Going On His First Date

This girl DMs me. She goes, whose dick I got to suck to take you on a date? 'JK, I know the answer is David.' And I said, 'I'm pretty flexible, either one works.' Yeah, and then we just talked for a little bit.

That's pretty funny.

I had a girl tell me the other night that she wanted me to dress up as Dr. Phil and have sex with me.

And I thought about it, like I really considered it because I hadn't had sex in so long. And I really thought about it, and I was in my bed and I was like—

You're in your bed?

I was in my bed and I was imagining, I was like, 'Oh yeah.' And then I was like, 'I can't do that.' You're in your bed and you're just—