Buying The New Tesla Roadster

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where usually about 23 minutes in, Jason talks shit about his son Wyatt.

So instead, today I'm going to do it right now. Motherfucker Wyatt, stop being such a fucking— I can't be. I can't be mean to him. I can't call him a pussy.

You want to know?

Because he gets it from me.

I heard a bunch of music. So the other day, Jason wanted to surprise his son with Oliver Tree.

Yeah.

Who I— Jason just showed me Oliver Tree, and he's fucking really cool.

Really cool.

Like, he's like a fun character, but his voice is also amazing.

Yes.

So, and I— and, and Jason's son is notorious for having no reaction at all. And Jason's like, Jason's like, do you want to bring Wyatt here and surprise, surprise him with Oliver Tree? And I was like, Jason, I mean this in the most respectful way possible. I don't wanna do that because I feel bad for Oliver Tree. I feel bad for Oliver Tree coming. And 'cause I know how you hype it up on the phone when you're like on the phone with Oliver Tree or his agent or whatever. You're like, my son is the biggest fan of Oliver Tree. Like I know that's how you sell it. And then I'm scared that— Well, she is. Yes, he is.

He talks about him nonstop. Literally, Oliver launched an album last week. We watched the music video together. Right, right.

But I've seen him react to things. And even if he loves it, he just doesn't react. And the reason I didn't want Oliver in that situation is because it's awkward. Like, it's like there's been a lot of times where someone's gone, hey, FaceTime my friend, she loves you. And then I FaceTime the person and they're like, hi. Like, they just like do not care for me. So I'm like, okay, I don't want to put Oliver through this situation. So Jay, please, I don't want to be part of this surprise. So then instead of going to my house, Jason goes to Jeff's house.

No, we were trying to find like the right idea.

Right.

And then I said— I pitched them like one idea and they were like, that's pretty good. And then they're like, do you want to get a haircut? And Oliver's notorious for this bowl haircut, right? So he's like, yeah, I'll come get a haircut. So we did it at Jeff's. So he got there and your son's getting a haircut.

My son's getting a haircut and he has no idea Oliver Tree is waiting for him in the house. Okay.

And then, uh, and then we had Jonah come out and dress as Oliver Tree, right? Which was funny because he looks like a fat Oliver Tree. And then we brought, we brought Oliver down and I was like, and it was a lot, man. Oliver brought his scooter. They had, you know, makeup. They did all this stuff. And then he came in and he surprised him and Jeff had taken his glasses off. He just was like, he just sat there. That was it.

Well, how did he react?

He, David, I, I, the minute I looked at Wyatt, I thought of you. I was like, oh my God, I will never ever fucking surprise this kid.

I got this. I got with Anybody. I got this text the next morning right after. He go— this is from Jason. Oh man, I promise you my hand to God, I will never ever surprise Wyatt again. It was awful, David. The video will be good and Jeff's video will be good, but the surprise— you would have been so mad. Hahaha.

It was really funny.

Yeah, but what's— did Oliver— how was Oliver?

Oliver's great. He was like really fun. He, he he was just like fucking yelling at everybody.

But did your son love it?

My son loved it. And then, but then when we left, like, he like—

that's when he, that's when he turned it on.

That's, that's when he turns out we're in the car and he like, he put his arms around me. He was like, you're the best dad. That was the greatest moment of my life. I was like, fucking why didn't you say that on camera, you motherfucker?

I brought this guy down, right, right, right.

And, uh, because I was working on that for like 6 months and I felt so bad. But it's fine. It's totally fine because Jeff's video, Jeff plays off that awkwardness. So Jeff will use that. And mine was fine because mine was like a, you know, mine was fine too, right? But yeah, anyways, never again. Never fucking again. And what I realized is that he, he was— he said something in the car. He's like, yeah, he's like, even I met Barack Obama, I just kind of like talked to him as a person. And I'm like, oh, okay, so you're being all cool, forget it, you know? Which is actually good. I mean, who would you freak out if you met somebody?

Who would I freak out over? Nobody I'd like freak out, but Robert Downey Jr. would be like the biggest deal to me. Yeah, like no one I would be like, oh my God, you know, but like I would be like in like complete happiness.

There's people that I would scream if I met them, if you surprised me with them. Ill, who would, who would you scream if we brought them in here right now? A celeb?

Uh, Eminem.

Really?

Yeah, I would fucking piss my pants.

I might piss.

Really? Dude, I would cum. Oh my God, dude, what would you do?

Eminem is God.

Like, he's like a God to me.

Yeah, he does love Eminem. I love bro. He'll play— we'll be in the car and he'll play like 6 Eminem songs in a row. Yeah. And I'll be like, dude, please, for the love of God, play something else. And then he'll finally switch over to Jay-Z or something, and I'll be like, yeah, somebody else. And I'm like, okay, thank God. And then it's a— it's fucking featuring Eminem. Like, I'm like listening to it for a minute. I'm like, hell yeah, something else. And then all of a sudden you're— ah, someone on my—

We were listening to a Machine Gun Kelly song today, Ilya and I, we were working out, and it was all dissing Eminem. And I thought it was so interesting. I was like, oh, that's kind of weird. Like, kind of like, I like Eminem, I shouldn't be listening to this.

Yeah, that's what I think.

Joe put that song on, I was like, I don't know if it should be here, but it is a good song. But then if at first you're like, this is a great— it's actually really good, I hate to admit it.

Isn't that what rap was like founded on?

Like, yeah, but you don't, you don't diss Eminem. That's a thing.

Yeah, but like, he talks about Eminem's daughter, right? Right. He's like, Haley, I'm your— I'm the— I'm the real whatever he says. Whatever.

Super disrespectful.

Yeah.

Eminem ends up winning the war.

Can you imagine if someone—

what do you mean Eminem won the war?

Like they had a rap battle and Eminem won.

Like, where did they have the rap battle?

No, like they dissed—

yes, they kept releasing tracks.

Is Eminem a good freestyler?

Yeah. My God, he's unreal.

He's unreal.

Okay, but when people like that freestyle, they probably have verses in their head that they have already prepared, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I doubt it's coming completely fresh off the—

I think it is completely fresh off the dome. They're just so good with bending.

It's like the weirdest phrase for you to use. And I was about to use it, but I stopped myself.

Oh, my God.

And then you went, yes, it is fresh off the dome, my dude. It is a weird phrase.

No, but could you imagine if a rapper just did a diss track and was dissing about Charlie?

Like, that would be crazy about your daughter.

I'd be so mad.

I make that. I make that diss track. Jason. And not to mention motherfucking daughter.

Dave can freestyle. Have you ever heard him?

Yeah, he's pretty good.

He's actually really good.

I just need a good beat and a good topic.

No. What happened?

There's like a TikTok and the guy's like getting his order and he's just running with him like, I forget it. Stupid. It's really how they are at Chick-fil-A.

Jason goes, what about the color red? Fucking crazy is that. Like, have you ever looked at it, the pigmentation?

It's okay, Mr. Fucking Time. What did we do before there was watches? Hey, did you see baseball? What they're doing in baseball, they got the cutouts there.

Hey, have you guys heard of baseball?

Taylor just spit all over me. Why was that funny?

The way he said it. Yo, have you seen soccer?

No, what they're doing with baseball now, they have cardboard cutouts. You could pay $40 $40, you can have your own face behind home plate.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Um, it's really weird. And then they also pump in white noise, so when you hit a home run, even though there's no one there, it goes—

wait, what? Yeah, okay, you can pay to put your face behind first base?

Yep, yep, you can. Yeah, they— it's like $40, $60 or whatever. Like, yeah, that's— they're doing it.

I should fill up like all the seats and it's just me and your mom on a date. It's just me next to your mom in all the seats.

And what a nice message from YouTuber David Dobrik, uh, on a date with his lady.

Jay, you think aliens are real?

I do now. No longer in the shadows, Pentagon's UFO.

As you can tell, they are kicking in.

We'll make some findings public. In other words, they found a spacecraft and the—

what?

The government found a spacecraft and they're like, yeah, it is not from this Earth.

Bullshit, bro.

New York Times, Washington Post, fucking look it up. It is—

it's The government found a spacecraft. Yeah, how is that not world news?

Because there's so much shit going on right now that it just kind of goes by our heads. David's friends are here. No, it's just— I would just want to take this opportunity to tell you guys how much I love you guys. John is here. Alex, Mike. Now it's fucking weird on the podcast.

But what were you— the story, it was like more of a story, right?

Okay, well, the story— the story was, you know, when I met David You know, he had all these— I'm writing, this is what it is, I'm writing my book, so I'm thinking about all these things now. Like, and you know, we're doing like— we were doing so many videos that you never— like the other day I looked at like a Scotty video and he had like 10 million views that I was in, and I was like, I was like, oh my god, like, but I was so far in what we were doing that I never looked around, you know?

Yeah, you didn't— you don't remember other people's videos. No, I'm being serious.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, like you're— I was so focused on my videos that I forgot that I was also in like Yeah, 10 other videos.

Yeah. And so, and so, but when I met— what I wanted to say, because these guys are here, is that when I met David, I, as I was unpeeling him, you know, being like, okay, here's a guy who has like a lot of followers, whatever, and he's like gonna, you know, I'm gonna maybe work with him. That's like such a great opportunity. I was so fucking thrilled that he fucking pulled me from the depths of the trash. And, and, and he— and then, and then, and but I would— I noticed about him was that he was like so morally centered, like really grounded in a way that like most people aren't. Like, so good to his friends, so like, so all about like where he came from and stuff like that. And I was like, oh my god, this— because I've seen a lot of trashy people. And I was like, wow, this kid's unbelievable. He's an unbelievable head on his shoulders for this age, which was just like blew me away. So then he invited me to Vernon Hills, right?

Right.

What happened? We went to—

it was during Thanksgiving. Yeah. And you— yeah, and you left your family and Yeah.

Oh, oh my God. Oh my God.

Speaking of morally centered, I was not crazy.

You were like, let's go come to Vernon Hills, which like wasn't like going to Chicago or whatever. And what, it's just like a suburb. And then I went there and I slept on the couch and— but I love David. I loved him so much. And like, we always had like, you know, like I knew we'd laugh and he would make me laugh, whatever. But then the point is, when I met you guys right away, I was like— and Ilya, this goes for you too, because you were living there then— I was like, oh my god. And it all made sense to me, like, who David was as a person, because he had you guys. He had all these, like, really supportive, like, great guys. And I just instantly fell in love with all you guys. So that's it.

Oh, wow, that was really sweet.

And, and, and the fact that you come out here and stuff, it's like, it's just great. Like, I love all you guys.

I pay him $1,000 a night. It's just—

you pay these guys?

Yeah, I mean, something—

that makes more sense.

Well, John, you don't get paid. It's just Alex has been really tough to get out here, so I do. Go. That was nice, Jay.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Are we on the podcast still?

Hey, you want me to play you a fun part of our podcast?

Yeah.

This is from 2018. Okay.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Am I in it?

Yeah. You're the co-host of this one.

All right.

I think there's something coming. Yeah, I think there's a big storm coming, and I think I'm just going to fuck.

Then my next thought was, Oh no, that would never happen because David is joyless. You live a joyless life. I mean, I've never seen anybody— you get— we get invited to go places. Sure, you get on the plane at midnight, you land at 6, and then you want to leave at like 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

Like, I agree, you—

I don't understand. When are you gonna— when are you gonna stop and just smell the roses?

I think it's all gonna hit me in like a couple years.

Oh, you're gonna have a big breakdown in a couple years, and I can't wait to vlog it all. And when you say, Jason, no, don't film this, I'm not gonna listen. I'm gonna fucking run that tape.

Um, yeah, I will be honest, I think there's something coming.

2020 came. Yeah, it was a lot closer than we thought.

Ilya sent me that. I didn't really know what he meant by it, but I wanted to share it because I figured maybe you'd know.

Is that—

does that mean that I have I went through my breakdown.

Yeah, I think, I think you, you went so hard for so many years, and now, you know, we're seeing a little, a little blip, which is completely expected. I don't know. So tell me about your birthday. What happened? I didn't even see you on your birthday.

It was so fun.

Was it?

No, it was all right. Well, I— let's, let's tell me.

You woke up.

I woke up.

And what happened?

I'm on Instagram. Okay. And then I see a— I'm going through my tagged photos.

Yeah.

One of my tagged photo photos, I just read the caption first because it's like It's a screenshot of something, so I don't look at the screenshot because screenshots are boring to look at. So I, I'm just reading the caption. The caption is, when, when David finds out, he's gonna freak. And I go, what the fuck, find out what? And then I looked at the screenshot and I saw a tweet from Robert Downey Jr. And I just fucking— I started like, I sat right up, I sprung right up, and I went to Twitter and there it was. Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man, wishing me a happy birthday.

Yeah, I noticed it very early in the morning and I thought to myself, Robert Downey Jr. got up, probably did his morning workout, you know, whatever he does, and probably a guy that gets up early. And then that was— that was on his docket of things to do that morning, right? His wife, hello.

Yeah, yeah.

Say hi to his kids, spend some time.

I wonder how that— I wonder how that went, like, through his head. I wonder if it was just like another thing to send or if he like gave it some thought.

I think I know how it went. Yeah, I think someone told him.

100%.

So I told him, oh, it's David Dover's birthday. It might be nice if you—

he's a big fan. Oh, 100%. He's not monitoring when I'm turning 24. I know that for sure. But I'm—

3 more days.

I'm saying someone goes up to him and they're like, hey, David's birthday. Yeah, he's a huge fan.

Yeah.

Would you want to do a tweet for him? Then what's the first thing Robert does? You know, first he's going to go, who's David? Right. And then they show— then they probably show him the creepy Instagram picture I took of me shaking his hand from like a window. And then Robert goes, I remember this fucking kid, right? He, he was speechless the first time I met him. Or he met me. I don't know. I just can't imagine.

And then he probably saw the Iron Man costume.

Oh, right. Duh, duh. He saw the Iron Man costume, right? And that probably just did it. Damn, that Iron Man costume was a fucking good investment.

Yeah, I got—

and everyone was like, $10,000? Why? Fuck you people. You fucking making fun of me now? That's crazy. That was such a good deal. If I could go back in time, Yeah. And make that purchase again. I would have bought 4 of them. I would have hired new assistants just to wear them throughout the day and in all my videos, just in the background.

I didn't get you anything. Joe and I talked.

Oh, I just realized you didn't give me anything.

I didn't get you anything.

I didn't get you anything.

We had— we had some ideas and then we decided we're going to—

my favorite is when people say they're going to give me something and they go, they go, we were going to get you something. And then now I get to find out what it was. So what was it?

I was gonna get you a golf cart.

That is fucking sick. Are you fucking kidding me?

Everyone told me not to.

You're gonna be a fucking golf cart? Yeah, like, who fucking talked you out of that?

I'm not gonna say any names.

Is it Taylor?

Well, first of all, I texted Ill and Taylor and I was like, what should I get Dave?

And you're gonna give me a golf cart? Are you fucking kidding me?

Because I thought it would be really fun because you live on a hill.

Yeah, Jay, I— damn it, you don't think I thought of the first time I moved in here? You don't thought a hill golf cart? That's what crossed my mind for the first— right when I bought this place.

I know if I got you a golf cart, you'd be saying the opposite.

Yeah, I don't care. No, no, but that's sick.

Golf cart's like cool, like, like, you know, like one of those ones that you see on the road. It clearly— the people are just like going for yogurt. Oh my God, they use it for—

you know what I love?

What?

Here, this is, this is a tip if you ever want to give me any kind of gift. Okay, um, those like dune buggies, like not like, not like off-roading dune buggies, but like the red ones that are like super convertible. I don't know how to explain it, but they're like little things. And furniture. Gift cards to furniture stores. I will love forever. I love all kinds of furniture.

Yeah, I just like putting stuff places because I was going to get you furniture and Taylor said something like, well, David, what I, what I, what I heard was David thinks the outdoor furniture is too hotel-y. And I was like, motherfucker. I was like, I think that furniture is pretty good.

Golf cart to go to Ralph's. And I said, no, I'm just going to use it.

Oh yeah, that's true. That was the other thing.

Yeah, but that'd be sick because then I could like, I could like, I'd put like a, like a big red light on, on the golf cart on the top, like one of those like circular ones. And then I could see Taylor coming up the hill with, with the rotisserie chicken, like just like a big light, like one of those like air and like one of those lights. And you just, just in the middle of the night, you just see the red like going around all the houses as she's coming up with my honey mustard. That'd be fucking sick.

Or just take it down to Ralph's and act like a cop, like a rent-a-cop.

Yeah, you should still get the golf cart if you get a moment.

I'm down. I'm down.

Really? Yeah, dude. I fucking love having friends that do YouTube because, like, it's the best.

Now it sucks that I said it.

Yeah, you should have said it because, like, Joe always, like, wants to get me something for his videos because, like, it's just like, you know, it's easy. So, like, I can be like, I've always wanted a TV in my bathroom. So then he'll just, like, the next day put a TV in my bathroom. Like, it's the fucking best. You know what's funny about my hotel friends is, is they like, like cars and they never saw my Ferrari. No, that's how long they haven't. They haven't been here. Oh, really? Yeah. I just sold my Ferrari like 3 days, like a week ago because I bought the new Roadster. Right. And you have to pay for that in full. So I was just like, I'm going to get rid of this car. I don't need that many cars. And yeah, I'm over supercars. Fun fact, I do not care about them anymore. Whoa. I grew out of them.

You have the Roadster coming?

Yeah, but it's an electric car. I'm just a fan of Tesla.

So funny.

I'll buy a lawnmower from them.

The funniest joke was when You ordered the Roadster and you don't know when it's coming and you might be like broke by the time it gets here.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

So the Roadster, when you order it, you like have to pay the full price, which is $250,000, which I paid for like 5, 6 months ago, which is fucking nuts. And when you order it, it's literally you just send them money. You don't even choose the car. You don't choose the color. You don't choose any upgrades on it. Nothing. You just send them the money and they go, okay, we'll let you know when we're going to start making it. And they said it's going to be 2020. But like, Tesla's always a little bit behind, right? So like, now I have no idea when it's coming out, especially with COVID It could come out in literally 3, 4 years, right? So I was like telling Jason, I was like, this car is going to fucking come out. I'm going to lose all my money and there's going to be a car that's going to, you know, pull up to my parents' house because I'm living with them again. And it's going to be this quarter million dollar car just to remind me of how great life used to be. Dave, your roadster's here. Oh, fuck. Just sell it. Just sell it. You know, I auditioned once to be the host of HQ.

I remember.

Yeah, I didn't get it, obviously, but that would be cool. They say— I don't know. I also auditioned to be on Wild 'N Out. That shit was fucked. I've talked about this. That, like, haunts me to this day. Like, I can't believe I did all that in front of a camera. Like, they were like, Nick Cannon just dissed you. Say something back to him. And then they were like, make me, like, freestyle rap. And I was like, I cannot believe I'm doing this. You know, like when someone tells you to do something in front of a camera Like, it's like, it's literally like someone pushing you in cold water, like into the pool, like into the deep end, and you have nothing to do. You have no say. It's like if, like, it's like if I'm scared to, like, jump out of an airplane skydiving and Barack Obama appears out of nowhere and goes, jump now. Like, you just have to do it, right? And like, that's how it is when you're like on these auditions. Like, you're just like, whatever they tell you, you're fucking doing. And even, even if it's really embarrassing, it's completely out of your comfort zone. So yeah, I rapped a lot about shoes and how Nick Cannon's haircut looked goofy. I didn't get that role either.

MrBeast bought Wyatt and Charlie last week.

He bought your kids?

Yeah, he bought them.

Is it for— is it for a video?

For a video? Yeah. Good price.

What is he going to do?

He's going to— he's going to send them into space.

Really?

Yeah.

That's amazing. How much did he pay?

He bought a bunch of YouTubers' kids. How much did he pay for your kids? Wyatt was $150,000, and I think Charlie was $300,000.

Yeah, I would definitely not put Wyatt anywhere near Charlie's price, but the video is looking really good. Wyatt's lengthy but really empty inside. He's just buying them for a little bit. He's sending them to space. Yeah, but it's kind of scary because, like, Jake could literally lose his kids if the space thing doesn't go well. Yeah, but that's one of those things that goes like this, right? No, it's like going to the moon.

What did he say? I missed it. I missed it.

John turns and goes, is this real? You were sending your kids to the moon via MrBeast?

MrBeast could totally afford the Ferrari. I don't fucking know. You think Jason would sell his kids? I didn't say sell kids. I thought he would just borrow them for the fucking show, bro. John's like, okay, so you guys didn't hear this, but John, John my hometown friend, right when Jason said MrBeast bought his kids, he goes, is that real? And I go, I go, yeah, but he's only, he's only like basically renting his kids for a little bit just to send them to space. And just like, oh wow, that's amazing. And I'm like, yeah, but like there's a chance that his kids won't return. And then John's like, yeah, but it's like, it's only like they're only going to space and back, right? I'm like, no, they're going to the moon. And then John goes, oh, this is bullshit. Like, yeah, no fucking shit. Jason didn't sell his kids. A real video. It could be totally possible for a video.

You think MrBeast— well, what's possible about it? No, I'm gonna say yes to MrBeast sending my kids. No, MrBeast is gonna make that—

what, that little zero gravity? You ride a plane, it goes up and down. No, explain this to me, John. You think that MrBeast came in and was like, Jason, how much for your kids?

No, you know, I'm done.

This is why you didn't make the Vlog Squad. John, who's your celebrity crush? I have no idea.

Because you have a girlfriend, you can't say?

No, no, no, he doesn't care. I genuinely don't. Would you ever want to have a threesome? Yeah, sure, why not? Really? You'd be down to do one with me? Oh, with you?

Of course.

Yeah, me, you, and Ilya.

Would you let another man have sex with your girlfriend in front of you?

Good question. I would say no.

No to that one.

Yeah, I've seen that porno before, but yeah.

Oh, I would say yeah.

I would say yeah too. Totally. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you afraid? I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to come back from it.

I think that is like a very— like, it's a very looked down upon thing in the community of having sex community, in the community of relationships.

It's a very looked down upon.

We were laying down on your bed like 2 years ago and like I had this random thought. I was like, man, I would love to watch my girlfriend get fucked. And you're like, oh my God, thank God you said that.

I thought it was so weird.

Yeah, there's something about it. Yeah, it's like, because it takes— okay, first of all, having sex takes a lot of work, so it takes that out. So now you can just lay there and you're still kind of having sex, but you're just kind of watching.

It's the best.

I feel like it's so much better. I love watching. I prefer watching than like, like, like actually doing it.

What if the guy is like a big cock and then—

perfect.

Yeah, I'd rather. And the next day she's like, I don't want my girlfriend to be having sex with, like, a lame guy. Yeah. Stranger or friend? Stranger or friend?

A stranger.

Probably stranger. Yeah. Yeah. Todd, what is the kinkiest roleplay you and Natalie have ever done? I was Ilya and she was you. Todd, I feel like you pretend sometimes that, like, we don't have sex. I know, but, Todd, tell me if this has crossed your mind. You've written a book, right? Like, you're pretty proud of. Yeah. Have you ever— has there ever been, like, a situation where you're like, damn, I wish we could pretend we're at a book signing and Natalie's coming to get her book signed? Has there ever been like that moment? You guys should do that, like set up a desk in Natalie's room like she's coming to meet me and put some like ferns behind you and then just put some background noise of like a library or a shopping center and then just have her be like, hey, Todd Smith, can you write this one out to my little sister?

And I'm like, I'm like, your little sister? Is it really for your little sister?

And then she goes, no, it's actually for me. And then she starts unbuttoning her shirt. I don't know. I just feel like that would be a good idea.

Yeah, for sure. We'll try that one next time.

Natalie's fantasy. Todd dresses up as a Wheat Thin. Todd dresses up as a cheese cracker. Todd's having sex with her. Now he's having sex with a Cheez-It. Some fondue.

Oh my God.

Jay, what would be me? What's my favorite sexual fantasy? Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

Being held and rocked like a baby.

You know it.

You fucking watermelon.

You fucking watermelon.

I do love watermelon. I would not put my penis inside watermelon unless the hole was like carved perfectly.

Taylor, what would you What would you do? You do just about anything for David, but where would you draw the line? Would you bury a body for him?

He asked me that the other day. He said, would you kill somebody? And I said, she said she would consider it.

I don't know if she'd be able to. She also has a meowing problem.

She— what does she mean? She meows?

Yeah, it's very strange. She just goes meow.

Does she?

Yeah. I wish I was making this shit up.

Show me an example.

Like, it's at a decibel that you won't be able to hear it because it's like, so it's only other cats can hear it.

Do it, do it, do it.

But it's like, it's like a— it's not like a nervous tic.

It's like, Jason, you didn't even hear it. I just—

like something to fill air. Like, you know, Natalie hiccups. That's not a good example, but, but Taylor meows. So like Taylor, instead of like she's making me peanut butter and jelly, I'm like, Taylor, instead of peanut butter and jelly, can you just go pick up the fat sows or whatever? Like as she's doing the peanut butter jelly and she'll go meow. Like, it'll— and you have to dissect it, you know, like Gary from SpongeBob. Yeah, like Gary from SpongeBob. Like all he does is meow and like SpongeBob knows what what he's saying, right? That's kind of the situation with Taylor. Yeah, I'm SpongeBob, right, Taylor?

Yeah, yeah, they are.

Ill, what's your, what's your sexual fantasy?

David in a wig.

Like a role play?

Role play?

Yeah, like, like, like you have a girlfriend and like, what do you want to do with her? You're a plumber, so it has anything to do with plumbing? Like, hey, do you want me to Check your cracks. You know, can I make sure— can I make sure your piping isn't damaged, ma'am?

No, nothing with plumbing.

Okay.

No, I'm going to lay this pipe down.

Yeah, there's a lot of fun plumbing. Plumbing's pretty—

there are a lot of plumbing ones.

Yeah, ma'am, it looks like you have a leak. That one's gross. You don't have a single sexual fantasy?

No, not like a specific one.

Jason's is he finds love. His is the craziest. Anything, anything can work.

I think one of mine is like, I don't know if this is the correct term. Bondage.

Yeah, yeah. Like with your bros, like bonding.

Tie them up or tie.

Don't tie them.

You just got that. You like to be. You like to be tied up?

No, no, no.

I can tie you up. I tie you up and just jerk you off. Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah, that was weird. I just thought about jerking you off as you're tied up. Natalie and Taylor. Natalie and Taylor get back from getting the groceries. You're on the couch.

Yeah.

When you have a bachelor party or bachelorette party, are you allowed to cheat on your person? Is that the point of it? No. Okay. I don't think so. I don't know why I've always, like, been given that vibe off from, like, movies and stuff.

Like, that's your last hurrah, right?

So you are supposed to cheat?

No, I don't think you're supposed to cheat, but I think Ilya thinks you're supposed to cheat.

I think that's a thing of the past. I think back in the day, yeah.

I don't think you're supposed to cheat, but if you do, you like, don't just— you just don't speak about it. And like, it is what it is.

I think, I think you're right. I think that's what it is. I think it's like an unspoken, like, do what you want, don't fucking tell me. I think that's what it is.

It's case by case.

It is really good.

I mean, imagine Natalie and Todd. I mean, You think Natalie's gonna go to Todd? Do what you want, but I don't want to hear about it. I don't—

no, no, I think that's gonna stop Todd. Not this locomotive. No, he's gonna fucking rail right through Vegas.

First of all, Vegas is gross.

I'm gonna have my party, but I'm still gonna fuck 8 women on my bachelor party.

It's really interesting to watch all of you mature.

For sure.

Like, Todd's matured a lot. He really has. And you have too. I mean, yeah, you don't even cry on your birthday anymore.

That's true. I have come a long way.

Holy shit.

Have you ever tried to make yourself memorize something really fucking random? Like, I was like— this was like fucking probably 10 years ago. I was driving to work to like— I was working at a pizza place. I was in an intersection. I told myself, I'm like, I'm gonna remember this moment for the rest of my life. And I have.

It's so weird.

I remember two things: that moment and the scary movie that I watched when I was a kid, when I was like 5.

That's funny. There was, there was a moment with, there was a moment with Natalie. We both got out of school for like different reasons. Like Natalie called out sick or some shit, and I called out sick too. And in an intersection we met up and and I just started laughing because I was like, this is so funny that we see each other like outside of school. It's like, it's like 1 p.m. We should still both be in school. And I started fucking dying and I go, and I go, Natalie, this is the moment we're going to remember for the rest of our lives. And she looks at me and she goes, what the fuck, you fucking loser? And I remember that to this day. Literally what I'm thinking in my head right now. Do you remember it?

No, absolutely not.

To this day, I remember that.

That's so funny.

Damn.

Is it, is it true, Nat, you and Todd almost got beat up by a bunch of crackheads the other day?

Yeah, it's true. You want to hear the story?

No, on the podcast we just like to confirm rumors and stories and then just move on. Yes, we'd like to hear the story.

When we were driving to Malibu, these people like followed us to the beach.

Why?

Because, I don't know, like we were driving on the one-way lane down through the canyon to Malibu. And this— they kept like getting really close to us and backing up and getting close to the line of cars, like super a lot of traffic. And we were like, are they trying to fuck with us? So then Todd slowed down and they got really close, and she's like, what? Like, you know, screaming from her window. And I was like, oh my God, I think that they actually like are really upset with us. And then it finally broke up into two lanes and they just went zooming like 80 miles an hour down the canyon, winding through like crazy. And we finally got to like the stoplight over on like PCH, and they saw us keep going past them, and they were, they were turning, and they saw us go past, and they, uh, they followed us, and they went to like the beach parking. And down by the beach, it's, you know, you have to like stop, and it's a one lane. So we stopped, and the girl was like, like flipping us off or whatever, and we had no idea what she was saying or doing. And she got out of her car and she was like standing outside of her car behind us and she was like, come on, like, like, it's like to come fight her. And Todd was like, oh no, no, you know, whatever. And I was like, I was like, you drive this car. They're literally, I think they're on crack. Like, I don't know what her problem is, but yeah, it's funny.

Yeah, people on crack are crazy.

And then he called Jeff and he was like, bro, if you were here, you would have fucked shit up.

I could be there in 20.

Hold that bitch down. All right, well, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Jason, thank you for being here with me. It's always a pleasure recording these podcasts.

Always fun with you. You light up my life because I'm gonna go home by myself right now and just sit there and eat a lot of licorice.

Do you— when these podcasts are over, do you just go home and just wait till the next one? Just like, oh man, another week, I guess.

I go to my living room, I sit on my couch, I turn out the lights. I don't sleep for the next 5 days. And then a timer goes off and I go, okay, it's time.

All right, that's it. We'll see you guys later. Bye. My name's Jeff.