CHOOSING THE BETTER KISSER!!

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where today all about love. Kind of different. I know I don't really like to talk about relationships on here, um, so this one's— this episode's gonna be real special to me.

AKA, that's all we talk about.

AKA, all we talk about is the lack of relationships.

This guy needs love so much he covered the set in rose petals. He's just waiting for Mrs. Right to come.

Yeah, hopefully. So Someone will walk through the door later this episode.

Yeah, I hope so. You know what? We have actually a surprise for you for Valentine's Day.

Knock the fuck out, who? Or what?

We have a surprise person on the line.

I'm intrigued.

Hello?

Is this Lorraine?

It's your ex-wife, Lorraine.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie. Did you get the flowers I sent you?

No, I didn't.

Okay, well, we're recording this episode a couple days before Valentine's Day, so you'll probably get them in a little bit.

Oh my God, you must be taking lessons on how to treat your ex from Jason.

Yes, yes, yeah, it was all Jason's idea except the 4 male strippers that I'm sending. Those were my idea. And you only have about 30 minutes with them except the guy with the blue hair. He's gonna stick around for an hour, so whatever you need.

I wanted to have my mom call because I wanted to remind you that you did once find love.

I know. I can't believe I was married to you, huh?

And then, you know, those were the good old days.

The good old 3 days that we had.

It was 3 days, but it did— you said it yourself, it felt like a lifetime.

Um, no, it was fun. I, I— you're, you're my favorite ex-husband.

What?

Over Jason's father?

Yeah.

Well, you heard it here first. What were you gonna say, Jay?

My mom, my mom says you have like a chronic disease. She called me today, she goes, oh yeah, you, you You have hyperhidrosis.

Yeah, I know, I know. It's my wet hands.

Yeah, there's a cure for that. There's a doctor, he's a specialist down in, um, Orange County.

No, I know, but you got to think about the positives. Those wet hands really helped me when we were in Hawaii together.

Oh my God.

I gotta hang up. Okay, bye, Lorraine.

Bye, Mom.

Bye.

Bye. That's my 86-year-old ex-wife Lorraine, who's Jason's mom. Married to for like a month. And the divorce process took about 3 months. So we just got back from Colombia. It was me, Natalie, Ilya that went from this house. It was a real big blast. Also, also went Nye and Ilya Dvorak went with us. Susie Antonian.

Nice.

Jonah Antonian.

Good group.

Colombia is fucking crazy.

Is it?

Yeah. I mean, I have a lot to say about it. I don't know. Well, you know, I think we should start with the stereotypes of Colombia, which is like it's dangerous. The Pablo Escobar stuff. Which, which kind of was like really tough to navigate because it is its history. But like, that's not what it's about at all. Like, it's not a dangerous place. I mean, I'm sure it is dangerous, just as L.A. is fucking dangerous. Like, you're in the wrong spot in L.A., it's horrible. You're in the wrong spot in Chicago, it's horrible. In the wrong spot in New York, like any place is dangerous. But like, at no time when we were there, we felt like we were in danger or anything like that. And then, you know, and then we also went to the Pablo Escobar Museum, which like I'm super interested in learning about, but like, I also don't want to like You know, people know enough about it. Like, I think there was— I think it's time to like shed different kind of light on Colombia because there's so much more to it, especially it— out of every place we visited, I feel like its culture is like really interesting. It's a really artsy place, but it was great. We went to this place called, uh, Teatron. And it's really sick. You walk in and it's, it's like this huge fucking— like, it's this huge dancing hall. It's like, it's like the Shrine Auditorium.

It's like a full city block, just— it looks like a warehouse from the outside, but walk in and it's—

yeah, you walk in and it's like just this big stage, big stage, maybe 2,000 seats of people watching, like probably like 1,000, 1,000 people watching. Um, and they're putting on like a drag queen show. They have like Magic Mike, like male strippers there.

It's like you walked into like, you know, the America's Got Talent set.

Like there's an actual like stage, lights, yeah, with like fire, with like pyro, like fireworks are coming out of shows, coming, happening all the time. Yeah, different shows all throughout the night. And then like you take a left down a hallway or a right or you go back or whatever, there's 18 tiny— not tiny, there's 18 clubs inside the one place.

No way.

And all—

it's like heaven for you.

It was fucking heaven.

How did you decide which club to go to?

I went to all of them. And, and like, I, I— Natalie and Ilya were sitting down and I just walked through all of them. There's, I'm telling you, 18 different places, all different music, all different genres.

Wow.

So you'd go into one room is reggaeton, then you'd go into the next one is all hip-hop. And like everyone has like a huge DJ.

Do you have you pay to get into each club, or you pay once, you pay once, and you go wherever you want.

It's like, what, $5?

It was literally like $3 a person to get in, and that was it. There was like, there was no bouncer, you know, like when you go out in LA, it's like, who do you know here? Are you on the list? Like, there was none of that. You pay $3, you get in, everyone's partying, everyone's having a good time.

That's what's so amazing is like, is like that like pretentious like attitude is gone there. Like, we were talking to this guy named Pope, um, Pope, and he's, um, he's J Balvin's like DJ. He was like J Balvin's guy. Like, they travel everywhere together and do music together. And he was saying how like he, even from him who's like a well-known person, will be like, LA's tough because you have to either know somebody or like you have to be somebody to get into a party or a club. And then even when you get there, you still have to pay like $4,000 for a table. Like this isn't the case. Like this is like anybody who, anybody can get into this place, which made it so amazing. 'Cause everybody was there. I would assume there was like in total like 4 or 5,000 people in the building.

At least. Yeah.

And it's like, Everyone's walking around. It's really interesting because every room is different music, but it doesn't drown itself out. So you'll like walk into one and you'll get the experience, but you don't hear the other music. And then you walk out into the hallway, you go to the next, and there's bars set up everywhere. Everywhere you can buy drinks. And like, people, instead of buying cups, they're buying the whole bottle. Yeah, like people are just walking around with a whole tequila bottle because it's like $2 for a fucking tequila bottle.

What?

Yeah, it's— dude, it's an insane place. Doornails.

So you guys know how I like sell my clothing online?

Yeah, yeah.

And I've always wondered, you know how like some girls will like sell their feet pics or their underwear or whatever? And I've always been like, well, like, I'm starting— no, no, no, I'm not. Okay, sorry, I'm not starting. But I've always wondered, I'm like, wow, like there's some girls make like really great money doing that. And so, um, I just sold like a bunch of my stuff online and there was one buyer that bought all of my used sports bras and like workout shorts today.

And you don't find the address for these things, right? This is—

was it you? No, but I've never had that. Like, I've never experienced something like that before. And it was like some man— I mean, the username is a name. I don't know if it's a man or a woman, but they bought literally like 22 items of all my sports bras that I listed and all my workout shorts. Oh my God, it was like $550.

Now, is that empowering or is that gross?

Someone accidentally sold my underwear once. I don't know if it was you or something.

It was It was your pants.

It was my pants. And like, I was freaked out by it. Um, mainly because you've sold some of my shit before, which I don't know why she does. She'll like go into my closet and she'll be like, fuck it, I'm running out of things to sell. Let me— you've done that before. And then I get like a tweet the next day and it's like, look at everything David has in his pocket. Doesn't even empty my fucking pockets. It's like my Five Gum, like it's so—

it's like parking valet tickets.

Yeah, like it's so fucked up. And this like random person now has it in Louisiana, like going through my pockets. And I'm like, Matt, if you're going to steal my clothing, like, make sure it's fucking empty.

It was one time.

Got into the pockets one time. I also don't sell your clothing ever. I don't know why or how your pants got in there, but it was like his, like, infamous plaid pants that he wore on, like, every carpet every night going out, which was, like, terrifying.

Like, I don't know what's on those pants. Like, it's gross.

Yeah, or DNA, or—

yeah, exactly. So, so that's why I'm asking, like, I guess it must be kind of terrifying to, like, like, what if you're on, you know, you sell your underwear— you didn't sell your underwear, but, like, your DNA is on your underwear and your fucking framed for some kind of a crime.

All my stuff's been washed.

Natalie murdered this person and then rubbed her vagina on him, apparently. Like, that's what it could be.

What day are the sports bras coming to you?

On Monday.

Okay.

Yeah, I did fast shipping, fast anonymous shipping.

You did the fast shipping?

I gotta pick it up in my PO box. Um, that's, that's pretty cool though, man. I love that you have hustles like that.

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Wait, did the story end or did we just start talking?

Well, that was kind of the story.

Oh, right, right. That the man bought the sports bras.

Yeah.

For some reason I thought you were going to link it to Colombia because that's what we were talking about. I thought you like you met the man in Colombia.

No, no.

He was wearing your sports bras.

No, I don't know who this man is, but apparently I have a little secret about him.

If you're the man and want to DM Natalie and come be interviewed on this, we'd love to talk to you about why you ordered those sports bras and we'll blur your face.

Oh, they said blur your face.

Natalie will blow you.

Are sports bras hard to get?

Like maybe it was—

Was somebody that really just wanted sports bras? You think it was a guy?

It was 22 items that they purchased all at once. Yeah, all at once.

We were in the Columbia Airport and this girl came up to me and she goes, I'm such a big fan. And I'm like, hi, I'm David. And she's like, no, no, like, I really love you. And I was like, thank you, thank you so much. And she's like, can I kiss you? And it's like a really interesting thing because like, I mean, I guess like I said no And I thought of it like, she's a supporter. I don't want to be an asshole.

Yeah, that's an odd situation to be in.

It's a weird question to ask.

Part of your mind's like, yeah, that would be an interesting story.

But like, dude, people have to travel more. It like changes your entire life. And like, now I'm getting better at like understanding people. I think like this episode, like more so, like I'm actually learning from these trips, which I didn't think I would. Like, I'm learning more about people and like what they enjoy and stuff. And I didn't think I would.

Something you learned this trip?

It's not like a specific thing that I can pinpoint, but I'm like just starting to feel for people more. Like I'm just starting to like feel closer to like every human in general. Like, you know, you know, like you have those epiphanies where you're like looking at like traffic or you're looking at like a skyscraper and you'll be like, every one of those people has a life, you know, like that, like realization. I think you get a lot more of that when you're in these countries and you're meeting all these strangers and they're and they're so passionate about their country and they're so passionate about like where they're from and you've never heard of it, but they have so much love for it. It's like so eye-opening. Like, you love this place that I don't even know existed. You have a million things to say about this city and this small country. And I'm like in this bubble in L.A. where like all I know is like social media, Instagram posts, Facebook posts, and like it's so different there. Like the values are so different. Guys, for our next segment here, Jason, you've prepared a little romantic—

Yeah, prepared a little Valentine's Day game.

Oh, perfect. Yes. Who's a better kisser, me or Nat?

Yeah.

Oh no, let's play. All right, all right, what's up everybody? Welcome back to The Newlywed Game. I'm your host Jason Nash. We have 3 amazing couples here today, some beautiful, beautiful couples, all from Los Angeles. Let's meet our couples first. Uh, we have Heath and Mariah, how long have you guys been dating?

Hey, how's it going?

Not sure.

Pretty sure it's around 4 years. It's been 6.

No way.

No, we don't have an anniversary, so we just kind of wing it. It's like 4 years though.

Let's pick a date. What's a good date?

April 11th.

April 11th would be nice.

It's your birthday, ass.

And what do you guys like to do with yourselves in your spare time?

Oh, gross and dirty.

Ah, you're a dog. We just like to hang out and walk.

Okay, feed the squirrels.

Boring.

Yeah. All right, let's meet couple number 2. It's Todd and Natalie. He's from Huntington Beach, she's from Chicago, Illinois. And, uh, you guys are a wonderful couple. How long you guys been dating?

Thanks, Jim. Um, we're kind of the same situation, you know, we kept it a secret and we never had a solid date, but around April, so maybe 2 years.

Okay, what do you guys like to do in your spare time?

Well, a lot of things, but we can't say most of them on camera.

Honestly, we just like to watch a lot of TV and a lot of movies.

Can we go?

And our third couple today, David and Ilya.

Hi guys, I'm David.

This is, uh, my name is Ilya, and we fuck each other's brains out.

So lucky. It's actually a funny story how we met. Thank you for asking. Yeah, um, well, I don't think you know this, but we're actually— we're swingers. Okay, so yeah, so we have— Ilya actually was swinging with Natalie one night, and I met him on the helicopter pad. He was trying to kiss Natalie.

Yep. And it didn't really work. So I was like, well, I guess Dave's my only option.

And now we're here together. No, but I do think that Ilya and I know each other just as much as these real couples do. So this will be interesting.

That's right.

I hope so. You've known each other for like 20 years.

Yeah.

Yeah. You guys got to—

Yeah, you got to have some advantage.

Yeah. But if we're being completely deadass, I have not done anything sexual with Ilya. Yes, yes, but I want to clarify that, but I want to be sure like that people understand that like it doesn't go past a friendship as of now.

Have you ever thought about it?

Yeah, yes, of course.

Let me smell your fingers.

Oh, we have a little surprise that's coming in right now. Oh, Todd went out of his way to get some flowers from Natalie.

I picked them myself.

Jason's yard.

That means he knows he's gonna lose the game, so this is his way of being like, you know, I'm a smart gambler.

Um, I actually got you something too. Can you check your phone?

Yeah. You just PayPal me $10,000?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Whatever.

What a good friend.

Money can't buy love.

We'll see how much these two make in the next couple years. All right guys, this is the Newlywed Game. If you don't know, we basically asked the boys a bunch of questions, uh, beforehand, and now the girls and David will have to just, uh, go through the questions and decide what their partner picked. All right guys, let's play the Newlywed Game. This is going to be a lot of fun. We're gonna see, uh, who knows who best. The first question over to Heath and Mariah. Um, Mariah?

Yeah, hey.

We asked Heath, who is more emotional, you or Heath? What do you think Heath said?

Me. Hey, it's a point if you spelled my name right.

Todd, over to you.

Oh, it's the same question?

Yeah, who is more emotional? Um, no lifeline.

We don't need to phone a friend. It's, um, definitely Todd. 100%.

Okay, she said Todd.

I agree.

So far I could have answered these. This one's— these are pretty simple.

All right, all right. And now over to David and Ilya, the cute couple from Vernon Hills.

I, I would say I'm 100%. I think I'm more emotional than Ilya.

Let's see.

He said Ilya. Oh, you whammo!

All right, bro, I don't know.

I watched—

I watched Artificial Intelligence for the first time yesterday and I cried for 15 minutes, like through the end scene, like through all the crap.

Bro, you make us look like fucking idiots. Are you serious?

David, David, get ready for Ilya's answers. They are fucking off the wall.

Natalie, that was dumb.

I think you guys are kind of tied. You guys are emotional in different settings. It's so different.

100%, I think David's more emotional.

Yeah, I— okay, yeah, definitely. Ilya's like a, ooh, business, business. I'm like, I'm like, true, I have emotion.

Yeah, but Ilya's like more like sentimental and like, oh, here we go, first fight.

All right, let's move on, let's move on over this game. The next question over to Mariah and Heath. Mariah, who is Heath's celebrity crush?

Oh, I don't know, I don't know celebrity names. Shania? Shania Twain.

Oh, what?

Damn. Teeth, tell her what happened.

So I said I don't have a celebrity crush. Um, I was like, if there's anybody that she would think of, it would be Shania Twain.

Bingo.

Celebrity in your—

oh, thank you.

Yeah, Jason, I haven't had a celebrity crush since high school, so I don't know if this one counts.

Okay, well, let's try it.

Natalie, I honestly don't know.

It's Todd's celebrity crush.

Okay, Todd's celebrity crush. Who's like somebody hot in Hollywood?

Um Pick someone.

Karuna Kaapf. No, I'm just kidding.

Uh-oh, it's heat.

Um, I don't know, I want to say like, like Megan Fox or something.

Yeah, she's hot too.

Should we do Transformers? Should we do—

Todd, she flips it, it's like a list of 40 names. I couldn't choose one, baby.

Let me see.

Yeah, flip it.

What do we got here?

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

That's when I was like 20, so it just So now you have to guess who's Ilya's celebrity crush. Yeah.

Who is Ilya's celebrity crush?

Who's got the biggest tits in all of Hollywood?

Hey, now, okay. I mean, it's definitely a porn star.

No, it's not.

Oh, you have like a proper celebrity crush?

Well, I don't know if—

Alexis Texas.

Dave, you should—

Dave, you should be able to get this.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, just by like—

this one's super fucking easy. I don't know why this is super easy.

It's like right in front of him. He can't— he's not thinking that way, but he should be able to get it.

I mean, just by like thinking, my head goes like to his type. It goes to Scarlett Johansson or Kate Upton. That's where I'm at. Right now? I'm going to go with Kate Upton.

I was actually going to say Kate Upton, but I said, oh, okay.

I wasn't thinking in that direction. I thought we were like thinking like actresses.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, Lena Perez. I mean, he brings up Lena like every trip we're on. Like, we'll be in Dubai or Colombia and he'll be like, imagine if Lena just showed up right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, here we go.

Over to Heath and Mariah. Who is a better kisser?

Um, Heath.

What did he say? He said he—

oh, he—

hey, you're a great kisser.

I didn't say anything.

He's proven it.

Prove it.

I'm surprised David didn't say that. Yeah, prove it.

I was gonna say, but I was like, I've already hit on them once. Once? Because I hit on you guys about 2 questions questions ago, and I was gonna say, I'll close my eyes, you guys both kiss me, and I'll tell you. But then I was like, I was like, reel it back, Dave, reel it back.

Who's the better kisser, me or Todd?

Oh, this one's actually tough.

Yeah, I really don't know.

So Natalie, you think you are a good kisser?

I think so, yeah.

I would say they're probably both okay kissers.

Yeah, Natalie's really good, definitely.

Oh, you know I'm good too. Remember that one night?

I do, I do.

Okay, I want to say I'm going to say me.

Okay.

Okay.

Todd said Todd.

Oh, look at him smile. He's like, yeah, it's me.

All right, Dave. Over to Dave.

When it comes to kissing.

Yes, that's what we're talking about.

I'm— I have a feeling he said himself because he's a little fuck, but I'm going to go with me.

I agree, but I did say myself.

I feel like I got it right. I feel like you're like, like tongue pokey, like very like lips and then like, no, I like quick.

I'm not a fucking lizard. I mean, no, I actually am. I am a good kisser, but I have seen you make out with somebody and it was really good.

David, who did you see me make out with?

Wait, what? All right, let's go over to our next question. We're finding out all kinds of cool stuff today. Heath and Mariah, over to Mariah. Mariah, if Heath was cast in a Hollywood movie, who would you cast? What actor would play Heath?

Um, in the way future, Clint Eastwood.

Oh, what a compliment.

Or, uh, Sal Vulcano.

All right, let's see that answer.

Oh my God, that was so sexy. Fuck, fuck. Turn it back.

Turn it back.

It was—

it was really nice.

Yeah, it was nice is what I meant to say.

Good win for them.

Good win.

They're going to have a great Valentine's Day. What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

Me?

Yeah.

I don't know. What are we doing for Valentine's Day?

I don't know. I was planning on actually leaving the state.

We're going on vacation.

Where are you guys going?

Where are we going?

Wherever you want, baby.

Crazy.

Wherever you want, baby.

Probably like Oregon. Oregon Trail.

Yeah, we are.

All right, here we go, over to Natalie. Natalie, if they were to cast Todd in a Hollywood movie, who would play him?

Okay, probably like 45 people that I can name.

Yeah, you can't pin anybody down.

Yeah, I mean, if I was thinking about myself, because I always say this, that like—

is it about her? But go ahead.

Well, because I always say that you look like Sharkboy, like Taylor Lautner, so that's like, that's like an obvious one for me. But, but, but, but if I'm thinking like Todd, I want to say somebody like Christian Bale or something.

Oh, I could actually see that.

I could see that. Really?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Very, very nice.

Psycho vibes. Very American Psycho vibes.

Okay. What'd you say?

Leo. Oh my God.

Oh, I just went with Leo because I thought you would think that I would think that I could be—

I know you thought I thought that I'd be Leo.

You know, you guys are in such a fucking crazy wavelength that like, if I—

if I fucking—

Fifth dimension.

I literally, I literally said short. I said Taylor Lautner.

I didn't say Sharkboy. I don't like Leo.

She didn't think how I think, but almost. It was good.

If I was answering that question, I would have said Leo, like no question.

I would have said Leo for top.

I answered that because I was gonna— I was thinking that you were gonna think that I thought that you were gonna think that I thought.

All right, over to Dave and Ilya. David?

Yeah?

If Ilya was cast in a Hollywood movie, who would play Ilya?

Mr. Bean. Mark Wahlberg.

Oh, of course.

Oh my God, duh. You wish, David.

You are so like the wife that's been married too long and is just not into her husband anymore.

Wouldn't you want to be Mark Wahlberg, huh? Mark Wahlberg combined with The Rock.

Okay guys, here we go. Ethan, Mariah. Mariah, who said I love you first?

Oh, me.

It was kind of at the same time, but I was like a second behind.

Let's hear it. Let's see.

It was like 1, 2, 3 at the same time.

Um, It was me. It was me. That's my answer.

Oh, you don't like sharing? Okay. Mariah, she got it right.

He said it directly after. That's right.

I love you too. Wait, how did it go? Where were you walking?

We were on the billboard across the street from Saddle.

Oh my God, so you guys were both hammered?

I said I love you before he asked me to be his girlfriend, and then he asked me, and then he said he loved me too.

Wait, he asked you to be—

it all happened in one night.

Oh my God, he asked you to be— okay, so for those of you guys that don't know, there's a billboard across from Saddle where when he's really fucked up, will climb up it, pull his pants down, and he'll flash all of West Hollywood and Saddle Ranch.

So what better place?

That's right. You know, it's a special, you know, yes, spot for me.

Yeah, it's like an artifact place. It's very special for Heath. And that's where you popped the question?

Yeah.

Wow.

Was that after or before you pantsed Saddle Ranch?

I showed my dick right after.

I did it.

I have a question asking for myself. If I were to get a girlfriend at one point in my life. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. If I were to get a girlfriend, do I ask the girl, can you be my girlfriend? Or is it just like she kind of knows that she's my girlfriend? How does that work?

You should definitely ask. I mean, fucking idiot.

You got to go. You got to ask the question. You got to be like, would you like to—

would you like to be my girlfriend?

I mean, you can just say, do you want to date?

Like, have you seen the clips of Ilya's podcast on TikTok?

They're going—

it's literally like Joe saying something and Ilya being like, what? It'd be like, have you heard about water? And Ilya's like, no fucking way. That's every TikTok clip. He's like, yeah, you can get it at the store, it's bottled.

He's like, you just fucking go and buy it?

He's like, yeah, what do you mean?

Not true, we have cool facts.

Yeah, you do. Your podcast is good.

All the clips I see are fun facts, and it's so fucking annoying because because his facts will pop up on the feed and then he'll be like, yo Dave, have you seen this one? And they're all his own clips and he makes me watch like the full 60 seconds of him sharing a fun fact with Joe when he could just straight up tell me.

Well, the one I show, he's like edited and nice, you know?

Right. Okay, Natalie, who said I love you first, Todd or you?

I think we could all answer that.

Probably 8 months before they even met.

Does it really matter? I mean, it's like tomato tomato almost at this point.

Tomato?

What do you mean it's not tomato tomato? You said it like literally like the moment we fucking started talking.

Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd.

That's really funny.

That's cute.

Dave, you and Illya have been together for a long time. Who said I love you first?

Well, I'm trying to answer this in like a serious way. Like, is it— did you answer it seriously too?

I— no, well, not really. I— my honest answer is I don't think that we've ever actually said that to each other.

Well, I'll be honest with you.

What?

This reminds me of I love you, man.

We try it now.

Yeah, this is nice.

No, no, no, we don't have to. But I would say you would say it first.

I would definitely say you've definitely been like drunk. I love you, man. Yeah, him for sure. No, for sure.

If we're drunk, I'd say it first. If we're not drunk, when Dave is drunk, I'm not even joking.

He's like borderline trying to fuck me.

I believe you.

I'm going to go with Ilya said I love you first.

David.

Wow.

Yeah. Oh, I just imagine you being drunk like Nat said, and that was really sweet.

Okay, well, that is true then, because that's how I answered it too.

Okay, Mariah, moving on to our next question. Mariah, where did you and Heath first meet?

At his apartment on Kling Street.

Let's see the answer.

Yeah, Heath's apartment. Oh yeah, that's where I met Heath first too.

Okay, Todd and Natalie.

Um, where did we first meet? We met, uh, on Bellingham at the house, at the old house you guys used to live at.

Todd's old house.

That's not true.

Oh my God, my— one of my favorite memories.

That's not true. I met you when you came.

Yeah, let's talk about that in a sec.

I met you at Bellingham when you first came.

Are you sure?

That was the first time I met anybody. I walked in, you were probably— you guys were drunk all having a pool party at the house.

Oh, that doesn't count.

Oh, that's when Natalie chugged the beer.

In his vlog, right? Oh man.

I mean, you told me that you met— you saw me at that party and you were like, Dave, who is that? David was like, no, she has a boyfriend, Todd.

That's—

sorry, for some reason in my mind it's when I met you at Terryview and I thought I asked Dave the same question.

That's my old house.

Yes, yes, Dave's old house.

My favorite memory is when— I don't know who Todd thought was answering the door. Oh, Todd thought Alex Ernst. Yeah, Todd thought Alex Ernst was coming in, so he took all his clothes off, put his penis between his legs, he like tucked it in, and he opened the door and it was Natalie. And Todd's face was fucking amazing. And I think that's kind of what had them hit it off.

Okay, let's go over to Dave and Ilya. Where did you first meet the love of your life, Ilya?

Whoa, this is big, but I'm just going to take a wild guess. I think in middle school.

I remember exactly where it was. I remember exactly how it happened.

What? I have no idea how we first met. I would say Mr. Howard's class.

No, it was in the hallway in middle school. It was in the hallway.

I pushed him into the locker. You were like, kiss him on the neck.

No, you were like, you were, you were like running towards me or like towards John or somebody because I was with somebody you knew. And I remember you had your glasses on, long hair.

Yeah, because the way it happened, I've told the story before, and our friend John knew him. And Ilya moved away for a little bit. So like in elementary school, he moved away. But John knew him from like way back when because they lived next to each other. And when he— when Ilya there was rumors that he was coming back to our school. John was like, wait till you meet Ilya, he's the best, we were best friends. And then I went up to Ilya and I was like, you know John? And he goes, who? Um, now we're all friends.

Yeah, no, no, I do remember John now. I remember John.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. Mariah, what did— Mariah, what is your Fuck. How do I say this?

What the fuck? What did you—

Mariah, we asked Heath what his favorite physical feature about you is. What did he say?

It's embarrassing if you get it wrong. Like, if I was like, my ass.

He's like, no, your eyes.

It's either ass or eyes. I'm going to say ass.

Coolie. What's coolie? Oh, her ass. Like her cooler.

Coolie. Thank you, Todd. Back me up.

Okay, we're too young.

Nat, um, what is Todd's favorite physical feature about you?

Todd likes to pretend and tell me that it's my brain and my heart, but I know it's my ass.

Yeah, it's your ass. But I made sure with Jason, I'm like, this is physical, correct?

Yeah, physical.

What is it?

I didn't even say a butt. He just went Fuck your ass.

All right, over to the boys.

What's whose favorite feature about who?

My favorite feature about you.

Yeah.

Physical.

Fuck. Do you answer this seriously?

Yeah.

My penis.

His answer is—

I've never seen your penis.

Yeah, but I feel like we talk about it so much.

You haven't seen his penis?

You have.

Weirdly enough, I haven't.

Really?

I've seen it.

You want to?

Huh?

Okay. All right.

All right.

Let me answer it again.

Okay.

My, my height.

It's good.

Now you want to know my answer?

Yes.

Your fingernails.

Show it.

Oh my God, they're so long right now too. I'm so embarrassed. Why?

Because, because they're not like regular human fingernails. They're like square.

No, you have to— let me see.

Show.

They're really long.

But they're not long at all, David. You're just such a weirdo with your fingernails.

Oh, every time I turn on the ADD, I picture your hands turning the ADD on with your little fingernails.

Are my fingers weird?

No, it's just—

I mean, I think so.

They're so weird.

Specifically, let's see.

Dude, you got a weird fucking fetish going on here.

Yeah, man. Your toes.

All right. Didn't get that one right. That was an odd answer.

Yeah, that was a really weird answer.

I thought he was going to say your ass.

Me too.

Yeah.

Oh, he does have a nice fucking badonk.

We were trying to help Ilya too. We're like, this is what David might say. And he was like, no, no fingernails. All right, here we go. 3 more questions. Um, Mariah, how are you doing? You having fun?

Good.

Yeah, I'm having a blast. Good, good.

Because we're winning. Girlfriend.

That is his girlfriend. Yes.

David, gone a while.

Columbia. He doesn't remember much. Mariah, do you and Heath have a song, and what is it? What is— what song is, is your song?

Daddy's Lambo by Yellow Wolf.

There's no way.

I just— I had to just pick. We have like a bunch of songs that we're like, oh, look, it's on.

Um, you know what I mean?

That's how he reacts.

I get really excited.

Poppin' Pussy for Santa Claus by Heath Hussar.

Um, Thousand Highways? Probably not.

Close.

Oh, 10,000 Hours.

A couple thousand off.

A couple thousand off. Not bad, not bad.

10,000 Hours by Dan and Shay. All right, cute. Okay, Nat.

I mean, I think the obvious answer, I hope, is Natalina by Toddy Smith, an original banger.

Natalie. That is a classic.

It is a banger.

It's the only—

I can't believe that happened.

Wait, did that happen before you guys started dating, or was it—

Yeah, yeah, I was on tour and I told her I was gonna write a song about her.

I was on the tour where you guys lost all your money.

Yeah, exactly.

I think I told you, I was like, you should write a song about me.

Oh wow, it was requested.

Well, you know what I always thought—

Less romantic.

I always thought growing— less romantic, I know. But I always thought like growing up, I was like, oh, like having a song written about me would be like really cool. That'd be like—

Todd, did Natalie make you like work for it like on purpose? Like what? Like, do you think that she was playing hard to get?

Like, yeah, once it gets 3 million streams, then I'll say yes.

Yeah, like shit, like, gotta be a bop. Like, I feel like that's how Natalie is. Like, if you want me, you gotta bend over backwards for me.

I worked for everything. I worked really hard. I was pretty— I was pretty persistent.

Well, I agree.

Even when I was gone, like on tour, I was very persistent.

Yeah, Todd, good work, man. Like, for real.

Like, I don't think Natalie's—

I don't think she's like, you did it, put in way more work than I did.

I don't think there's ever gonna be anyone in a world where Natalie would ever be like, I like this guy right off the bat. Natalie's like a person you have to work for no matter who you are. Like, you could be like fucking literally Jesus Christ and like he'd have to put in a lot of effort.

Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

That's one of her best features.

That is true. That's a good feature.

All right, boys, this is, uh, you and Ilya's song.

So if I had time to think about this, I would definitely have a really good answer, and then Dave would be like, oh yeah, totally. But I didn't have time So it's one of the most more recent ones that I've showed you that we're the worst couple.

The one by Glass Animals.

Yeah.

Life Itself.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

That's impressive.

Comeback time.

That's impressive.

Let's go.

LeBron down 3-1 and down 3-1.

He's coming back.

Coming back. Don't count him out. Mariah, what word did Heath use to describe you when you guys first met?

Obnoxious. Annoying.

Loud. I don't know.

Oh, funny.

Oh my God, that's a point. One more, Heath.

But you are really obnoxious.

Thank you.

The second one seemed meaner than the first. The mic wasn't up to his mouth, but the way he repeated it made it sound like he's being mean. You're annoying.

Oh God.

All right, Nat.

Um, I want to say the word scrumptious. Scrumptious.

Oh my God, whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's go! That's insane!

What the fuck?

We're back on the board.

Damn, that's impressive.

Todd— I don't know why, but Todd calls me scrumptious like 8 times a day. Oh, it's like literally all he says.

I want to eat you up.

That's really cute.

You guys have like a lot of behind the scenes stuff. That's pretty adorable.

David still doesn't believe you guys are dating. The way David talks about it, he's like, what's going on here?

This would be actually a really cool elaborate prank to play on Dave if we weren't. But we are. Oh, that would just be a really funny prank.

So fucked up. No.

All right, David, I mean, just guess.

It's not good.

Motivated. It's so boring. Holy shit. Like, I was in middle school.

You were like 12.

Yeah.

What was your middle?

Well, I was more motivated than I am now.

Hi, my name's Dave, and I'm motivated.

I would not have called you motivated at 12 years old. I would have called you like, you didn't see the vision.

You were fucking with the vision. Okay, I'd say clammy or geeky.

Yeah, well, that's close.

Oh, we'll take it.

Nerdy.

We'll take it.

That's a weird combination of clammy and geeky.

Yeah, what is clammy?

Like, bro, come here. You're on my show called Touch My Hands. It's my favorite part.

My mom says you have a disease.

They're gonna react. They're gonna react to my sweaty hands. Heath, your mind's gonna be blown. Ready? This is Heath Hussar reacting to my sweaty hands. Oh my God, dude, the mic is literally wet, bro. That, bro, it's unreal. It's unreal.

It's like, use that as a highlighter.

Wait, insane.

Do you use that as lube?

No, I, I don't like— I don't like, uh, masturbating when I'm sweaty. Okay, is that what you're referring to?

Wow, what do you got?

You got hyperhidrosis?

Yes, but it's, it's mainly when I hold the mic.

Last question, here we go.

Whoever loses breaks up.

Mariah, what's the weirdest place you guys have had sex?

The bedroom.

Let's see what she said— what he said.

Waiting till marriage.

It's for my Italian Catholic mother.

Um, I was gonna say the bed, um, but then I was, I was watching your back. Your parents are probably gonna see this. Oh, waiting till marriage.

Okay, that's just half a point for being sweet. Todd and Nat, can I just guess?

Yeah, go ahead.

David's bed?

No, no, no, I'm a fucking sick freak like you.

Why is that sick?

I had sex in Natalie's bed.

Exactly my point.

With ill.

Um, I don't know, in the kitchen maybe, or—

Natalie's favorite spot. She can feed her mouth and feed her ass.

Kitchen, or I mean, like, the, like, most rebellious sex we've had was in my room, right?

Like, that's what I told Jason.

Wait, what do you mean? And you're— how is that rebellious?

Because we were— this is like when we first started like hooking up or dating or whatever, and every— like every single one— I think all 25 of our friends were in the living room at your old house, and we had the door wide open.

Oh, that's so hot.

And we were having— we were having sex, and nobody—

you want to know a fun fact?

What?

All 25 of us were pushed up to right to the edge of the door brim listening. Like, right— yeah, right where the door opens. We were right in the hallway.

No, you No, you weren't. No, I'm kidding, Jason.

I told you that one, but it was too long to write down.

Yeah, Todd did say that.

So the answer is David's house.

Um, well, I would say place would be kitchen because David's housing is a little bit— but I don't know.

David's bed.

I was just trying to have fun.

Oh, I was like, wait, I have no idea.

I think we can— I think we can give it to Heath and give it to— okay.

Yeah, because I originally said—

because that was what they were gonna write. All right, cool. Last question, last couple.

If we win this, could we win the entire game?

That's what I was gonna say.

Okay, so David, David You're definitely not going to win this.

The weirdest place you and Ilya have had sex.

Okay, so now in a serious way, how did you answer it?

You want to see?

No, no, no, no. But like, how did you answer? Did you be like, the weirdest place you've had sex or the weirdest place I've had sex?

No. Well, we haven't had sex yet.

My answer was something along the lines of where you hope the first time would be.

No, I just said something like pretty generic. You want to see?

He gave a funny answer.

Yeah, go. Maybe one day.

Oh my God, your love story is so sweet.

Thank you.

That was fun, right? Did you guys have fun?

That was great.

That was pretty sweet.

Thanks for having us on the show, Jay.

Yeah, anytime. David, you want to plug anything?

You want to plug?

Oh no, you're on it.

Oh, sorry, scratch that.

The decoration is so good.

Todd, anything you want to plug?

We got Unfiltered right here.

Unfiltered.

I'll plug my podcast too, The Good Boys.

The Good Boys.

There's 3 different podcasts here.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

It's a nice little collab we got going.

Show me what I'm looking for.

Unfiltered. You can catch Unfiltered on YouTube and Spotify. You can catch The Good Boys. That's Todd's podcast. Natalie's podcast is right here. It's right here.

Right here, baby.

Ilya and Joe's podcast, Lightweights. Lightweights. It's called Lightweights. And of course, uh, me and David and Natalie's podcast, Views.

Don't forget about Male Models.

Yo, chill.

Oh, Male Models.

Male Models.

Josh Peck, very funny guy. All right guys, thanks for playing the Newlywed Game.

Thank you, thank you.