Buying My Assistant A Soccer Team

Because, yeah, I don't make shit up to say stuff like you only get pregnant when you fucking stand on one leg. Well, that's true, though.

That's shitty to do. That's not true. Did your parents sit you down? I feel like, Dave, you know what? I feel like your parents did not sit you down and say, David, this is how we make a baby. No, they did. They did. Really? Well, my dad tried to. I had a Vin…

Oh, did you see the Jay Alvarez sex tape?

What did you say? I'm sorry, how many times have you seen it?

Yeah, there's a, there's a sex tape out with this travel vlogger. Yeah, his name is Jay Alvarez. And yes, I've seen the sex tape. It's like a super hot and steamy sex tape. I, you know, I like it. I have some complaints, but I was around Ellen, Taylor, and I…

Yeah, I just— I thought it was great. I don't understand why it exists. Like, I don't understand what he was trying to do. Did he edit it or is it—