$10,000 for Jason’s Kids

Thanks to this week's sponsor, OpenFit. Text VIEWS to 303030. What's up guys, welcome back to VIEWS, the podcast where we have a whole bunch of jokes planned for you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna start with the first one. I found this joke on TikTok. You ready? Whoever fucking stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now. That's pretty, it's pretty fucking good.

Roll the intro music!

What's up guys, it's The Views Podcast. I'm David, that's Jason Nash.

Together we're Dash and yeah, the power couple of 2019.

We just, um, we are farmers. Yeah, yesterday Jason and I had a tennis match. We played for 10 grand.

Yes, we did.

Against, uh, Jeff Wittek, our friend, and Dylan Francis, celebrity DJ, celebrity DJ, big time money bags we like to call him because he just brings in so much cash. And Jeff brought in his money, which was vacuum sealed because he has a drug dealer friend that he got the money from, which is still pretty fucking crazy to me. I'm surprised you let that slide. Yeah, yeah, I felt like as a father you'd step in.

Oh, I let it slide?

Yeah.

What was I supposed to do? Hey, call, call my kid's school, say there's a drug dealer on the loose?

No, just be like, hey Jeff, maybe you're not hanging out with the wrong or the right people.

Well, I've told him many times that he needs to cut ties with his old life.

No, it's crazy. It's really fucking scary. Yeah, bags are vacuum sealed.

Field.

Like, they literally— like, they had to ship him in a submarine in case they were going to get wet or something. Um, but yeah, so we ended up winning, um, which is great. That was exciting. And then we had a party for Jason that night at 3 AM.

Yeah, David won the $10,000. He's like, what do I do with the money? What do I do with the money? You kept asking me all day because we had a little Memorial Day party here. You must ask me like 5 times, what do I do with the money?

Sure.

And I said, uh, you know, given someone that needs it, and I said, at what point At what point did you decide to throw a party with the $10,000?

Well, I always wanted to throw that party.

And when did you come up with the idea to do it that night? What time?

When Dylan was there. When Dylan started playing times with us. Oh, I'll just knock it out tonight with Dylan. Because I was— yeah, because I was like, when am I gonna do this? What DJ am I gonna find? And then DJ— and then Dylan was right there, so I'm like, let's fucking do it. I've had that party idea. That's the only idea I've been holding on to for the last 2 weeks. I don't have any, any other ideas ever. Yeah, that was like the one idea I had for 2 weeks, and I've been trying to get it done. All right, so finally worked yesterday.

Yeah, when you came in my room at 3 AM.

Yeah, so Jason was sleeping.

I wanted to just fucking punch you right in the face. I was so angry. It's so hard for me to get sleep. It's literally just so hard. I can't fall asleep, and when I do— and the really thing that really hurt me, David, was I've done a lot of stuff on YouTube that's very embarrassing, and I never get embarrassed, but the chin strap that I was wearing for my sleep apnea last night— and not only did I tell you it was very embarrassing, you used it as the thumbnail. My mother just Told me.

Yeah, it looks so scary because it looks so scary on you. I made the title, We Did This to Him While He Was Sleeping. It looked like we tied you down by your mouth. Um, yeah, Jason wears a sleep apnea mask and it's really fucking terrifying.

It's a chin strap that keeps your chin close to your mouth so your tongue doesn't fall to the back of your throat.

Jesus Christ, that happens with you? Yeah, your tongue falls to the back of your throat.

I wake up like, get the fuck out.

It's awful. You snore like crazy.

Why did you hear me snoring last night?

Yeah, well, so what happened is at 1:30, we— at 1:30, I told everyone to meet us at the park. Yeah, we had shuttles there prepared to shuttle up everybody to go to your house to do this party. Yeah, and Natalie comes out running into— running into the living room. She goes, the shuttles have left. They have left for Jason's house. And I go, what the fuck? And I got in my car and I went 80 miles per hour down my street to your house and all the kids were standing outside your house. Every single one of them. One kid was pissing in the neighbor's yard. It was fucking chaos.

And no one knocked?

No, no one knocked. They were just standing outside. And then the shuttles were leaving. They were going back down the hill, like, to leave. And I chased them down and I was like throwing stuff at the shuttle because it was fucking leaving. And then it stopped and I was like, take everyone back. So everyone got back on the bus and they went back down to the park.

Wow.

And then I went down to the park and I explained to them, I'm like, guys, This isn't a party. Please don't— if you're expecting to have a good time, go home right now. I won't be mad, but I just want to let you guys know that this is not a party whatsoever. It's gonna be like 2 songs that we're gonna play and then it's over. That's it.

Right.

And everyone was like so cool with it. Not a single person left. There was like 150 kids there and everyone was like, yeah, we get it.

How did you find 150 people?

Certified Casting. I should give them a plug here. Yeah, Seth found everybody, and from Atlanta. Yeah, from Atlanta. Yeah, and it was great. So they all came, and then we snuck into your house at about 2:00 a.m. We started setting up all the stuff, and I went into your room to keep an eye on you, and I sat in your room for about 45 minutes just, just sitting right under your bed in case like you were to wake up. And then, and you were snoring really loud, but you also had a podcast going, so I knew you wouldn't hear anything. And you were listening to— and at one point your podcast stopped, so I had to go on your phone and restart it. And you're fucking such a loud snorer.

I didn't— listen, we're not dating. I didn't ask you to come in and criticize what happens in the middle of the night with me.

Sure.

You're such a loud snorer. I didn't know that about you. Boy, my opinion is just a lot less than it used to be of you.

Sure.

I listened to Pete Holmes' podcast. That's what I was listening to.

Oh, okay.

I listened to that the last few nights.

Yeah, Zach Galifianakis was on it. He was really funny. Jack Black. It was Tenacious D. That was Tenacious D.

Yeah, I fell asleep to that one.

Yeah, I know.

I literally was like, you're lucky when you came in because I might have been up.

Did you feel me spooning you?

Oh, that's what that— I thought someone had a spatula in my butt.

No, I could hear you waking up, so I quickly just grabbed your backside and I just held you really tight and I And I played with your ears a little bit and I said, go back to bed, go back to bed, it's nothing. But you didn't wake up at all from all 150 people entering your house. And then all the people enter the house and then I actually had to wake you up myself. I had to go, Jason, wake up, wake up.

Yeah.

And then you woke up and then we took you outside and there was a massive—

and the beep from the alarm too, which is right by my head.

Yeah.

I'm surprised every time the door opens it beeps. Didn't you wake my mom up too?

Yeah. Oh yeah, your mom. So you're— I was told your mom was gonna be sleeping in your, in your kids, in your kids' room.

Yeah.

And we got in the house and we're like, oh my God, his mom doesn't know we're breaking in. So we got to tell her. And we went to go check the kid's room and she wasn't there. And Todd comes out and he goes, where the fuck is Lorraine? Where's Lorraine? And then I hear Matt from downstairs all of a sudden go, guys, I found Lorraine. And she was sleeping on the couch right in the middle of all of us setting up everything. And we didn't notice her because she was like in a little ball. She was like the size of a peanut. She was very— we couldn't find her. And then we had to— I had to wake her up and I I was like, Lorraine, wake up, we're surprising Jason. And she goes, shit, shit, shit, am I dreaming? And I go, no, no, you're not dreaming, you're not dreaming. So yeah, so then she went upstairs and then we threw a party at your house and it was great.

When I came out, I was for sure that it was a dream. I literally was looking at it because there were so many people there, sparklers. There was like girls that were like half dressed. Yeah, they're in like cocktail waitresses. It was pretty bizarre.

It was chaos.

Yeah, and I want I want to thank you for the, um, for the money that you gave to my kids. Like, that was—

well, we took it back.

What? No, I want to thank you. Like, that was like so— that was so touching.

Sure. To me, like, it's anything, anything that— for me to— I like keeping my distance from those kids, so it's nice to give them gifts where I don't have to confront them.

Well, I already told them what they said, you gave $10,000, and they— Charlie started crying.

What?

And they, they want to, they want to actually spend more time with you.

Oh, oh, nice. But no, Charlie didn't start crying.

Uh-huh.

Does Charlie start crying?

No, no, she was like, oh cool.

I remember we surprised— we surprised your kids with something.

Yeah. What was that?

Oh yeah, we— okay, so I married Jason's— our life is fucked up. I married Jason's mother the other day and I became a stepfather. So I went to his— I went to his kids and I went, guys, I'm your grandfather now. And they're like, oh, okay. And then we were leaving after I told them, and Jason goes, holy fuck, I see what you mean. Those fucking people do not give you a reaction. They don't react to anything.

No, I don't know if it's the camera.

No, they're like emotionless when I put the camera on them. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I literally told them I'm a part of their family now, and they were just like, cool.

I don't think they could process.

That's why, that's why I was really shocked when you said that.

Yeah, I was like, David, you're right. This fucking kids, they give you nothing.

Yeah, that's—

but though, I do, I do like— that was just so touching, you know, like, because, you know, when you have kids, you worry about them, you know, providing for them.

I had like an argument in my head, like, you know, like Dylan, Dylan was like, Dylan was like, why are you doing— they're not even gonna go to fucking college. And I was like, I know, I know, we're probably gonna blow it at catch the next day.

Wait, Dylan said that?

Well, I, I also said that I don't think they're gonna go to college.

Of course they're gonna go to college.

I think they're— I think they're gonna figure out, like, your son's a musician, he's gonna find out something, right?

Their mother is like already like, college, college, because I've said the same thing. I'm like, he doesn't need to go to college. I'm like, just let him play music.

Yeah, but they're gonna make that decision themselves.

No, they're gonna— they're gonna revolt. I'm telling you, Charlie, she's gonna turn 16 and she's— she's never gonna talk to anybody. She has that attitude ready. She has so much sass and it's just ready to fucking explode.

Yeah, but he won't.

He won't.

Yeah, he'll go to college. He's—

yeah, he's whipped.

He is pretty whipped by Charlie.

But by— by—

he gives it back to you a little bit. I'm always impressed with him when you're like joking around with him. Yeah, he's not— he doesn't really get fazed by it. Because if like I was 13, you were joking around with me the way you do, I'd like start to cry.

That's true. They are pretty good at that.

I ran into a girl the other day at Ralph's. I went to Ralph's to go buy something for my ex-wife. She needed celery because, you know, celery juice is, um, it's all the raves, all the rave here.

Yeah, why is that so special?

I don't know. It's very hard to find celery in LA right now because everyone's juicing it. Um, but anyways, it's good for your joints and your mind or whatever. Yeah, so I'm walking in and, uh, this girl goes, she goes, Jason Nash! She was a, I don't know, I don't know, 21, 22-year-old girl. And I go, hey, what's up? She goes, oh, love the vlogs. I go, oh, cool, cool. She goes, oh, um, actually my friend Rianne, she made out with David like 4 years ago. And I go, oh, Rianne, I, I might be getting the name wrong.

And, uh, and I go, oh, I, I did hook up with a girl named that, close to that, somewhere Illinois, I don't know.

And I go, I go, well, I'll be sure to rub it in his face. And she goes, Please do.

Oh wow, that's so interesting.

My mom's been here for a couple weeks now.

Yeah, how is that? Are you liking it?

I love having her here. Uh, she got on my nerves once when I came home and I said, I'm gonna go in my room and clean my room, and she just followed me right in my room to clean my room because I wanted to just go clean my room. And also the kids were there too, so I just wanted like a few minutes. I'm gonna go clean my room.

I love I love when your mom and you— I love when you and your mom are trying to decide if you guys should— like, last night it was like 11 o'clock and it was kind of late. I love you guys trying to decide whether or not you should go home, because it's like, you go, you go, Mom, you want to go home? And she goes, I'll do whatever you want, Chase, I'll do whatever you want. And then you go, no, no, I'm down for whatever you want to do. I'll stay, I can leave. And she goes, oh, I can leave, I can also stay. And then you go, great, yeah, I can do, I can do whatever. And you guys can't fucking decide. And then yesterday, the way you guys found out, the way you guys found out what you guys were gonna go do is because she goes, I am kind of hungry. And then you go, great, let's go get food. That's what was like the decision factor.

It's the other one trying to please the other one, trying to figure out what the other one wants.

Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

Yeah, it's, it's pretty crazy, Mom. We gotta— you do that too.

You do that too with me.

I do.

I hate when you do it because you don't mean it.

So what are you talking about?

So I'll go, I'll go, hey, you want to go shoot at Dom's or Jonah's? And you'll go, yeah, I'm so down to go shoot at Dom's or Jonah's. And you're like, you're like, convince me that like you're really into the idea and you really want to go. And then when we get there, you go, I'm fucking beat.

I literally, I just get a wave of tiredness that just hits me.

I don't just, I don't just go, but I feel like you're, you're, you're like aiming to please me and then you just, and then you realize that you're actually fucking really tired. Like, you're like, I'm gonna go help David, but then you're like, I can't fucking fake this any longer. I'm actually really broken right now.

I just, I just get tired. I'm not faking it.

I know, faking it. Jesus, don't be so fucking offended. I'm just, I'm just trying to say something about you. No need to get your panties in a fucking twist.

I'm not offended.

You seem—

you're literally giving you the answer to what you asked.

You're tearing up having this conversation with me.

Well, the video people will see that I'm not.

I'm not gonna have a this be a video this week. Well, that would be a good way to make your point, because I don't want people to find out fucking the truth that I'm a liar. Getting fit and staying healthy always sounds easier said than done, right?

Oh, tell me about it.

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Why are you looking straight at me and my belly?

No, it was literally in the script. Oh, it said, look at Jason and ask if he's listening. It's a brand new, super simple streaming service that allows you to work out from the comfort of your living room in as little as 10 minutes a day. OpenFit classes are led by some of the most effective, engaging trainers in the world. Sculpt your body with Andrea Rogers, founder of the worldwide sensation Xtend Barre, or get in crazy good shape with Hunter McIntyre, named by Sports Illustrated as one of the top 50 fittest athletes. These trainers know how to get your results quick.

Do I need a computer? Chocolate chip cookies out of your hand at 3 in the morning?

I think there's an option for that.

Okay, cool. I'm definitely going to sign up for OpenFit.

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So what do you— you text VIEWS to 303030, that's how you get the discount?

Yeah, and it's game over. You'll get full access to OpenFit, all the workouts and nutritional information, totally free. Again, just text views to 30, 30, 30.

What's going on in Mount Everest? You've been following this story and you've tried to explain it to me like 4 times and I don't understand.

Yeah, in the last— I think— fuck, I'm gonna get this wrong— in the last like 2, 3 weeks, 11 people have died climbing up it. Yeah, because it's like there's like some fucking crazy foot traffic trying to get up to the top of Mount Everest, and then like, and at one point it's like just a solid line of people climbing this fucking mountain.

Oh my God, I'm looking at the picture on Twitter.

It's literally people walking up a mountain in a line, in a single file. Jeff was telling me that it costs around $60,000 to climb Mount Everest.

Why? Why are there so many people?

I mean, I was just thinking about it. It's pretty fucking cool if you can climb Mount Everest. You know, they have a gumball machine at the top of it. They have a Coke machine, Klondike bar. That would— that'd be the best fucking— that'd be the best advertisement, a Klondike bar machine at the top. I would climb it. I'd climb it if I can get helicopter lifted off of it when I'm at the top.

Going down must be just as hard.

And it's like, and for what reason? There's no motivation to go down other than to save your own life, you know? I mean, like, going up, you have this thing. I'm going to get to the fucking top. Yeah, but then you're like, I got to fucking go down. What?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck. They should make like a slide or an elevator or some shit. Like, fucking make, make the down part a lot more fun. Yeah, it just blows my mind. Did you hear me when I said $60 grand to climb up it? Oh yeah, yeah, because I think you get to like, when you climb a thing like Everest or like any big like peak, you can, you can pay for people to come carry all your stuff. So you have to have a guide so you can help you, and then you can have people like carry oxygen tanks, food, tents, supplies. And I think the more you pay, the more people you have that come with you, I would assume. Yeah, and Heath was saying that like when you climb Mount Everest you actually have to stop. This is all from my friend, so I don't know if this is factual. Yeah, but, um, but he's saying you have to stop and smoke weed. I'm kidding. He said— he did say you have to stop at certain elevations and spend like multiple hours just at that elevation just so your body gets used to it before you continue to climb. Oh wow. So it's like a couple-day journey no matter what, even if you're just a really fast guy.

Guys, we're giving out a ton of information that we're not sure about right now. That's pretty much how it goes on the Views podcast.

And And the top of Mount Everest, it's candy-coated.

It's made of jelly beans.

And I know that because my friend Zane told me that one.

I walked in here the other night and David had some friends over and they're just watching people dying videos, parkour videos.

Yeah.

And you were watching some parkour videos and I said, people must die doing this.

Yeah, they weren't parkour videos. They're those— we were watching those videos where people climb like buildings, like skyscrapers. Yeah, like huge skyscrapers, like ginormous ones, and they hang off the edge of them. Yeah, and Jason was like, they must die doing this. And I'm like, they do. And then I showed everyone a video of a guy literally falling off to his death.

What's the mindset there, risking your life jumping on a skyscraper?

I mean, it's the same thing as climbing Mount Everest. It's just a cool thing to do. Like, it's like, it's like, it's like you asking me, what's the mindset of you marrying my mother?

I, it's just crazy.

It's a cool thing to do. Like, I'm glad I have that story.

Yeah, but you're not going to die doing that.

I don't know, man. She's been a handful.

She's flipping me off. She's flipping David off right now. Good for you. She does not take any of your shit.

No, she doesn't. That's why we're getting a divorce.

I take all, I take all of your shit.

Yeah.

Yeah. But she doesn't care. She talks about you all the time.

Um, no, but I would, I would climb Mount Everest for sure.

You would not.

Yeah, like a liar. In a couple years.

Yeah, right. When I'm done with the vlogs, you really marry Natalie.

You, you really doubt me, Jay?

Natalie carrying all your shit up Mount Everest, you getting all the glory filming yourself. You turn into a vacation vlogger, like extreme vlogger. That's awesome. You're ripped. You have huge muscles. Um, yeah, that'd be sick.

Maybe that's true.

I can't believe we're doing this. It's really cold. I have icicles coming out my nose.

The next segment of the podcast is called Joe's TV Podcast. It's where we give our editor friend Joe 25 seconds to say and/or do whatever he wants in return for him editing this podcast. And we're live in 3, 2—

Joe's TV Podcast.

Joe! Okay guys, Joe is currently outside.

He's outside, he's grabbing the badminton net.

He has 18 seconds left. He's bringing the badminton net in. Yeah, he told me how to talk. Oh, oh my fucking goodness. He has 8 seconds left. He's pulling in an entire badminton net.

What's up, weenies?

Joe, get Joe out of here.

Ow, sorry, my head.

And he won't be coming back next week.

Hey Joe, there you go, the first teeny weeny volleyball tournament. I love the idea of volleyball and I'm down. Don't listen to David, don't let him get you down. I have a question. Do you know what a butter knife is?

Yeah.

What is it?

It's a knife you use to spread butter.

Nice.

What do you mean?

Exactly though, like, it's a— what else? Tell me some other things about a butter knife.

It spreads butter. What else do you fucking need?

It's a little duller than— did you know that?

Yes.

It's duller than like a steak knife. 40% of millennials do not know what a butter knife is.

Really?

Yeah, it's like— I like that because that's how I feel when I talk to you. Like, I have to explain every third thing I say to you.

Really? What's a cell phone?

Well, that I don't know. But yeah, they say millennials can't cook now and that 40% don't know what a butter knife is.

That's cool. Instead, we invented Postmates, Uber, Lyft, every other fucking app you use.

That's weird. The people who invented that are in their 30s.

That's weird. That's not— you're right about that stat. But still, a lot of younger people are doing a lot of great things. Yeah, so stop putting us fucking down.

It's funny, if YouTube wasn't around, you'd be digging graves.

That's funny. If YouTube wasn't around, I'd be putting you in one.

You got me there. Well, listen, David, it's been really fun doing this podcast with you. I am leaving the show.

Thank the fucking Lord.

If I left the show, what would I do? Would you just stop?

Yeah, you would.

You hear that, guys? I'm integral. I'm integral to this podcast. Never forget it.

I'm important.

I'm important. If I leave, he'll just won't do it. I mean, if you like the podcast, tweet that. I— tweet me. Tell me, tell me, compliment me.

No, it wouldn't make— it wouldn't make sense with anybody else. I really like our dynamic.

You could probably just get my mom to do it and be just as successful.

No, we'd stare into each other's eyes too much.

People pretty much love my mom.

We wouldn't get any work done. We'd just be touching each other, right, Lorraine? She's silent right now. She said no comment.

She's gonna go home tomorrow and she's really sad.

And yeah, we're going home.

You're not going anywhere.

Yeah, I'm going to Boston. I'm going there for 3 weeks.

Oh really?

Yeah. I'm not vlogging. I'm actually just gonna have some family time. I'm not vlogging for the next 4 weeks just so I can enjoy my time with her. Did you know that she's into ceramics? Because I found out the other day and I booked a class for us at the Guggenheim. What'd you say? She says she's never been in a ceramic.

She's into it.

She's also into ecstasy, which she's on right now. She doesn't remember the conversation we had last night about ceramics. Your mom takes a— your mom takes a bunch of classes in Boston, right? I heard. Yeah, what is it? What's mindfulness? What does she do?

It's just like thinking about what you do before you do it, something you know nothing about.

That's so funny.

Cause and effect. She also takes a class, a laughter class.

What?

Where people just laugh.

You're kidding.

No, she takes it, but they have it in her. Mom, do you take the laughter class? No, she opted out. But literally they just sit there. It's a bunch of older people just laughing.

Really?

And that's supposed to make you—

what do they listen to this podcast? What's up guys?

Every Thursday, Dave and I have started to think too much alike, which is scary.

Your mom—

you— I hate when you think of a joke before me, that the joke I was gonna say, because there's nothing I can say. I can't go like, I was gonna say that. If you had to take one person to Europe, let's say you were— get your citizenship If you had to take one person to Europe with, who would you take?

I mean, out of my friends?

Out of anybody.

Probably take you.

Nice.

Yeah.

Awesome. Then I would leave you in Slovakia for a vlog.

Dude, could you imagine how fun it would be to go back to my home country?

Oh my God.

Film a video. It'd be so easy.

We'd have a good vlog that day.

We'd have the entire video done in literally the time we land at the airport. We'd be at the airport and we'd have the entire vlog done. Genuinely. Yeah, I mean, it'd be so easy.

You could probably tell people you're coming and have a big, big crowd waiting for you in Slovakia. Yeah. Hey guys, really quick, I'm gonna be in San Francisco on June 8th and Chicago on June 9th doing stand-up comedy, which has been a lot of fun. People are posting a lot of my bits online, which I don't love because I don't have a lot of material, but that's okay.

I got my wisdom teeth taken out the other day.

Oh, you did?

Yes, you were there. And I got, I got two others taken out like a year prior. Yeah. And he gave me the gas and I knocked out completely.

Yeah.

Like within seconds I knocked out and it was only me and Liza there and the doctor. So I think it was like a lot calmer this time. I brought all of you guys and I couldn't knock out and like it like sent me to this like weird paralysis where I couldn't move, but I heard everything you guys were saying.

Oh really?

Yeah. And I felt a lot of it. And it was really scary.

You felt a lot on the teeth, the pain?

It wasn't like— no, it wasn't excruciating pain.

Okay.

Like, it wasn't at all. But I felt— I felt it. Yeah, it was like— it was like someone, like, someone like hitting me, like, with like a— with like a hammer. But I'm not feeling sharp pain, I'm just feeling like the— like the— like the—

yeah, that—

the pounding of it.

That's how it was when I had mine.

Yeah. So what— it wasn't anything I couldn't bear at all, but it was just so interesting because I was supposed to be knocked out, and you guys thought I was knocked out, right? For a little bit, you guys thought I was gone.

Yeah, we were talking all about you saying horrible things.

Yeah, and I was listening to fucking all of it.

Yeah.

And then I— and then I found out—

I'm sorry I called you a pussy.

That's what you did. I missed that one. And then we got back home, and then I knocked out on my— I knocked out on my bed, and I went through my footage on my camera, and there's just like random clips of Jason in my Ferrari butt naked. And then there was another clip of Zane putting his asshole in my face while I was sleeping.

Yeah, cuz You were knocked out and Natalie was like, we have to get clips. We have to do stuff to him. We have to draw dicks on his face. We've got to do something. And I was like, oh yeah, I guess you're right. So then I like took all my clothes off and got in your Ferrari, went down the 101 and Zane hung out the side of the window and shot me naked.

Yeah.

Yeah. And you didn't even use it.

Yeah, I didn't use it. I didn't want to give you guys the satisfaction.

Well, let me tell you something. You've never felt freedom until you've driven a Ferrari naked.

I believe you. I did see it. You look like you're fucking having a—

it was a blast. I'll tell you that. Cool breeze.

It's kind of scary though, because people— it's illegal to drive in California with a shirt off. I've heard. What? Yeah. So I don't— this is another fucking fact that we probably brought up. Brought to you by The Views podcast.

We need to hire a fact checker.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I heard it's illegal to drive without your shirt off. So it's like You could get really good. I mean, you were driving naked.

Yeah.

So imagine, because a Ferrari draws the most attention, like the most for sure. So I'm surprised no one saw your junk or anything. And you're really low, so any big car can come right over you and look into your—

Oh yeah, a truck driver came down and honked his horn.

Oh, how about this? How about this? What happened to us the other day? Remember the fucking pizza guy that came to Jonah's house?

Oh yeah, yeah.

That was really weird. There's a pizza guy that came to the house And people like order pizza to our house a lot. And I talk about this all the time, but someone ordered one to Jonah's house and it was under his name, Nick Antonian. And the guy shows up to the door and he's like, pizza for Nick Antonian. And we're like, is it paid for? And the guy's like, no. And we're like, okay, well, we didn't order it. And the guy's already fucking confused. He's like, how did you not fucking order it if this is your name? Like, he's already getting like angry about it.

Right.

So we're like, yeah, we didn't order it. But then we're like, okay, fuck it. What's the pizza? Let's see it. So, so we look at the pizza. It's a 3-meat pizza, which is fucking pretty impossible for me to turn down. So I go, okay guys, it's $45. Let's put some money together and get this pizza. So, so, um, it's here. Yeah. So she gets the— so Maureen runs and gets the money from her dresser. And, um, while she's there, I go, hold on, $45 for a fucking pizza and breadsticks? What's going on? So now I get suspicious. I'm like, I don't know if this is a real fucking pizza delivery guy. And I tell this to Jonah, and Jonah goes to him and goes, let me see your shirt. Because he was wearing like a sweatshirt. He's like, let me see your shirt. And the guy lifted up his shirt to show his Domino's shirt that he had underneath. And it was so funny because he's like fucking asking him as if he was the FBI. Let me see your fucking credentials. So that checked out.

So I'm like, okay, I'm siding with the pizza guy. And I was there.

Yeah.

All this shenanigans you guys are doing.

No, I know, I know. We did.

We sat up and added it up.

Yeah. And then we were like doing the math. We're like, $45 for breadsticks and the pizza? Like, it's not making any sense. It's so much money. And he didn't have a receipt. So we're like, okay, this guy doesn't have a receipt. He's not— he's not a real fucking pizza guy. There's no fucking way. So, so then I go, I go, I go, excuse me, can you explain to me how, how it's $45? Yeah. And he steps in the house and he goes, listen, man, I don't fucking make the prices, okay? Just take the fucking pizza. Left the pizza, walked away, left the bag that the pizza was in.

Yeah.

And went back to his car and we never saw him again. That was crazy. He got so mad. He didn't fucking accept any of the money.

He got a taste of the Antonian household, which is so insane.

Yeah.

And even he couldn't take it.

And then everyone was so confused. They're like, why was he so fucking— why was he such a dick? And I was like, well, we did just question him coming to our house to deliver a pizza that he thinks that we ordered. So, so he's— he was totally in the right to be mad at us.

Yeah.

But we were just, you know, it was just a bad situation because we didn't order the pizza. So we were super skeptical. I'm always so skeptical when food comes because I always think it's poisoned and I always think someone put some, like, you know, syringes in it. Um, so it just wasn't a good scenario, but it was just so funny how the dude left. Um, so I apologize to that Domino's guy. I'm sorry about, about that. Stop ordering pizza to our houses, please. I was in a, I was in a meeting today.

Yeah.

Um, and it was with like this guy who's like, who's been in, been around Hollywood for a long time. Like he's, he's worked on a whole bunch of projects and I was like, do you know Jason Nash?

Uh-oh, here we go.

And he's like, yeah, yeah, I know Jason Nash. Jason Nash. We, um, I think I came across him like about 20, 20 years ago. I saw 20, 22 years ago. I saw him somewhere and yeah, we started talking and he's like, and he's like, how is he? And he looked him up. He looked you up on Google and he goes, and he goes like in the middle of meeting, he goes, wow, I don't remember him being this old. And like the entire fucking meeting lost it. We're like, yeah, that's Jason.

Well, he couldn't have been that young. If he saw me 20 years ago.

Yeah. No, he wasn't. That's why it was even more offensive.

It's funny when you, when you get to be my age and you see people age and you do the same thing as what that guy did, you're like, oh yeah, no, that was crazy.

And it was so funny because everyone just started fucking cracking up. Was Jack there? At your expense. Yeah. Jack was there. My manager was there. And then the guy was like, holy fuck, you guys really fucking aged him quite a bit. And yeah, we're guilty for that.

Let me see a picture of this guy. Let me see how good he looks.

Uh, do you know, uh, Michael Bolton? All right guys, um, for the next part of the podcast, I have my friend Zane here. Hi guys, I'm going to talk about this in the most generic way possible. You have a date coming up tonight. Yeah. Is this a secret? Zane just farted into the mic.

I had to let that one out.

Okay, so you have a date tonight. Yeah. Are you allowed to talk about this date? Yeah. Okay, we'll talk about it. Are you nervous? No. No.

It's almost like I'm just like, I'm too lazy.

What do you mean?

Mainly lazy. I'm just, I just, I'd rather just chill here and talk with you.

You don't want to go on the date? Part of you wants to go on a date because you haven't gone on one in like a long time. So you like want to, what are you most nervous about?

Not leaving on time. It's like getting out of there fast.

You want to leave? It's already— dude, it's literally— it's already 10:08. What time are you gonna be back?

I need to text her back.

There's gonna be— Zane, where are you going on this date?

Um, I'm not sure yet.

Not sure? Do you have any options?

Either my house or her house, probably.

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Mm-hmm.

Why'd you say it like that? Like you're embarrassed? Yeah, I actually forgot for a second. Yeah. Do you like being single or you You like the benefits of being in a relationship?

No, I like being single.

But right now, are you looking for someone? Are you just looking for a quick hookup, or are you looking for someone to like really take—

No, I honestly, I don't have— I've like, I just want to be committed to anything right now. I have my YouTube channel's enough. I gotta, I gotta barely commit to that.

Are you gonna have—

It is really hard balancing a relationship with posting once a month.

You don't post that frequently. I know.

It's honestly, it's because like when I post, I want it to be a really good video. I don't want to just vlog stuff and like half-ass it.

Because you care about your viewers.

Yeah.

Yeah. You're—

Oh, fuck off.

Fuck off. Okay, fair enough. And then so there's a chance you want to go to her house, you're telling me, because it'll be easier to leave.

Why am I being interviewed like this is my first time ever?

Because I haven't seen you go on a date like in a long time.

This is a big deal for me.

Can I come? I fucking— dude, I want to come so bad.

You want to come? Just bring you along?

Yeah.

You know she's gonna just leave me and be like, hey David, what are you doing later?

No, don't sell yourself short. Second of all, I'm gonna be a really good wingman. Yesterday I was such a good wingman. We were at like club. Yeah. And this girl liked Matt King and— sorry, Matt King liked this girl and she came over to me and I tried directing her straight to my friend and I go, "That's my friend Matt. You should go talk to him. He's an asshole." And she went over to him and they talked for like an hour.

Oh, you like set her expectations low?

Yeah.

And then Matt's just like, "Hey, how you doing?" And Matt fucking killed it.

Of course.

No, Matt's really good.

Dude, he's so good with girls. And he's not an asshole. So when she got there, she was like, she turned to me, she's like, "What were you talking about?" And I was like, I was like, um, no.

And I think it's because Matt just knows everything. He's really just smart.

He's like a Game of Jeopardy. Yeah, like he just spits out fun facts. Exactly. Yesterday he was talking about like some tribe in, in like Northern Ireland. I don't even know. He really gets deep into things. Well, I wish you the best of luck on your day.

I really appreciate that. Would you like to come?

I know you're just kidding.

Do you have any questions before you go Jason, would you like to sleep with my date? Just answer the question. Do you want to sleep with my date tonight? Yes, please.

Okay. Okay. Do you have any questions for Jason, who's an experienced dater?

Uh, yeah. Um, ask away.

Um, improvise.

I'm not good at improvising. Um, do I have any questions for an experienced dater? Honestly, don't want any advice from Jason, to be honest.

Yeah, how's that? Why is that?

I don't know, just things just seem to fall apart whenever they involve Jason.

So let's see, what can I say about you that's negative? David, go get my yellow legal pad.

I mean, you can make fun of me that this is my first time in like 3 years.

I've always wondered that because you have such a likable personality, and every time we go out, like, there's so many girls that like you, but you never pull the move.

So it's because those girls that like me, I don't like them back. Oh, it's never reciprocated for me ever.

Okay. I only like girls who like me. It's pretty much how I do it. I wait for someone to like me and then I get involved with them for a really long time. Like my ex-wife, I was like dating her, I broke up with her, she flew to New York and like, you know, found me in the street and was like, we have to be together. And I was like, no, okay.

Wait, your ex-wife said we have to be together? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, she was just like, yeah, she was just like, I can't believe you broke up with me. We get along so good. You know, we are best friends. You know that like when we're together, we laugh and we have the best time. And I was like, I just want to be single. I don't want to deal with anybody. And then I was like, I looked at my bank account. I had no money. And I was like, okay, sounds good, I'll move in. Wow.

But it's really cool seeing that you still have a really good relationship with her because you were like talking to her on the phone.

Yeah, let me tell you, that was a joke, the last thing. Like, we really were like best friends. I know. Like, we got along, like we laughed, like how me and David get along and have sex.

That was an edit that we made later because his ex-wife listened to the podcast, so we had to edit that in just to make sure.

Now I'm gonna edit this in.

David's lying. But yeah, no, I wish you the best on the date. Can you FaceTime me at least?

Yeah, will you? Yeah, when, when exactly do you want me to FaceTime?

Let's walk, let's walk. Should it be—

stop playing, you stop fucking playing God with every single person in this friend group. Honestly, stop playing God. FaceTime me later. He's almost gonna do it. He said yes.

You know what I would love? I would love 7th my friends ask me stuff like this. Back home, all my friends were like, text me, keep me updated, and it was the best feeling. You guys don't give a rat's ass about any of you guys. I'm here because we know you don't give a fuck. That's why you don't know.

I genuinely do. I will text you in your intimate—

not you. I don't give a fuck about you. I'm talking about Zane. I want to know about Zane. Yeah, go. Okay, Zane, let's run, let's run through this moment. She gets there, she goes, hi Zane, nice to meet you, because you guys haven't met yet, right? It's an online thing. You guys met on. Hi Zane, how are you? What do you want to do? What are you going to say?

There's a really good movie, uh, that I heard about on Netflix. You want to watch it under my covers?

But we have to watch it in the dark. Um, okay, so you're gonna go straight to the movie?

Probably.

Yeah. You have snacks at your house?

I have nothing at my house. No food, no nothing. I don't even have like water.

If it goes south, you can always call on your roommate Matt King.

What do you mean by go south?

Like if it doesn't go well. Ew, you're dirty. No.

Stop.

That's not what I mean.

Get your mind out of the gutter. If it doesn't go well, you can always call your friend Matt King and he can take over because he's so good at talking to girls.

Yeah, or I could just call you because I know that's what you want.

I don't. You just want to take her. I don't want to take her. Yes, you do.

No. I showed you a picture of her and you were like, ooh, can you FaceTime me when you're with her?

Yeah, you're right, I do want her. David, do you hate me? Honestly?

Yeah, I just feel like you haven't been really responding to my texts lately.

Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to lie? Yeah.

Okay.

I do. Okay, no, I actually don't hate you at all.

All right, well, that's it for this, uh, today's— tonight's podcast. Uh, thank you for subscribing.

All right guys, everybody go, um, go wish Zane good luck on this.

Heath and I are about to start a podcast.

Joe, edit this out. Joe, edit this out.

Definitely.

He's plugging himself. Edit this out, Joe.

Get ready for that. All right, and next segment, cutting into the shoe.

It's gonna be great. Okay, that's it. And that's all the time we have for today's podcast. That's the lesson for today's podcast. Make sure you like and subscribe on our YouTube channels. Tweet me @DavidErbach, tweet him @JasonNash. Check out our Instagrams and go buy some of our merch. Merch is fun, it's a good time. Yeah, we'll be around if you need us. See you guys later. This has been the Views Podcast. My name's Jeff.

Bye.