Beat Up at a Strip Club

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where I'm pretty sure that Jason is wearing my underwear.

Hey Liza, how's it going?

What?

It's Jason.

What are you—

Come over to my— I have David's underwear on. Oh, David!

Oh, David!

What are you doing in here?

We're recording a podcast.

I was practicing for my one night of lovemaking with Liza if it ever happened. I didn't expect you. Don't you knock!

All right, roll the intro music.

Liza!

What's up guys? Hey, it's the Views Podcast. It's Jason and I. I'm David and that's Jason. Jason's 45 or 44.

Just keep adding the years, it's great.

I lost track after 1990 when he hit 20, um, and now— and I'm, I'm 21.

Bip-bidip-bidoo, I'm 21.

That's not what I mean.

I've got my whole life ahead of me. I didn't throw my life away with drugs and alcohol. I've got a job and I've never had any heartache in my entire life. I'm not divorced with 2 kids. It's not awkward for me when I go over to my ex-wife's house and stand there and there's silence. And she wants me to leave, but I really wanna stay.

Speaking of that, I think we've brought this up on the broadcast a couple of times, on the podcast, sorry. Jason's wife has a brand new boyfriend that she's been seeing for quite a while. Now guys, imagine this. Jason has spent, what, more than 10 years with this woman?

Yeah.

Okay, and now she has a boyfriend.

Yeah.

And the other night I needed to shoot and Jason couldn't, couldn't come hang out and shoot because he was babysitting his kids because his ex-wife was on a date with her boyfriend. Like, just put that all together. Like, imagine, imagine you spend so long with someone And then to break up, and when you're like, okay, I'm gonna get over this person, you have to come back Friday night to babysit their kids as they go smash another person. Like, that's so stressful. And she was late to coming back, which only makes me think—

She was having fun.

Yes, exactly. And that scares me.

No, she wasn't late. She said she would be. She was like right on time. You're impatient. You're an impatient person. I'm mature, David. I'm a mature person that knows how to deal. I'm a real-life person.

No, no, no, let me say this. Let me say this. In real life. Let me give you credit. You have insane maturity to be able to deal with something like that. I mean, that's insane, dude. If my girlfriend, if I was with Liza and we broke up and I had to take care of her dog while she's out with a new guy having the time of her life, I would lose it, dude. There's no way I'd be able to function.

Well, I don't know if she's having the time of her life. I mean, relationships, there are ups and downs. I'm sure they have their troubles.

You can only hope that's a horrible relationship.

She came home, I was crying a little bit.

Yeah, yeah. So she was dropping— she was dropping him off.

And then you had the kids here?

Yeah, because you wanted to go— you want to shoot at all hours and you're a maniac.

This is my question. This is my question. When she got home, because she was dropping him off at the airport—

yeah—

was she crying?

When I wondered that when I was looking at her, if she had gone through an emotional thing, because she gets emotional at the end.

Would that have bummed you out if she was crying that he was leaving?

That would have— only if she felt sadness, that I would feel bad for her that she missed him.

Really?

Yeah.

If you came to my car after babysitting your kids and your wife's home and you're like, dude, Marnie was crying, or my ex— am I allowed to say her name? I just said it.

I mean, you just said it.

It's fine.

I'll probably take it out, but go ahead. You can say her name. It's fine.

Yeah, it's a name. Anyway, if you came to the car and you were like, um, she was just crying about this, about dropping her new boyfriend off— yeah, I would start crying for me. Yeah, I'd be so stressed out.

I'm not— I, I, it's— I don't think of it like that.

I know you don't. I think that's our age difference, 100%, or it's something that you were born with. I don't know. It's, it's, it's insane.

Okay, well, imagine it this way. Imagine it was your other girlfriend that you broke up with, that— not Liza. Have you ever had another girlfriend?

I've had one girlfriend.

Okay, so say it's her. Okay, say, say, um, say you guys had a cat and you're—

we did. How did you know?

2:15.

Sparky.

Let's say you're home on Thanksgiving And she's like, David, I gotta go out. Can you watch this cat? Yeah, no problem.

Okay, you're right. You're right.

You'd be fine with it.

But the only girlfriend I had— I dated—

You've only dated 2 girls in your life.

The only girlfriend I've had is I dated her for 30 days, a month. So I was never in love with her. So I never had like—

Oh, so that's—

I never shared kids with her. Like I never got that far in my relationship. I never got married to her. You know what I mean?

But you must have enough perspective to say to yourself, if you were in love with her, that you'd be like over it, right? I mean, like, I understand your point of view, but you're not looking at it in a fully rounded way.

I get it.

Because I'm over it.

My favorite part, this was in my vlog on Wednesday or Monday, or whenever it was, I asked Jason, I'm like, Jason, but the good news is that your ex-wife is probably really jealous that you sleep around with all those 20-year-olds. And then Jason gives it a moment, he thinks, he's like, "I don't know, man. She's not really the jealous type," when I was totally kidding. I don't know who would be jealous of that situation. But no, that was my favorite. But I'm really glad that Jason is getting through this really easily.

Yeah, I mean, it's been 2 years, David.

It's okay, dude.

It's been 2—

You don't have to tear up. You don't have to tear up.

I'm not tearing up. It's been 2 years. I mean, like, you know, I want her to be happy. I was here with the kids. And you wanted to go out. So I was like, all right, well, I've got to leave them with her. No, first she said the easiest thing to do is to, is to take them to the house, get them ready for bed, and then when I come home, you can leave.

I don't know enough about divorced, um, parents, but I know you guys, you guys are really good divorced parents. You guys are the best divorced parents ever.

Oh, thank you.

I don't know what that means, but I don't either.

I might have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her family.

Oh wow, that's a step up.

Yeah, and I said, yeah, step up from dinner with you and your high school friends. Yeah, I didn't want us there, slammed the door in our face.

My favorite is last year, um, my family was out of town for Thanksgiving, of my hometown, so I took Jason with me to my hometown. Keep in mind, Jason has two kids, so for Thanksgiving he came and spent it with me, a 20-year-old at the time, because they were with—

they were with Marnie and I was free.

They were with his ex-wife and Jason was— and I had Christmas, she has Thanksgiving, and everybody in my hometown, because I brought him to all my friends' house because You're there for like 2, 3 days. They're like, does this guy have a family? And I'm like, yeah, it's complicated. I don't want to get into it. Like, just imagine Jason said that.

Which one of your friends?

Literally, I swear on my life, all of them. Like, all of them that like didn't— like, they were just like, what's, what's, what's wrong? Is he okay? Are you taking him in? They loved you. They were— you were great. But, but initially they were very surprised because like, keep in mind, I come from like— I come from like a, you know, a basic-ass suburb. Yeah. That's just like a bunch of like super regular families, like, you know, cookie-cutter families. And then I walk into my friend's house that I've known for 5, 6 years, and I walk in with a man who is the— who is the parent's age. And like, it's not that weird for me, but I can't imagine how it is for Jason. Like, Jason's like, oh, hey, uh, hey, Mrs.— Mr. and Mrs.

Salerno, we're gonna go let off some bottle rockets down by the lake.

We're gonna go play foosball and play some air hockey later.

What time does Eric I need to be home.

I was wondering if maybe you guys can go buy us some beers. That's, that's just my favorite. It's— I love that, that like, that like you're so okay with that. And I think that, that loops back into like your relationship with your like ex-wife now and like everything, how you just like, you really don't care and you don't let like weird, weird factors of how other people think about you like affect you. But it's just, dude, just, I don't— how do you deal with that? Like how do you go into a kid's house my age and you're like just hanging out with us and the parents are there, they're confused. My favorite is like we got to my friend Nick's house and then Jason walks in, you know, Jason being old and his parents are there. His parents are completely unfazed by this. They're like super normal. They're like, hi, nice to meet you. Jason's like, hi, I'm Jason. They introduce themselves and then we go down to Nick's basement. Nick's not down there yet. And then Nick comes down and he's like, my parents were like, what the fuck just happened? And I'm like, I'm like, Nick, where were you? And he's like, I had to explain to them what the hell's going on.

I love that we're talking about this because, uh, you know, I was talking about this with someone last night who's my age, and it's odd. I don't think about it, and then when someone brings it up, I'm like, they were confused too, right?

It's like, it's—

it's— Les's friend was talking to me about it last night.

Yeah, it's crazy because I am closer to his manager.

She was like, how do you deal with this? Yeah, same thing.

I'm closer to Jason's kid's age than I am to Jason. Yeah, by a, by a good, what, 10 years? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.

You're 19 years old. Yeah, you're only 10 years older than Wyatt.

I can be 8 years older and I'd still be closer to his son's age than Jason's age. Yeah, that's insane.

Yeah, when you're 30, when I'm— you'll still be pretty young and Wyatt will be like, you know, almost your equal.

When I'm 30, yeah, and you're gonna be like 70. But yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna be nuts.

Um, yeah, but it's, it's, it's, you know, it's great. I mean, you know, no, I'm glad you're having fun. I mean, I'm having fun. I mean, I'm having fun. I'd like to have some, a, a woman in my life, but I can't right now, David.

You almost had a woman in your life.

Yeah, she, she, she's going through, uh, something. She's going through a lot of, uh, marital problems and stuff. She can't be with me right now. She ghosted me.

Oh, not that one.

Oh, which one?

I was talking about the, the recent one. We went to Las Vegas.

Oh God, you're gonna bring this up? Well, why?

Why not? Oh my God, am I not allowed to bring it up?

No, you could bring it up. I don't care.

I'm just saying, talked about it in your vlog, dude. Man, Jason, Jason is down to party every night. I love it. Oh my God, I heard you were in a car.

Such a little sneaking little brother poking around with your camera. We go to Las Vegas, everyone's there to have a good time. David is just there to bust people like the fucking cops. These guys, all the— all our friends and Scott and Todd who we live with, they arrange for an awesome weekend in Caesar's Palace. They got suites. They're going to a festival. They're doing everything a 25, 23-year-old kid could, should do.

Yes.

And David is there like waiting for them to fuck up. Yeah, that's what you're doing. You, you are the person. And I love your vlog and I love your what you do, but you are that person.

I mean, you are the person.

You're the fucking fuzz.

I'm the guy.

You're the narc.

I'm the guy that snitches.

Yeah, you're the snitch!

On his friends to himself.

Yes, yeah. Do you know how many times, conversations I've had with Todd where we've actually had to been like—

Don't tell David?

To think it out, like if this happens, then that happens, and that happens, and then how do we keep this from David? You know, or literally I've said this to Todd, I'm like, don't tell David about this.

I've heard, I've heard of situations like that.

Todd tells you that?

Yeah, I've heard where there's, and then Todd will tell me and you'll walk by and you'll be like, Todd, come on. No, but okay. That's about it. But other than that, dude, our friends are crazy, man. They like to stay out till like 6 AM like they got nothing going on.

Someone in the group got a table for $4,000.

Someone in our friend group paid $4,000 to go watch Zedd perform.

It was a pretty dope table.

It's a great table.

Did you give money?

I did not give money.

You should give some money. Listen, you were there, you enjoyed the spot, you shot some Snapchats there.

Come on, you owe him $3,000.

I paid, Scott paid.

I know, I know, and I will.

Todd did an Instagram photo with him.

Oh, he did?

Yeah.

Oh wow, maybe I'll take an Instagram picture with him.

Why don't you do that?

Um, no, but, but that was fun. And I ended up doing something, um, that I never do. Liza and I went, um, Liza and Jason and I went to a coochie store. Like just to look at this, you know, stupid stuff that Gucci—

you said coochie. I was like, we didn't go to a coochie store.

Um, and Liza— Liza made a bunch of jokes about why I never get her like fancy stuff like this. And like, there were obviously jokes because Liza absolutely hates expensive stupid designer clothes that are unnecessary. And she pointed to these like heels, and I thought the heels were pretty. I think Gucci's hideous. The whole thing is hideous. I hope they never come on this podcast because I'm sorry, but I don't think Gucci's doing any podcast advertising. Yeah, I don't think so there. Um, the thing, and I'd rather honestly stick with MeUndies.

I love MeUndies.

Let's be honest, MeUndies is a lot comfortable, a lot more comfortable than Gucci. Anyway, I, I— she told— she showed me a pair of heels that she really liked, and then she left to Vegas. I, uh, she left from Vegas. I stayed a couple of more hours, and I bought her the Gucci. I bought her the Gucci, uh, whatever they are, heels. They're like $1,000, which is a lot for shoes, and I never want to do that again.

You knew her size?

Yeah, I was— yeah, I knew her size. And then last night after she won her Streamy Award, I surprised her. I surprised her with the shoes and she was so excited. And then I surprised her and she saw the Gucci, uh, the Gucci Bucks and she's just like, you are so stupid, you are so, so stupid. Like, she, she really liked it, but it was just like— it was, it was awesome to know like how much she hated it at this— at the same time as she loved it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, she hated that you had to spend that much money.

Like, she was like, definitely don't ever, ever do this again, and I gave her the receipt because she wants to return it.

But to show her how much you spent?

Yeah, yeah, and to show her how much I spent. Yeah, I was like, babe, it's fine, it was only $900 plus tax, like $1,100, it's nothing.

Um, no, but did you get laid last night?

Did I get laid? Yeah, 5 times.

Seriously?

Yeah, Liza was so excited about the Gucci shoes, she, she even bought me prostitutes.

Oh wow, that's what a girlfriend— she really is the best.

She's like, you deserve, you deserve more than just me.

Imagine if she was that good.

I would not like that. That's not good. That's crazy. That's something you like in your relationship.

5 prostitutes? Yeah, I think—

yeah, I think 5 is good, but I prefer even numbers. I could do with 6.

Um, that was— that was nice. And congratulations on your win, David.

Uh, thank you.

Yeah, it was really— it was really nice. It was fun, don't you think? Yeah. Hey, you— you can't take any kind of recognition or—

no, it was fun. I had a good time. We won. We won.

We both felt good.

I won a Streamy Award. Jason was nominated for two, lost both.

The funniest thing of the whole night was I was sitting there and there was a lot of buildup. We were talking about like what, what I would say if I won, and David was saying, oh, I'm gonna win. And I was like, I don't know, I don't think so. I really thought Jason was gonna win, and a lot of people told me that.

Yeah, yeah.

And, uh, and, uh, and then after, right after I lost, I see David, and you're really far away, and my eyes are not like across the way, and my eyes are not that good across the entire auditorium. Editorial. I did catch your black hat, and David just mouths the words, "You suck," and he points at me.

He goes, "You suck." No, I was giving you the finger.

You gave me the finger. That's my eyes. And I've— and fucking Brennan and I laughed so hard. We were dying. We were dying. But yeah, right before— right before it was going out, we leaned over to our manager. I leaned over to manager Jack. I was like, "I think he's gonna win." And, uh, it was awesome. It was good. You know, it's a win for all of us.

I won my first award. It was for breakout creator. So thanks for people that voted, if you have to vote for that. I don't know how that works. And Liza won in comedy, so it was overall a good night. And Liza won breakout creator last year, so it was kind of— it was kind of fun to do all that. Um, but you know what's really frustrating, Jason?

What's that?

Where the hell are the ads for this podcast?

I kind of like not having ads.

How come you don't like making money?

We don't have to worry about it.

Oh, you're right, we don't have to worry about rent, utility bills. You do it, my dude.

Pull that Dobrik businessman thing that you pull on everyone. When Todd wants to go down the street to a bar and have one drink, David just pulls that out. Todd's our very good-looking friend. Likes to drink, and David will just be like, Todd, you don't like money? Or maybe Brandon like wants to like go to a movie, but David has to post the next day. You're so fucking crazy.

Todd wants to go to the bar, I'm always like, hey Todd, that's funny, I didn't know you work at the bar. I just think it's so pointless. Um, no, but like, I'm just surprised that we don't have any ads this show. And we were just— before this, we were talking about how much money this podcast has made, right? And we found out it's not that much.

It's not that much for—

for— okay, well, I don't want to say a lot of work because we literally just sit here for an hour and talk, but it's—

it's— if this was all we were doing, it wouldn't be a lot of work. Yeah, but this on top of— you're right, the 3 vlogs a week that we both do, it's a lot.

We're bummed out. Um, you can't—

we can't do a whole segment about how we're bummed out that we don't have any ads. I mean, we can, but it's— it's hilarious. I can't imagine the listeners are bummed for us. Those poor, poor guys don't Can't make $3,000 in 60 seconds.

We're starting a GoFundMe. It's pleasehelpus.com. It's its own website too. Okay, this is a weird transition, but right as we were speaking about that, we actually got 2 texts about our ads. I don't know if God heard us complaining or if this podcast is livestreamed.

We are sorry that we kind of went off on the handle there.

Yeah, we take back everything we said about our advertisers.

Turns out I had some mayonnaise on my computer, and I did not see that email. I apologize to our company that gets us ads.

And the most important part is that every episode of Views is now available on Spotify. I love Spotify. I know what you're thinking— wait, Spotify has podcasts? Yes, your place for all things music now has the world's most popular podcast. To stream Views on Spotify, open the app, tap Browse, and look for us in the podcast section. Follow us and all your favorites to get new episodes dropped into your library as soon as they drop. For more, head to Spotify.com .com/podcast.

My buddy Joe was just telling me he never listened to podcasts before, and now that Spotify has podcasts, that he's listening— that he's listening to our podcast.

Hands down, just changing lives. Hands down.

Yeah. And again, so sorry about the mayonnaise on my computer, and I did not see that email.

Well, you know what the best part about Spotify is, right?

Tell me.

Is enjoying it the right way. And there's no—

how do you— well, wait, what do you mean, how do you enjoy it the right way? I want to know all about it because, you Dave, you're a successful guy. Yeah. You're 21 years old. Yes. You're a homeowner. You have a nice car, lovely girlfriend. You're a regular guy.

Well, you know what the best way to enjoy music or podcasts or anything you can listen to on Spotify is?

Tell me.

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I was beaten up at a strip club once.

That's random.

Yep.

Why? You were— I was going— you were working too hard? You were the sweatiest stripper there? What's the reason?

I didn't like, well, when one of the customers was touching me.

You were beaten up at a strip club?

Yeah. Where? In London.

That's such a London story. Yeah. What happened?

I was there for a wedding. At a strip club? Yeah, no, no, I was there for a wedding. Oh, in London? Yeah, and I was out You were getting married to one of the strippers? Yeah, I was there for a wedding and I was there with my ex-wife. Yeah. And all the girls went to get hats because you have to get— people wear hats to English weddings. Yeah, okay, that's fair enough. So they all went out to buy hats Friday. It's Friday morning at like 10 AM and I just walked by this place and this woman's like, hey, would you like to come in and see a show? And I was like, oh yeah, sure, like, okay.

You were just by yourself?

I was by myself.

Were you married? Yeah, is it normal for married people go to strip clubs?

I mean, like, I definitely went, you know, when I was married.

Would you tell your wife?

Yeah, I would.

And what would she say?

I mean, most of the time I would go with her, but it was more like the novelty of like, oh, I'm in London. And anyways, oh, I'm in London, can't wait to see the strip shows. Like, you know, but no, yeah, I mean, I guess so. I, I guess it's weird, but whatever.

If you go to London, make sure you check out Boobies and titties.

Yeah, so I go, I go, um, I go, I go into this strip club and, um, no one comes out. I go down to a basement. Wow. And, uh, and no one comes out for a really long time. And I was like, I think I'm just gonna go, you know. And, uh, and then they come out and they go— oh, they asked me if I wanted a Coke, and I said, yeah, sure, I'll have a Coke. And then they're like, well, the Coke is 250 pounds, which is how many dollars? Which is, you know, more than $250. Are you serious? Yeah. It's I don't know what the exchange rate is now, but I think then it was almost double.

Holy shit, $250.

So let's say it was $500.

Was it Coca-Cola or Coke?

No, no, Coca-Cola. A glass of Coke with ice. And I said, that's ridiculous. Like, I don't have that kind of money or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So he's like, listen here, bloke, you're not leaving here until you pay me that £250. You got it? Like, I swear to God, that's what he sounded like. And because he just came out of nowhere, like suddenly there were guys there. I was like, okay, because the one who got— the person got me was a woman. And I was like, okay, okay, okay, calm down, calm down, calm down, it's fine.

I wish I would have been there with your camera. Yeah, yeah.

And, uh, and so then I, I just go— this is what I did at the time. I just, um, I sat— I kind of like sat down and like really relaxed my body, and then I bolted for the door.

Dude, I could totally see you doing that.

I bolted for the door and crushed me, crushed me, started hitting my head or whatever. And, uh, like serious beating up? Oh yeah, beating up.

Yeah, like boom boom, like stuff you see on Worldstar. Yeah, like he could have killed you?

Could have. Wow, he wanted to. And then I said, uh, he's like, you sit right down there. He said, yeah, we're gonna do— we will march to a bank machine right now and you'll go get me my fucking money. You got that? Like that. And I was like, okay, okay, okay, I'll get you your money, I'll get you your money. And, uh, and, uh, there were two guys actually. I remember there were two.

And are you bleeding at this point?

No, I was not bleeding. No. So then they start marching me to the bank machine. Okay, like the ATM?

Like an ATM.

Yeah. He's like, you gonna get me that money, you're gonna tell me. And he's got my arm. And, uh, and, and so we go.

Are you begging for your life at this point? Uh, are you crying?

I'm crying because I know that you're crying. No, no, I wasn't crying.

You're such a pussy. No, I'm kidding.

I wasn't crying I didn't have the money in my account. I did not, because Marnie—

like, you're like, listen, this isn't gonna make much sense now, but in 20 years there's gonna be a vlog that's gonna explain my entire life. I have no money to give you. Please let me leave.

I probably had like $36 in my account. I couldn't have gotten the money out. Wow. Yeah, I was so broke.

They just start laughing and they give you money. They're like, holy shit, my We had no fucking clue.

I don't know what they would have done.

Wow. Okay, okay. So continue. They take you to the bank machine. That's really funny.

You gotta look at this guy. This guy has no money. We've never met anyone who we respect less. We're gonna let you go, mate. We're gonna let you go because we haven't seen somebody so fucking stupid in our lives like this. So anyways, so anyways, it's a one-way street, uh, but it's a very— it's the city. It's, it's a busy street.

Yeah, yeah.

It's 4 lanes going one way.

Wow. Okay, okay.

So I, I know this is my last chance.

You hit him in the nuts? No, you suck his nuts.

You pull his pants down. I start sucking his nuts right there. A crowd forms. Yeah, yeah, all the street performers gather around. They say it's, it's the best performance they've seen in Abington Square.

You start banging on his nuts like a drum.

I start working his shaft, and you put—

you, you play Let It Be by the Beatles.

I play Let It Be on his skin flute. And okay, enough. Anyway, and the Palestinian crisis is solved. Okay, so no, so then, uh, um, I just make a break for it.

Oh, you just run?

I'm in flip-flops. I go out on 4 lanes of traffic. Uh-huh. Like a movie.

And you get hit by a car? No. Damn it.

No.

So, so anticlimactic.

And so then I, uh, I make it across the street. He's right on my tail. Yeah, he makes it too. My flip-flop's gone, and I run right into a cop, and the cop shoots you. Guy who makes my story better. Um, anyway, so then, uh, she was like, she's like— she was really nice. She was like, are you okay? Are you all right?

Oh God, that's, that's awesome.

And, uh, and I was like, I know, sir, you're trying to— she's like, slow down, slow down. They wanted me to go press charges, but I was late late.

Yeah, you're late to the wedding.

Yeah. She's like, this happens— she's like, it happens all the time. And, um, and that was it. Wow. And I lived. And it turns out that at the wedding there was another American there, and he was like— he's like, oh yeah, that happened to me on New Year's Eve.

Wow. Yeah. So don't go to the strip club.

Awful, awful story. Yeah. Awful like you're not going to use it?

Yeah, I'm cutting that out of the podcast.

I'll feel like it's bad for this podcast.

Yeah, it's really bad. Um, that was brutal. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

No, it's okay, man. You know, it just makes me so interesting, you know. Scott and Todd love me.

It's definitely one of the things— it's definitely one of the reasons your ex-wife stayed with you so long.

Yeah, right. Strip clubs in the middle of the day.

If only you would have more stories like that, you would be a happy family.

Have you ever been beaten up?

Have I ever been beaten up?

Yeah, have you ever been in a fight?

Have I? No, I really stayed out of things. I was definitely the instigator. But when it got to a point where I was about to fight, I'd be like, yo, chill, I was just kidding.

Would that have to do with your size, by any chance?

No. The one— OK, I have a little incident. There were these— I used to ride the school bus to school every day up until senior year. I was obsessed with the school bus. By choice? By choice, because my neighbor would drive her car to school. She'd offer me rides. But I loved the school bus. Because everybody there was like a little family. Keep in mind, I was one of the only kids that loved school. I loved everything about it. But there were these two kids on the bus, two or three kids. They were like outcasts. They were like— honestly, no one liked them. They were seniors. They were straight out of Russia, heavy Russian accents. And they just didn't give a crap about school. They were big and tough dudes, like typical bullies.

They didn't assimilate.

Yeah, and they were just like, we don't care about school and we don't care about anybody. And, and they were the type of kids that would have to have like extra— they would have to go to class with like one-on-one teachers because they needed special attention, because in a regular classroom setting they would just cause havoc and they would get into arguments and whatever, right?

Like you'd go by the school and you can peek in that little school window and you see them, it him.

Yeah. And, and I, in, in high school, I had a haircut that was like swoopy and I had like flippy hair. And almost every time I would get on the bus, um, the main guy would be like, look, look at this, it is Justin Bieber! How have we been granted this privilege to see Justin Bieber on our school bus today? And like, it was funny like the first couple times, but it got annoying.

Someone, someone played the Please, Justin Bieber, can you give us a private concert right now?

It was, it was funny the first like week or two, but after month 6 or 7, it got to the point where it was just, it was very annoying. And this is, this is, this is probably the lowest point of my life, um, at this point.

This is your lowest point?

Yes, me getting on the bus with my Gucci flip-flops. No, no, it wasn't the lowest point of my life.

I can't believe this is your lowest point?

No, it was, it was the part— it was the point in my life I regret the most. I was getting on the bus, we were going home. I'm like, yay, we're going home, let's do this. And I'm walking by him, I see him. I would always go to the back of the bus because that's where the party was. Like, it was— and he would sit in the front because he got a detention and he wasn't allowed to sit in the back. He was— he had to be like monitored by the bus driver. He was a real problem. He has a huge problem.

Well, and, um, he's basically in shackles, this guy, walking around like a really nice Yes, exactly.

And I walk by him to get to the back of the bus, and he goes— and he goes— he goes, "Bieber," like under his breath. And dude, me, like straight out of a movie, like a nerd standing up to a bully who's about to get his face kicked in, just turns around. And my friend's in front of me, like my best friend Alex. And I turn around and I go, "You know what?" Like straight up like that. I'm just fuming and I'm like, you know what? It's not funny. It's not funny. You've said it so much. It's not funny at this point. I don't think it's funny. I think it's annoying. I don't care for it. It doesn't bother me.

I'm done.

I'm done. I'm sick of it.

Yeah, and everyone stood up and gave you a standing ovation.

No, no. And as I'm doing this, the guy who— the Russian guy, he just has the biggest smile on his face. He's like, oh my god, I have gotten to Bieber. He's so pissed. And, and I give him this, like, you know, I give him, I give him everything I'm thinking. And I turn around to go back and back to my seat. And my friend Alex is like, turns to me when we sit down and he goes, why the fuck did you just do that? You just looked like an idiot. And I'm like, I know. And I was so embarrassed because I looked completely pathetic. And it was not like, it was not like cool. It was not like guy finally stands up to bully. It was like, it was like the bullies finally got to him, right? And he was very embarrassed and heartbroken. Nerd snaps. Nerd snaps. That's what it was. And I looked, I genuinely looked like a complete loser. Like, I hope no one, I've never been so vulnerable in my life.

Did people laugh?

No, there was, it was, it was, it was people who were just getting on the bus. So there wasn't anybody really there.

So what did he do? What did the Russian dude do?

Nothing. He just sat back down. He laughed and I just ignored him and I felt like an idiot.

Did he call you Bieber the next day?

Let me, let me tell you one thing, guys. Guys, definitely, if you're getting bullied in school, don't give in. Just let them.

Just don't do what David did and have your voice crack like that.

Don't stand up for yourself.

I love the way that I feel like you really did that honestly. I love that. You know what?

No, it was straight up white nerdy kid who has his pants pulled up past his belly button was like, you know what, that's not funny anymore.

I have parents.

But that's good. My dad works for the PTA, and he can have your bus privileges revoked like this.

Oh, and maybe if you guys gave a crap about the school a little bit, we could all be friends. But you guys don't seem to be interested in that, do you?

And by the way, next time at lunch, if I don't see your recycle, you're gonna be hearing from my dad.

No, it was bad.

And like, and that's why I think it was a really needed that because it taught me a very valuable life lesson in like how not to speak out in certain situations. And like the best bet there was to ignore it. And, and I understand some of you guys are probably listening to this and they're like, what, just play along with the jokes and make them think that like, you know, that it's funny. And I did for like a really long time, for like 4 or 5 months I was like laughing at the jokes. I would even make jokes about myself.

What are you saying right now? Like one of the best parts about— makes no sense what you're saying. Don't stand up for yourself if you're a nerd and have a high voice.

No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, in some— in certain situations, like, dude, it was, it was a word that he said to me every day. Like, it shouldn't have affected me the way it did. There were words, they shouldn't, they shouldn't be a problem, and they never were to me a problem up until, like, like, I should just walk by, went to my seat, and like, he didn't bother me, never touched me, he never physically harassed me. Like, I was never like— yes, okay, if you're getting, if you're getting beaten up obviously fucking do something.

Don't let someone call you Bieber every day. You want to take— it's like when those kids call me old, I beat the shit out of a couple of those.

You've never touched me, huh? You've never touched me. Yeah, because I'm scared.

But no, but, but you should stand up for yourself. That's bad advice. Don't listen to David, he's wrong on this one.

Maybe, maybe I'm wrong.

Like, if just because you have a nerdy voice— if someone's calling—

I'm not saying it's a nerdy voice, but it's just—

but if someone's calling you Bieber every day, like if someone called me—

but what's the, what's coolest way to stand up in a situation like that. Like, where do you go, hey man, that's not cool? Like, you're gonna get laughed at regardless, and there's no situation— there's no combination of words that you can say where everyone on the bus is gonna be like, yeah, yeah, Bieber's got a point, yeah, stop that. Like, there's no situation like that. It's— he wasn't— but it wasn't like a dated— it wasn't like a thing where he would see me in the halls and he'd harass me. It was just on the school bus. It was— it was once.

I would just not take the school bus. Bus at all.

Okay, see, that's where you lose. But, but like, that's where you lose, where you—

you are such a freak of nature. Ducking on the school bus, Jason.

I love it.

I love that you love the school bus.

No, who the fuck likes the school bus? I do. No one, dude.

No one in the world, dude.

Every time—

listen, listen, please tweet me if you like the school bus. I think there'll be about 3 tweets. And they'll all be fucking weird nerds.

Every Friday when like our friends would get off the bus, 30 of us in the back of the bus, we'd go, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye, as our friend would get off the bus. I swear on my life, it was the best.

That was fun.

It was so fun.

Did you like the bus driver?

We were a community. No, the bus driver sucked. And remember I told you the story of how we got pulled over? Oh yeah. And it was like bus 236. Like, that was our bus. And it was—

what was the bus driver like?

We had a bunch of bus drivers. We had cool bus drivers, we had douchey— we went through the whole thing. But we just stuck together. We were a team. We were kids from a neighborhood, and we, we were in a neighborhood that was, that was lower middle class. So we didn't have— because I went to a pretty rich white high school, so all the other kids had like, you know, cars that they were driving to school and everything. And most, most of the kids in my neighborhood, none of us really had cars. So we were like, we all stuck together on the bus. We were like, yeah, this is it. Like, we're We're the guy, and we would hang out in our neighborhoods a lot because we didn't have cars. We couldn't just drive to McDonald's. We were on bikes constantly, and we were on, we were on bikes like in the neighborhood, just on the slides, on the swing set. Like, that's what we would do like every day. And we were— well, I'm so passionate about this. Yeah, this was us. We were bus 236. Um, no, but it was the best.

I would always kind of just get out of bullies by just, just talking to them. Like, don't— you catch them, catch them when they're not bullying. That seemed to work.

Jason's like, I would always, uh, get out of getting bullied by helping them with their vlogs and helping them shoot their videos. No, there's, there's— I think there's 100. Well, then what happened?

You're, you're not finishing the story.

Oh, I mean, I, I stood up to him, right?

Did he call you Bieber the next day?

Fuck yeah, he did.

Oh, he did? What do you mean? Tell me what happened the exact next day.

I mean, the next day The next day his friends were there and it was just like, it was like, he was like, what's up Bieber? And I like shook my hand. I'm like, yep, this is me. And I went to go sit back down. I lost, I lost to him and I was totally okay with it.

Like this, what? Listen, about yesterday, you know, these past months when I call you Bieber, hey, I actually really like Justin Bieber and I think you're have the same kind of charm. So I did not know how to express that.

I love you.

Yeah, and it's been hard moving here. Me and Ishnad do not have a lot of friends, and I see you on this bus, and the way that you conduct yourself, and you guys sing na na na na hey hey. We would like to sing the na na na na as well, but we are here in the front. It's a great Russian accent.

Maybe that's what it That would have been cool if that happened.

Maybe, you know what, I'm glad you stood up to him. I think it was— I love that you love the bus. No, I don't know. I love high school, dude.

I was obsessed.

That's fine if you loved high school.

There was, there was no point. There's no part of me that didn't like high school. High school was my jam. And I would, I would— I think right now, would you ever teach high school? Yeah, you would?

Yeah. What would you teach?

Um, some bullshit class like, like graphics or driver's ed or something stupid.

You'd be great at driver's ed, David. I feel like—

great. So get in my Tesla, hit autopilot, and you're good. Here's your license.

You terrorize the students.

Yeah, I'd be like, let's see how close you can get to hitting that woman.

You're doing 80 in a 60, you fucking pussy. Gas this thing.

Uh, red light, but we have to get to school or else you're gonna fail, so run this red light, bitch.

No one would ever give you that.

No, no, I would. Yeah, but I would love to teach high school. But what I would also love to teach is to teach people to go buy tickets to our show in San Francisco on October 21st.

Damn, preach, dog. It's our first live show.

We want you to come to it. Come check it out. It's gonna be a good time.

Wyatt wants drums for Christmas, guys. Come on. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to afford it.

We didn't have ads this video, so please come to this fucking show.

Yeah, we're actually almost sold out.

Yeah, we're almost—

we're doing good.

I haven't promoted it yet. I'll have to promote it yet. So we're doing what we're doing hot. I want to give the chance to the people that actually listen to the podcast every day to go buy the tickets, right? So guys, go buy them. You can find them on Jason's Twitter. Go buy the tickets. Jason23Nash, that's your Twitter?

No, it's just Jason Nash. Oh, congrats. Snapchat's Jason23Nash. That's amazing. You don't mind if I drop that in there too?

No, I have no problem with that. Go buy our merch. That's it for today's podcast. Make sure you guys subscribe to all of us on YouTube. Join me, check out the merch, check out Android.co. Merch is great, everything's great, life is great, life is so good. Stand up to your bullies if you feel it's right, and if not, just ignore it. They're just words, they really can't hurt that much, even though, even though it tore me down for a good 7 months.

And if you guys want to DM me about your bully, I can trade you stories about mine.

He can tell you more stories about how many times he got his ass kicked at a strip club.

David Dobrik's my bully.

All right, bye guys. See you guys, and thank you. And my name