay. I'm just saying this is what people have said. And I've had conversations with people that—

this is— what did Liza say?

I'm not attacking you. I'm not—

I'm not— I'm not— I don't feel attacked.

Good.

I'm batting the fucking idea around, bro.

It's not the only thing you're batting around.

A couple of balls and a dick, is that what you mean? Um, no, I mean, batting around someone's salad.

I, I— Liza has asked me, actually.

What did Liza say?

She's like, is Jason gay? And I'm like, you know what, I don't know. I don't want to ask him. Because he'll probably be very shy, because I'm pretty sure he's gay.

So Liza thinks that I was married for 10 years, had 2 kids, and was gay the whole time. Is that what she thinks?

Well, yeah, because you didn't get a divorce for no reason. It was because of that man in New York that you're trying to sleep with.

I got a divorce because I wanted to do YouTube.

You're like, I got a divorce. Oh, right, yeah, yeah, it was because I was gay.

I mean, if I were to look at it from an outsider, I could see, oh yeah. He hangs out with all these young kids.

Oh no, no, it's not like that at all.

I could see that.

No, it's not who you hang out with.

I wonder if my ex-wife thinks I'm gay.

Wow, we should have her on the— have her on the show and talk to her about it.

We should prank her and I should bring over— you go, I wonder if my boyfriend—

I wonder if my ex-boyfriend is gay. I wonder if my ex-boyfriend thinks I'm gay. I can text my ex-boyfriend right now and he'll tell you that I'm not gay. But did you have a gay experience in the New York hotel room?

I've never ever, not yet in my lifetime—

don't look at me with those eyes—

have had— I'm trying to get a point across to you— have had a gay experience. I had one gay experience and I told you about it. Yeah, and it was when I was 6.

What happened?

You know, I, I kissed my friend's cock and he kissed mine. Shut up, I told you about this.

I don't remember the story.

I was like 6 or 7 and literally like we were— I remember being in like the bed and like we took our pants off.

Penis?

Yeah, but like there was no like erection obviously or anything. And then that was it because we're not gay. It's like fucking gay, bro.

We kissed it because we're bros and I fucked Jake Paul. Um, no, I mean, okay, fair enough. I don't, I, I don't have any problem with you being gay if you are. And if you— if this isn't the right time for you to come out of the I'll tell you the story.

The story is bullshit.

No, no, no, I believe you. I believe that you're not.

Well, no, tell the story. The hotel story. You can't bring that up and not tell everybody.

Okay, the hotel story is that Jason, it was late at night and he went into a room.

Which is a ridiculous story that you're about to tell. The woman that spread this rumor about me is fucking a piece of shit.

Does your mom know you're gay?

My mom does know I'm gay.

Okay, okay, who is this woman that spread that spread this bullshit about you?

She's someone that I like, I was like kind of friends with, and then she was gonna be in the movie and the producers didn't want her in the movie, and I think she had some sore feelings about it.

Because you fucked her brother. Anyway, this woman told our friend Brandon that she saw Jason walk into a room with another man, a hotel room, and they were very flirty at the bar and then they decided to go together upstairs.

Yeah, tell her version. And then I'm gonna tell my version and everyone's gonna be like, what?

Well yeah, that's my version is that that's it, that you went into the hotel room with another man. What's your version?

Okay, my version is that I have like 3 best friends from college that we all used to live in New York together. There's only one left in New York, everyone else moved. And when I go to New York, my friend now lives in New Jersey with his wife and 2 kids. My friend is a little gay actually, but I've never fucked him. So maybe that's why she thought.

Oh, okay, okay.

I mean, he's not gay, But he's like, he's just like a really soft dude. He talks like this. He's like a really chill dude. Anyway, so when I—

So now you see how I could think you're gay if you think another married man is gay.

I know he's not gay. I know this guy's not gay, 'cause he would tell me if he was gay. So when I go to New York, if someone pays for me to go to New York and I get like in a nice hotel in New York, he's really cheap.

Yeah, you wanna cuddle with someone. I get it.

And so it's not that he's really cheap. It's— he is really cheap, but like, he lives in New Jersey, like 45 minutes away.

Yeah.

And so he'll, he'll stay over in my hotel room. Not always, but that one night he did, so we could get up in the morning and like do shit and like, you know, go to brunch or whatever.

Yeah, morning sex.

Yeah, yeah, slap our balls against the fucking wall and put my balls in his ass.

And he just slept over in his ear. That's what's happening.

Literally, there's two beds in the hotel room, and like at the end of the night, we— yeah, we went up to the same hotel room because— and then we called my other friend and we're like, ah, this is hilarious, we're fucking— you know, we're like, this is like college again, and Hatcher's being weird and he's eating all the peanuts out of the fucking mini fridge. But for someone to—

you found out you were gay in college.

So for someone— if for her to say that, it's, it's literally like, yeah, it's literally like David, David's at, um, VidCon, and, um, Alex doesn't have a room, but David's nice enough to be like, oh cool, yeah, I'll stay in my room. That's literally what it is. And she went and told everyone that I was gay off that.

How did you know that I blew Alex at that time? Yeah, no, I totally get it. It's a false story. Um, and I would tell you. Yeah, I know you would.

I would tell you. I've told you stuff on this podcast that you didn't even want to put in. Yeah, so I'll tell you. I'll be honest with you. No, I mean, I wish I had a fucking gay story to tell you right now.

I would tell Yeah, I believe you, I believe you.

I mean, other than—

Speaking of gay stories, you said you're gonna handcuff yourself to your wife, to your ex-wife.

Yeah, well, you know, always looking for good video ideas.

So Jason asked his ex-wife, his ex-wife who now has a boyfriend, if he can handcuff himself to her for 24 hours. And what does his ex-wife say? Yeah, for a purse. Chloe. Oh, sorry, a Chloe.

A Chloe bag.

Which is like a very expensive bag.

Yeah, I mean, she wasn't— She was like not that into it. She was like, I don't know, maybe. And you want to— will you buy me a Chloe bag? And of course I was like, yeah, whatever the fuck you want. I mean, I'll do anything for that.

And you're gonna hang— she's okay, so she's gonna be handcuffed to you, so you guys are gonna have to sleep together. Yeah.

Okay, which is fine.

You have to poop together.

Seen her poop?

You have? You've seen her actual poop?

Actually, I've never seen her poop.

Really? You've never stood up? You've never been around when she's pooping?

No, because she, she's, she's real private about that. She has like 2 bouncers stand outside the door when she poops, you know what I mean? She would like shut the door and then shut the other door. You go lock down the house.

You go up to the door, there's 2 guys. Hey, who do you know here? In other news, Jason and I went to USC the other day. We went to our first tailgate. So much fun. Jason wore a diaper.

Mm-hmm.

Which was great.

It's a good idea. He wore— David had asked me to start wearing the diaper around casually.

He wore it as a joke first, but then I told him, I'm like, Jason, I understand that this is a joke, but you need to wear it now permanently.

And I didn't get it at first. I was like, I thought you were crazy. I was like, are you crazy? I'm gonna walk around in a diaper? And then I realized the power of the diaper, just having it on.

He's wearing it now. It's a good reveal because he needs to sell it. And it's the best when you're in a public space and Jason takes off his diaper because it's giving him like a rash. We were at USC, it was like the day was over. We were standing right by people grilling and Jason goes, you know what, I think, I think it's getting a little annoying. And Jason pulls it right out, right out, like he's revealing some sexy thong and he tosses it in the trash.

Didn't come out that easily.

Um, no, it came out with quite a jimmy. But, um, yeah, we went to USC every time we go, which we go a lot recently.

We're like, yeah, we've been going a real lot.

We're like college students. We can never get into any frats.

No, what happens every time is we go up there, they sort of laugh in our faces, David charms his way in, we get in, we get in with one guy, we start to have a good time, we start to have too good of a time, people take notice that we're having too much fun, and they throw us out.

And they kick us out for being too— for being too gay is what they kicked us out for last time. Oh yeah, Jason took his— took off his shirt and so did Alex.

Oh, I was, um, I was drinking a shot out of his stomach.

Yeah, Jason was taking body shots off of Alex. And they kicked us out because we were too gay. Yeah, what the hell is that?

Yeah, they were pointing, they were like, no, don't take that gay shit in here.

And it's just unbelievable. And Jason's— Jason's been gay for a while now, ever since New York.

And then they called—

it bums me out that like he's treated this way. So what's the worst story that you have with your ex-wife? The worst story?

Yeah, that I did to her? Yeah. Oh, I've done a lot of bad things to her. Yeah.

Who do you think was the one to blame for most of the bad doings in the relationship?

Uh, it's so hard to say. I mean, I guess you could say me, but then you could also say that, like, you know, she was like— she was— I don't know. I can't— I'm not gonna sit here and say that she was— did you tell your kids? I disagreed with what she wanted to do and she disagreed with what I wanted.

Did you tell your kids that they were the reason for the divorce?

No, I said I needed to get views on YouTube.

How was it like telling your kids that you're getting a divorce?

How was it like?

Yeah, like what happened?

Oh, what was it like?

How did you tell them? Did you make a fun YouTube video? You made a sketch out of it?

Yeah, yeah. I got all these celebrities together, their favorite, like Twenty One Pilots and Imagine Dragons, and they wrote this song.

Your parents are getting a divorce. Yeah.

Divorce. Really? And then we had a private concert and then they played it live.

Were your kids crying at the end of it?

No, they were up on stage singing along. They didn't realize until they got home what it all meant.

No, but actually, how did they react to your divorce?

I don't, you know, my son took it well. My daughter was like, she was crying, but I also, sometimes I feel like she only thinks about herself. What?

How old's your daughter?

She's 8.

I love that.

Not that she only thinks about herself, but she's like dramatic. Like, my son—

you told me that your daughter is a narcissist and she's 8 years old, and I find that to be the funniest thing.

She's pretty narcissistic. Like, Wyatt, um, really hurt his chin badly when we were in Las Vegas. He had to go to like the hospital. He fell off a slip and slide, like stitches on his chin. And then that night she was like creating all these ailments about herself. What do you mean? Like, she's like, she's like, she's like, my, my appendix, my appendix is— I don't feel good. Meanwhile, like, Wyatt's like all stitched up, ice chin, can't move. Like, she creates drama. You know, one time recently she called me, she called me, she's like, Daddy, I miss you, I miss you. And I was like, oh my god, I was like, okay, okay, I'll come see you, I'll come see you tonight. Like, I was really busy, we were like doing stuff, I had to go shoot with you or whatever. And then, and then I got there, long story short, she wanted to go to Michaels.

To buy what?

Do you know what Michaels is?

It's an arts and crafts store.

Yeah, it's like a really— it's a big arts and crafts chain here in LA, and she wanted to to buy this thing that played the, um, you can play grapes. You can play the grapes. Did I show you that thing? No. It's like a toy that has clamps. There's like 6 clamps.

Yeah.

And you clamp it to anything with moisture.

So you like, you can use grapes, you can use a banana, and just make sounds.

And yeah, so if you use grapes, you could like—

she called you crying.

Yeah, she wanted this thing. And so like, I got the story from my ex-wife, which was like, oh, she doesn't miss you. She's like, she was at Michael's today and I told her no to the toy, so she's trying to hit you up for the toy. And because she said to, um, uh, my ex-wife, she was like, after, later she said to her, she was like, what time does Michael's close tonight? And she was like, well, they close at 8. Whoa. So then at like 6:15, Charlie gets on the phone and is like, Daddy, I want to see you.

Oh my God.

But she just wanted to go to Michael's. Which is a pretty fly story, don't get me wrong.

What did you say? What did you say when you found out?

I went and took her to Michael's. I got her the toy.

The other day your son wanted to, um, get Sour Patch Kids and it was like 11 PM at night and he's like, Daddy, Daddy, can you, can you buy me Sour Patch Kids? And I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there and I'm like, just don't fucking say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes. And, and Jason's Jason's like, what are you crazy? It's 11. Why would you need Sour Patch Kids? And his son goes, well, I'll eat them tomorrow. And Jason goes, all right. Jason goes, I can't argue with that. I'll have them tomorrow. So Jason gets out his phone to get like the food delivery system where you can order any food. And as he's getting it out, Jason makes a mistake because he goes, so what do you want? He asks again, which you're not supposed to do. You're just supposed to order the Sour Patch Kids and say it's done. But he goes, so what do you want? And his son goes, Sour Patch Kids and then Krispy Kreme for tomorrow when I wake up in the morning. And then, and then make sure to get me Perriers, but get me a lot because I like drinking a lot of them. That's exactly what he said.

And I'm sitting there and I'm just like, Jason, I said no to the Krispy Kremes.

You said no to the—

because that was a separate order.

And I wanted to come over and choke you out.

Well, why didn't you?

Because I don't have that say with your kids, and I felt so bad for you. And speaking of your kids, I love when you tell my kids no.

I love when you— I love when you're like a real person because I'm not a real person to them. But David will straight up be like, hey, Wyatt, you smoking pot or what?

His son's 11. We were dropping him off at laser tag and I was trying to ask him who his pot dealer was at laser tag because I'm like, I didn't want to go to laser tag when I was 11. Tell me the truth, who's dealing drugs here?

Oh no, he's not like you.

He's so like— no, he's very But this is what I wanted. This is what we talked about before. He calls you Daddy still.

Yeah, I know, we gotta work on that. It's fine, he's 11.

Yeah, he's 11, which is fine, and I don't see a problem with it now, but I'm curious, when does that stop?

Well, when do you think?

11, 12? With Wyatt, it seems like it's never gonna stop. Nah, unless you tell him.

I'll tell him, I'll tell him.

How are you gonna tell him? Here, I'll be Wyatt. Okay, me saying Daddy will probably turn you on, but here, ready?

Daddy? Hey Wyatt, I feel like—

Daddy, can I have Sour Patch Kids?

Yeah, sure.

I forgot what I was gonna say.

Should we eat Krispy Kreme? Wyatt, maybe don't, maybe you shouldn't say daddy anymore. You're getting pretty big now. What do you think? Okay, okay, okay, okay, it's okay. Play the grapes, play the grapes.

Play the grapes, here's daddy, daddy's here. No, it's gonna be tough to let him know that that he can't call you Daddy anymore. It'll be kind of heartbreaking.

It's heartbreaking to watch them grow up because that's it, they're done.

It's almost like— it's almost like I feel like your son is gonna have a harder time going to college than you are sending him off to college.

Yeah, he might be a clinger.

Yeah, yeah, he seems like one of those kids.

Did you know any kids like that whose like parents like couldn't get rid of them? No, you didn't?

Your kids are the first. Oh really?

Yeah, you have any kids in high school that are super close to their parents?

Not like that. Really?

Yeah. You think they're that close to me?

Yeah. I think they're really close to you, which is awesome. And it's great. And it's the most adorable thing, but it's just, I feel like it could get bumpy in about 2 years when, when he's at his freshman year football game and he goes, Daddy, Daddy, did you see my touchdown? That's where there's going to be some trouble. Um, but speaking of trouble, there's some good trouble on the way because Spotify Spotify came and here I am stalling, looking for the read. Every episode of Views is now available on Spotify, and I know what you guys are thinking— Spotify's podcast? Yes, your place for all things music now has the world's most popular podcast. To stream Views on Spotify, open the app, tap browse, and look for us in the podcast section. Follow us and all your favorites to get new episodes dropped into your library as soon as they drop. For more, head to Spotify.com/views.

.com/podcast. There's a playlist on there called Beast Mode, and it's the best.

Is that where you masturbate too?

Yeah, it's a picture of your face. Um, and it's great, and they change the songs a lot, but it's like really good songs to work out to, like really hardcore rap. And yeah, it's really good. Check it out if you have Spotify.

You know, you know what I really wanted to talk to you about?

Tell me.

Um, how was it going to college when you were younger? Because you went— what year did you go to college?

I graduated in '95.

In '95, that's when you graduated?

Yeah.

You graduated in the year I was born. A year after you graduated college.

Yeah, why is that such a big deal? Why is this a big deal anymore? We're different ages. I'm fucking older than you.

Ah, see, so that's what it is.

What?

I finally burst your bubble.

What?

How's that? You're angry now.

No, it's just, it's fucking the same fucking beat over and over again.

You're 44 and I'm 21. You can't take it anymore. I'm fine with it.

No, no, no, it sucks. I'll be honest.

No, no, I'm not even—

you know what sucks about it? This is what sucks about it. This is what sucks about it. Because when you say it, when I say '95, I'm like, yeah, '95, like, and then I forget that it's 2017. No, I'm like, oh, like 10 years ago. I'm like, oh no, it wasn't 10 years ago.

No, I'm not trying to punch at your age at all. I'm just trying to say like, what was it like what was it like growing up without cell phones, without, I don't know, was internet around?

No, we didn't have the internet, man. We didn't have internet. We didn't have cell phones.

So how did you upload tweets?

It was pretty awful.

How did you upload Instagram pics without the internet?

Well, we would take Polaroids and then we would shoot them with bottle rockets into the sky and then hope they would land to other people. And then when they got it, they would shoot it to someone else.

And they would maybe leave a comment on it or maybe they'd put a heart there.

Yeah, you write a little bit on the back. I mean, it worked pretty well for a while.

You look like you're getting fatter. And then you send it back into space. That's amazing. So you guys—

This is so me.

This is so me. So how did you communicate? Let's say— this is my favorite part. If you met a girl, if you hooked up with a girl, going out, right? You went out, it was a crazy night, you hooked up with a 10. Like a babe.

Like in college.

Yeah, in college. And then you went back to your dorm room without the girl, and you go to your roommate and you go, dude, I hooked up with the hottest chick. He just has to take your word for it. Yeah, because you can't show him.

No, you could lie like crazy. Everyone lied. The world was full of lies.

It'd be like, show me her Instagram.

My dad had a friend who told me he was a boxing champ. Really? And he wasn't.

And you had no idea? Yeah, we just believed him for years because you guys probably didn't even have like television.

Yeah, couldn't look it up. And we had TV, but we didn't—

we couldn't Google it.

Yeah, you can't Google it. Holy shit. You're just too lazy to actually— you just believe them. Like, oh cool, that was awesome. You went to the moon? That's great.

How was it? Was it warm? Yeah, yeah.

Is it made of cheese or what? Yeah, yeah, it was made of cheese. It's dope. It's made of cheese, so you have plenty to eat up there. It's awesome. Cool, you gotta come around more, dude. I really like you. Glad you're friends with my family. What was it? What was the—

what was the worst part about going to college at that time? Um, there was the plague.

There wasn't anything bad about it. It was just— there was just— it's just— it's just very awestruck to think about, like, that there was no phones. It's so weird. Like, you have it so much better now.

Did you have cars? Um, yes, of course you did.

Yeah, we had cars. In some ways— in some ways it wasn't better.

Did you have mirrors? Uh, no, you had cars.

Okay. In some ways it wasn't better because you could just— you were just forced to, like, talk to everybody.

That's amazing though. It's kind of cool. And it was—

it— but at the same time, when you think about like Yelp or Uber— oh yeah, something like that— it's so much better now. 100%. You know what else was fun? You know what else was fucking cool? What? Push people in the pool anytime you wanted.

Oh, because no one ever had cell phones. Holy cow.

Yeah, that's all we did, dude, is pushing people in the pool.

That's a funny idea for like a Back to the Future type movie. Yeah, like this guy goes back into the past.

Yeah.

And this guy's about to push him in the pool and he's like, wait, wait, I have my cell phone in my pocket. And the guy just looks at him like, what? And then pushes him in the pool. That's funny.

Like, so funny. Someone's gonna steal it.

Was there more sex in college when you were— when you went?

Yeah, I'm a bad person to ask that. I don't— I didn't get a lot of sex. Yeah, I'm not good with girls. Did your—

were your friends having a lot of sex?

No, my friends were all like, um, funny people. They weren't— they weren't jocks, you know.

That's a nice way to say losers.

We fucked each other.

Well, I know that. I don't have to get into that. But yeah, so you're okay.

That makes sense. Wouldn't you like to have lived— wouldn't you like to live for like a week like that and see what it was like? Or you think you'd fucking hate it?

Like 100%, I'd love to live like that for a week.

You would? Yeah. Why?

Well, because it's so interesting not having a phone, not communicating by cell phones. It's— you know what's crazy too? Is like if you go home and you're trying to hook up with a girl. Okay, so I know for a lot of my friends, when they go out to parties, they're always looking for girls to hook up with. And when that doesn't happen, they just go, "Oh, fuck it, I'll go on Twitter or I'll go on Tinder and I'll go on Bumble and I'll hook up with a girl at home. I'll find a girl. I'll literally Uber a girl over to my house." Like that. Like, that's how accessible sex is now. But like, back then, I'm assuming people would stay at bars much longer because they'd be like, I have to find a girl here, or I'm not leaving. Uh-huh. So people would be there till like 5:00 a.m.

You know the song Closing Time? Yeah, sweet song.

But that— they made the song because people would stay at bars for so long looking for sex. My main question about college back then, Jason, is did they have NatureBox? Because we all want to eat better, but when it comes to snacks, sometimes it feels like the whole world is delicious and a billion calories.

Segue I totally was waiting.

Jason was like, NatureBox. Hmm, did we have NatureBox? You don't even get my segue. It doesn't have to be that way. Up your snack game with NatureBox. NatureBox has over 100 snacks that taste good and are actually better for you. All snacks are made from high-quality, simple ingredients, which means no artificial colors, flavors, or sweeteners, so you can feel good about what you're eating.

Mmm, my favorites are the dried mango. Yes, Big Island pineapple's good. Love those. Cinnamon twist. I can go on and on.

I will be honest, I love anything cinnamon and Twist, twist.

Yeah, cinnamon's good for you.

You're sure to find your new snack obsession at NatureBox. They add new snacks every month inspired by real customer feedback, the latest food trends, and professional chefs. It's so simple, just go to NatureBox. I love that in the background, the— what is your mouth watering? Choose the snacks you want and NatureBox will deliver them right to your door.

Yeah, and there's no risk. If you ever try a snack you don't like with NatureBox, don't eat it. NatureBox will replace it for free.

For free.

Mm-hmm.

Right now, NatureBox is offering Views fans 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com/views.

Mm, that's naturebox.com/views for 3 free snacks, guys, with your first order.

That's 50% off your first order, naturebox.com/views. So Jason, as you know, I am a DACA recipient. So Trump ended DACA unofficially last week, and he said in 6 months it will be gone forever, most likely. I can't leave the United States anymore, I can't travel, and all that hoopla. And as of 3 hours ago, Trump met with some Democrats, and it's looking like the update on the DACA situation is looking a little bit brighter, Jason.

Really? What happened?

They must have seen my fire tweets, and they must have seen all the hot merch I was selling.

Oh God, it all worked. Your plan worked.

It all worked. The It looks like they, they're agreeing to come up with a, with a positive solution for people with DACA, with these DACA cardholder people. So like, for people like me, they're trying to come up with a good solution.

A path to citizenship.

A path to citizenship. Wonderful. It's amazing. I don't like to take full responsibility for changing the lives of thousands, but Jason, I think it was when me and you got in the Tesla the other day And we were going really fast in it, and I told you that if we hit 100, we'd fix all the problems in the world.

Right on, man. I knew we were changing lives that day.

And we hit 100 miles per hour. Yeah. And that's when things changed.

I don't know if it was that or that freestyle rap you did on the couch next to Scott.

It was either the rap or me selling a lot of merch or the Tesla situation or just millions of Americans being outraged at Trump. I think it's one of those situations definitely made a drastic impact.

Or maybe when you made fun of my age in front of my kids. That could have been that, because that was so hilarious.

Yeah, I guess that was pretty funny.

Listen, I don't mind being made fun of.

You know, my parents have actually called me about age jokes, actually multiple times now. They're like, hey, no need to make fun of Jason's age. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if it's like a situation where like they're like, we're his age too, so don't— yeah, don't make fun of him.

Or if it's like a situation like we feel bad for the guy, I don't mind.

They look out first. They look out for you a lot. My parents are always concerned about you.

Yeah, even though I'm looking to have sex with you.

So you are— you admit it?

I admit it. Got a full circle on this podcast.

Well, there you go. We found out this podcast that Jason is gay, that we have solved that And our next move— Jason, I have still been talking about this, we still haven't figured it out— we're going to end ISIS.

Yeah, Charlie's a narcissist, we found that out.

Oh, we're just gonna skip over the ISIS thing? You don't want to even tell them?

What did you say?

I said we're going to end ISIS.

Well, it's— I mean, I— you got to get some more fire tweets going.

You're right.

I mean, I don't know if you have it in you to end ISIS.

Yeah, the more— the funnier tweets I get, the less chance of ISIS coming around again. Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna write out some more tweets.

And don't drop a dime on David if you, you know—

what does that mean?

You know, don't call, don't call immigration on David.

That's not cool. Yeah, Jason and Scott the other day, I wouldn't be in their vlog for some reason, and they genuinely threatened by calling immigration on me.

I love, I love saying that when you're mean to— when you, when you're being a jerk. I'm gonna call immigration on you, get you out of here.

Fucked up.

Get you out of this country.

I could get deported like this. Scott's like, come help me with this brand deal. I'm like, dude, I can't, I'm editing. And then he he goes, "Okay, well have fun editing in Slovakia." I just immediately get up and have to go help him. I will be honest though, I've said this before, the whole DACA situation has been really interesting 'cause I have felt like a minority. As much as I could feel like a minority, I never could, but I think it's the closest to me feeling somewhat like a minority. And it was pretty eye-opening. It gave me like something to talk about.

Yeah, it's giving you all kinds of character, I think, and you know, yeah, it's giving you a story. It's gonna be a great book.

I'm gonna write a book.

I had to go to immigration twice in the early 2017s.

Here's a 300-page book on me going to immigration twice. Yeah, interesting. No, it's given, it's given me a lot of, it's just, I don't know, it's given me a lot of, you've been asked, perspective.

You've been asked to guest on a bunch of rap tracks.

Yes, Lil Wayne, Bow Wow, they've all asked me to feature on their tracks. I've said no to all of them. I just can't, I can't jump on those. No, but we covered a lot today. I'm really happy. Well, I'm gonna end the podcast right here. Should we, should we tell them the big surprise? Yeah. Okay, well, we're having a live show in San Francisco.

Yes, we are.

It was really anticlimactic. It's not a really big surprise. It probably doesn't mean anything to you unless you live in San Francisco.

Yeah. It's gonna be announced this morning or tomorrow morning. Thursday morning will be announced.

You can buy tickets for $35. Yeah, or if you want to meet us, you have to pay an extra $65, and then you get to meet us.

Yeah, how— maybe more than that.

Who came up with that rule?

I came up with it. Yeah, you did. It was my idea.

So that's just so insane to me.

It was Charlie.

So, so for $35, you can You can watch us from anything further than 20 feet away, but for an extra $65, you'll have the opportunity to walk up to us. Yeah. And take a picture with us.

I disagree. I think it's— well, I think it's a steal.

You think we're getting ripped off?

No, I think, you know, I think we're giving them the bargain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting ripped off. I mean, we're not getting ripped off. I'm happy to do it for the fans for that low price. $100. Because when you get next to David Dobrik and you, you can smell him, because I can smell him all the time, he smells like peaches.

Keep in mind, Jason's the guy that you run to the grocery store and like you don't think anything of it. Like, could you imagine, like, go up— I want you to do this, this is a task for you tomorrow, okay? Go up to someone at the grocery store, just a random person tomorrow, and be like, you're lucky, some people have to pay $100 for this, and shake their hand and take a picture with them. And be like, this was $100, ma'am, but I'm gonna let it slide. All you gotta do is buy my groceries.

Thanks for talking us out of thousands of dollars in meet-and-greet sales.

That's great. No, no, definitely pay the $100. All the money goes to charity.

Me.

Jason's pocket. No, we definitely have nothing against you paying $100 to meet us. But that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Make sure you guys listen in to next week's podcast. Subscribe to the podcast. Tell us if you want to hear more ads, because we're down. They're like, where the fuck were the ads today? There's only 2. Last week we had 4. Well, we'll definitely try to kick it up for you guys.

I mentioned how many ads we have. I don't think any radio broadcast in history or podcast broadcast history would talk about it. I think it's funny.

We're personal like that. Because, you know, if we're getting ads, that means we're getting more money, and there's more to talk about when you have more money because you can buy cooler things. So it's true.

Jason's like, not gay. I'm not gay.

Yeah, Jason's also not gay. All right, we'll see you guys later. See you. Join us on next podcast when Jason officially comes out. Bye, guys.