Jason's Brand New Girlfriend

And I visited him in his hometown. This was— this is— I'm telling you, this is gonna sound like I'm exaggerating it, but it— but it's not. I went to— I went to his mom's house. I love his— I love his mom. I met her before. She's great. And I said, hi, how are you? And within 3 minutes, I go— where I'm still standing in the doorway— I go, where's Mr. Ernst? Yeah, and she looks at me with like a, like a, like almost like a robotic smile, like I just shut down a robot and it's like powering down. Yeah, just like tilted her head and smiled at me. And I look at Alex and no one's saying anything. I'm like, uh, I literally said, uh, I just said, uh, like that's all I said. And I fucking shit you not, I shit you not, 14 seconds— no, okay, like 8 seconds, 8 solid seconds, like one 2, 3, 8 seconds go by until I'm like, okay, no one's saying anything. So I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry, did he, did he pass away? And, and then I shit you not, another 4 minutes, 4 seconds go by, like 4 solid seconds, and Alex goes, yeah, yeah, he passed away. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm, I'm so sorry, I didn't, I didn't have any idea. And he's like, no, no, he didn't pass away. He didn't even, he didn't even go like, nah, I'm just kidding. He went, no, no, he didn't pass away. They're just divorced. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Because it wasn't like, it wasn't like, oh, I got you, we both got you. Like, they weren't playing a prank on me. It was just genuinely uncomfortable. And Alex is such a shy person, right, that he didn't want to say anything. And then after we got in the car, I'm like, Alex, what the fuck was that? What was going on in there? Why didn't you tell me your parents were divorced? And he's like, I don't know, man. I thought my mom was gonna say something.