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Living the American Dream

I did catch Jason masturbating. I don't know, have we talked about that? I'm not sure. Let me just recap real quick. I was in Jason's house because I have a key to his place, just because, you know, I'm that person. So I have a key to his place and I was sitting on his couch and Jason's in his room and he has no idea that I'm in his house. So I FaceTime him like, Jason, where are you? And he's like, I'm in my room just relaxing. And I didn't think he was masturbating or anything, but I was just like, I'm gonna go scare him. So I keep the FaceTime going and I'm talking to him like really casually and I kick the door in and I'm like, wow. And Jason's like, what are you doing, David? I'm relaxing. Can't you see I'm relaxing? I'm like, who gets this angry about relaxing? And that's when I knew that I caught him masturbating.

June 1, 201718:20David
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Jason17:35
It's my inner monologue. He's like, oh shit, he's calling me, and then if I don't pick up, I'm just gonna— he's gonna start fucking yelling at me the next time I talk to him. So then I picked up. I actually— this is honestly what happened. Yeah, it rang, I pi…
David18:08
I should have— I should have said something like, why don't you flip the camera back on your face just to really fuck with people there? Jason, I don't want to see that guy changing.
Jason18:18
You already caught me masturbating once.
David18:20
I did catch Jason masturbating. I don't know, have we talked about that? I'm not sure. Let me just recap real quick. I was in Jason's house because I have a key to his place, just because, you know, I'm that person. So I have a key to his place and I was sitting on his couch and Jason's in his room and he has no idea that I'm in his house. So I FaceTime him like, Jason, where are you? And he's li…
Jason19:05
And then we didn't talk about it for like a day.
David19:07
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. And then, and then I'm like, and I'm like, oh, okay, you're relaxing. So I'll just go wait in the living room. And she's like, okay, cool. I'll see you in a bit. And then Jason walks out of his bedroom into the living room and he's like,…
Jason20:00
No.