DMing My Celebrity Crush

Um, because I Ubered here today and I got into my Uber and I think she like shit herself before I got into the car. Because I got in, I was like loading myself into the car and she kind of like side-eyed me from the driver's seat, like, like a little guilty,…

And she was like sweating too.

I was like, something— I think she was— maybe I was her last ride before she had to go to the bathroom or something, but it was fucking—

I mean, I feel bad. I didn't say anything obviously to her. I didn't want her to feel insecure about it. Obviously you didn't.

What would you say to that woman?

I would have been like, oh, do you smell that? Dude, you're a fucking asshole.