My Girlfriend Accuses Me of Cheating

What's up guys? Welcome back to Views. Guys, if you listened to the last episode of the pod, um, I was in a bad mood. Well, hold on. This is, this is what's interesting about it is, um, I was in a bad mood and I'll tell you exactly why I was in a bad mood. Okay. There, there was this moment where I'm talking to Ilya and And I don't think Jason apparently didn't sense it.

No.

And I guess Natalie didn't sense it. I mean, I don't know. No, I was like, you're always in a bad mood. Yeah. I'm like, there was nothing new. I was— when we got off the pod, like, I was like, can you, can you cut that out? Because I was like, obviously being condescending to Ilya, like, on purpose. But since then, someone, someone DM'd me saying, you sound annoyed with your friend sitting on the pod. Not your norm. And it's so true. Because you're annoyed by it. Okay, so in the last pod, and I'm going to apologize, in the last pod, Ilya brought up this guy that was in really good shape on the beach. And you know my gripe with being in shape.

Not just a guy, an 80-year-old man.

Yes, I know, an 80-year-old man. And I don't know what it is.

It set you off.

It set me off. Yeah. And I was just so angry. And I don't know. I'm so sorry. Obviously there's a lot of reasons why I hate fitness, right? I've done the transformation journey myself. Yeah. Um, it makes you look at your body differently. Like, not like— once you get to the peak, then— I mean, John, you're here. Once you get to the best shape of your life, once you get to address it, once you get to the best shape of your life, like a little change, you start to lose your shit.

Yeah.

You're like, I'm not as fucking fit as I was yesterday, even though it's like nothing— it's not actually happening. You're like, still, you still have your six-pack. Yeah. And And like, it's like just like the most mental strain I've ever had was getting in shape. So I have, I get angry when people talk about being in shape and I shouldn't, but I get so mad and I was taking it out on Ilya when he's talking about this, this gentleman who was in great shape, who's, congrats to him. But I was just taking it out on Ilya. And also my other, on my other side of Ilya is like, you know, I've lost him to the fitness world. He doesn't go out at all anymore. So there was a lot of things that were like, That was like frustrating me.

Yeah.

And yes, if you listen to it, it's very— there's a very undertone of me being angry and condescending, and you can only pick it up if you're like a regular podcast listener.

Yeah.

Yeah. But the thing is, what's funny was he wasn't— he was just telling a funny story about a guy that was in shape. He wasn't bragging about—

no, he was trying to tell you about a prank. It's like someone commented, someone said, uh, someone said Dave sounds really cranky. That's exactly what it was. That's exactly what it was. I was very cranky. I have to watch myself when that happens because like, I don't know, you got trauma from Zilla.

I'm working out.

I don't know, it's just him.

Hey man, it also started this whole podcast, your vlogs. So I don't know, man.

It also started my podcast, like your fitness transformation.

You're telling me Zilla started the vlogs? Please don't fucking—

it reignited it. Okay, it reignited it.

No, what reignited it is, is belief that Ilya was gonna be down to vlog again. That was what reignited it.

That is also true.

Um, so I have a lot of anger and animosity towards Ilya because he doesn't like— he, he like is so into business. Yeah, that like— but yes, but like, but that anger and animosity is temporary, obviously. Like, I'm saying if it was actually really bad and true, I wouldn't be saying it out loud.

Okay.

Um, but it's just like sometimes when he talks about fitness, I just get so irked, even though I know it's his It's become his passion, I guess. It's been his passion for like 3 years. All of a sudden, out of nowhere. High school, never mentioned fitness. I've known him for 15 years, nothing. All of a sudden, now his new passion.

How much would you love it if Ilya just quit the fitness thing and just came out with you and drank and partied?

I don't want him to quit. I just want him to find balance. But this man just doesn't believe in that. He needs to be like locked up in his house and like be working to like to enjoy it. I think it's just because there is no balance and it's just like, I don't know, you know how I am. I'm also like king of like, let's be having fun all the time. And Ilya is just like, fun doesn't equal success or progress.

Yeah. So who else are you frustrated with out of your friends?

That's it. Natalie. Natalie, I'm frustrated with from time to time. John, obviously he's a new hire, so I'm most frustrated with him probably.

David quit Wordle yesterday.

Oh, I quit Wordle.

Why?

Because I've had enough.

Damn, Wyatt got it in 3 today.

Wyatt got it in 3? Well, you're talking to the fucking Slumdog Millionaire of Wordle. I refer to him as—

John?

Yeah.

He's good?

Incredible.

So listen—

Really?

Shockingly.

John, how are you good?

Like, we thought he was cheating for the longest. Have we talked about it on the pod?

A little bit, yeah.

That we thought— we think he's been cheating?

Yeah.

Yesterday, John and I tied for the Wordle, so we had to have a tiebreaker.

Okay.

And that's when one of our friends makes up a word. So John's girlfriend makes up a word, and we're guessing. It takes me 5 guesses. Yeah, 5 guesses to come out with it. It takes John 3, and I'm, I'm like, how the fuck did you get it in 3? The word was, the word was quilt. Okay, wow. And he got quilt in 3 guesses. Now on my fourth, on my third and fourth guess, instead of guessing quilt, I guessed guilt.

Yeah.

And then built.

Yes.

And then you go for the Q word like a regular person, right? And, and before that, somebody made a comment because we were, we were accusing John of being a cheater. Yeah, right before it. So Reggie makes a comment because he gets the word like way before. He was like, oh, Julia, nice word, it really works with what we're doing here today. And I'm like, when I thought, when I thought of guilt, I was like, perfect, guilt. John probably has guilt from cheating in Wordle. The word must be guilt. So I play guilt. It's not. It's also not built. And then all of a sudden, then I found out it's quilt. I get in 5, John gets in a 3. I'm like, John, how the fuck did you get quilt on your third guess? How did you get to quilt? And he's like, and he goes, well, I looked down and I was laying on a quilt. And I'm like, fuck you. I'm like, fuck you. I lost it. I'm like, I'm never playing with you again. And I don't care if I'm a sore loser because I'm done.

You beat him.

No, no, no, no. This isn't the first time you beat me. He beats me every single time.

Yeah, but I mean, he beat you out of the game.

He beat me out of the game.

Wow, Jon, that's unbelievable.

And why I called it the Slumdog Millionaire is if you've ever seen Slumdog Millionaire, it's about a guy who wins Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And the only reason he wins it isn't because he's like the most genius out of all people. It's because his life experiences have like perfectly crafted, like his life experiences paired with every question he's been asked. So he has the answer set. And that is literally the epitome of Jon in Wordle. Yeah. In Wordle. That's one time he got it. He got it in two. This is the first day Jon played Wordle with us. He got it in two.

No.

His first word, 'cause he just started working out. Yeah. So his first word was train. Yeah. And then his second word was clamp, clamp. Yeah. And he got it on the second word. The word was clamp. And the reason he got clamp was because he's been working out and one of the things you use is a clamp to hold the weights down. It's fucking insane.

It's fucking insane.

I've never seen anybody this untouchable at Wordle. So yesterday I put in the towel. I was like, I genuinely don't care. I don't care. You're the best at Wordle. I don't want to see this game anymore.

John, what's your secret?

I mean, vibes, you know?

No, genuinely, it must be vibes. Like, I don't know what it is.

I mean, I do get frustrated in the game too, especially if it has double letters, but like, What word do you start with? Um, I like train.

I like neats.

All John needs is train, and then all of a sudden he's off to the fucking races.

Damn.

Um, but yeah, he is— he's incredible at it. Taylor's also incredible.

Taylor's actually really good.

Julia, his girlfriend, like, you know, she doesn't do the best, and she does the most reading out of all of us. So it's also—

this isn't—

this isn't a— this isn't a sole David frustration. This is like—

I quit like a month ago.

You did?

Oh yeah, yeah. Well, one, they play every day, every night, and I like just couldn't keep up with it. I was like, I can't win.

I, I also realized it would put me in a bad mood before bed.

Really?

Yeah. No, it puts you in a bad mood. And I'm— what did I do?

I have my own frustrations.

Were you good in school at English?

No, English was my worst.

That's fucked up, Natalie. And also like I know that I'm coming off like of already being frustrated. So like, don't take my word for it. Here, Julia, I'll take this. You can just stand there. Julia, you know what we're talking about here. It's a very sensitive subject in this house. What do you think?

I don't know.

It's John's Wordle.

He's cheating.

See, Al, what do you have to say? We've already talked about a lot. So it's all you guys. Yeah. The debate is really, is he dumb or is he cheating? Have you explained that?

No, he's definitely cheating. He cheated yesterday for sure.

How do you know that?

Because I heard him talking to Reggie, and Reggie was like, he gave him instruction on how to do it. And then John was like, oh, that's how you do it. And Reggie's like, yeah, that's how I get it every time. I heard that.

Okay, what happened with that? What was that conversation?

Are you fucking cheating? Be honest. I was frustrated at the word because I had EU and you got outside help. This wasn't for quilt, right?

No, no, this is before.

This is for another word. Guess what the word was, John? What? Segway. Yeah. And he beat me.

Segway. 6 letters.

No, not that segway, Jay. The harder S-E-G-U-E. Oh wow, he beat us there too.

Wow, you got the word segue? Exactly. I, I couldn't even—

Reggie got the word segue.

Okay, I put it in.

Reggie got that word, not just—

I tried every single possible combination. I was doing pegway, segue, like anything, like manway. It's like, dude, it was so hard.

But what, what does segue mean? Do you even know what segue is?

No, dude, absolutely no.

That's his strategy. He doesn't type out the words. He doesn't know the Natalie, I told— he doesn't look at the Wordle through the English language.

This is how he got to segue.

Okay guys, these are the words. Okay, this actually kind of helps him. He started with neats that he said is his favorite word. Neats. Neats. N-E-A-T-S. That's a word? Then he went—

No, that's not even— what is that word?

It's not even a real fucking word.

That's neats, you know?

That's neats.

What is neats, Jon?

What does neats mean?

Define neats.

Like, you know, you needs me, you know?

You needs me? No way!

No way this man is the master of Wordle!

The master! Obliterating all of us.

Neats.

You needs.

Like, you know.

I know neat.

You like whiskey on the neats. Fuck you. What does it mean?

Like whiskey on the neats, you know?

Wait, I don't know, maybe that's true. I have no idea. No, no, no, he's thinking of a neat whiskey, that's how you say it?

Yeah.

On the rocks.

Yeah, but—

Whiskey neat is no ice.

But then, no, so—

But that's not neats. That's neat.

Yeah, but it's plural word.

Okay, regardless, he went to—

you can't do plural.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly, exactly. You can't do plural if you play Wordle. You know that it'll never be a plural word. So he starts with a plural word, God knows why. Maybe I don't think God knows, to be honest. And then he goes, second word. Okay, good one. Femur. He goes femur.

Wow.

And then he goes segue. I mean, I mean, it's It's suspicious.

The only thing I'll say if you're not cheating is Jon is good at math, so maybe he's really good at taking letters and doing combinations.

Is he good at math? I don't wanna take away the thing that Jon is the master at. I don't wanna like, but this is—

He's unleashed some sort of incredible secret superpower and we have to accept it.

No, that's what it is, but that's also why I'm quitting. I'm just quitting, it's too much.

No man, you can't quit. You gotta come back and beat him. You gotta take him down.

It's impossible, Jay.

David!

Jay, I don't know what the word segue is. I had no—

you know what a Segway is?

But I thought the Segway was only spelled one way, no matter whether you're riding it or whether you're moving on to the next thing. I thought a Segway was S-E-G-W-A-Y. I had no idea there was a Segway with a W. S-E-G-W-A-Y.

Segway.

Like a Segway, what a cop rides around on to give parking tickets. A Segway.

Yeah, the, the, the—

a Segway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's— yeah, but I'm thinking of like, like Segway.

Oh, interesting. Okay, so like, like the Segway You're going to segue, like you're going to change topics.

That's how you start.

Yeah. Did you know that?

No, no, I didn't know that.

No, but John did. John knew that and he knew the 8 wordles in 2. The last 8 wordles, he got it in 3.

I mean, it's crazy.

Something's going on. Julie, do you have an idea for what could be happening?

I think he has an insider in the Philippines who's sending it to him.

Yeah. So obviously the Philippines is in a different time zone. So like we've definitely— there's been 4 days where we've sat with him at midnight, taken away his phone. And then, and then so he doesn't get a text. But I've realized there's so many time zones that he could be getting the Wordle 7, 8 hours in advance from the Philippines or whatever, whatever the time zone difference is there.

So I just like, maybe it's one of our listeners.

Somebody's fucking sending it to him.

And now you know he's going to get a ton of DMs.

I'm really just getting a DM from a listener in the Philippines?

I would be really bummed out. We should, as frustrated as I am with you, credit, you know, I have to give you credit where credit is due. You are an incredible Wordle player to the point where I think you're cheating. I think it's genuinely incredible. I think you should do this professionally.

Yeah, honestly. Is there like a competition you can enter?

Jay, he's never played Wordle ever. And the second time— then the first time he played, he got it in 2. And then his next run, he got it in 4. And then his third run, he got it in 2 again.

Wow.

In 2, Jay! In 2!

I don't think he's cheating.

And that's crazy.

Like, why would he cheat?

That's a prodigy. That's Jay. That's a prodigy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Teach us your ways.

I don't want to know because I don't want to know the secret, to be honest. Yeah.

Did you get today's?

Yeah, but I lost. I got, I got in 4.

Julia, what do you think?

I think he's cheating.

You do?

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy.

I do.

You know all his friends?

My own girlfriend is saying this.

Like, yeah, exactly.

Adamant yesterday. She was like adamant.

Yeah, I'm pissed off.

I mean, remember quilt over guilt?

Yeah, it's bullshit. I don't know what he's doing. I just think he's cheating. I think yesterday, I think Reggie was helping him. I don't know what's going on the days before that, but I think Reggie was helping him yesterday.

No, he wasn't. He was— I gave him the phone, and, and if he got it, the word, I would have given him the win. But he didn't. He couldn't get any of the word.

But it's like you're using two brains at that point.

Like, we're not—

we were—

I gave him my phone because I told him I was frustrated. I'm like, I can't, I can't think anymore because you— Natalie and David were having their giant argument, and I couldn't think. Like, I couldn't think because I was trying to like really put my mind out of there, you know, because the vibes was off.

Mom and dad were fighting.

Yeah, exactly.

What upset you? What were you guys fighting about?

Oh, you can't bring it up.

What a segue.

We're going on a trip today. I'm allowed to share, right?

Sure.

Am I? I don't know. I'm saying I'm allowed to.

Like, you didn't want to.

I guess it would be my call for sure.

I think it's more fun when they get to hear what's coming.

I think so too. Do I say how we got to the decision of where we're going?

Yeah.

Okay, so we are— we spun a globe.

Yeah.

And Zane threw a dart.

Yeah.

And the dart landed— this won't be for the vlog for like 2-3 weeks. So like, are you sure? Like, I don't want to like, oh, I heard this 3 weeks ago and they're watching it first. Huh? The first? Yeah, on January 1st. Okay, so it won't be for a while, and don't expect much from the bet, right? Because I don't know what's gonna happen. We spun the globe, he threw a dart. He fucking threw— it was one of the funniest throws because we're over here stoked that it's going to hit the equator. We're like, it's going to hit the equator. We're going to be totally good. We're going to a warm place no matter what.

Yeah.

I was excited that like Africa covered a large surface area of that globe. So I was like, we're going to fucking the safari.

Africa won is a funny hit.

Sure.

Because it'll be like a random country that no one's like really used to, or like you don't necessarily vacation. So it's funny for that reason. And two, it's actually like kind of probably like one of the best places to go just because it'd be so different and so cool and it'll be warm. For some reason, Zane threw the dart really weird and almost hit the North Pole, but it hit Sweden.

Yeah.

So today we leave to go to Sweden. We have nothing there. I'm about to put it on my Instagram story if anybody is in Stockholm. Sweden. If anybody's listening to this and is in Sweden, we're there for what, 2, 3 days?

Coming for you, baby. Yeah, yeah, we're there for like 2 and a half days.

Ironically, which is so crazy, we're doing this— this is like one of the bit ideas that we have for Alex's transformation video, which we're really beat. We don't have any ideas. This is our only idea that's in that vlog. Yeah, for Alex's transformation idea. But ironically, it hits Sweden, and that's where the IKEA tables are made. Yeah, they're from Sweden. So we thought that was like, what are the chances Yeah, of it hitting Sweden. So I'm really stoked.

What else is to do in Sweden?

Well, it is cold as fuck.

Well, that's not the bad part. The bad part is the daylight.

Yeah, that too. You get, you get like in Stockholm, you get like, what, 2 hours of daylight?

Stockholm, you get like 4 and a half. And then we're going to another place to like visit something and it's 2 hours of daylight. That's higher in Sweden, like closer to the pole.

Crazy.

So it's really crazy.

I—

then that's why I'm like saying like, don't expect anything in this vlog because like I, like I said, like it's a tough place to film. It's a tough place to film. I genuinely think it's going to be, we're in Sweden, and then cut, right? Like I think, I think it's going to— I, I think it'll be— oh no, I think the best part, my favorite part, is when we threw that dart.

Yeah, that was really—

that in itself is fun.

That felt so good. The joke, because yeah, you wanted to do it for so long. I've been wanting to do that idea for so long. We did it and it turned out so great and the energy's so good. And it took like, you probably won't see this in the video, but it was like 45 minutes of like talking to everyone before, like, Zane, if you throw this dart, I don't give a fuck where it lands. We have to go. Like, we can't just, we can't like fucking.

And I remember I suggested Zane throw it so he had to go. I was like, I think Zane should throw the dart.

Oh yeah.

And you're like, yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah.

And I'm like, but Zane.

'You have to go.' Yeah, and Zane was like, 'Well, I probably won't go.' And I'm like, 'No, no, no, Zane, you gotta go for whatever this lands on.' And the only rule was if it landed in the ocean, we would throw it again. Right.

Yeah.

Um, and no, it hit Sweden perfectly, and it was— I'm so fucking happy, and we gotta go there now. And I don't know, I don't know what to expect. Zane was excited because he says like all the prettiest girls are from Sweden, which I have I've heard before.

Yeah.

So that's an exciting thing.

But how long of a flight is it?

It's a, what, 15-hour day? Yeah.

We're going to land in Poland first, which is amazing because I'm going to get like a nice little sausage when we land.

Look at you.

Yeah.

What are you going to put on it?

Just ketchup. Yeah. Ketchup. Like, I like when they— I like European— well, actually, European countries are the best for airports. Because it's all like sandwiches. It's like salami sandwiches. Okay, all you get.

Yeah.

The only thing I fucking hate about Europe is the water bottles. Oh, fucking so frustrating, dude.

It's like just because the cap is stuck.

The cap? Oh, I thought you were talking about the water itself.

What?

Yeah, it's like, it's like a heavier water. It's very minerally. Wow, it's got that heavy feel.

Oh, I kind of see that, but no, it's the cap that frustrates me for some reason. I don't know why I want the cap fully off when I'm drinking water. It's like a very small cap.

Are you talking about in Europe?

Like the— when you twist the bottle cap off the plastic water bottles, a piece of it stays on so that you can just put it back. Like the cap does not detach from the water bottle, just hangs.

Oh, interesting. You didn't know this. You seem to know everything about the world, Mr. World. Don't know how caps are in Europe.

We're going on.

My bad.

The only country I've visited in Europe was Paris, which is twice or 3 times now, actually.

Well, first of all, that's not a country. And second of all, right, right. I had such a good—

I had such a good—

dude, I should have walked away when everyone else walked away, man. Why'd I stay? I knew it was going to trip somewhere. I knew it.

I knew it, dude.

That's why you haven't been talking. So you sound like the intelligent one in the corner. I visited the country of Paris once. The first thing that he says out of his mouth is incorrect.

That's so funny.

Awfully suspicious, Mr. Castro. Awfully suspicious. No, no, no. I think you are. You're very funny. I genuinely just think it's because I think you have very intelligent thoughts. I think they're— Thank you. I think because you are like, like I always say this, you're like, like a very smart guy. It's like the way that the funnel that funnels all the intelligent thoughts. That's what messes it up. But I'm stoked for swimming. But yeah, the cold is also going to be tough. And it's weird because Natalie and I are going to Australia, so we're having like—

Yeah, I'm gone for 30 days.

It's crazy.

Really?

Yeah. I don't come back here until January, mid-January.

Wait, wait, hold on. Let's hold that thought. Adam W. is calling. Adam W. It's me, Adam W. Wait, that's so— Wait, wait, wait. Whoa. Adam, you're on the podcast. So describe what's happening.

I just bought a new watch.

No way. Okay, you guys ready to see it? Yeah, yeah, open it, open it. Wow, brother. Oh wow, that's nice.

I guess all I can say is I'm pretty successful, guys. Yeah, it's another one to my collection.

Wait, wait, wait, Adam, walk me through this watch and how you got it. It's really funny. So I started making skits.

So, so I actually bought a watch.

Um, wait, wait, wait, let me say— wait, wait, wait, let me say what your watch is. Adam got a Patek. Adam got a Patek, an Aquanaut with an orange strap. It's like a $140,000 watch. Damn. It's really nice. But wait, wait, tell them how you got there. It was really funny.

So I bought the other version of this watch and it was $100,000. And I went to show Dave and he was like, yeah, that's cool, but it's not the—

Shut up.

And I was like, what? No, it's just like the only difference is it has an orange dial. Like, you know, it's the same watch. And he's like, yeah, but it's just not this. It's not that one, but it's cool. And he kept saying it's cool, and I was like, well, what are you saying? You're basically saying that it's not— I shouldn't have got it? Because I was like going back and forth between getting the $140K one or the $100K one. So I basically ended up— I had to— after he said that, I didn't really sleep that night. I called the guy. I had to cancel the watch that I already paid him for. He had to return it, and then I had to send him an extra $40K to buy this one.

No way.

So it's— yeah, it If you know watches, so you know the watch Steve gave me is the black one.

Yeah.

So there's, there's another black one that's— so this is the one that Steve got me is like $60,000, $70,000. I'm wearing it right now. There's another black one that's about $30,000, $40,000 more. And it looks like this one. It just has like a little piece on the inside that is also just black. So there's not much of a difference. And that makes it $100,000. But if you go up another $40,000, you get the one that Just Adam got. And that comes with the orange strap. John, you know the difference, right? In the watch world, it's like, it's like a— and then you ask somebody else, right? Did you ask other people?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, some other people said it wasn't that big of a deal, but some people did. But either way, look, at the end of the day, bro, we both know what time it is. Bro, they both say the same time. Mine just happens to be better.

But bro, it's stunning.

I know, I gotta go get it fitted.

Damn, congratulations.

Thanks. I'll come by and show you in person soon.

Okay. All right, I'll see you soon.

All right, peace out.

Um, but yeah, what I told him, I was like, I was like, don't spend $100 grand on that watch, just buy the one, buy the one right below it. Yeah, you'll save $40 grand. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you're already in that territory, then you might as well go up. And he looks at me, he's like, fuck, really? And I'm like, you want my complete honest opinion? And then I showed him my wishlist of watches. Yeah, I only have 3 watches on there and the one he just got is one of them. No, it's like, and it's like the pinnacle of like really, really, really cool watches that I'm not, that I'm not going to get for a really long time. Yeah. But I'm like, Adam, you're so close to the top. Just like, that's like when I was getting my Tesla and Heath and Ilya gave me the best advice. This was like in 2018. I was like, I had the decision to get like the lowest model or to get the best model. And I couldn't afford the better model, but they were like, never go for the bottom. Like, I don't care if you can't afford it, like, just get the top of the, top of the line. You won't regret it.

This makes no sense to me.

What do you understand that concept, Natalie? Like, there's—

I understand that mentality, but it is risky.

It's risky, but like, but when you get something that is like— and I, I've heard a lot of other people operate like this— like, when you get something that's out of your price range, it like really helps you like work. Like when you got the Ferrari, were you like, goddamn it, it's time to get more brand deals?

It definitely motivates me to work harder for sure.

Maybe it doesn't work like that for you.

Maybe I got to get rid of my Model Y.

Maybe I need to buy a Lambo. Imagine. I convinced Adam to spend $40K on a watch. I convinced Jason to upgrade to Lamborghini.

Ilya did that to me once. I was looking at an Audi and it was like a reasonable Audi and then he put all the specifications on it and it went from like $60,000 to like $120,000. And I was like, he got me all psyched and I was like, I can't fucking afford this.

I can't afford a $120,000 car. Yeah, it's really tough when you have someone like that in your ear.

Yeah.

Like Ilya is definitely one of those guys. I also am one of those guys.

You got to get the calipers, Jay. You got to get everything in there. You got to get all this shit.

Yeah, never go car shopping with a car guy.

Yeah.

Because it's like, unless you're like ready to spend, 'Cause like, even when I go with Heath and we'll just look at cars and I'll be like, oh, this is affordable. And Heath will be like, yeah, it's amazing. And then we'll go look at it. Like, he'll always be positive about every single car that's in the showroom. But you feel the difference when you go on to the next one that's more expensive. Then he'll go, well, you know, last one was nice, but this is like, this is the one, Dave. And it just keeps increasing. And he like really keeps his like tone. Yeah, but like you can just hear in his voice the more respect he has for the more expensive car, and he's like slowly egging you on to get the more expensive one. Yeah, so don't go shopping with Heath.

Remember the guy that sold Natalie her car?

Mm-hmm.

He was just like, oh, so good.

He was so good.

He literally set you up.

I don't know, we like left Natalie in the room with him for like 10 minutes, and then he walked out and he was like, we're getting a Ferrari. Remember?

I remember because Natalie walked into the room to see if she can afford it.

Yes.

And then she walks out and she goes, turns out. And then Jason goes, you can't afford it. And then Natalie goes, I can't afford it. And Jason goes, no, you can't. And I remember thinking, wait, Jay, what do you mean? You don't know her finances. But Jay was in such disbelief.

I think we've not made that much money.

No, he was trying to convince. He's like, no, you can't, Natalie. You can't. There's no— like, I know in the back of his head he's going like, there's no fucking way.

Who's he getting a Ferrari?

Fuck, you wish you can get this. Uh, yes, but that was a crazy purchase.

I got an offer on my show today.

Really?

Wait, really?

From— wait, did you— uh, from the girl from Shark Tank?

No, not from her.

Wait, what? Yeah, shoot, from who?

I can't say who it is.

No way, Jay.

I can't say who it is.

Are you being serious?

Yeah, I had a second meeting today and I got an offer.

Wow. Oh, like fully offered.

It's— what does that mean? What does that mean?

Stop saying I think so.

I can't say anything more about it, but I'll tell you off camera.

But wait, can you just tell us right now? Cut it out.

Explain to the, like, viewers, like, what does that mean to get an offer?

Oh yeah, what is it? I don't even know.

We made the— we made the pilot. Yeah, that everyone hated.

That's not true. Stop saying that. You're milking the I hate it thing just so more people watch it.

It—

it—

it worked out so well what you did.

I know, I know.

I got so many more views.

I know.

And I felt so bad on the comments.

No, you're good.

Because people are like, dude, no, they're idiots.

Yeah, no, I know.

That's fine, that's fine.

I felt so bad. And each one I'm like, I try to, sometimes I'll be like, well, if it wasn't for David, I wouldn't have been able to make it. I write back and then I go back and I check and they don't write back.

No, no, no, that's fine, that's fine.

So yeah, I mean, and yeah, so I don't know, we went in and they were like, oh, we wanna do X, Y, and Z with it.

Wait, wait, come on, come on.

And I was like, you know, you're so skeptical. You're just like, really? And you're like, yeah.

Oh, Jay, I hope this is successful.

I hope so too.

And then we have that pod where I'm just like, where you're like, you hated it, didn't you? That'd be really sick. Congratulations. Wait, who— can you just say it off?

They want to buy 10 episodes. They want to get rid of the pilot.

They want to buy 10 episodes?

Yeah, in your defense, the pilot's gone. Oh, so they're going to start new, and they want to do 10 episodes. They want to change the title. The only thing I have to do is change the title, change the actor, get rid of Jason, get rid of Jason, get rid of the writer, and get rid of the guy whose dream it is. Um, and, uh, they want to is, uh, incorporate their company into the storyline.

Wow.

Are they a production company?

Yeah. Okay. And it's a little unclear. It's like, where is it going to go? I— if you said it, I don't know.

Sounds like it's going on your YouTube channel, but they bought 10 episodes.

But I— no, I don't even think it'll go on my YouTube channel.

What did you value each episode at? Like, how much?

They told me a million for the whole season.

Holy fuck. What the fuck?

Which isn't a lot.

What? Jay, that's $100,000 per episode.

$100,000 an episode?

That's nothing.

You were asking for 10.

Jay, I paid 6 grand for that episode.

I mean, it's nothing in the world of like production and media, but like, I feel like for you, that's amazing.

Wait, what are you guys talking about? It's amazing.

No, it's huge.

TV shows are a million dollars an episode.

Natalie, he shot that for 6 grand.

No, no, I'm— no, I'm saying, yeah, just 10x. I'm saying for him, that's amazing.

16x the budget.

Yeah, we'll see.

That's like—

that's literally sad, but we'll see.

Wait, this is huge news.

I know, I couldn't believe it. They We had a meeting like last week, and they were like, they were like, oh, we just do movies.

And I was like, oh, but you were like, but you haven't seen this yet.

Yeah, no, no, no. And I was like, oh cool. I was like, well, if, if Naveen and I think of a movie, we'll call you. And then, and then I wrote them an email. It was really funny. I wrote them an email the other day.

I said, please, please, please, please, please.

No, I wrote them an email. I said, you should get my friend Nick Antonian. He's making movies. You should call him.

Wow, look at that.

So I wrote him an email and they wrote back and they were like, oh, we don't have time for Nick right now, but can you come back in next week and talk about—

it's karma.

Yeah. Wow. And they said, can you come back in and talk about the show? And I was very like, oh yeah, sure, I thought you guys only did movies. And then today we went in and when we walked in, one of the guys just grabbed Naveen's arm and I didn't see this, but he was like, I'm so excited, I'm so excited. And Naveen was What for? Like, why? What? What? And then, and then that was it.

Wow.

Wait, Jay, this is wild.

I know, this is crazy.

I mean, all you need is like one person.

That's all you need to believe in and buy it. Buy it. You just need one person that's like, oh yeah, we'll try.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow, dude, can I be in this thing?

I've asked you to be in it a million times.

I'm like, Jay, you know what, actually the lighting and everything in that episode was really good. I could see myself playing playing your neighbor.

I could see you playing the neighbor. Wow, you don't want to act.

Thanks.

Yeah, Jay, this is a $100 grand episode. I don't know why we're just like just sitting here.

Jay, this is like— it's always been your dream.

It's my dream.

It's literally crazy.

And we did vision boards the other night.

I know.

And I put it on my vision board and it happened the next day. Yeah, it's the same thing that happened when I was with Harry Jowsey. I met Naveen right after.

Wait, what happened with Harry Jowsey?

I manifested a bunch of stuff with Harry Jowsey. I said, meet the love of my life, and I'm coming over for a vision board.

Can we do one more night?

Why didn't you come to vision boards?

I didn't know it was legit. You could just get TV shows out of this. Yeah, you go.

Why didn't you come?

What'd you put on your— oh, John put Wordle on his vision board.

Yeah, I did put Wordle.

John put a croissant.

Wow, John put Wordle on his vision board and a croissant. Yeah, he mentioned Paris because he thought that was a country today. Yeah, so that kind of came back. And he made me quilt Wordle. So there's a lot going on in life.

Oh, you missed it at vision board night. I thought of you.

That was a lot of connections.

Everybody went, everybody explained their vision board, and then Jen went up and I have all this footage of Jen and I was going to send it to you.

Natalie's mom?

But it was like a 20-minute clip. But she was— Jen explaining her vision board was crazy.

Oh my God. She took it very seriously.

Yeah.

Did she even use the vision board or she just opened up a newspaper and tell you why you took it so much time?

No, dude, hers was legit.

Really?

3D? It was like, whoa.

Yeah, she cut like papier-mâché things out and like, it was like 3D.

Oh wow. Mine literally was like protein snacks, Wordle.

Wow. Mine's not done. I don't want to be rushed.

Mine was really good. Yeah, I won.

I won a vision board. You can win vision board night?

Yeah.

Can we actually talk about this for a second?

I'm so sorry, Nat.

I'm broke. That is, first of all, bullshit.

You're not that broke. You're not broke. I'll send you some in-kind million dollars in 10 episodes. I'm broke.

He gathers all of us. Jason gathers all of us for vision board night, gets us all excited that there is a winner. Somebody's going to win.

Everyone stayed to get the grand prize.

Oh my God.

We're there for like 2 and a half, like 3 hours.

3 hours. I think. Well, that was your doing.

Friendship wasn't enough to keep you guys going?

No, no, no, definitely not.

I was in it to win it. You got to admit, they put a lot of work. They had snacks, cut up fruit, pizzas, gelato.

So maybe the prize was the friendship you made along the way.

No, no, no, it wasn't me. Amazing time.

But no, no, I'm kidding. What was the prize?

Jason comes out with the prize and he— and he— I was the winner and he was like, you're going to fucking hate this. He's like, I don't even want to give it to you. You're going to hate it. And I was like, it's fine. Like, I don't care. Just give me the gift. It's a mug. It's like a $5 mug from like TJ Maxx.

What did you expect it to be, Natalie?

I don't— like $100 in kind or something.

He did a $400 in kind.

There wasn't even a gift card in the mug. There was like a candy cane and a $5 mug.

I'm gonna send you in kind right now. I do feel bad because I almost did in the moment.

No, I just thought it was so— I was like, this is so funny.

$16.99 mug with— and David had cocoa in the inside, a cocoa mix.

Oh, it's like ready-to-go stuff.

Yeah, yeah, you can make hot cocoa with marshmallows right away.

Oh yeah, now you're so good.

No, I don't— I don't need anything. I just thought it was so funny that he was hyping it up, dude.

Like, honestly, there should be no winner, and that really pissed I'm going on.

John, you were mad that like the entire time you really wanted to win.

Yeah.

Oh, because you wanted whatever this— you expected it to be.

I always, you know, I always play my heart out.

What did you want it to be, like a $100 gift card?

No, I don't know what the fuck I wanted, but it was just him building up.

Definitely not a mug.

No, definitely not a mug for sure. But he definitely built it up. I was like, guys, everyone's a winner. You know what, I don't think I should pick a winner. This, this will go to charity instead. And I'm like, what charity needs a $16 mug, Jay? Even if you could split it up between all of us, that was only less than a dollar.

That's kind of crazy that John's upset about this mug. Yeah, it must have been like a has-to-be-here thing.

Once everybody gave their vision boards, it was really hard to like crush everyone's dreams and pick a winner. Yeah, and the price sucks. I was like, let's just not pick a winner.

Like, and the vision board you picked, is that the one that becomes true?

Yeah, whatever's on your board comes true.

What did you like about it?

Only for the winner. Yeah, why not?

Why was I a winner?

Natalie's had— the only reason I picked Natalie is because of pleasure. She took the word pleasure from a Newport ad. You know what Newport is?

Yeah, it used to be these old cigarette ads and it would say pleasure. Okay.

And they were the hot, hot pink or hot orange, the word pleasure in like '70s letters. So she made that the centerpiece of her vision board. So that was like really eye-pleasing, pleasure. And also the connotation of pleasure, like she didn't know, like most people when they read the word pleasure, they think sex. But she didn't mean it that way.

Yeah, that makes sense.

And then she had. She had a cowboy on there. She had Jon Hamm on there. I love Jon Hamm.

Oh, she was just playing at your heartstrings. Newport Cigarettes and Jon Hamm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was very. It was very like, I want to meet somebody based, which pulled at my heartstrings.

Okay, you didn't like John's. I'm hungry for croissant.

Yeah, but no John.

No, no, no, no.

Yours had a lot of empty space. Natalie was covered. covered. Like, hers was a collage.

Okay, I didn't know it was supposed to be covered. Okay, I was putting things I like— snacks, protein, and digestion.

It was empty digestion.

Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine. Forget mine.

But you—

he was also deleting everyone. He deleted Julia's and Susie's because—

and what do you mean delete?

And Mariah's.

Remove them from—

Mariah wasn't there.

What? Maria? Maria?

Oh, Maria.

Why did he remove them?

Because they all look the same. I'm like, how can you judge that? That's crazy.

Oh, so they're like racism. Natalie formed the pictures and overlaid them in a collage format where, where stuff was bleeding into— theirs was just like picture, picture, picture, picture, picture, picture.

It was only, it was only Jason that was picking the way.

Now that you struck a million-dollar TV show deal, it's gonna be next year the fucking gifts for the vision boards are gonna have to be through the roof.

I gave away $400 the other day.

No money, no problem.

Yeah, I should have given $200 and $200.

Well, regardless, congrats on your show.

Thanks, we'll see.

It's gonna be exhilarating.

It was still fun, Jay. It was still fun.

Good, good.

And congrats on the show.

Thanks. I mean, as we know, did you make your private screening the other night?

No. What did I do? Oh no, I went to—

oh, you went to my house?

Yeah, I went to your house.

Why didn't you come?

Um, I was sick.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Um, you know, I was complimenting I was telling someone about your art piece from last time and how much I love it.

It was Naveen's friend was over and I said, oh, my art piece is still hanging there.

I have your art piece up in my house.

Oh yeah, nice.

I didn't know it was from you too.

You thought it was that good?

I thought it was like crazy.

I pulled it out.

What?

I pulled it out and I turned to Alex and John, I was like, do you know who made this? And they're like, who? I told the great story about it. I was like, my friend, my friend, guys, Dave came over and he made— he painted a canvas all black And then he picked a rose from my garden and he put it through the center of the canvas. So it's just this black canvas with what is now a dead rose. So it's been years, but the rose is still there. It dried up. And I was like, and my friend's explanation was so beautiful. I was like, he was saying how love, it's here and then it dies and then it's here and it dies. So I was explaining it to my friend who's a huge movie director. And he was like, that's really beautiful. And then Alex and John were right there. Did you know who made this? I go— and they go, who? And I go, David. And they go, no, no fucking way, that guy.

Yeah, that's funny.

You know, I met this psychic the other night, and, and his very world-famous psychic, his name's James von Prague, and he must be 70 years old, but he was like really famous back in the day. And I said to him, I go, I go, do you ever, do you ever just like freak yourself out because you like have psychic powers? And he goes, oh my God, all the time. He goes, I'll just be sitting there and I'll be like, oh my God, what's that?

No, no, no, no.

And he's like, yeah, happens all the time.

Wait, where'd you meet this guy?

At that party. Oh wow, that was another celebrity I met.

Did you get his number?

Oh, I was going to ask. Yeah, would you want to have him on? Yeah, I asked him. I was like, do you ever do podcasts? And he's like, I do a podcast every week. And I was like, no, no, no, would you come do my podcast? And then he didn't answer me. But my contacts, um, I could get his number. Yeah, he, he's been to Doug, Doug's house. He did a, he did a reading at Doug's house when, um, when Doug had ghosts in his house and the chair was spinning. I told you this. And he came over and he was like, oh my God, it's haunted.

We should do that. Whoa, your neighbor had a ghost in his house?

My neighbor had a house and it was haunted. And so the people are upstairs, the workers are upstairs like fixing a bedroom for the baby that was being born, and a chair goes up on one leg and starts spinning.

No, it doesn't. Whoa. Nope.

Okay, brother.

I don't believe in ghosts.

They've all seen it.

Who's they all?

I mean, the family, they all saw it. The workers, the worker ran out. Like, there was some crazy shit. Like, we have Doug on.

Doug will tell you.

It's insane. I mean, I believe him.

Bring Doug. Okay, I will. Okay, so then what happened? This is—

What happened with what?

So then the guy went in there.

Yeah, with the chair, you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, the jug. Don John Von Con.

What was his name? Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Jean-Claude Van Damme.

James Von Prague.

James Von Prague went in there.

Yeah, he was just saying— I said, do you ever get freaked out? And he's like, oh yeah, he's like, all the time.

He went into the house and then what happened?

Oh, he went into the house and he's like, yeah, it's haunted.

Just that?

Yeah, like he can, he can like answer spirits and hear spirits and feel spirits. And then we were at the party and we were like, can you do a reading? And he's like, no, I'm drunk. He's like, when I'm drunk, I can't, I can't do any readings.

Okay, no way.

Well, no, this guy's more renowned, Dave. I mean, he's like famous, famous. It's the world's most famous psychic for I don't know about now, but like definitely in like the '80s and '90s, he was the world's most famous psychic.

Do you think psychics are real?

Yeah, I 100% believe people have psychic power. 100%. You wanna know something funny?

But Jay, if that's true, then how do you like— why do you have such like weird limited views on like us being the only people in the universe and stuff? And like you don't believe in heaven. You don't believe in an afterlife. How can you believe in a psychic?

That's a good point, I guess.

You believe Doug's house is haunted, but you don't believe there's an afterlife.

Well, I believe I believe Doug, like, Doug is your God. Yeah.

I don't know about God. I do know Doug. You know Doug backwards is God, right? Doug's name backwards is God, Jason.

It's good.

It's good.

That's funny.

We need your neighbor here ASAP. Cause I think your neighbor Doug may be God. That's really funny.

Naveen, we were talking about James Van Praagh yesterday, and because I really liked meeting him, and Naveen was like, oh my God, he was hitting on me like so crazy. And I was like, Naveen, he's gay. She's like, no, he's not. He was like really hitting on me.

Really?

Yeah. And then we went online to like look it up, and it was so funny. It just said James Van Praagh, openly gay.

That's really funny.

That was such a funny adjective.

But I think, like, I think gay guys, especially if you don't know they're gay, they're like especially hitting on you, right? That's just a lot of them talk with like very high compliments.

Yeah, yeah, he was doing like little readings on us. Like, he did a reading on me and he was like, um, he's like, you, you, you have to stop worrying all the time. And then he goes to Naveen and he goes, and you, you, you, you can't fix him. Just let him be. Let him be. And I was like, yeah, let him be alone and be with me. And then he turned to me and he goes, He goes, you, you're broken. You're broken inside.

Damn.

He goes, you can't be fixed.

Wait, really?

We had a time.

Wait, wait, I really hope Lori calls. Wait, that's so funny.

Yeah.

Well, guys, if you're a psychic and you're listening to this pod and you could prove that you're a psychic, DM me something that only a psychic would know, and then we'll have you on the pod.

Not a sidekick, a psychic.

You keep saying sidekick.

Well, also, if you're a sidekick If you're Andy Richter. If you're Robin.

If you're Jason.

If you're Jason. Alright guys, well that's all the time we have for today's podcast. We'll see you guys after Sweden. Thank you John, Jason, and Jingleheimer Schmidt for joining us. And Natalie. We'll see you guys later. Bye.