DMing My Celebrity Crush

Here, if someone calls you fat, you can say this is because every time I fuck your mom, she makes me a sandwich.

I'm gonna start saying that to you. Are you trying to tell me something stupid?

I thought these would be a bigger hit. That one's pretty good. Well, my favorite's like, okay, here, respond to me just really quickly. Okay. You're fat, Jason.

Oh, if I wanted my own comeback, I would have wiped it off your mom's chest. Oh, that's good.

Oh, shit.

That's really good. That's a really good one. Damn. It's my favorite one. My dad used to do this one. You'd say, if someone goes, I'm thinking, and my dad would go, Oh, I thought I smelled wood burning. Yeah, I love that one.