My $35,000 Birthday Party

Why is it— that's so weird to me, is like, if there are ghosts, then why don't they just communicate with us like regular people? Like, are there rules in the ghost world where you have to be creepy? Like, you can't be a cool, chill Casper the Friendly Ghost? Like, you have to scare people? It doesn't make sense. Like, why would a ghost walk around just to terrify people? It doesn't make sense, dude. I think it's all made up in the mind. It just doesn't— it doesn't sit right with me. No one's ever like, yeah, I hang out with my ghost. He grabs me beers and we watch the Super Bowl. It's every year. It's a tradition. I'm sorry I can't come to your party. Me and Casper are rooting for the Red Sox. Well, if you were playing in the Super Bowl, Red Sox, if you were a ghost, Would you do that?