David Gets Drunk

And I think it's absolutely fucking hilarious. But my friend and my publicist have vetoed it. They think that it's very weird. I told all of my— I've always wanted a memory like this my entire life with my friends. And you know this, you're right. One night, right when I tell you this, you're gonna be like, oh yeah, you've been wanting to do something like that for a while. I told— it was me, John, Alex, Ilya, and Mike— and I told them to all go into separate rooms and masturbate, and the first one to come back wins and the last one loses. That's it. It was as easy as that. Okay, Ilya had this fucking huge ego about himself, like, oh, I'm gonna—