$1,000,000 From Snapchat

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where this is the first podcast of the new year. Guys, I'm so happy 2020 is over. This year is going to be the year I get the new co-host. Fingers crossed. Let's fucking do this.

I was just— didn't know how you were going to do it, but I knew it was headed towards— I thought it was going to be, and the last podcast with Jason, it would have been a lot cleaner.

Well, let's roll the intro music and start it off. My hometown friend John has— I'm trying to, you know, you know, my goal to move out all my hometown friends, somehow get them to work for me. So my 3 hometown friends live together, John, Mike, and Alex. And Alex and Mike are down to, like, come here and move here and work for Doughbrix, the pizza place. And John refuses. John's like, I'm— I want a different career. I want to study chemicals. I want to be in a lab, you know, something like real boring shit that, like, I guess he likes. I don't know. He wanted to be a doctor like 6 months ago.

You open a lab just to give him a place to work here.

That's what it's going to take. And yesterday we were just having such such a bad day in Call of Duty. We were just sucking. And I was like, John, John, if, if we win this next game, um, you have to move to LA and work for Dobrik's. And he goes, like a TikTok, he literally goes, he goes, fine, because I know you're not— because I know we're not gonna win. That's what he said. He said it like it sounded like one of those kids like walking up to their parents and be like, Mom, if I get a million likes, can we get an Xbox? And the parent, you know, scripted, goes, yeah, just because I know you won't get that many likes. That's what it sounded like when John said it. And then fucking, we won. And this was our first game in 3 hours, and John fucking was so stressed, so stressed, because I mean, it was a serious bet. Like, now he has to quit his job and move to LA. And dude, you just hear him talking the entire time. He's like, he's like, I can't believe, I can't believe I put all my life onto this game. This is— there's no such thing as destiny. There's no such thing as destiny. That's what he's talking about. He's like saying these random things like There's no such thing as fate. I can't believe I did that all in one game. All in one game. Why would I do that? And he's like, fucking, oh my God. He was almost in tears. If we weren't streaming, he would have been in tears.

What's the result then? Is he coming?

Yeah, he's coming.

He has to.

Yeah, he's coming now. He's going to work for Doughbrix when we open up in a couple months, which is fucking sick.

This guy has a degree in chemistry, Dave.

He doesn't have a degree in chemistry, bro. He doesn't. He sits in like a plant and he like makes sure that the chemicals don't overheat. He's basically just taking control of the thermostat. He doesn't do much in there, but we always joke. Mike always jokes around that he's just playing with hand sanitizer. Those are the only chemicals.

What's he going to do for Dobrik's?

Well, he studied to be like a nurse.

Okay.

Initially wanted to be a doctor, and then he's like, that's too much school. So I'm going to be a nurse. And every year we would ask John, we're like, what do you want to be? And, you know, every year it would get less and less convincing that he was actually going to be a nurse. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to try the chemical plant. So he started working at chemical plant, which is really random. And now he likes labs apparently. But like, he doesn't even work because he like, Every time he's at work, I know he's at work because he's not playing video games. Yeah, but he's on my Twitch stream, so he's in my comments and like when I get killed, he'll be like, oh my God, close one, Dave. Like he's watching the entire time, so he's not doing anything at work.

Homer Simpson works at a chemical plant. He's kind of like Homer Simpson.

Yeah, John does remind me of Homer Simpson. What would he do at Doughbrix? I don't know. I just need like friendly faces around. Like, I think that's all it is. Like, I like— Mike is an Italian guy, so I think him, you know, making the pizzas is all we need. Yeah, it fits perfectly. And just to have my hometown friends there is like That's like, I just want to go into business with the people I grew up with. Like, I've always just— that's my goal. That's like always will be my goal.

And, uh, when are we gonna see Dobrik's?

Uh, a couple months, 8 months. John's always— John's always— John needs a push to do things. Like, John's idea, he had an idea. He was the first one in our friend group to, uh, uh, ask us to start a YouTube channel. And he was like, yo, we should start a YouTube channel. But his idea was like we would fix bikes on it because we were like into BMX. And I was like, John, no one's gonna watch us fix bikes. Like, we don't even know how to fix bikes. Like, he— the reason like he thought he was really good at fixing bikes is because when we would get flats, we would go to him to pump it up. So like, he'd fill— he'd put the ga— he'd put the air into our tires. So he thought he could start an entire channel based off that.

Didn't you guys have like a bike group? Like you had like a whole crew where you guys would bike around together?

Well, we were called the Biker Gang, and that's like what people knew us as. So like, he thought that we can make that—

like, couldn't think of a better name than just Biker Gang?

Oh, we didn't do it. We didn't come up with that name. That was like when we would ride by like 7-Eleven and there'd be people smoking and they'd be like, oh, the biker gang.

Oh, people called you that?

Oh yeah. We weren't self-proclaimed. Oh yeah. No, this was, this was given to us because we were, we were, we were local legends. Yeah. We'd ride around, we'd have our 99-cent watermelon Arizona teas in one hand, Slurpees in the next, and the barbecue Fritos that would twist. And guess what? Guess how many hands on the wheel?

How many?

None. Fucking no hands. All the way back. All the way back to the park. All the way back to the gazebo from 7-Eleven.

I think the name was ironic, Dave.

No, I think we were very much a gang.

I went on a Raya date before I left here. It was so bad.

I'm going to say something real quick and you're not going to like it because a lot of these situations—

I'm sorry.

I'm just— I'm just saying a lot of you're coming in, you're reporting back some horrible dates. Every situation is—

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

This is the first date that I went on that was bad.

There's always something wrong with every hookup. Yes, there is. Yes, there is. Every hookup, there's always something wrong.

And yeah, yeah, Dave, I don't know, he just didn't get hard for some reason.

Literally, it's 4 out of the last 7 dates the guy hasn't gotten hard.

That's not true.

That's not true. Yes, that is literally not true.

Ella, I have been cursed.

No, but you agree every time you share a story, there's something wrong. There's something that goes—

First of all, the stories that are more interesting are the ones with things gone wrong.

Yeah. So there are ones that you're telling me out of all these dates, you're still having positive ones.

Yeah.

Wow. Okay. Okay. Yes.

But first of all, you do notice, right?

100%.

Okay. Either the guy's dick is broken or he doesn't show up.

Like, no one has ever stood me up.

No, no one stood you up. But, but sometimes their thing won't stand up. That's the other problem.

No, but I can't. That's not fucking me, bro. No, this is what pisses me off. This is what pisses me off.

You hear more. You're here on every podcast. No, she goes, I hooked up with a guy and his dick wouldn't get hard.

No, sometimes you have to.

I've never said that.

Hold on. And if you're a returning listener and you haven't heard this, it's because we have to cut it out of the podcast a lot because it's just too sad. But no, no, no, you're making me sound like Okay, I'm exaggerating just to sound more interesting. It's happened twice. Twice.

Yes, it's happened twice. But first of all, when it happened, it happened once and then it happened again. It was fine.

But the funny part is they happened right after each other, like 2 weeks apart. And when you said the second part, when you said it the second time, you were telling me the story and I wasn't even listening. My eyes were just trying to process, like my eyes were glazed over and I was just like, what goes on when she hooks up with somebody? Why is no one getting hard?

Does she put on a three-piece suit?

Does she dress up as a chameleon?

Tell the story of what happened.

I need to talk to someone else that's not them because I've talked to multiple—

but not Jason either.

No, I'm saying it happens.

Jason winked at me.

A lot of these stories are not on the podcast. I feel like I'm not here from for them.

Yes, a lot of the stories we'll just be sharing.

Yeah, you're just sharing.

So it happens.

Okay, sure, it happens.

Yeah, right. If it may be because you're fucked up, because you're on drugs, because you're fucking— I don't know, you mentally, you're somewhere else or something's happening. Like, it happens. I mean, okay, the stories of the guys getting hard weren't getting hard— were two different guys, not even from— I've never gone on a dating app since I've been here, like, on a date. And I finally, before I left LA in December, I was like whatever. This guy messaged me and he was like pretty nice and funny. So I was like, okay, whatever, let's meet up. And he came to my apartment because he couldn't do anything. His opinions and everything were the polar opposite of anything that I think of, right? Like politically, fucking life goals, like what he— every single thing we talked about, it was like almost a discussion.

Gravity.

It was—

I don't think it holds you down, to be honest.

Literally, though.

I mean, in Ella's defense, I mean, like, to date in L.A. randomly just to find people, pull them off the street and hope that you have some kind of connection, but they get hard.

You know, I do think you're attractive. I just think it's crazy that you have this problem.

No, I generally think I've been cursed. I like talk to— I like post on my Insta about it all the time to my friends. I'm like, I've been cursed by the soft dick.

Oh, that's— oh, you've noticed this?

Yes, obviously I've noticed it. It was not happening. And then it happened like twice in a row.

Oh, so you know that. Oh, okay.

But I'm fucking hoping— the thing that pisses me off is that you guys are making me feel like it's not— it is me. Oh, it's not me. Oh, so you're girls out there, any single girl out there, it's never your fault. It's never you. It's always them.

So, so, so you're pissed that we just found out about your soft dick curse. That's what it is. So you've known about this?

I'm pissed that you're basically saying that it's me. No, there must be something wrong. You literally just said there must be something wrong with you. It keeps on happening.

You have the curse.

If anybody out there wants to go on a date with Ella and see if they can stay hard—

I hate this. It literally makes me sound like I'm so fucking desperate. I'm not desperate. I can get my own dick and I can get a hard dick if I want to prove everybody wrong.

I say that you and I just go in the bathroom right now.

No. Okay. That's all time for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. This has been a views podcast. So Charlie's here, Jason's daughter.

Charlie, who's given up on my YouTube channel just like everybody else.

You've given up on Charlie's. You've given up on Jason's YouTube channel.

I bring the camera out now. Like, when she was younger, she was so good, Dave. She would kill it in the family vlogs. And because she is so funny. And now I bring the camera out, she doesn't want to do it.

Charlie, how old are you?

11.

Do you think you're getting to the age where, like, this is kind of hard to admit because you're like in it, but like, do you think you're getting to the age where it's like your dad's not as cool as you thought he was?

No, it's not that. It's just, it's like when I like first wake up in the morning, like, come into my room like as I'm lying in bed, like with the camera.

Same here, Charlie.

Charlie, same here, same here.

Yo, content's gotta be made, dog.

So Charlie, this is another hard-hitting question. Your mom has a new boyfriend. Okay, you son of a bitch. Who is that? Who's, who's the better father figure in your life currently? Him. I mean, you. Okay, so Jason, who do you think is cooler? Like, okay, Jason's the more father figure obviously because he's your actual dad, but who's cooler? Like, who could walk into a bar and who would get more people to turn their heads? Like, would it be Jason or your mom's new boyfriend?

If there are teenagers in the bar, then him.

Oh, Jason. But currently I'm talking currently. If they walked in the bar right now, be honest.

I don't know.

You.

Oh, Charlie's too nice to you. You could tell. You could see.

She is.

She is.

Yeah, she really is.

You could tell she wants to say the truth, but it won't come out.

My boyfriend's great. Like I'm better than Mommy.

I'm just kidding. Wait, did you say you like it better than Mommy? Yeah. Oh, that's funny.

No, no, he's great. That was fun. We had a good Christmas, right, Charles? Yeah.

Yeah.

Charlie, if you could— if you could have your dad have any other career, would you— uh, firefighter?

Possibly.

Yeah.

Really?

I mean, like, okay, so like, I have a TikTok account too, What's like—

he's always like, but I'm 11.

No, he's like addicted. Like one time I was like going to the bathroom and it was like, it was like 1 AM and I just hear him like going on TikTok in the other room.

That is so funny. Yeah, I do. She has to pop in and go, hey, go to bed. She has to take your phone from you. Hey, it's enough. That's enough.

You're addicted too.

Yeah, I'm also 20.

You're not 20.

Yes, I am. I'm in my 20s. Yeah, you're addicted to— Jason, you're almost 50 years old.

I can't watch TikTok.

No, I mean, you can, but I mean, I don't know.

It's my business. It's sort of like, you know, what we do.

Yeah, right.

It's kind of fun.

He's just getting work done, Charlie, late at night. Natalie texted me this article from my high school. I got interviewed in the, like, in the high school paper because I was on Vine. I was a huge Vine sensation at the time. This is what the article says.

Tell them how many followers you had.

Yeah, I had 5,500 followers on Vine and my name was still Crazy Davey and my Snapchat was Crazy Blakey. My name's not even Blake, but I just didn't do— like, it was like this was like a long time ago. This is what the article says. Some of her favorite Viners include Marcus Johns, Bo Burnham, and Scott Hoying. All three gained a massive following since the app's breakout. Although not quite as well known, but still a local legend, David Dobrik is well aware of the possibility of gaining Vine fame. Having recently been recognized on Vine's Popular Now page, he still remains humble. And this is a quote. This is a quote of what I said. I don't think my Vines have gained too much popularity, but if they do, I'm sure I'm going to become a millionaire and pick my girl Ariana Grande up in my new Ferrari Italia. And the fucking craziest part is I was so close. I got 2 out of the 3 of those things. Wow. I got the Ferrari. I bought a Ferrari Italia. And I became a millionaire and all I'm missing is Ariana Grande, but she's married now. And then the interviewer goes, Godspeed, David. We're all rooting for you.

Who was that interviewer?

Grace Farolo. She's fucking great.

She was your age?

Yeah, she's— she's in my— she was in my school. She's one of the best people.

High school paper.

This is high school paper.

Do you find it kind of funny how you were doing Vine when he was doing Vine when he was 40?

Yeah. You know, you know, your dad DM'd me when I was in high school. This is what he said. He goes, hey, you look adorable. And I was like, whoa, no, he texted me.

He's looking around to see if you're kidding.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, but he did DM me. He DM'd me funny vines man when I was 17 years old and I freaked out because he was like a huge celebrity to me. So it was like a big deal.

The roles reversed.

Is it now?

You're trying to get content from him.

Yeah, it's funny how the roles reversed. That's why I hang out with you.

Do you want to know what you told me last night? Why?

I say crazy stuff. No, no, no, JJ, JJ, let her say it, let her say it.

Okay, I showed you some like weird TikTok I made because I was just like really tired. I was like kind of like, I was just hanging out with Wyatt and I was like, I was like just doing dumb stuff and I filmed some kind of TikTok. It wasn't even that funny, it was just like weird. And then he laughed, I was like, why don't you post that? Like, I don't want to. And then Wyatt, like probably like 5 minutes later, Wyatt was like, could we order some kind of food. He's like, yeah, we can if your sister posts that TikTok.

Chase him!

That was a joke.

Chase him!

You were serious for a second.

That— Charlie, when have I ever withheld food? That was a joke.

You will not eat unless you post that TikTok. You want food? You show me 10 likes.

Do not paint me in that light. I've never made you do anything like that.

It's not that you're—

I like—

I'm mainly— you were joking, but for a second you were like, this is gonna make her post it. Like, I saw your That was a joke.

I was kidding.

No, it was. It was a joke. You would back off of it, but it was a joke that you thought would work for a second.

Well, I mean, if you decided to post it, I would have ordered you the food and it was going to order you the food anyway.

That's so funny.

But I mean, why?

You want to get pizza place? Well, you can't unless your sister posts two TikToks.

Am I wrong to like—

Yes.

All right, well, then I'll leave it.

No, no, go.

Am I wrong to like to give like a little nudge here and there.

It's just so weird.

It's just like, okay, if you— how when you were younger or whatever, there were like certain trends that were happening, it's like, I want to follow them. It's like, it's just annoying because like I have somewhat of a platform and then it's like, boy, here we go.

No, because then you have a platform from David. Just remember that.

Yeah, no, I obviously know it's from you, but it's just like little Natalie over here.

I don't think she gets that joke.

No, that was for the viewers.

Do you get it?

I don't think I want to get it.

No, no, go ahead, finish what you're going to say.

It's just annoying because you're always like, you should post more dance TikTok, you should post more funny things. But it's like, I want to kind of follow the things that like kids my age are doing.

Like, but I mean, but when you're— when we do those dance TikToks together, like, you're the star of those. You're the one that can dance.

Jay, to answer your question, yeah, is it— are you wrong? I feel like if it was like, if it was like soccer or basketball or piano and it was like, come on, like, let's try soccer. Like, yes, right. But I feel like TikTok is like— and I totally understand that it's so normal in your world, but it's so weird. And it's not like it's not the same as like getting your kid to do like an activity, like art class, right? Because it's like so like out there and it's like you're posting it to the public and it's like, okay, you're right. It's a different— it's a different thing.

But you're right.

But that's funny. It's funny that you're like— that you're thinking that because you're right to think it. I feel like because that's your job and it's so normal to you. But—

and she's good, David. She's like—

no, I believe she's great at TikTok.

She's good at it.

But you got to feed her, man.

But it's like, it's also stressful, like filming dance, like TikToks, because you always know there's going to be one, like one girl named Emily who's going to come on your post and it's like, yeah, but Charlie, fuck Emily.

Yeah, screw Emily.

That's what I'm trying to say.

But then it comes like like kids your age, like kids that you like, you know, personally who like totally come at you. Yeah, so crazy.

But they're just jealous that they don't have the confidence to be posting that kind of stuff.

All right, I'll leave you alone. No more TikTok. We can delete it.

But also no more food. What'd you do for New Year's, Al?

I made my mom cry.

Those, those were your New Year's plans?

No, I hung out with a few friends on New Year's, but the day after I made my mom cry.

Okay, well, why did you make— you keep like leaving it like in a cliffhanger. You're like saying in a way where you want me to react. You're like, but it was the day after I made my mom cry. What happened?

Um, so I love my mom, you know, I really do. I love her.

Yeah, all my heart.

Like, I'd do anything for her.

Yeah, she's sick.

Yeah, she's great. I'm an only child though, and when you're an only child, your mom—

well, that's why you're so weird—

focuses all your attention on you, like, and solely you. And I hate that my mom cleans up after me. She like, really, like, she packs all my food. Like, she treats me like I'm 8 years old. And I, I sound like, like a fucking idiot and I sound like a piece of shit, but like, I hate it. I hate that.

You just hate being babied.

I hate being babied.

Yeah.

Like, I'm living— I'm— when I stayed at their house over—

I get it. So you spit on her?

No, not quite.

No, not yet.

And so, you know, one day she walks into my room. I'm just like, you know, hanging out on the phone. She starts cleaning stuff up. Off the ground. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, why are you—

why— what's the—

what is the—

what's the point of coming into my room out of nowhere, out of the blue? It's like 1 AM and she starts cleaning stuff off the ground, right? And I'm like, okay, this is fucking weird. So I tell her, I'm like, Mom, stop. Like, stop doing that, please. And she's like, no, like, I have to clean your stuff up, whatever. And I was like, listen, if you don't stop, I'm gonna stay at a hotel next time I come here. And she's like Fine, stay at a hotel. And she starts like sobbing, like, like crying.

You know, it's the same line you tell David when you want to move out.

Yeah, that breaks my heart too. You're a fucking asshole.

And yeah, so anyways, I like to get her to stop crying. Of course.

Yeah.

And I have to like go up to her and like kiss her and like hug her. And like now I'm like, the matter is so bad because like instead of me just laying there watching her clean up my shit, now I have to be like hugging her and kissing her.

When she started crying, did you start laughing and going, why are you crying?

I was like, why are you crying?

And like, yeah, it was so— it's so fucked up. But like, I love her, but I don't know how to explain it. Like, I love her to death. Like, genuinely, I do. Like, I fucking hate when she does stuff for me.

Right, right, right.

It's probably been tough on them because you've always lived there your whole life. Dude, last year you haven't.

I literally thought the same thing. I was like, wow, this sounds a lot like me.

Yeah, I'll be streaming, and then Taylor will come into my room and she'll start cleaning. And I'll be like, Taylor, please stop, because like my stream, all my comments would be like, well, look at Taylor cleaning. Yeah, so she'll come in. And one day, one day she came in and I was like, Taylor, please stop. And she wouldn't stop. And then I was like, Taylor, go. And she got so mad that I had to like, like, I really— like, I upset her, and I had— and I had to run to the— and I had to run to the kitchen. I left my stream to go, like, be like, hey, are you okay? I'm sorry, like, I told you to stop.

Dude, my mom came in the room the other day, and she's like, uh, am I bothering you? Like, are you playing with people? I'm like, yes, Mom, I'm live. And, um, and then the other day, yeah, she comes in. This is gonna sound really weird, but like, I got into this weird, like, baseball game. It's called MLB Baseball, like the show, whatever.

Yeah, it's a baseball game on PlayStation.

And so my mom comes in, and she starts cleaning again. She starts doing her thing, and like You know, I'm batting at— I'm batting. Pitcher's about to pitch. And as the pitcher pitches, my mom walks across my tee and I miss the pitch and I just like lose it.

I'm like, fuck.

She's like, what? I'm like, I don't even know how to explain it to her.

You know, was this after you made her cry?

No, this is before.

Oh, okay. Yeah, man, it's fucking tough.

So David went back to the dentist today.

Oh, gosh.

And Dr. Sherry said some great things about you, Jason.

What did he say?

First off, let me just start by saying this. I went to the dentist today because Jason, you took me there a couple days ago and I was in so much pain. Um, and, and I went there and right before I got there I had 2 meatballs, like the big buca di peppo meatballs, and, uh, blueberry yogurt. And then on my way there I found out I was lactose intolerant. So right when we got to the office I was like, Dr. Sheery, I need to use, um, your bathroom. So I did that.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. We get in there and he's crouched over holding his stomach and he goes, Tay, you gotta, you've gotta reschedule, we gotta cancel this, we're leaving. And he was like, I— and I was like, do you need to find a bathroom? He goes, nope, we're gonna reschedule, we're gonna reschedule. And then Dr. Sherry comes in, Dave!

Uh, Dr. Sherry, bad time. But yeah, he let me, so I went to go use the bathroom. So Dr. Sherry and Taylor had a good 20 minutes to hang out by themselves. Yep.

So it was a Sunday, what was he doing there?

He was there specifically for David.

He goes special for David.

He came for me. And guess what? This guy didn't even fucking charge us.

He didn't charge you?

No, man.

He's the best.

He said it's on the house.

Damn.

Yeah.

Came in outfit and everything.

Really nice.

If only I liked the dentist, you know, like having a dentist where you get free dentists. That's pretty sick.

That was the first thing I said. I was like, you know, Dave hates the dentist.

Yeah. Like, I wish it was like— I wish Dr. Chewy worked at, like, I don't know, a comic book store or the movie theater, but whatever, you know? A free tooth job on the house is cool too. What did he say about Jason?

He looked at me right in the eyes and he was like, yeah, you know Jason? Yeah, he's really grounded, man. And I go, yeah, he's great. I love Jay. And he's like, yeah, he's a good egg. And he was like, he just, he's so grounded. He's a good one for Dave to have around. And I go, yep, they're a great duo. And he goes, yeah, Dave's really lucky.

That's funny. He said the same about you. What did he say about you when you were left alone with him? Was he just complimenting you?

About me?

Yeah.

Oh, I kept talking about you.

Yeah, but what was it? Did he— like, I imagine right when I left, the first thing I thought about, other than me finding the bathroom in time, was, I wonder how many compliments he's about to pay Taylor because he really likes you. Like, they all think you're the sweetest.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Right when I said Taylor's name, he goes, oh, Taylor, you got a good one with her. You got lucky with Taylor. And it's like crazy because, like, Taylor's super nice, but like, people talk so highly about her. No, they do. And like, it's crazy because like, the— like, I can talk highly about you because I know you and like I hang out with you and there's a lot to talk highly about you. But like, you're not that impressive in under 5 minutes. Like, how are— like, you know what I mean? Like, what impression are you leaving on these people that like— you very much live up to the hype when people talk about you and they're like, Taylor's the best. I'm like, yeah, 100%. But like, how do you know that? Like, how did you uncover that in 10 minutes?

You know, he compliments you. When I see him.

Oh, he must just love complimenting people, I think.

Oh, he always, he goes, "Boy, I'll tell you, he's just really got it dialed in." He uses the word dialed in all the time. He's got it dialed in.

Oh my God, he so used that today.

Dialed in, he says dialed in like 5 times. Everything he does, his Instagram is dialed in. TikTok.

Yeah, I took up— Complimenting you all the time. I was in the doctor chair, I was in the doctor chair, and I made a joke. I was like, "Guys, I just got to the dentist and my appointment was for 2:30." And that's crazy because my tooth hurt. And, and he goes— and right after I posted, he goes, only you can make selfies like that.

Yeah.

And I was like, what? I was like, wow, this guy really likes us. It's like a lot of people can make bad jokes like this on Instagram, but now he's, he's, he's the guy. So if you're ever in, ever in L.A. and need a guy to work on your teeth, Dr. Sherry.

Yeah, he's the best.

Susie and Jonah are here.

Were we your last resort?

No, you weren't my last resort. I wanted you on the podcast.

Everyone, everyone like canceled on Dave. He's like, all right, just get Susie and Jonah. He calls us, we're like, oh yo, we'll be there in 3 minutes.

No, I wanted to interview you guys.

Really? Have you been interviewing people?

No. Susie, stop. Don't be loud.

Oh, I can't be loud?

Well, because the rest of the, the rest of the podcast has been pretty mellow, and then you're coming in here like a hyena, like that was just released out of It sounds like a little— the main reason that you guys came up to my end yesterday was Jonah's Insta story yesterday. It was the funniest fucking thing.

Oh my God, I should have known. I didn't even think about it.

No, I thought it was so funny. So Jonah, when we're with Jonah and Susie, we make incest jokes about them like all the time.

I hate them. I get dragged into it.

You posted it on the internet yesterday.

Yeah, because I mean, it's such an asshole joke to make, but we just do it. We're always like, yeah, Jonah and Susie are probably hooking up right now.

I hate it.

I hate it.

Did you see this? Yesterday, Jonah texted Susie. This was last night. What time was this at? Like 11 PM. Jonah goes, when are you coming, baby? Back. Jesus Christ. When are you coming back? Good God. Susie goes, that was weird. Please delete the text. You're making me uncomfortable. Jonah goes, I'm going to leave. IDK what just happened.

You know why he texted me that? I don't know if it was the baby or what it was, but he wanted Subway.

Oh, he wanted Subway. So maybe he didn't mean baby. Yeah, he was just trying to get you to come closer. He was just trying to be nicer. When are you coming, baby? Bro, I don't know why that's so funny. Just like you two having like a conversation like that. It's just like when Jonah sent me that, I actually laughed out loud. I thought it was the funniest fucking thing. This is fucking crazy. This is real. Snapchat has been doing this thing, which is crazy that they haven't announced this. Like, I feel like it should be everywhere. Every day for like the last 30 days They've been, um, they have a new like thing called Spotlight. It's like the competitor to TikTok. Basically people can go on Snapchat and they can upload videos. And for the last like 30 days they've been holding a contest where every day they give away a million dollars.

No way.

To the top performing Spotlights, like to the best, like to the best creators that have the best videos. They'll sprinkle out the money every day, a million dollars. And they, and they told me about this and I was like, why the fuck have you never announced this? And I was like, I was so mind-blown. So I just started posting on Spotlight, and I got a notification yesterday that I won a little over $100,000. No way!

What's Spotlight?

It's like—

it's—

wait, let me open my Snapchat. That's what I'm saying, like, people don't know about this. It's their— it's their— it's Snapchat's competitor to TikTok.

It's a different app?

Yeah, and I was just posting TikTok videos, like 10-second videos, clips, and then I got a notification saying like, claim your reward or whatever, and it was a little over $100,000. I'm not— no, what the fuck?

Is it a separate app or is it on Snapchat?

No, it's on Snapchat. I'm not fucking with you. Anybody can—

how would you—

there's Told me about it too.

Anybody can win. I'm— this sounds like a fucking scam, and I—

how do we post it?

It's— I'll teach you right after.

I am posting every video I've ever had on my phone.

Like, that's the thing, is like, when Snapchat first told me about it, I was like, why the fuck are you not telling this to everybody in the world? Like, everybody should be doing this. Like, anybody can win a fucking— a portion of a million dollars. So then I tried it out because I was a skeptic, and then— and then yeah, after a couple days of doing it, I got one video that like went really big on there. And, and then—

wow, how big?

A little over $100,000. I don't know, a couple hundred thousand.

Only Dave just fucking throws up an old video and gets 100K. It's unreal.

He will randomly go like, I made $7 million this week. How the fuck did you make $7 million?

Well, I was out in my front yard and a truck came by and the back just blew off of it and the money just fucking hit me in the face. It's amazing. And I turned to Ill and I was like, Ill, did I fucking $100,000 just hit us in the face.

It was a bank truck.

Wait, what?

Is this a real—

yeah, it broke down right by the house.

No, no way.

A bank truck broke down by— listen, listen, listen, just listen to the story. It broke down by my house, okay, and the back of it flew open because when the tire snapped off, okay, the back lock was released, okay, and all like the money flew around. It was very— it was— it didn't go like all around the town, but it was just literally right outside the truck. But the bank people were like, we can't use any of this money because it's been— it's dirty now. So do you want it? And it was a little over $6 million.

Are you joking? Are you?

Yes, I'm joking.

Oh, I'm like, is that the reason you bought the house?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh my God. Why do you make me believe these things?

You thought I was being for real?

Wait, I was going to wonder why would it matter if the bank said this is dirty money? What, if your fucking money falls on the floor, you can't use it anymore?

Yeah, that's what I said.

Like, that's where it was a red flag. Yeah. You don't think when I was talking about a bank truck broke down out of my mind. What's a bank truck?

I was wondering the same thing.

No, but the Snapchat thing is real, and the reason I'm saying it is because anybody can fucking do it.

We start— me and Jonah start doing the Renegade.

No, literally, like, all you need is a Snapchat account. You don't need— you don't— I don't know. Okay, well, you teach Jonah, can you stop chewing the toast right into the mic?

I actually was—

I forgot.

He sounds like—

you forgot you had a mic in your hand?

I did forget I had a mic.

Remember the biggest piece of toast?

You want the toast like that, you know that, right? You know why he doesn't want it?

Why?

Because he wants either cream cheese on it or he wants butter on it. I know him very well.

Hungry.

They get like really good bread here. Is that bread really good? Oh yeah, babe, he's really into bread.

I have a new— I have a new recipe that Taylor does. Taylor, you wanna— Taylor can even— Taylor can even speak about this. It's amazing. So I order Subway.

Mm-hmm.

I love Subway. Okay, not the biggest fan of their bread though. And we get sourdough bread from like a bakery, and the bakery comes and they bring the bread and Subway gets delivered and Taylor takes the food, like all the vegetables off the Subway and puts it onto the fresh bread. And it's like she's her own fucking chef. It tastes delicious. Like it's like a new sandwich.

Why don't you just cut Subway out of it? Just buy some cold cuts.

Can you do that right now?

No, because it's not— I just did it.

I want to experience it.

I just did it because it's not— Subway has like a specific honey mustard. It has a specific green pepper. Like everything about it is just so Subway. And with the combination of this bakery bread, it really makes you feel like you're talking about the way that they like lay it on the bread is so perfect that you literally just—

it doesn't even move. You just pick it up with lettuce and everything and you just plop it on to the new piece of bread.

Pretty amazing.

Can we stop talking about Subway? Bring me back to the text vibes.

What text?

Are you kidding me?

Jonah sexting you at 11 PM talking about all this Subway?

Like, I leave the podcast room jacking about Jack in the Box. He's just standing over there with like a suit, like, hey, John.

Oh yeah, Joe's, uh, Jonah's sponsored by Jack in the Box, like big time.

Yeah, I know, and Arby's and Carl's Jr.

I'm like, I only speak about Jack in the Box.

Seriously, aren't you— you are, you are sponsored by more than one fast food place, right? No, I'm just not allowed to.

Did you just drop something?

No, you just knocked my can over.

Oh my God, you did!

Oh my God, right after you asked me if I knocked it over.

Oh my God, he got, he got coffee all over your rug.

Jason, why would you put it behind me?

Because I didn't know a fucking triceratops was gonna fucking knock everything over. It's not a stupid place.

You, you know, Dave, you know what I've realized? You defend Jonah a lot.

Jason's an idiot for doing that. Fucking idiot.

I didn't know that.

Talking to the mic.

What are you guys fucking doing?

I have the mic right here. I'm not a fucking idiot.

We're all sitting on the couch.

I didn't know fucking Baby Huey was gonna fucking come over here.

We're all sitting on the couch and I hit it behind the thing. Jason puts his coffee coffee behind Jonah, and Jonah leans back like Jonah does and knocks the coffee onto the carpet.

You didn't see— I put the remotes here. He sees the remote, so they're gonna fucking knock them off.

Why would you put your cup of coffee on the couch?

It wasn't on the couch. It was— I hid it behind here where no one would fucking go.

What do you mean hid it behind there? Jonah's sitting right there, bro. You put your fucking delicate piece of fucking coffee right next to a wrecking ball. Of course it's gonna get knocked over.

You do do some really dumb stuff sometimes.

Yeah, this is not— you're telling me? This is a giant mouth.

Are you serious?

Who puts an espresso shot right behind—

timeout! You do have the tiniest mouth for the size of person you are.

I do, I do. I don't know what it is, man.

It's so weird.

People also have mouths. I realize fat people have small mouths.

I don't know, maybe it's because your cheeks are full.

Why are you holding your mic by your nipple, bro? Put it to your mouth.

You got into golfing?

Kind of. Yeah, a little bit.

Where have you golfed?

I mean, which—

at the Bell—

the Bell, of course.

I don't want to—

you don't want to say where you go because people behind you and ask for an autograph.

No, no.

What are you saying? Well, why are you here?

He's on the 15th hole. Let's get a selfie.

All right. Where do you golf?

Somewhere in Northern California. Golfing insecurities. A long time ago when I was a kid.

Why aren't you bringing up the location of the golf course?

Okay, we golf at the Bell Golf Course or Weddington.

What time? At what time are you usually there?

Usually it's Thursday, Saturdays.

Don't worry, no one will show and paparazzi you. I think you'll be good.

Okay, fuck you guys. I wasn't even saying it like that.

Can you hit the ball straight?

Huh?

Can you hit the ball straight?

You can't even see straight.

No, it's kind of hard, man.

It's like—

because I'll be honest, I can't hit the ball straight.

Wait, why do you golf?

I don't know. It's pretty stupid actually.

No, it's not.

No, that's not stupid, but like, why do you golf?

No, it's so weird. No, no, do not even front right now because the other day we were eating dinner and you literally like got up, you're like, all right family, I have to go golf now.

I did say that.

Wow, so you've been golfing a lot?

Not like a lot, but I have been.

Yeah, you take the golf carts around?

No, it's, it's mostly like putting and like Pudding? No, no, no, putting.

I thought we had a snack.

Only Jonah would go golfing and call putting pudding.

What's your favorite part of golf? The pudding. It's delicious.

What's pudding? Putting and, uh, driving. Yeah, the fucking—

the drive-in.

Oh, so you don't— you go to the driving range, you don't golf golf.

Okay, I'm trying to get my shot down. Okay, but I don't want to—

Jonah's favorite is about golf is the pudding and the drive-through. I mean the drive-in.

I'm like, dude, they have So much food there.

That's funny. Well, at least you're taking up a new hobby.

Yeah, it's fine.

You go hit balls and then you go to the putting green, but you don't actually go on the links.

I've never been on the actual golf course because I know, like, I know a few people who are really good at golfing, so I don't want them to take me on the course.

Oh, you don't even go on the actual course?

No.

What?

So what do you do?

I want to practice first, get it down so I don't look like an idiot.

Mini golf. He goes to mini golf.

I'm like, I drop acid and I go to fucking What is it called? The Sherman Way Castle?

Yeah.

Yo, man, you're giving too many locations away.

People like Dave goes there all the time.

All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for Jonah and Susie for being here and taking time out of their busy schedules. Um, we'll see you guys later.

Yeah, we had nothing planned.

We literally had nothing to do.

We'll see you guys soon. Go buy the merch, go check us out on all the other socials, and we'll see you soon. My name's Jeff. Bye.