David's Last Vlog

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. What is fucking new? Everybody here, Natalie's here, Naveen is here, who's married to Jason. Yeah, a mystery that is unsolved. Yeah, but we are getting closer to it.

We're gonna be on Mythbusters this week.

Mythbusters is Naveen. An idiot.

Yes.

Yeah.

Does she have all her faculties?

What's a faculty?

So guys, we are back. Just posted a new vlog. Jay, you were a big help for editing today.

Thank you. Thank you.

I was screaming.

Spent a lot of time.

Actually, I didn't yell. I was actually pretty non-aggressive this time.

Actually, you were very gentle.

Is there something in your throat, Natalie?

No, I'm good.

I didn't see him be too aggressive.

Natalie, you helped too. Hold on, Jay, she wants a compliment.

Thank you.

Actually, you didn't help at all.

That is true. I was the least helpful this vlog in comparison to others.

You were pretty tough to edit next to.

I was really tired.

But you're doing a good job because you're pretty damn close to me not ever calling you again to help me edit those, which is actually probably something that you would—

Oh my God, really?

Yeah.

Wait, this is so exciting.

Yeah. So you're on your way out.

Do a job poorly so you never get asked to do it again.

Yeah. It's a very big life lesson. And Natalie is fucking crushing it. With doing that job poorly. She just sleeps a lot, then she farts, and then she eats. And I may have mixed up the order, but that's how it goes.

She farting next to you?

Yeah, 100%.

No, he farts.

I don't fart, Natalie.

Yes, you do.

I've literally never made that sound in my life.

Stinky.

I've seen you fart and you don't hear it. And then—

No, you don't hear them. They're not loud, but they smell.

Okay, we've talked about this. Can we just fucking move on? Anyway, vlog posted. Vibe.

Yeah.

I'm excited for the newer vlogs.

Excellent. When can we expect those?

I don't know.

No fucking clue, but I'm so excited not to edit vlogs because I come into doing this podcast.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, I don't know what happens. I don't even know what you're posting because, you know, I don't listen to them back or I don't— and I don't hear you edit. And I just take Natalie's word for it. You guys could straight up be editing these like crazy, just butchering everything I'm saying. And just—

it's just me actually. They're really monologue, most of them. Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you noticed we only record for 5 minutes?

I have noticed that. I was wondering how you make that 40 minutes.

Yeah.

Huh, interesting. So you cover the other 35?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you talk about?

I just get in there and I talk about Steely Dan and, and, uh, like it's mostly it's just all rock talk.

Guys, comment if you want a Jason solo pod.

Yeah.

That'd be sick.

I'll bring it to you. I'll bring it to the people.

I'd be down for that.

No problem.

Take a little break.

Did you take the vlog apart and then take it apart and then put it back the way it was? Did you, 'cause I was here Friday night and then you had it a certain way. Then I came back today and you had rearranged everything. And then Brooke told me that you put it back to the way it was. I'm sorry, not Friday night, last night. Is that true?

What do you mean?

The vlog. Did you put all—

I don't know when you were here and when you weren't.

Did you put all the wedding stuff in the end?

What did you see? No, wedding stuff is in the middle.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Oh yes, okay, so I had a little watch party. It was Brooke, Alex, everyone. Brooke, Alex, Ilia, Taylor, Julia. And no, John came a little late and I was really, worried about the wedding part because I was like, I can't really separate myself from this wedding part. I'm a little confused. Like, will people enjoy this wedding part or do I only know it because I know John, I know his family, I know like Reggie. So like it means a little bit more to me than like it will to random people. So I didn't count for it to be as good. And then they all watched it and then they were like, the wedding is the strongest. It should go last. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? So then I was going to rearrange the whole vlog to put the wedding last, but then It just wasn't making any sense.

But they were also there too, so you don't know.

Well, like, Brooke wasn't there and— Oh yeah, I guess you're right, actually. A lot of them were there.

Yeah.

It's tough to say. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah.

But again, yeah, you should just post what you're doing.

So here's a vlog bit that didn't go in.

Yeah.

Because I feel like we need to talk about some spicy stuff here. This is supposed to be the end of the vlog, but we got Alex Ernst a car for weeks, months. Almost a year, uh, Ilya has been doing recon to find out what Alex Ernst's favorite car is, right? And this was for when he completed his Zealot transformation. We were gonna get him this, like, this was, you know, this is gonna be part of the video, like, surprising him with the car. We got his dream car, was a 1996 Rolls-Royce, which, like, I was not expecting. When I heard it from Ilya, I was like, are you fucking sure?

Yeah.

Also, I was stoked because a 1996 Rolls-Royce just so happens to be a very inexpensive car, which is like really incredible. Yeah, like so great that Alex wasn't like McLaren 720S or anything insane. Sure. They're listed for like $50,000, but you could find them for like $15,000 to $30,000. We have this like car guy that like—

shout out to Phil— who like will go to scour auctions and stuff. So we got the car for like $20,000. It was a fucking great deal.

Great.

Usually car surprises are, you know, between $50,000 to $250,000.

Yeah.

So this was incredible.

And but, but like the entire time I was like, it was a really hard car to track down.

No one wanted to sell.

Everybody, everybody that we were dealing with also that owns those Rolls-Royces, I think there's only 5 of those in the US. They're pretty rare just because like they're fucking 29 years old. But everybody was like schizophrenic.

Everyone was really old. There was one— a lot of people thought we were scamming them because I think a lot of older people own obviously a 1996 car.

Right.

There was one guy that, that had one in a different state, and I won't call it the same because I feel like he's the only person in that state with this car. But he full-on had a panic attack about us. He was full-on schizophrenic, started— our phone number is not attached to—

schizophrenic is an aggressive word, obviously. I was just saying that for dramatic effect. I don't know. He was actually pretty—

no, he was just making up weird accusations about me being a scammer.

Yeah. What did the scammer— I don't even get it.

Well, my phone number is not— I was telling him my name and trying to, whatever. And my phone number is not attached to my name. It's attached to a different name.

Are you on your dad's account?

I pay for it, thank you, but it's not my name. Um, but so he was like, I know you're not real. And then I was like, I promise I'm real, can we have a phone call?

These were insane. The texts were like— it was like someone battling like a shadow. Like, they're like, you're not here.

I was like, let's hop on the phone. And he was like, you're a scammer, I can't speak to you. It blocks me.

We were gonna send out, uh, John to fly across the United States to this place. John was going to get the car in one day. And then the guy was like, nope, I don't want to do business with you. You're not a real person. Your name isn't Carmi or whatever he thought it was.

But then in his defense, that's what's out there these days.

No, for sure.

Also, yeah. So who the fuck's buying?

I think he was just—

oh, and then the person we bought it from was also like, listen—

Terrified of scammers.

Really? Yeah.

It was like an older woman.

And Natalie was like, she was really cute. She was like, please don't screw me over.

She was like, they're like an elderly couple that own the car. And she was just like, please just don't be a scammer. Like, we've been taken advantage of. And I was like, I promise you, I'm not going to take advantage of you.

There's something going on.

But what would the scam be?

In the 1990s Rolls-Royce business that is fucking shady as fuck.

Even though I was bringing a cashier's check, she was like, she's had fraudulent checks.

Oh, so you bring the check, right?

But for the people that were out of state, it was like doing an out-of-state trade. Like, I wasn't going to physically be there at the dealership in this state to do it. So I don't know. I don't even—

even the guy that— yeah, he was like, there's someone needs to meet me face to face. So we're like, my God. Okay, so we'll send John.

Yeah.

It was just like a 5-hour flight to get there. John was happy to go because John likes this place. Luckily, there's like a restaurant he likes there. So I was like, you'll go for a day.

There's a ramen place over there I wanted to check out.

Unfortunately, that fell apart. But anyway, we got the car.

We got her.

Surprised Al on video. Yeah. This is supposed to be the end of this video. We filmed this yesterday and I could tell I was like, I don't know if— because the immediate, like immediately Alex turned around and he goes, what is this? But right before I was like, what car have you been wanting? Like when he had his blindfold on and he's like, well, is it the car that Ilya has been trying to get out of me? And I was like, goddamn it, Ilya. You're the worst fucking spy ever. And then I'm like, okay, yeah, what car is that? And he's like, 1996 Rolls-Royce. And then I'm like, yes, yes, it's that.

And then, and then like literally within like 8 seconds, I'm like, Al, have you, did you want this car or did you just not know what car to tell me?

And Alex is like, I honestly don't know much about cars, but I'm really, really grateful. He was really appreciative of the car. And I was like, I'll just give you the cash instead of the car. Like, I'll just give you $20 grand.

Sure.

And he's like, no, no, no, no, no. Let me like, let me like, let me, let me think about this. Like, I'm really appreciative. He was being very, being very sweet. And it was really funny because we kept playing into the fact we were just like, you're so ungrateful.

He was like panicking.

He was panicking.

But like, I didn't care because, because for no second did I think that he actually wanted this car.

And I only got it because it was like a reasonably priced, really cool Car. The car's also a headache. Like the speedometer doesn't work. And a '96 Rolls-Royce and any Rolls-Royce in that timeframe is like a joke in the car community. Like they break down a lot.

Yeah.

So I knew we were giving Alex a problem. So like even when I gave him the car, I was like, "Oh, do you just want me to sell it and just give you the cash?" Yeah. Like that was gonna be the plan.

How are you gonna, what are you gonna do with the car now?

So now we've pivoted. I think I'm gonna make like a second channel video where Alex is like, can we take it to a car show?

Yeah.

And I was like, okay, I'll go with you to a car show.

Yeah. Because that was the only reason why he wanted the car. He was like, he wanted to have a classic car that he could just take to a car show.

But it turns out he doesn't have a garage.

Right.

So he doesn't know where to put the car. And he sells the Tesla we got him a while ago, like 8 years ago. So he doesn't have room for another car. And then I was like, okay, I'll make you a deal. I'll give you— we'll go to the car show and we'll sell the car the week after and I'll give you $20,000 for the car. Yeah, but you have to this weekend dress up as my driver, like fully gel your hair back, like only talk to me when you have to talk to me and drive me around all night. When I go, I want to go party and I want to smoke and I want to drink cigarettes in the back of the Rolls-Royce and I want to drink.

Wow.

So I'm going to make a video out of that, like him being my driver.

The really cool thing about the car too is on the actual dashboard, it says that it's the number 6 out of 50 of those cars. Like it's Only.

Wow. It's really sick.

And the car has built-in shot glasses in the car.

Really?

Like, it's shot glass holders and it's built in. Obviously there's cigarette dispensers all around the car. The car's incredible.

Yeah.

Don't you have to open the trunk to turn it on? That's what John said.

No, no, no. John like tripped a wire or something on accident. But what's really cool about the car too is it's like kind of upgraded. So it has like power windows. We hit play on the CD player. And just started playing like this classical music. It was so cool.

Like straight out of like a mob movie. It was so sick.

Yeah, it was like, the car's really exciting.

Yeah.

I want it for my, if it wasn't like gonna break down, I'd 100% get myself one.

Yeah.

It's so cool. You feel so cool in it. I'm really looking forward to like going out and having Alex drive me around while I just like drink whiskey in the back or something. I think that'd be a fun video.

I don't even know if I'm posting a vlog in 2 weeks or what.

We shall see. Stay tuned.

Why would you?

Why would I?

Yeah, why don't you just get ready for your new thing?

Yeah, I don't want to. You're right. I really don't want to. I fucking hate— I hate making the vlogs.

Okay, but elaborate, because that sounds crazy. You can't say you hate it because—

No, I love filming them. I don't like putting them together. Putting them together is a headache.

Yeah, because it's a puzzle piece.

It's a puzzle piece.

Yeah.

And it's like— and it's weird. It's so hard to explain if you don't do it with us.

Yeah.

And then And if you watch it, I remember we were talking about putting the vlogs together, like, I mean, every week for the past 8 weeks. But like someone like commented something somewhere like, I don't know what he means when he says, right, like that he's putting these vlogs together in a specific way. I'm like, I mean, that makes sense.

Like, it's like, it's like if you have a bunch of funny clips of Zane on the street, right? And he's out there and he's being funny on the street.

Yeah.

There's like, there's a lot of funny stuff that Zane says. So you can cut that down to like 30 seconds and you're like, wow, that's really funny.

I don't think it's that.

I think it is. And then you get it, then you get it, then you even get it down to like 15 seconds and you're like, wow, like that's the very, very best stuff. And then that's what like makes it really move.

No, that's not the complicated part. It's like when all the clips are sitting at 15 seconds and it's like, how are they like touching each other? How do they like, like it's that.

How are they connecting?

That's the important, like for what, like the vlog, this was a 9-minute vlog and for the last 48 hours, we were like, like actual time we spent editing, like the last 15 hours, it was at like 13 minutes. It was at 13 minutes. The vlog was at 13 minutes and just like adjusting the last 13 minutes to get to 9.

Yeah.

Took about 15 hours of like actual editing because I was just like kept rearranging and I was like, this isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right. But, and I don't like doing that. I don't like doing it. I don't like doing that. I don't like that. I want to do the vlogs like the pod. Like I want to come in, do it.

Yeah.

Goodbye.

And then I want to watch it and be like, oh fuck, we did this.

I don't even want to give fucking notes, even though I know I'm going to have to, but I don't want to give notes. I just want someone to play it back, and I want to watch it back like someone came to my wedding and shot a video for me. You know, I'm like, "Oh, that was so fun in Rio." Like, I think that would be really fun.

You think you can get there with somebody? You can actually get to that place? I don't think you can.

I think so.

Really?

Yeah. I said something the other day to myself in the shower. What did I say? Like, I feel like I've been— I was like, um— It feels like I used to capture moments and bits, and now it feels like the moments and bits are capturing me. Like, it's just—

What does that mean?

Well, it just feels like now I'm just a slave to the idea of a certain bit or something, rather than just having things naturally come and happen.

Right.

I really want to go back to that. I'm tired of—

I don't know. I don't know.

We've talked about enough. Enough is enough.

That's what we do every day in our vlogs. We just let the—

I know. I'm so inspired.

The bits come.

I'm so inspired by the dailies.

You guys are the inspo.

Oh, I promised you, Jason, you could— I gave away Natalie for the day.

He offered my time.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Which I'm happy to give.

Yeah. Because Jason was helping with the vlog and he's— Jason gets so stressed out when he sits on my bed. Is it because you're dirty or why?

No, no. I was clean this morning.

He— okay. So he sat on my bed. He wouldn't— we had it on my bed and he wouldn't fully sit on my bed. His, like, legs were hanging off my bed. My bed's big, so, like, we could easily all fit.

No, I just don't want to be, like, scrunched next to you.

But you're not. You were, like, so far.

I know, I know. I have a weird thing about, like, cuddling you.

That's not what we're doing. Well, you make it sound like I have to fuck everyone.

You guys are close on that bed.

No, we're not.

Sometimes I see Joe. Joe put his head on your shoulder.

Joe's fucking weird. Joe will, like, reach over and, like, point to something on the laptop, but he'll rest his hand on my leg, like, in, like, a flirty way. I'm like, are you genuinely trying to fuck me right now?

Or you'll be so pissed off, and then Joe will, like, show me his, like, an Instagram post he has with, like, Chrissy Teigen or something, but you don't see it.

It's really funny. He loves his Chrissy Teigen book signings.

Yeah, it's really funny.

Um, no, but yeah, then I was like, Jason, please just sit on the bed, you're, like, stressing me out. And Jason sat down, then he got up, and just— I just fucking see his Basically, I'm looking inside his ass. Just see his ass crack, asshole just drag across my bamboo pillow, like with my favorite comforter. I know I'm gonna get pink eye tomorrow. Just fully shit covered.

No, his butt is clean.

No, I know, he told me he showered last night, which is like—

I forced him, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is also like not a thing to, nobody brags saying they showered the day before.

I showered yesterday.

That's the weirdest shower flex ever.

Let's break this news here. I hate showering.

He like cries before he has to pull out a blow dryer. I'm like, I promise I'll blow dry you dry. It's going to be so comfy when you get out. And he's like, no, no, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I have so much hair.

He always does it.

And then you come out wet and you're like a dog when you come out, like that hairy chest. And it's just like, I hate it. I hate showering. And I know that I have to. And it's the worst. I wish you could just take a bath.

You're the fucking craziest 60-year-old man.

I don't like it.

If I have time and like I'm not doing anything, yeah, okay, I'll jump in the shower. But it's just like, I'm just—

How many days a week you shower?

No, he showers every day.

I shower every day, but like—

Okay, if Naveen wasn't around.

Yeah. Oh, if Naveen wasn't around?

Yeah, yeah.

And like I didn't have to come over here? Like if you were out of town?

I mean, let's put it this way. Jason's feet used to— like the whole room would smell. I haven't smelled Jason's feet in like 4 years.

No, now, now, because of you, when I come over here, I'll even say to Naveen, I'll be like, Check my feet. You wanted me to come over like last minute at some point, like in the last 48 hours, and I was like, I don't have socks on. I was like, I gotta get socks. I gotta— Natalie's gonna smell my feet.

I actually thought it was weird. So Jason came here last night and he was here for a while, but before he left, he was like, uh, I, I gotta, I gotta, uh, put socks on and stuff because I don't want my feet to smell. But he's not someone that cares about that. And then he's like missing all night, and I'm like, what's going on?

Oh wait, wait, wait, sorry, that is the first thing he said when came over.

What did he say?

You were like, I need socks, Dave, I need socks.

And he was like, he was like, so I was taking Charlie to school and you were like, come over. And I was like, I'm not going over near Natalie with no socks.

Wait, you forgot to put on— you forgot to put on socks in the morning?

I woke up, I wake up like this, and then I'm like, oh, Charlie, I got to get Charlie. And then I fucking run over there and I'm picking up Charlie, and then she's late, so I'm trying to get in her— get her in there by 8:50. Then I get a text from David like, yo, what's up, Jason, come on, come by. And then I'm like, like, I'll, I'll come by. But then I look up my feet. I'm like, I don't have fucking socks on, I can't go over there.

You leave the house without putting socks on?

It's crazy.

You never do that? You never just throw your shoes on and go because you're late?

I mean, I take the extra 10 seconds for the socks.

That's fucking wild.

Okay, so I can't— me putting socks on is not like you putting socks on. Like, that, like, oh, it does, it hurts. So I'm like, oh, I gotta fucking put my socks on.

Is it like the equivalent, like, like if, like, I had, like, a torn wrist or something and I was in a cast?

Yeah.

Okay, because that's like that, because things do get annoying then.

Yeah, even to bend down, you're like, uh, I can't.

Okay, so how many times, if we weren't around, or Naveen, would you shower a week? Deadass, don't be funny.

Naveen's out of my life and you guys are on vacation.

Yeah, be serious.

And you're out of my life. Let's see.

But you're still going out, like going grocery shopping, socializing.

I'm not like seeing people. I would go like, I'd probably not shower for a couple days.

Give me like how many times a week.

I mean, like, I don't know. I would shower like at least 3 or 4 times a week.

Oh, okay.

That's fine.

But I would go a whole day. But now as I've gotten older, like, I just like, I sweat a lot and I'm like, I really can't do that anymore.

The cleaners were— Natalie was like talking with the cleaners about like their schedule and stuff. They like outed me so bad. I was so embarrassed. What did they say?

Well, I was just— I was, yeah, I was talking to them about like the timing and the schedule and stuff to like rearrange days or whatever.

Yeah.

And they were like, but Natalie, David uses 7 towels a day. That's what takes us so long is the laundry. Oh, she's like, that's why we're here for so long each day is because the laundry takes so long. He only has one washer and dryer.

That's an unspoken rule.

You know, like, you don't talk about my towel usage. And then when I heard it, I was like, oh my God, what is— and then Natalie goes, and then Natalie like continues with the accent. She goes, Natalie, like, he uses one so his feet don't touch the ground. And I go, and I go, no! Like, there's no way they know that. And then now he's like, no, I'm kidding, I made that one up. But I was like, oh my God.

Well, because I go into his bathroom and I do see like 4 of them on the ground.

And those are used towels.

But I have seen you like take a towel and like throw it on the ground for your feet.

Okay, so I just—

it—

why are you looking at me like I'm crazy, Jay?

I'm trying to figure out how you use 7 towels every time.

Listen to this routine.

I come from a crazy household, okay, that's like where 2, 3 towels—

what?

Vernon, like your family? There's no way they were like, hell yeah, David, use 7 towels.

No, it's the complete opposite.

It was the opposite.

Oh, okay.

So he's compensating.

Yeah. It's like, it truly is like one towel.

I get that.

It's like one towel for the week.

Yeah.

And you hang it up to dry, which is very standard. And you don't know who's using the towel.

Right?

That part I don't like.

It's just there.

It's one towel for the whole family.

Most likely you're getting the good towel. You just grab the towel. That's dry. Yeah, right. Okay, I've spoiled myself since I've come here.

Okay, wow.

I understand.

I understand you indulge in a little towel.

I indulge in a little bit of towel time. That's why I love hotels, because you know when they say, do you want the eco-friendly version where you want— you can like dry your own towels? Yeah, fucking rip that paper. I turn into air— I turn into paper airplane and I throw it out the window into the fucking nature. That's how opposed I am to saving, saving energy for towels. No, I really do You're into your towels.

That's cool.

But I shower at least 2 times a day, right?

Okay. Twice a day?

For sure.

When? Why?

It's pretty normal.

Like when he wakes up, when he goes to bed.

You wake up because you sweat in your sleep?

Well, I sweat in my sleep, but even if I didn't, I would always do that.

I don't know. I'm like, once a day is more than enough. I think it's because you're like so used to being so sweaty.

I shower twice a day. If I play pickleball, I'm showering 3. If I'm doing sauna, I'm doing 3. So there's a lot of moments where I'm showering 3 times a day. Wow. Very, very—

so that is 7 towels.

Very normal.

And you won't use the same towel in the same day even though it's from—

yes.

Yeah.

And I completely agree that this sounds fucked up and like my hands are up, I'm guilty, whatever. But yeah, I'll use one towel for my upper body and the other towel for my lower body. I just like to—

oh really?

Yeah. Yeah.

No, I go one towel all over.

Yeah.

No, I know.

It's just the kind of guy you are.

I just like to stay like one on the top, one on the bottom.

No, like I'll dry my top. Oh, and then I'll dry my bottom. And then if my bottom doesn't— if I've dried out the bottom part and I'm still wet at the top, I have to grab the third because I've already used the first one that I use as my upper body as now my floor mat.

Oh my God, you've really—

oh, I see. And then that goes on the floor.

Yeah.

One on your hair? No, hair air dries.

No, hair I just use like the towel.

You blow dry?

That's my upper body. That's part of my upper body.

I think you need another towel.

I may have to set it up to 8 to 9.

You blow dry your hair?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm pretty like normal about that. But yeah, so that's kind of my schedule. But it felt crazy when I heard it from another person. I was like, oh my God, like they are really like, they're in there, they see things.

He's crazy with the towels. He's turning into Howard Hughes.

It's kind of crazy. It's crazy like how much cleaners like really get to know you.

Sure.

Yeah, yeah. Everything.

Like ours find Naveen's crack pipes all the time.

Yeah.

They said too many crack, too much crack.

Too much crack.

Funny part is like when you have like weed or something somewhere.

Oh my gosh, yes. And then they put it away for you.

And put it away like really cute.

We had a maid once eat the pot brownies.

Really?

Yeah. Wait, how did that go?

She had to go home early.

Oh my God.

Poor thing.

She's like, I'm not feeling so good. And I was like, go home, go home. Because I'm always very super nice to maids. I'm like, I think that that's the toughest job. I'm like, yeah, yeah, no worries. Go, go, go, go, go. And then I looked, the thing was off on the—

The tinfoil?

The tinfoil, yeah, whatever. And I was like, huh? And I was like, oh.

And you're like, uh-oh.

I think she got into it.

My grandma, I think I've talked about this before, my grandma used to be a housekeeper.

Yeah.

And she's super into it, but she had to quit because, well, first she had a fling with the guy she was housekeeping for.

Ooh.

I know.

Dirty dog.

It's kind of like a telenovela, huh?

Yeah.

Except Hungarian version. But I don't even know if it was a fling, actually. I don't know, maybe I just felt the tension. I was really young, so I guess I didn't really know what was going on. Um, but she didn't like working for him because she didn't— she felt like she wasn't doing enough, which I always thought was really interesting. She was just like, I just like— the house is so clean normally that like I feel like I'm like useless here. It's really interesting.

She didn't want to take the job anymore.

Yeah, she said he was paying too good.

Prideful. Yeah, that's a big thing in your family, having pride.

I don't think I would ever do like— I don't like— if I would— I don't think I'd ever be like, I'm getting paid too much for a job. Yeah, like, I don't know.

You, yes, we know.

Okay, okay.

Just to make sure.

Well, remember your grandmother when you'd grab that 7th towel.

I feel like she'd want me to use it now.

Oh, you do?

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's like a reward, you know? Like, it's like, it's the perks of my labor.

Yeah.

This is, it's like a reminder of the 7th towel when I'm almost already dry and there's no reason to grab another one. Just to really top it all off. I feel like you deserve it, Dave. I really like hearing people's, like, what they splurge on.

Everyone has like weird, you know, like I always say travel and lodging is like important for me. What are you like, just such a, like, uh, it means pretty frugal.

I, I'm not a splurger. I mean, I won't eat like cheap food, I guess. Like, it's like, I feel like that's like—

what do you mean by cheap food?

Like, what's like, if I like, even if I had no money, like, I'd find a way to get like—

like a home-cooked meal. Good.

Yeah.

Like, are you saying from a restaurant?

Are you saying Taco Bell? Or like, let me just get something like fast and—

excuse me, you wouldn't get Taco Bell?

I would never get Taco Bell.

She doesn't eat any fast food ever.

Taco Bell is like— baffles me.

Cut this out. No, I'm kidding. But like, actually, what the fuck?

I mean, you took me once to Taco Bell.

It's not real meat, and that's weird.

Okay, I hate to be that person, but what?

It's just like, it's incredible. Really, dude? Yes. That's why I love having friends that live— that grew up here in Beverly Hills, is because a lot of them have never had Taco Bell. Olivia Jade, one of them, which she still has never had. She's had real Mexican food. She's never had quesarito. Yeah, so like, that is something that is on our menu to go fucking try out. It's really exciting, but like Naveen, how old are you?

Yeah, right there.

I mean, you're what?

33.

33. Okay, so like, that's no excuse.

For what?

To not have Taco Bell. What do you think about Taco Bell?

I don't think— I've had Taco Bell. Like, I've tasted Taco Bell.

Oh, okay. You just don't like it.

No. You're how old?

29.

No excuse to be eating Taco Bell.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

She can do no better.

My body kind of like runs on it. And Dunkin'.

It is kind of astonishing how terrible the mix of food is that he eats, like the different fast food restaurants, whatever he chooses. And it does fuel him. He doesn't get tired. If I ate like you, I would literally be sleeping for half the day.

Oh, that's interesting.

But he gets energy.

Same person that was putting his butt up talking about his hemorrhoids and stuff.

Yeah, there's got to be some other—

But that hemorrhoid—

Hold on. First of all, that hemorrhoid was like a false alarm.

She's coming back, isn't she?

No, that was another false alarm.

Why?

Okay, she's maybe coming back, but it's not as bad as it was before.

It's a girl.

You're having a girl.

She's a girl. You can have a gender reveal. No, the one thing that did fuck me up was the Zilla training.

That's what— I used to have 3 meals a day. I only eat 2 now. It's crazy.

How are you saying that the Zilla— Oh, just because you switched to something so healthy.

Yeah, because I got to 2,200 calories a day. And then I realized how every single night without fail, every single night at 1:00 AM or 2:00 AM, I would either get pesto pasta from Bossa Nova or Taco Bell every single night. I'm not talking like, oh, I'll do it tonight.

It's every night.

Pre-transformation. Yeah. And that was my third meal. I never do that anymore. I got home drunk the other day. From going out, and I ordered Taco Bell. And right as I ordered it, I fucking popped a NyQuil. I was like, I'm gonna beat this bitch, and I'm gonna fucking fall asleep before it comes. Because I was like, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. And then I woke up in the morning, Taco Bell was sitting right outside my door, and I was so fucking happy.

Oh shit.

Yeah, I felt really good.

I never thought to do that.

Felt good. I had it in the morning, but it's not the point.

Wait, actually You ate it in the morning?

Or the Baja Blast.

Oh, okay. If I were rich, I would hire someone to stand in my kitchen at night and just be like, nope.

I mean, you can do like—

That's such a waste of money.

Yeah.

You can just get a lock.

Like an automatic lock that you can't undo from a certain time to a certain time.

I did that once with Wyatt when he was a kid.

Wait, wait, wait.

What?

You can get a lock on your cabinet. Like you lock a door and it locks everything up from a certain time to a certain time. You can't unlock it.

Really? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking terrifying.

I did it with Wyatt once. I put a lock on the fridge.

Shut the fuck up.

I gave him the key when he was a kid.

You gave him the key?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you locked it from Wyatt.

No, no, no.

I was like, no way.

I was like, take the key.

And then it got to be like 2 AM and I was like, Wyatt, wake up.

Oh my gosh.

You can't keep waking me up. Oh, you had your son lock the fridge from you?

Yeah.

I said, take the key. Don't fucking show me. Poor kid.

That's really funny.

That's really funny. But also kind of traumatic.

That would be a really— that'd be a tough battle.

No, Dad, please, you can't.

It's game over the second you start thinking about food.

Yeah.

That's when it is. But like, if you don't think about it, you could actually go quite some distance without even—

Of course. Yeah. But like, what does that even mean? Like, how do you just stop thinking about it?

Well, have you ever thought about like, We haven't talked about in a while, like masturbating, for example. If I don't think about it.

Hesitation.

Yeah.

Cause I was like, fuck it.

So if I don't think about it, I'm totally good.

Sure.

Then the second my head goes there before I'm going to bed, I'm like, I probably should.

That's like any addiction. That's just what, that's literally just what addiction is.

Yeah.

But masturbating, you sleep really well.

That's exactly what it is.

That's tough.

This is why I think of this.

This is how I think about it. I'm like, okay, it's 11 o'clock. I can go to bed right now, but in an hour and a half, I may just not be able to sleep because I need to do it. So I'm just going to do it now.

Yeah.

Get it out of the way. I don't even really need to do it, but I've thought about it. I'm just going to fucking do it. So I'll get a good night's rest.

That's how I am with taking a gummy at night, like a little weed gummy, because I will take it so consistently.

I'm scared of taking all those things. I feel like they're going to fuck up my sleep forever. But I'm scared that I only take kids' melatonin.

I've definitely built a tolerance for sure. Like my tolerance for weed because I take gummies at night, like, is so much higher now than it used to be.

Yeah, we should stop taking what we're taking.

What are you guys taking?

Propofol.

Oh, that's really bad.

Whoa, that sounds intense.

We have a doctor come administer propofol.

Yeah, propofol sounds fucking intense.

We take like a Unisom.

It's like an over— it's like NyQuil. It's like the thing that makes you sleepy and NyQuil.

I used to do NyQuil like every night for a while.

I did that in high school. I loved NyQuil.

Yeah, NyQuil's good if you're drunk and you're like, get me out of here.

Oh really?

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm really drunk, I'm always popping a NyQuil.

That's not—

well, yeah, I mean, obviously the worst takes here. Do you remember when I said take antibiotics just when you're feeling a little bit not okay?

When you think you're not okay, just pop an antibiotic.

I got so many DMs from doctors like, please dude, do not say stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Whenever you have a light cough, you take 7-day antibiotics. It's not funny.

Do not take medical advice from us.

People were tagging me. Diplo was at an afterparty for the Grammys, right?

Oh, fuck. He didn't invite you?

And they were tagging me.

They're like, David, he fucking lied to you. Because last podcast I told him that I hit up Diplo to see if he was having his party and he said he's not. And yeah, he didn't.

To be fair, He wasn't having a party.

He was having a party. And it's a very specific Diplo house party that I was asking for. He's the only person to actually do it. I think that's like ever pulled it off like that. It is literally like 1,500 people on a fucking— it was like one of the Hadids' estate or something, right?

Hadid's dad.

It was fucking—

it's a—

it's massive. It's massive.

And it's always the biggest shit show in L.A.

because it's not like—

it's actually why it was so interesting, because it was like one of those parties that was like you had everyone from the Grammys there, but then you also had just random kids of LA, me. Like, I shouldn't have— like, I was there, fucking 18-year-old, 19-year-old Dave was there, or 21-year-old, whatever I was at the time, was like at this party. And like, just because I waited outside the fence long enough.

And like, that's why I think—

that's probably why I think it's so fun. Do you remember it?

Yeah, of course, dude.

It was amazing.

So it was this ginormous— when I say estate, I mean like 4 pools, just ginormous. And there was this one like there was this underground— do you remember this movie theater?

It was a movie theater room. I've never seen people hang out like that. Do you remember that? It's like ingrained in my head.

Well, okay, elaborate, because I feel like I know.

So it was like these red velvet movie chairs, very fancy. The lighting was very like Delilah-y, like very warm and elegant. And it was a theater that probably fit 20, 30, 40, like 140 people in this house. In a house, but they're all like luxury couches.

On every luxury couch, on every single couch, it's friend group after friend group after friend group after friend. Like everyone's just hanging out in the movie room. Not a single spot is taken anywhere and everyone's just like talking. Like it's like it was like the coolest vibe ever. It wasn't like anybody was like passed out or like fucking too drunk. Everybody was just like, like they were having picnics. What's that place that everyone goes to in LA to have a picnic? Where like you go—

Griffith Observatory?

No, no, no.

You go, it's like the hot new spot in Venice.

Everybody like, oh, oh, oh, um, um, Penmar. Penmar.

Yeah, yeah, Penmar. Okay, so it's very like Penmar-y. Yeah, that's what it felt like.

It was, it was very cool people talking.

I think everyone was like, I think everyone was like smoking weed in that room. It looks like everyone was like chill.

Oh, that could be it.

But I'm also like referencing like what people call here in LA like peak LA.

Mm-hmm.

That was like— that's like when LA had like the fucking— it's just like an incredible— I don't know what was going on and what happened since then, but don't things come in waves?

They definitely come in waves.

Yeah, I think it's definitely gonna come around.

Yeah, yeah, it's back, guys. Come on, we gotta get—

someone's gonna do it. There's— the people are here. There's plenty of people here. Yeah, it's just someone has to like bring it all back around and make it cool again. It's just too expensive to go out.

Yeah, I think it's gonna— I think once we turn like 31, 32, I think it's really gonna— I don't know why, but I'm just feeling something.

And there's a decline in drinking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So lots of times now people, they go to like coffee parties.

Have we talked about legalizing cocaine on this pod or no? I just thought about it again the other day, and I was just like thinking, I was like, would that not increase like I'm surprised that the government doesn't want that. Like, would they not like regulating? Like, would then you get so much money through alcohol and like everything you talked about this, but then she was like, and then hospitals, David.

Yeah. And then people are just going to go to excess. Yeah. Into excess. And it's going to cause more issues.

Okay. Interesting.

They can't like encourage—

Hey, no one overdoses from pot.

Yeah. I don't know, dude. Pot's fucking— pot's dangerous.

Not that pot's not dangerous, but it's not like cocaine.

Alcohol is dangerous too. Like, just in general. It's true.

I don't know.

Alcohol is, yeah.

Lucky I don't do any of those that we listed.

You know what I hate? I hate when you're watching a commercial and they go, I'm going to get ready for the big game.

Yeah, you can't say Super Bowl.

I hate that.

Why are you—

So annoyed by that.

You know, like most of our sponsors say that, right?

You can't say Super Bowl.

Yeah, you can't.

Why doesn't the Super Bowl just go, go ahead, say Super Bowl?

I don't know.

So lame.

I don't know.

It was like the first job I got. With Jennifer Lopez.

Yeah.

And we couldn't say Super Bowl and we were at the Super Bowl. The whole thing was—

I'm really excited about the big game.

Like, how— yeah, that is a really good question. Like, why the fuck does somebody own the word Super Bowl and why are they so goddamn stingy about it?

Yeah, the NFL is weird.

Is that the NFL that owns it?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Or is it like a random, like, Bruno Mars character? No, somebody bought it.

Where is this?

No one says it.

San Francisco.

San Francisco.

You mean the big game?

Oh yeah.

Where is the big game?

Where is the big game? Were you there when we went with J.Lo?

Yeah.

That was really fun. When we sat in her box, that was really crazy.

Really something.

It was like, it almost felt like sitting behind like the Kennedys. It felt like sitting behind like the— it was her and A-Rod and her family. And it was like, we weren't allowed to say anything about her.

On the podcast.

We weren't?

No. Really? We're not allowed to even mention that we were in that box with her.

Oh, wow.

Oh, shit.

How long is that up for?

I don't know. I think the statues are up, but—

Oh, well, that makes sense.

But I will say, if someone was in my box, like, I—

Yeah, well, actually, no, I don't know. If I was as big as J.Lo, sure, then she was a great mom. Yeah, no, she was—

I remember watching her like, oh, wow, she's like a real mom.

No, she was great. That was like one of my first celebrities that I've worked with, and I was fucking Yeah. So worried.

Yeah.

Remember when I scared her? I was hiding in a bush and I popped out and I scared her.

Oh, yeah.

She was like a good sport about it.

Where were you?

I don't know.

It was like—

Is that with my mom? No, a couple of times.

It was in Minneapolis.

No, like it was in Minneapolis. She was doing some interview and I was like, I'm going to crawl through those bushes and scare her. Can you film? And someone was filming for me and I just like went right through and I scared her. She barely flinched and she hugged me after and she thought it was funny.

She was like, she thought you were like adorable. She like ate you up.

Even though I think she liked you because I was like literally like young and I could very easily, like I very easily did not know what, like you could tell that I did not know what I was doing.

Yeah.

So she's like, this guy, you know, he needs help. Poor guy.

That's JLo.

Shout out JLo for, uh, yeah, yeah, really.

Oh, David, you scared me. You little scam.

David, true content creator. Can't wait to see this brand deal go up.

That J.Lo gig is the reason why I'm here today.

Wait, what?

That was— you were filming that campaign during my like 2-week trial that I— you invited me out here for 2 weeks and you filmed that thing with J.Lo and you're like, come with me. And it was me, you, and Joe Vulpes. And I was like, okay. And I didn't really know what to expect or anything. And then like, and you didn't tell me anything about what you were doing or whatever. You're like, I have to film something for AT&T.

Oh, AT&T. That's who it was.

Yeah. And then J.Lo like walks out of a car and he's like filming all this stuff with J.Lo. I was like, holy fuck. He's like famous and shit. I should go work for him.

Oh, I feel like you've talked— was that— wait, what was the first moment where you were back home and something happened and you were like, oh, that's really cool? Like, did you see something from home that I did that was like, oh, this is actually more legit than Vine?

Um, something Norris. Chuck Norris.

Oh yeah. Were you there, Jay?

Yeah, I went to Chuck Norris's ranch.

I remember Chuck Norris's ranch.

I saw a Facebook post. It's like a selfie of David and Chuck Norris. I'm like back in Vernon Hills minding my own, but I have no idea what the fuck David's doing out in LA. And I see him post with Chuck. I was like, oh my God, he's collaborating with Chuck Norris. It's crazy.

Well, Chuck Norris was— that was like his peak too. That was like when the first internet memes were being born and it was all about Chuck Norris.

You jumped out and scared him too, right? He bit you in the throat.

No, but he like— remember he put me in a headlock?

Did he?

Yeah, he put me in a headlock and he like really put me in a headlock. Obviously not for long enough, but for the, for the 2 seconds he was going, yeah, and it wasn't even close to passing me out. Yeah, but I felt like— yeah, I remember I felt like the anaconda grip, like just for a little bit.

I remember we were in the dojo. Yeah, we were on the mats.

Yeah, yeah.

And, and, and I remember they were like, let's get Chuck in there, let's get him to get David. And I was like, oh, this will be cute. And then Chuck was such a, like, had killer— he just has killer instinct. He can't not do it and not knock you out.

Yeah, he felt thought that I was a threat.

Yeah, he's like, I gotta eliminate this guy.

And when he started to choke you, I was like, oh no, I was like, uh-oh, it's gonna go sideways.

Yeah, that was, that was, that was probably like my first JLo, or I guess Chuck first for sure. Chuck Norris was my first.

Wait, what is Chuck Norris known for?

I honestly, I don't know, just a badass in movies.

Oh, he's an actor?

Like, I mean, we know him from like Expendables, but he like earned his way into Expendables, so I don't know, like when Stallone was making He was a fighter, he was a kickboxer, I think.

And then he transitioned to movies. I remember when you were doing J.Lo, and I remember you were racking your brain for an idea, and I just started working with you, and you were like really, really shitting bricks. You were like, "I fucking need something for J.Lo! Like, I gotta get something for J.Lo!" And it went on. It went on for like a couple days. And I remember I was thinking like, I'm so dumb, I was like, "Oh man, my mom loves J.Lo." And I'd be like, but I didn't make the connection that you would want her. Oh, and for 2 days I was like, man, it's too bad it's not me because then we could— I could have my mom do JLo or something. But I didn't. And then finally it was like 9 o'clock at night and I was like, my mom really loves JLo. And you were like, what? What? What the fuck? What do you mean? I'm like, well, yeah, it's your favorite celebrity. Like, I've been fucking trying to solve this for 3 days and it was 10 o'clock at night. And then we had to call my mom, who was like 78, and like, you got to get on a plane now, but not tell her why.

Wow.

And she got on a plane.

Yeah. No, your mom's been probably the best sport. And she's the best in not knowing where she's going. And even at that time, even especially at that time, there couldn't have been anything exciting on the end. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like now it's like, get on a plane. It's like, okay, he's going to at least give me a car. But like, yeah, that's kind of crazy.

Yeah.

And I remember the idea was it was like a fear box challenge.

Yep.

So it was like, It was like, originally the idea was we're gonna put J.Lo in the box, we're gonna have Jason's mom feel what's in the box, and like sometimes you put like a stuffed animal or like a lizard or something, or like a bunny, and you freak out the person.

One of the people is supposed to be J.Lo, but I was— but then we're like, we can't put J.Lo in a box. We're like, but we can put Jason's mom in a box.

So then we had J.Lo feeling Lorraine, and then J.Lo's like, is Is this a person?

And Lorraine's like, is that JLo? And then that's how we surprised my mom.

Went, my mom went, ah, ah, JLo was pulling her hair. But then when she saw it was JLo, she was like, forgot all about that. She was so excited. It's really funny.

That's really funny. Well, shout out Lorraine.

Shout out JLo.

Shout out Chuck Norris.

Hope you guys are doing good. All right, guys. That's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Go watch Jason's daily vlogs with Naveen. They are ripping it up every day.

Every day.

And every day, bro.

New vlog, just posted one.

See you guys soon. Bye.