David Just Spent a Million Dollars on This

No, no, no, no, no. You know why? It's because I said a big secret and our other friend said a big secret and it was time for him to share our big secret. He was pinned in a corner. So he goes, he goes, You can't tell anybody about this, especially Jason. I had sex with his ex-girlfriend 3 months after they broke up. And I'm like, what? And he's like, yeah, man, things just got heated. I was driving her home and we both knew it was wrong, but we just did it. We just did it. We just had sex. And he was like freaking out telling me the story. I'm like, dude, it's chill. Calm down. Don't worry. Like, it was 3 months after they— they weren't even— Jason and this girl weren't even really dating. It wasn't exclusive. It wasn't like me and my girlfriend. Not at all. It was literally, they were just talking to each other. It wasn't exclusive at all, one bit. And yesterday, fast forward 4 months later, we're sitting at a party. I get an email, and, sorry, I get a text from my friend, and it's an email saying, hey, wouldn't it be funny if someone found out that Jerry's been keeping a secret from Jason that he had sex with his ex-girlfriend? Like a threatening email from this random woman.. And I'm sitting right next to— I'm sitting right next to Jerry. And I'm like, Jerry, look at this phone.