Jason’s Girlfriend Naked

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Roll the intro music.

What's up guys, this is another Views podcast. I got Jason Nash here. Jason, make yourself known.

What's up David?

And this is David Dobrik. I'm 22, he's 45, and we are each one half of the podcast. Okay, go. Let's just get it started. Just start talking about—

it's 2:30 in the morning right now.

It is 2:30.

The only reason I'm here is because I'm going to Orlando to go with my naked girlfriend.

Hold on, well, let's backtrack a little bit.

This earlier this morning, going to Disney World, so I'm recording and I've agreed to do the podcast at 2:00 AM, which I don't like to do.

That's not what I meant by backtrack. I meant about the naked girlfriend. Earlier we saw— I saw a Jason's girlfriend's vagina. It was like maybe 9 hours ago. She came over to my house. She got really—

he's looked it up before on Pornhub though.

I had— but I didn't look it up by myself. I looked it up with my friends.

Yeah, okay.

It's not my fault that your girlfriend's on Pornhub. That's— bro, if you—

it's your fault.

If you had any—

your fault. You're the one that—

if you had any friend— if you had a friend whose girlfriend was on Pornhub, I I'm sure it's the first place you would go.

I would never. We've already had this conversation. I would never go look up Josh Peck's fiancée on Pornhub if she was a porn star.

You have no respect for Josh Peck then.

I have total respect for Josh Peck.

I'd want to make sure that my friend is being treated properly. So I have to— that's why I went to go look up her nudes.

You're such a nosy little prick.

I wanted to make sure she's not fooling around with anybody. And it wasn't just me.

Get a girlfriend. Get your own girlfriend.

There's a group of 5 of us, okay? So it should matter. And there's girls there too, and they looked and they thought it was interesting too.

Yeah. You guys need to pay for that shit.

Yeah, well, one of us did. So anyway, I'm not saying one of us still has membership and checks up on it.

Yeah.

So she may or may not be in this room right now.

She, she got mad that I said something in the vlog and then that was her move was just take her clothes off, which we've never seen before in a woman or anyone.

It was very ballsy. Jason pissed her off. Yeah, he said he would have a threesome with another YouTuber, and yeah, and she just went and she just—

she took her sweatshirt off after David asked the question.

Well, I was like, I was like, would you have a threesome with this YouTuber? And he's like, as a joke, he's like, yeah, maybe.

No, I said, I said it was such bullshit. She totally did it for the camera, and she's so full of shit. I can't believe I have to go away with her tomorrow. I'm so still so mad about it.

Why are you mad?

Cuz I'm just mad. It's just fucking— I'm done. I won't fucking listen to that shit.

Anyway, she pulled it. She should pull her sweatshirt.

David gets his fucking camera and he's like, oh, would you guys— would you have a three-way? With some YouTuber, and I said, I was like, you know what, and I was being totally honest, I was like, you know what, when I was younger that would have interested me, but it really doesn't interest me anymore because I really like being with Trisha. I, we were talking about going to a strip club the other night, and I was like, you know what, you go to the strip club and then you're there and like it's just some fucking girl there and you don't know her. Sure. And I told her the other night, I said honestly, like the girl wouldn't compare to you no matter what girl it is. I'd rather, much rather just be with you. And then David brings up the freaking The three-way thing.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was just like— I said, I was like, I'm not interested in it. And then I said I would explore it if you guys wanted to do a video about it. Yeah.

So she pulled her dress off. She pulled her dress off. She pulled her sweatshirt off. She was completely naked in my living room. Her vagina and her boobs were out. And my assistant Natalie was also there. This was a work environment and we felt very— No, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, no kidding.

It was really fucking funny. Like, it was really funny. And like, I recorded it, it's on my YouTube channel. But like, when I was recording it, I wasn't as like crazy enthused as I was about it as I should have been because I was like in shock. It was like I just got stabbed. So I wasn't like experiencing the full emotion I should have been because I was just completely in shock that she just took all her clothes off in my living room as a way to get back at her boyfriend. I don't know, some may say that was the wrong thing to do for her, but I would say that was amazing and I applaud you for that, Trisha. Go you.

I would— I really wanted to take the— it's so hard when the camera's on because my— what I would have done if the camera wasn't on, yeah, was I would have just walked out 100%. Like, I just would have left.

But I stopped you.

No, you didn't stop me.

Yeah, I did. I stopped you.

No, you didn't. I wouldn't— if the camera was on— if the camera wasn't on, I just wouldn't have made a big deal of it. I wouldn't even spoken. I wouldn't even responded.

That's what I'm saying. I stopped you because the camera was on.

No, no, David, I created a big thing about it because the camera was on. If the camera was not on, if she just did that—

You would have let her run around naked.

I would have just— yeah, I would have just left. But I— but because I just— I'm so fucking still pissed about it. Really? Yeah, I'm really mad about it. I don't like it.

I feel like before you wouldn't get mad at stuff like this. You're getting more passionate about her, which is kind of cool.

Yeah, I don't like it.

It's nice.

Well, I like her. I don't fucking like when she takes her clothes off like that. It pisses me off.

I think it's really nice because before, every time we would talk about your girlfriend, you'd be like, Oh, why are people so possessive? Who cares? A person's a person. A body's a body. Who cares? You guys are all so fucking emotional. And now I'm starting to see you get more possessive because you're getting more and more deep into this relationship. It's kind of sweet.

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You never told me the story about the old man.

Oh yeah, yeah, so we— so the other day we had, um, fuck, this is really weird. The other day we had, um, we had a bunch of animals in my house, like in the living room, just a bunch of like goats, chickens, llamas, alpacas, the whole thing, bunch of random animals, and there's shit everywhere. And we needed to get cleaned up. And I didn't want to have Natalie do it.

Literally shit.

Yeah, shit everywhere. Shit all around the house. Okay, I shouldn't say all around the house. It was the living room and Natalie's room. That was it. And we had to get it cleaned up. I had to edit, and I wasn't going to have Natalie, my assistant, clean that up because it was like super gross. And everyone told me I shouldn't have her do it, even though I really wanted her to do it. But so we were looking for housekeepers. Or like a maid or something. But the problem was it was really late at night. It was like 7, 8, 7 or 8 o'clock and nobody was showing up.

On a Friday.

On a Friday, yeah. So no one wanted to come that late. So we called our friend Jonah because he has this guy, he has this guy at his house that cleans his house for free every week because he's in love with Jonah's friend's mom. And he's a married man, he doesn't speak English, but he's in love with this mom So he comes and cleans the house for free. And that's all he does, he just like cleans the stoves and it's fucking, he doesn't say anything. They actually aren't even that nice to him and he just cleans. You know him, you know who I'm talking about. He's a very scary guy.

Yeah, he looks petrifying.

Yeah, he's terrifying. All he does is clean. So they're like, Jonah's sister is like, fuck it, I'm gonna call him and I'm gonna have him clean. First he said he couldn't make it and then Jonah's, Jonah's friend's mom, who's Bread Woman in my videos, had to call the guy and she was like, "If you don't go, I won't wanna see you for a little bit." That's what she said. So he's like, "Okay, I'll go, I'll go," because he loves this woman so much. This sounds like I'm making it up. So he came to my house to clean.

How old is this guy?

He has to be like 40, 50, right?

Okay.

He has to be pretty old, probably like 60. He's like really fucking old, like 45.

Oh wow, that old? Yeah. Okay, ancient.

So he starts cleaning my house. And I'm like, I'm like, he's probably doing it for free because he really loves this woman, right? So I'm like, this is so— this is so sad. Like, I'm obviously going to give him money because I feel bad. And long story short, he cleans up. It takes him 45 minutes to like 55 minutes. And I'm just— I have cash in my wallet, so I'm like, I'll give him $200. Sure. Like, I was like, I'm going to— I'm going to make his day today because I'm like, this guy doesn't get paid ever for cleaning their house because they just— they literally walk all over him. And I'm like, fuck it, I'm gonna make his day.

He's lovesick.

Yeah. So I gave him, I gave him the $200, and I'm already smiling because I'm like so excited for his reaction. And, and I give it to him, and he like looks at the money, and he looks at me, and he goes, what is this? And I go, it's yours, don't worry about it, it's yours, keep it. And he goes, how much is this? And I go, $200. I go, it's fine, don't worry about it. Like, I'm smiling, I'm laughing. And he goes And he throws it at me and he goes, "Fuck you, I want $500." Oh. $500. And I fucking froze. I was like, whoa. It was an hour work, not even, for $500.

Wow.

This guy was scamming me because he saw I had a bigger house.

Right.

And I was fucking terrified. And 'cause he doesn't speak English, so the only thing he said is like, "$500, I want $500." Oh. Yeah, and then Susie, who was there, who was like the translator, right? And she was a friend of the family. She started screaming at him and they just started fucking yelling at each other in the fucking living room and like, just like screaming. And he like went outside to my house, like went outside of my house and he was like yelling outside of my house. We had to call Jonah to come with his car so he can drive him home because he was being so insane.

Oh my God.

He wouldn't stop screaming. And then he just left. And did he take the $200? He's like, I'm not fucking taking that money. I'm not fucking taking that money.

He did speak some English.

No, in Armenian. And then they dropped him off, and then like last second he snatched it out of Susie's hand and he went inside. But he knows where I live, so I'm— I feel like this was a long story for nothing, but like, how scary is that? I thought I was making this guy's day.

Wow.

And really, I was just an asshole to him, according to him. But $500 is a lot, right, for someone to clean your house for an hour?

Yeah, for sure.

That doesn't make any sense.

Doesn't make any sense at all.

Okay, good.

Well, I guess that'll show you.

Yeah.

Don't be an asshole.

Horrifying moment.

You'll have poop all over your house.

What were you telling me about the other day about some kind of bench system in your—

I went to the Twenty One Pilots concert Saturday night, and I had an extra ticket 'cause Tricia was out of town, and so we brought Wyatt's friend Jack, really cool kid. So it's like me, two 12-year-olds, and a 9-year-old, and then we're driving down there and they go, They go, did you tell your dad about the buddy bench? And I was like, oh, the buddy bench, like, what's that?

That's what the little kid said?

Yeah. And I was like, no, what's the buddy bench? And apparently at their school, I don't know if you had this in your school, we certainly didn't have it in my day. They, LAUSD put in a buddy bench. If you don't have a buddy, you just go sit on this bench. And so like, if you don't have a friend, but it actually works the opposite. Where if you go and sit on the buddy bench—

wait, where is it?

You're like branded a loser.

Is this during recess?

Yeah, they had— they put a bench in the school.

If you don't have a friend, you come sit down.

Yeah, like let's say David's in the school.

No, I totally understand. If you're looking for a friend because you have no one to play with, you have to sit on this chair. Yeah, where other kids can see that you're sitting on the chair looking for a friend. Yeah, it's like Tinder except you're not hiding behind your phone. You're going out in public and being like, I want to have sex with someone. Yeah, wow.

Yeah, fucked. It's so funny.

Who came up with that idea?

LAUSD, man.

I mean, that's horrible. Yeah, it doesn't work.

No, it doesn't work. And then they said that like, they're like, yeah, like people like don't want to sit on it. And then a couple times that someone does sit on it, it makes it really awkward for everybody. And then the person goes over there and like tries to like maybe be their buddy, but then that person just gets ridiculed. And then it's just all of them. I don't know, I just thought it was a funny concept.

I've had situations—

you put one here—

I've had situations like that in my high school. Where like I've had like, I've gotten like a call from a parent be like, hey, can you be friends with my son?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Has that happened? That's how I met my friend Alex, my best friend, one of my best friends in Illinois, is his stepdad dragged him over to my house. It was the day I bought my brand new Wii, and I was so excited about my Wii, and I'm playing by myself, and I couldn't be happier. I'm like, this is, it's just me playing with the Wii. I'm playing Wii Tennis. My mom's upstairs, just me in the living room. I'm even tearing up thinking about it. I got a knock on my door, I'm like, "What the fuck is this? Who's bothering me?" 'Cause Wiis were hard to come by when they first came out. And it's my neighbor with his son, and he's like, "Can you play with this guy? He's really fucking lonely. He's really lonely," he says. And Alex looks at me, he like waves, and I'm like, "I guess, come in." And then he came in and he sat on my couch and he watched me play Wii. And I remember him watching me play Wii for like the first 10 minutes, and I remember looking back at him and him just sitting there watching me. Like, I remember, like, me, like, handing him the controller, like, you want to try? Like, like an awkward, awkward, awkward moment like that.

I used to hear my mom talk about me and how I didn't have any friends.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that was the worst.

What would she say?

Just like a pity conversation she'd have with my aunt. I guess. No, he's just not doing it.

Where were you sitting? Right next to them?

Yeah, I'd be like in the next room. She's like, he's just not— has no friends.

You didn't have any friends?

No, it's one school I didn't know why. I don't know, I was fat.

Were you not good at socializing? I think you're a really social person. I feel like you're—

I, I just—

or are you just desperate now? That's why you're being so nice to everyone.

I'm just so lonely. I, I just didn't like the kids.

Sure.

I hated all the kids in my school.

What is that? Why do people do that?

What, hate everybody?

People hate everyone. There's so many kids in one school, they can't all turn on you. They keep— you can't possibly hate every single kid.

I was more adult. I thought more like an adult, I think. And so I just didn't like what they were into.

Really?

Yeah.

What did you think about? You were—

I wasn't into—

you were always the old one in your group?

Yeah, I wasn't into what boys were into, like wrestling and shit. I'd be like, this is fucking dumb. Like, why are you guys wrestling?

What were you into?

Um, I I liked video games and I like baseball. I like sports. I love sports.

Boys were so into sports.

That's fine. Sports had like organization, but all the shenanigans.

Were you good at sports?

No, but I liked it. I was decent at baseball at a young age. I was a pitcher.

Was there ever like hazing?

I was really good at pitching and then around 7th grade I lost it. I wasn't good anymore.

Was there ever like hazing in your sports?

Mm, yeah.

I remember in my locker room people get pantsed all the time.

What's pants? They just pull your pants down?

They pull your underwear down. That's pretty embarrassing when you're, when you're a kid.

Yeah, I wouldn't like that, have your underwear pulled down.

There was this kid that would always use the urinal and he'd pull his underwear down to his ankles and he'd pee, and we always thought it was very strange. And then my friend John, we already told the story, but he would always get naked and he was the first guy we saw pubic hair on, on his balls. So that was really exciting, and ever since then we thought he was like the oldest and the most craziest guy ever.

You sound so sexual sometimes, the way you say things.

What do you mean?

Like, you'll be talking about like another man's cock and you'll be like, it's really exciting.

I mean, it was fucking exhilarating. That was the first time I've seen hair on a man's penis.

Why is that exhilarating? Well, you know what, I never saw your dad.

Um, I did see my dad's penis.

Are you supposed to— if you're a parent, are you supposed to be naked around your kids or not naked?

What do you do?

I, I've never— my kids have never seen me naked. Really? They've seen my— maybe seen like my butt crack, but everyone's seen your butt crack, bro.

Um, you've never been naked around your kids?

No.

I feel like that's a good thing. You're the type of dad I would want to see fully clothed 24/7.

Thanks, David.

But I mean, if like Arnold Schwarzenegger was my dad, yeah, I'd want to see his dick once in a while.

Really?

Yeah.

Um, no, no, just saw his cock once. That was it.

How'd you see that? How was that moment?

I was just at Fenway Park.

Wait, what?

You can't touch the story.

Oh, he was peeing.

Yeah, he's peeing.

Oh, he was peeing.

Yeah.

Did you say something to him after?

And I said, hey, lucky you.

He just looked at you like, what the fuck are you saying?

No, I didn't say anything. Crushed me, though. It was awful. Yeah, I hated it.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I just didn't like seeing his big cock. I was like, fucking gross. Ruined me forever because I didn't have a big cock. So then ever since then, I think like—

you were a kid.

Yeah, I know, but still small.

Okay, sure. I didn't want to bring this up if this is like a sore subject for you.

No, it's all good, man. I'm good now.

This is, this is a little too much information, but you know, I probably won't even talk about it because I feel like it's a little gross.

Go for it.

Should I? This is like an open podcast, right?

Yeah, it's an open forum here.

I guess it's not that—

no judgment.

It's not that gross at all. It's just like, how do you know, like, how to, like, manscape down there for when you're getting a physical? Oh, David, fuck you. Oh, I can't believe you brought— what are you doing?

This goes out to a lot of people. A lot of people listen to this. What is— what? I don't even listen to the question.

Like, how do you—

how do you know?

Like, how do you know how much, like, you should shit? Because, like, I wouldn't want to.

I got that problem right now because when I have oral sex, my partner— my partner gets a lot of hairs in her throat and it's the— it's— I feel terrible for her.

Yeah.

It's—

mine's bad.

I think this is a good question that you brought up because I need help. Yeah, I need help.

Yeah, you should— if she's getting hair in her throat— God damn it, dude, this is a podcast for families.

I just made it 10 times grosser.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry if your parents are listening with you right now.

I was asking about doctor visits and you just took it to like a completely different level.

Okay, well, I mean, I don't know. Do you have a big bush?

No, I don't. But, but like, but like when I was—

when—

this is so gross. What's going on downstairs for you? You want to talk about it?

Yeah, I think because I'm so old that it's like really starting to multiply down there.

What can you compare it to?

Have you ever been in a maze where it's like it's a bush?

Yeah.

And you got to find your way out?

No.

Like, you ever been to like a Halloween hayride maze?

Oh yeah.

And you're like, it's just very thick.

It's like going through it like a hayfield.

Yeah, it's like fried onion rings that sit on top of a burger and there's like, they put way too many. Like the skinny onion rings.

Sure, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yeah, it's kind of like that. And it's just starting to grow and then I have like taken a scissors and kind of like tried to snip some of it.

You're at the point where you're snipping with scissors.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm at that point. I've shaved it all off before.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I don't think this is that gross.

I know.

Am I wrong? I also, I have trouble reading what's gross and what's not. I think Jonah's not gross, but do you ever trim? Do you manscape?

Yes, of course.

What do you use?

I just use a razor.

Oh, so you go all the way down?

Yeah, oh yeah.

Oh, you go bald?

I don't wanna talk about this.

Oh my God, you go bald?

I mean, what do you mean?

You have no hair there.

I mean, it depends what day it is, you know?

If you use a razor, then I would assume at times you have nothing there.

I hate talking about this.

Okay, don't talk about it.

I feel like I'm having a sex talk with my dad. I'm literally getting sweaty.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's like that weird.

It's not that weird. I've talked to you about all kinds of stuff. You saw my girlfriend naked today. I doubt you've seen your dad's girlfriend naked. No.

Jesus Christ. That's never happened. Okay, so what were you at? Oh, Bohemian Rhapsody.

Yeah, I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and I was like, I thought about you as we were watching it.

'Cause I'm just as talented as Freddie Mercury?

No, because he came out to his girlfriend as gay. Oh. No, not that. That wasn't the joke I was trying to make. But I do remember the scene where the girlfriend brings him over and she's like, she's trying to get him to say that he's gay or whatever.

I remember that. If I'm honest, like, I would love, I think everything would be so much easier.

I wasn't thinking that, I was thinking about you and Liza, in the scene, but I wasn't thinking that you were gay.

Yeah, no, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. You know, no, if the Liza— the whole Liza situation would be a lot easier if one of us was gay because like, oh, you're gay, I have nothing to worry about, let's be friends. Yeah, yeah, that'd be the best situation.

Yeah, it wasn't that at all. It wasn't. It was just— it was just this idea that like, I can't remember because it's so fucking late, David. I'm recording this podcast at 2:30 in the morning.

I saw Bohemian Rhapsody too, and I think—

what'd you think of it?

It was good.

Do you like it?

It could have been better.

There wasn't much of a story there.

That's my problem. Yeah, and a lot of people are saying it was great, and that's just because Freddie Mercury is great.

Yeah, the actor.

Yeah. Oh yeah, but I'm saying Freddie Mercury, Freddie, the person's great. Yeah, it's hard to fuck up a movie, but it could have been like insane. It could have been like off-the-walls batshit, like unbelievable.

Yeah, I don't know if it could have been.

Really?

I don't think there was enough of a story there. I think he would, you know—

well, I think— oh, like you're saying in Freddy's life in general?

In his life in general, yeah. Okay, well, I think it was really good for him not living regardless.

Yeah, I don't know. It was a good movie.

It was good.

You should go see it. What else is new?

Um, I'm gonna— I got a horse. Bought my first horse.

Where is he?

He's out back.

You rode him here?

I rode him. I tried. I tried to ride him here. I don't know how to ride that well.

So what'd you do?

I walked him up the hill. It took forever. Took me about an hour.

You just walked the horse up the hill?

Yeah. And I only— I have like 3 carrots.

Oh, so it was tough because you were probably on your third carrot and he was barely at my house.

I ate 2 of the carrots.

You ate 2 of the carrots?

Yeah. So that was pretty cool. And I guess—

What'd you name him?

Phil.

Oh, that's not bad. What part of the podcast is this? Is this the most entertaining portion?

The part where people turn it off Or the least entertaining version.

I always wonder, oh, Jason's talking out of his ass again. Turn it up, Mom. Mom, you can turn it back on, he's done talking about his penis and his genitals.

I love this idea that now that we have kids listening with their parents, we have to watch what we say.

Oh my God, yeah. Do you think there's kids that listen with their parents?

I know there is. When we go to do the live shows.

I know the parents that listen to it with their kids, I know they just giggle at those, like those awkward moments.

It depends what kind of relationship you have with your parents. I was never that comfortable about sex around my parents.

I just feel like this is so awkward where like you have to giggle at it. Like, do not turn the podcast off if we get weird.

Anyway, career day at Wyatt's school, I talked about being a YouTuber.

You do career day?

Yeah.

What were you doing at career day?

They asked me to speak.

That's like the last place you should go.

Yeah, the first, the first round with Wyatt's class went great, and then the second round the kids are like, yeah, you should have been a YouTuber.

You should have went to 2 Years of Good Luck Day. Where people that have just hit it for 2 years of good luck and make a little bit of money. No, but what was it like?

It was great. They, you know, just talked about being a YouTuber. There was a guy there that worked for animal control. He was pretty interesting.

Were people interested to hear about you being a YouTuber?

The first class was. The second class was not at all. They were just like, how old are you? We have YouTube channels. And then each kid would raise his hand with questions and every question would be, I have a YouTube channel. I'm going to start posting.

Did they not watch your videos?

No, I think there's a big chasm between 7th and 6th grade. Oh, I know when Wyatt went to 6th grade last year, no one, no one knew you or me or Scott or Todd.

Did you talk to 6th graders or 7th graders?

First class was 7th graders. That's Wyatt's class. The second class was 6th graders.

Oh, that's 100%.

But I don't understand. That's an interesting chasm, isn't it?

It's just because they're so much younger.

David hates when I use words. I use the word heel. We get into fights over vocabulary. And it's fucking so funny. I said the word heel tonight and he's like, "What's a heel?" And I was like, "It's like the bad guy." He's like, "So fucking say bad guy!" Yeah, he goes—

well, yeah, what did you say exactly?

I said, "In the Trisha video where she's naked," I go, "Can you put this part in?

It'll make me look less of a heel." Yeah, and I'm like, "What's a heel?" And he's like, "Bad guy." And I'm literally like, "Why the fuck are you saying heel? Why don't you just say you don't want to look like the bad guy?" Why are you confusing me?

Because language is interesting.

I know, but like—

It's not confusing you.

It's almost like you're trying to impress me.

I'm not trying to fucking impress you. Why would I try to impress you?

That's what I'm saying.

All people say heel. People say it. It's a word.

I've never heard anybody say heel.

Yeah, well, take a fucking after-school course. Go take a class down at CSUN.

Jason, I said this before and I'll say it again. If I went to college, neither of us would be sitting here in this room right now.

Motherfucker, you know what? Money is not the only thing in this life. You know that, David? Why don't you fucking— you're the one that's gonna fucking find that out at some point. I know it.

I hope so.

You will.

Yeah, you're stupid.

You're gonna be just like— just like Freddie Mercury, all alone. Piles of money and coke on the table.

You think? I've thought about that.

You have?

Yeah.

No, no, you're sure you're a good person.

Not the coke, but I have thought about about like piles of money and just me sitting there.

And no friends?

Not friends.

You'll always have people around. I'll always have people around me, but like, you always think you have people that care about you though.

That, that's what I'm saying. Like, like, you know what I mean?

Do you think that you'll, you'll just keep, keep making money and money? It's interesting, man. I have to say, like, I have a little bit of money right now, and, and it is— it's, it's different problems.

Well, yeah, how is it having money?

It's fucking mind-blowing. Yeah, and I didn't have money for so long that I look over my shoulder so much. And I— and the other day I really came to a reckoning with it. Look up reckoning if you want, if you don't know what it is. Sure, sure. But no, I, I can't— I was like, you know what? I was like, I'll go back if I have to, you know what I mean? Oh yeah, like if it all falls apart, I'll just go back to the way I was before.

100%.

Yeah. But I, for the last year or so—

Sucking dick on Sunset Boulevard.

For the last year I've been freaking out about it, like, oh, I gotta keep this going.

Yeah, you gotta relax. You are the cheapest guy on planet Earth.

Oh, come on. Fuck you.

You honestly—

I'm the cheapest guy?

You make more—

You fucking get Chipotle, I order for you, you send me $11 on a $13 order with no tip.

Yeah, I know.

You're so— don't fucking call me cheap.

Okay, let me—

And the other day I was making, I'm making a video game, I'm making like a little app, And I thought, which I thought would be like a fun little thing for my fans. And like, I showed my fans, I showed it to David.

Fans deserve a video game.

I thought it would be a fun little fucking thing. And David goes, you are the cheapest motherfucker in the world. You just love money. Meanwhile, fucking, he's got a pillow and a blanket. He sells fucking notebooks with his goddamn face on it wearing a king's crown like he's fucking Harry Styles.

I'd shove my dick in my mouth. Or fuck, damn it. God damn it, it was gonna be such a good joke too.

Give me a break. You want me to do it again?

Yeah, go, go, go.

That was a joke. Go, go, just go. So then, god damn it!

I'd shove my dick in your mouth if I was shaved, but I'm not. Ah, it didn't work.

I can't believe you shave your balls.

I don't want to talk about that. I'm sorry I even brought that up.

I'll tell you something, and here's the other thing. I think you should start revealing more on this podcast. I am so fucking sick and tired of being the only guy that bares his soul on here. Give us something this week, David. Give us something. Um, bare your soul.

I, I have— sometimes I have a hard time sitting by you. I didn't want to say it, but you're such a fucking—

no, I didn't want to say it. I try not to use the C word, and I won't right now. Yeah, 100%.

Well, you know what's not smart?

What?

Job sites that overwhelm you with tons of wrong resumes. But you know what is smart? ZipRecruiter.com/nash. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't wait for candidates to find you. You, ZipRecruiter finds them for you. Its powerful matching technology scans thousands of resumes, identifies people with the right skills, education, and experience for your job, and actively invites them to apply. So you get qualified candidates fast. No more sorting through the wrong resumes. No more waiting for the right candidates to apply. It's no wonder ZipRecruiter is rated number 1 by employers in the US. This rating comes from hiring sites on Trustpilot with over 1,000 reviews. I tried to read that fast, but I couldn't.

Damn, nice.

And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address: ZipRecruiter.com/nash. ZipRecruiter.com/nash. ZipRecruiter.com/nash. I always think about someone listening to those ads as I'm reading them and I'm saying the website's wrong and they're just spelling it completely wrong because I don't know how to speak. Maybe I should get smarter. Guys, this next segment is Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. We have our friend Joe. He's helping us out with the podcast. So we're going to give him 30 seconds of airtime starting— excuse me, 25 seconds of airtime starting. Yeah, I went up a little bit. Starting now.

Hey, what's going on, everybody? Joe from Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast back. I just found out last week they play an entire podcast before my podcast, which is kind of messed up. I'm working on it. Cadence, if you can reach out. Guys, make sure to follow me on Twitter @Ughitsjoe, U-G-H-I-T-S-J-O-E. And I just wanted to— we have a guest in the studio today, Jason Nash. Jason, how's it going?

That's all the time we have.

Damn it.

Wow. This one was better because he at least shouted himself out normally. And he did that cool sound effect at the beginning that kind of made this podcast more interesting.

I thought it was the best one yet. Still fucking garbage.

It's really bad. Joe, you have to edit the podcast today. Joe looked at me and he's like, yep, Joe, you're putting this up today because that was bullshit. And it's just—

I can't— why don't you hire a writer for the Teeny Weeny Podcast?

Can you stop talking to him? You're giving him extra airtime. How is he still in here? What happened? The fires, the California fires. Yeah, are insane.

Yeah, we went and we donated a bunch of stuff to the firefighters the other day. Now I saw that myself.

That was really sick.

That's really proud of me.

What did you donate?

Oh, they needed like masks and like, you know, eyewash. Anyway, and all this stuff.

Did you— sorry, anyway, I mean, like, I'm changing the subject, but I mean, did you, did you see like how fast it was spreading? This is from a CNN article.

You're gonna recognize that I was a good person.

No, no, it's amazing. I'm just gonna add to it. Because what— check this out, I'm gonna tell people exactly how bad this fire was and how much it means that you're helping out. It's the fastest— it's the fastest— at its fastest, the Camp Fire in Northern California spread at more than a football field a second.

Whoa!

Or around 80 football fields per minute. Holy— burned through 20,000 acres in less than 14 hours. That's insane. And right now it's been like, what, 4 days since it's been going? 5 days, maybe a week. Yeah, it's been going. It's only 30% contained. How crazy is that? Now, these facts can be completely incorrect. So the fire could have been out 7 days ago, but I'm so slow with news.

You're not slow. You're on Twitter all the time, making it a lot worse for everybody.

It was like, it's not out. Fire's not fucking out. There's firefighters listening to this. Boys, boys, we didn't finish.

Did you ever light a fire when you were a kid? Like pyromania?

100%, bro.

You did?

All the time.

Are you lucky you didn't live out here?

No, I'm so lucky. And fireworks out here are like a serious crime. Like if you're lighting fireworks off in the hills, you can— it's really bad. It's a really bad idea.

Yeah.

Remember we were shooting with a bunch of paintball guns just the other day and police came.

Yeah.

Because they thought we were lighting off fireworks. And not only police came, but a helicopter was flying over our house. Yeah, they call the police helicopter. And, and this was because— this is because they don't— they were probably checking to see if there was a fire.

Yeah, I thought they came because it was guns, but it wasn't. They were worried about fire.

They were worried about fireworks starting a fire.

Shoot yourselves all you want.

Ain't that ridiculous? Oh my God.

Yeah, well, I guess that's it.

California fires, bro.

How's your house doing?

It's good.

You like it?

Yeah, I haven't had any like, uh, like haunted situations in a while. Everything's looking up.

You're letting it go a little bit.

What do you mean?

You're letting your house go like it's getting a little messy. This house was fucking gorgeous when you bought it.

I think it's— I don't think it's me. I think it's my assistant is letting herself go and she's slacking a little bit and she's just—

maybe you need to hire the old man. Yeah, bring him back. The guy who wanted to clean for $500. Give him the $500. Did he clean up all the poop?

He did a great job.

He did.

Yeah, he killed it.

Maybe it's worth it.

It wasn't worth that much money. But yeah, I don't know. I am letting the house go a little bit, but everyone lets a lot of things go. You let yourself go.

I'm working out with a trainer.

No, you're not.

Yeah, I am.

Every time I feel like I get a call from you every day and you're like, I'm going to the trainer, but I can leave early. You want me to leave early?

Fuck you. I hate you so much.

Like, you call me, you call me as a bro.

No, You call me.

You call me.

You call me because you need a fucking vlog.

No, but I could totally wait, but you like—

No, you can't.

You offer— No, shut up, shut up. Don't talk, don't talk. You offer, you offer to leave your trainer early. You go, I can leave early, it's fine. I don't, I could, I don't have to be here. It's almost like a kid calling out of school and like trying to convince his parents to like pull him out of school because he's sick. That's what you do all the time. You're like, I'll just leave 15 minutes early, it's totally fine, I don't need to be here.

I—

You skip out, you've skipped out on your trainer 3 days out of the last week.

Okay, so you know what?

Is it true though? Have you skipped out the last 3 days?

We don't need those. The audience doesn't need those details.

Is it true?

True or not?

Is it true?

I'm not gonna say, but I— you know what, maybe I'm wrong. I— maybe I've made the mistake of caring about you too much and wanting to please you too much, and I won't anymore. I'll go to the trainer. How's that?

I don't think you need to go to the trainer, bro. I've told you this.

You like me fat. I get it. It's funny when I take my shirt off in the videos because I have a jiggly belly.

No.

Well, guess what? I want to live past 50.

No, I think you're a very warm and welcoming guy. I think you're shaped the perfect way. I genuinely mean this. I don't, I don't think you're overweight. I make overweight jokes because it's funny, but I think you're, I think you're in a really good shape. You're a perfect dad bod. People look for this type of stuff. No, you're—

I have been casting shit.

You're at an incredible part in your life. I, I'm honestly so proud of you.

And fuck you, so full of shit. Yeah, you called me at Friday, you're like, let's take Trisha to the airport. 'Come on, let's go. We gotta go. Let's go. Come on, let's go, dude. Let's do it.' And I said, 'Well, I have a trainer,' and you're like, 'Oh, come on, you don't need to do that. That's fine.' Like, it's such bullshit. And then I'm like, 'All right, he didn't—' And oh, and then you— you're such a little shit. You ignore— oh, I fucking hate you. You go— you— because you called me Thursday and you— you went to a movie and you were like, 'Bro, I don't have a vlog for tomorrow. I got nothing.' And what did I say? I go, don't worry, don't worry, we'll get you a vlog for tomorrow. I'll be around all day. I said, I'm gonna go to bed, I'm gonna get a good night's sleep. And then sure enough, you fucking call me Friday morning like, bro, come on, we gotta do this, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Bullshit.

Oh, well, yeah.

Oh, yeah, what?

Is that what you told me? You said, don't worry, I'll help you out in the morning? Yeah. That's what I did. Yeah.

That's why I left the Trader!

Yeah, I appreciate it.

No, and then you say that I'm a fat piece of shit. You left the Trader.

You're being really sensitive.

I did stop at the donut place on the way down.

It's all that testosterone. Yeah, and you eat now more. You'll like see a bag of chips and you'll be like, I went to the trainer, I can have 4 bags of Doritos. That's true. And you're like—

He stretched me out the other day and I was screaming in the gym. He takes like a— you know what you roll dough out in? Yeah. Like a dough roller? Yeah. And he fucking just puts that right on your back.

Goddamn, you'd be the biggest fucking pizza in the world if he rolled you out.

He rolled me out like—

You'd be one of those Big Mama and Papa pizzas. That comes in one of those big boxes that's carried on a Mini Cooper? Damn. Yeah, anyways, you taste like shit though. You'd be a bad pizza.

Take a taste.

You'd be like Little Caesars of pizza.

You love Little Caesars.

I know, I know. I just wanted you to say it.

David's introduced me to so many things, brands that I would never ever eat. Sure. Olive Garden, Little Caesars. Oh, Buffalo Wild Wings, I would never go into.

Why is that?

I don't know, I would just assume it's gross.

Well, it's not.

I think you're just an asshole. It's not at all, actually. It's good. I mean, it's okay. There's better wing places.

Well, listen, we gotta end the podcast right here. I'm totally guessing. Do we have to end the podcast?

Did you read the ads? Yeah. You read them all? I have. I feel like your teacher. David, did you do all the ads?

Oh my God, we have one more ad. What the fuck? Okay, here we go. Stamps. No. Okay, these days you can get practically everything on demand, like our podcast. Listen whenever you want, when it's convenient for you. Did you know that you can even get postage on demand? All you need is stamps.com. With stamps, you can access all the services of the post office right from your desk. Buy and print real US postage for any letter or any package, all available 24 hours a day. It's amazing, guys. You can literally order your stamps. It's so simple. Just click print mail and Done. Stamps.com will even send you a digital scale. It's all great. We love stamps.com. Jason, tell me how much you love stamps.com.

I love it. And the reason why I love it is because mailing a letter is really hard. You have— you need— you need to put the thing in there. You got to get the address.

And Jason sells the mail stuff to Santa Claus because his kids that are 17 and 19 still believe in him. So right now, fuck you guys. Right now, use your assistant.

Your assistant Someone's giving me shit about the fact that I'm nice to my kids. And you know what? Her parents were shit to her. And she's taking that out on me. I saw her. She's transferring. I can see what she's doing.

Yeah, she's being really snotty to you, and I'm really enjoying it.

She's being really mouthy to me. I don't get it. I'm so nice to her.

Anyway, right now, those views for this special offer—

I'm gonna mail Natalie. I'm gonna call stamps.com and mail her a letter.

It's a 4-week trial. It includes postage and a digital scale. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com. Before you do anything else, click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in "views." Hey, speaking of— Goddamn it! Speaking of what? Shut the fuck up! That's stamps.com and enter "views." Hey, speaking of stamps, I used to—

my ex-wife's mother, when she didn't like somebody, if she knew you were going out of state, so like say you were going to Chicago this weekend, I would give you a letter to mail to someone I hated. Wait, so you wouldn't be able to tell where it came from. Oh, are you serious? Type a letter out like, you scum of the earth, I fucking hate you, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, you're this, you're that, you're narcissistic. And then you'd be like, hey, I'm, uh, like, what are you doing this weekend?

And I'd be like, I'm going to Lincoln, Nebraska. Yeah.

And I'd be like, oh, can you mail this for me?

Oh, from Lincoln, Nebraska?

Is this a serious thing? I swear to God, who would do this?

My ex-wife's mother. Really? Yeah.

And who would she send these to?

These people to you?

You mailed from Nebraska? Yeah. You get back home, you're like, oh, mail from Nebraska.

Oh shit, I did get one of those letters once.

God damn it. Wow, that's fucking badass.

It's pretty fun.

That is really fun.

Got some great stories.

That sounds like a weird waste of time.

I love old people so much.

Okay, obviously you do too, David. I'm too close to one. Do you know France seizes a jet at takeoff after Ryanair doesn't pay bill? Air France? Yeah, they ordered their Ryanair Boeing 737. It was impounded.

Joe tried to get me to read this story. It sounds like really stupid.

Can I be honest with you? He's thrown this story at me 5 times.

No, he hasn't.

Yes, he has.

I just looked at it. I was like, I'm not reading this. Yeah.

And he's thrown at me a couple of times and I can't. I was like, fuck it, I'm going to read the story and I'm going to go as it goes. But like, I don't, I don't really know what this is all about. It got impounded. So plane got impounded with the passengers on the plane. Boring.

Next.

I'm kidding.

What happened to all the passengers? They got off. Oh, it wasn't like Snakes on a Plane? Yes.

The company that was seizing the jet let out a bunch of cobras and made sure the passengers were murdered.

Matt, everyone, what's through the phone?

Yeah, well, everyone was safe. All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Do we have any more fucking ads?

Yeah, we do. We have a show December 2nd in Northridge, California. The show is live Christmas. Go get tickets right now. Christmas theme.

You have to bring a Christmas hat. If you wear a Christmas hat, Jason will— Jason will give you $500. Yeah.

Each person has a Christmas hat and I'm going to be farting on a microphone. For 1 hour.

That's the entire show.

Your mom and dad.

No, but come if you're in Northridge, if you're in LA or California, come to the show. We'll have a good time. We'll bring some friends out. Yeah, we'll see you guys later. This has been the Views Podcast. My name's David. That's my friend Jason, and we'll see you later. My name's Jeff. Bye.