Dating a Billionaire

What's up guys, welcome back to Views! I am not supposed to be here right now.

Neither am I.

Yeah, this feels like I'm supposed to be dead, but I'm here with you.

Yeah.

Back on Earth.

I know exactly how you feel. Yeah, like I spent the day at the airport and you were not able to go out.

Yeah, so I left to the airport. I'm supposed to be in France as we speak right now.

Oh, already?

Yeah, I went to the airport this morning. Right. It was an all-day affair. So what happened, I don't like to shit on fucking airlines. I hate when influencers do it.

Sure.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna call them out.

There's no need to.

No, there's no need to because there's people that work there. Of course. Families. I don't like shitting on big corporations either because it does boil down to somebody at the end of the day and somebody's gonna be sad if they hear this. Yeah. But American Airlines, you can suck my dick.

No, no, no.

So I'm going there. Well, first I wake up and then Natalie texts. She's like, it's delayed till 2:30. I'm like, great, I'll sleep another hour. And then we're on the road to make the 2:30 and then a notification pops up on our phone that they're actually taking off at 2. Which is like, that should be illegal. Like, you can't delay a flight and then pull it back.

That's what they do.

That's really weird, no?

Yeah, no, I've had that.

I think that's really weird. Okay, so they pulled it back. So now I have to make it to the airport like fucking pronto, like stat. So I'm like riding the median or riding the shoulder of the highway.

Yeah.

And then I get there and then turns out that I wasn't even booked on the flight. And the guy at the front was like, you're actually booked on the flight from yesterday. And then at the same time, this is so much to follow. This was— I'm telling you, this is like Inception. This is like Tenet. And at the same time, I get a text from my friend who's on the flight, and he's like, they're calling your name on the intercom. Where are you? Oh, and now I'm explaining to this guy that they're calling my name on the intercom. And then I found out that the reason for confusion—

Ilya's joining us. What the fuck is going on?

Why am I here? I thought I was hallucinating when I walked in the door. I was like, why is the TV on? Why are they playing the vlogs? Wow. Anyway, so this is what happened. The confusion was there was a flight yesterday that was delayed till today, and it was the same name, same airline, same place it was flying, with the exact same flight number as the one I was on today.

Oh wow.

So there's two flights with the same flight number operating at the same time.

With the same flight number? How's that possible?

I don't know. It was like flight 138, whatever.

And, and, but you were booked for yesterday, but you didn't know?

No, I was booked for today.

Oh, you were booked for today.

But they thought I was on yesterday. Uh. Because the flights had the same flight number.

So whose fault is it?

Uh, airlines. And then they were really nice. The people that worked there were really nice. Oh, and then we all— and there was like a group of like 40 kids going to fucking on a school field trip to London for some reason, which is where I was connecting. So like, I took pictures with all of them. And at the same time, they like made an announcement. I couldn't hear it. And then everybody got up out of their seats and started to fucking line up at the counter. I'm like, what's going on? And it was because they were trying to find everybody new flights. Yeah, and I was like the last person at the counter, and then when I got to my point in the line, it was like an hour and a half in, and they were like, no more flights, flights are all sold out, flights are all sold out, sorry. And then they put me like in like a waiting room. They were being really nice to me.

You guys hear about the India flight?

Yeah, that was crazy. Did you see that, Jay?

No, I didn't see it.

Really? You didn't see anything about the India flight?

Oh, Jay, that happened. Fucking insane. Well, basically there was a—

Well, now this makes me feel horrible for complaining about mine. You can't bring this up after.

I'm—

oh man, this makes me feel really bad.

Alright, Jay, this is a fucking pretty crazy story.

I was slightly inconvenienced today.

So there's a flight like a week ago that was taking off from somewhere in India going to London. Huge jet, like a Boeing 747, 777, something like that.

250, 280 people on board.

Takes off, like 30 seconds into the flight just loses power and just crashes. Everybody dies except for one person. That like basically walks off the plane unscathed, just bruises on his body. Like nothing happens.

There's like videos of him on the street, like walking. Everyone's like trying to get his attention and he's like pissed off.

He's like delusional because he's just— he's got no— he's in shock.

Wow.

It's fucking insane.

And I saw some news reports that he wasn't even supposed to be in that seat, that he switched it last minute, like some real Final Destination type shit. Wow. He's sitting in 11A.

Well, I'm glad you're safe. You have no idea. You call it the worst time.

Wait, why?

I threw my back out having sex with Naveen.

Actually? Yeah.

Yeah, deadass, deadass.

Whoa.

I literally was like trying to edit some podcast.

What was the position? You were editing the podcast while you were having sex?

No, I went— I was, I was editing the podcast and then, you know, she comes in, she's got her top off, and I'm like, oh, come on, I'm trying to finish this.

Oh my God, she, she was listening to the sound of my voice.

She was listening. Yeah, she got turned on listening to you have your butt looked at. Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on with her. Wow, the butthole episode aroused her.

Yeah, no, we've been getting a lot of feedback. I've been seeing the comments. Yeah. It's turning a lot of people on. It's going to get us that Golden Globe.

Well, you heard what Dak said.

Yeah, yeah. He commented. What did he say?

He said, "Need to up my game," is what the tweet said. I'm assuming it was about us.

I mean, it was probably our strongest episode. Jay, have you ever seen a band live?

Yeah. Yeah, I have. And I usually use one ticketing app. I'm trying to remember what it's called.

Let me see. Is there any chance it's called SeatGeek?

Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.

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Man, I'll tell you something grinds my gears.

What?

Just got mad at Naveen. So I got a brand deal, so I was so happy.

Big deal for you.

Big deal for me. I mean, I woke up to it, an email like, oh, Jason Nash, we want to pay you $85,000, one Instagram story. Slow down, slow down.

Okay.

Those are your rates. And so then I'm like a different guy all morning. I'm like, oh my God, like, this is great. We go hiking. I'm like, they're going to do this and blah, blah, blah. Then she goes to Gelson's today.

How much does she spend?

Dude, she comes back with like 2 of each. She came back with Kickin' Chicken spice and lemon pepper spice. Those are like $7.99 each.

What do you mean 2 of each? Why did you say that?

You don't need to buy 2 spices. You could buy 1.

Why?

2 kinds of olives. You could buy 1 kind of olive.

Now, what is he saying? Are the shrooms kicking in again?

You don't shop, so you don't know.

Why did you say 2 of each?

She bought 2 of each of the things that she was supposed to buy. So instead of of it costing like $100, I'm assuming it costs like $200.

Well, not 2 of each, but like there were things that she didn't need. Gelson's is so expensive.

How much is the brand deal for? Let's work backwards here.

The brand deal is for $15K.

$15,000.

Great.

What do you have to do?

I don't know.

What do you have to do?

Promote a vaping company, but it's no big deal. No, not that.

It's just a vaping gambling company. It's not bad.

Just boner pills.

You vape and then you gamble your life savings and then you get a boner.

Yeah. It's adult diapers.

Yeah. No, what is nothing humiliating. What is the company? That's what I mean. I mean, what are the posts? I don't—

it's a lot of posts for me. 15. You know, I got to do Instagram, I got to do TikTok, I got to do YouTube. It's a lot of work.

Oh no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's so funny. But still, do you know how crazy that is? Like, you're saying that. Yeah, right.

I know. You're right.

Like, even if you're saying like, that's a lot.

I know. I even started bitching about it on the hike. I'm like, that's a lot.

I'm going to have to post 2 stories. Yeah, that's crazy.

So it's great, but I'm a different mood. But I don't like— so I can't celebrate victories. I can't tell Wyatt and Charlie that.

So she bought an extra chicken and you're getting $15,000 for an Instagram post?

Even going to Gelson's, she was supposed to go to the cheaper market.

You can allow her to buy more spices if you're getting $15,000 for a couple social media posts. No, no, bro.

No, it doesn't work like that.

Yeah, but if it was your fucking kids, you'd Uber XL them to the fucking store.

No, I've cut all that back. I don't, I don't. They have their friends drive them now. No more Ubers.

You'd Uber XL them to the store, they can buy 5 spices, and then you'd throw them, you'd get them bottle service at the nearest club.

Hey, don't compare. Don't get Naveen mad at the kids.

I'm just saying. Don't pit them against each other. More money on your, on your current wife. Naveen deserves the world. I don't think you understand. I'm on Naveen's side all the time because I think she's getting a bad end of the bargain with this marriage. So like, whatever argument you guys have, I'm like, Naveen's winning.

Then she does this thing, she goes, she goes, you have to spend money to get money.

It's true.

It's not.

Yes, it is. I strongly believe that. Like, remember when I bought my Tesla Model X?

Yeah.

Could I afford it? Fuck no. I was light years away from being able to afford that.

And what about the Roadster?

Light years. I could afford that one. But once you put yourself in a place where you're spending money, then you realize you're like, oh, fuck, I need to make money. That's why I don't work anymore, because I don't spend money. Do you know what I mean? If I bought more things, I'd be like, I got to get back on the saddle. But no.

I love when he says he doesn't spend money.

I don't spend money. Why do you think I spend money? What on earth do I spend money on?

It's not like every day you're going out and you're shopping at the nearest department store.

Okay, so what am I spending money on?

But when you do choose to spend money, you spend money in very big ways.

No, no, no, that's not true. I only spend money on important things and things for like videos, snacks.

I saw a couple things on your Snapchat this past month that added up.

Oh, my cool lighters that add up to $150?

No, I'm not gonna name what it was, but—

What was it?

A couple of nice things that go on your wrist.

Watches? Those are investments.

They were for other people.

This investment's now Taylor has to work harder. It's an investment into how hard she has to work. No, but that's multiple— But then what happens when you fall into the trap?

What happens when you get in the— like right now I'm in my like—

And also spending money on other people doesn't count. That's like, because it's not real. That's just, you're just being polite. So when you spend money out of politeness, it cancels out. Can I say what comment I fucking hate the most?

What?

This drives me crazy. When like I would get someone a car or something and someone goes, it's a tax write-off. I go, I don't know what the fuck that means. Nat, you understand why that's like double confusing for me? I don't know what a tax write-off is.

It is a tax write-off.

But what does that mean?

Well, it is like a business expense, I guess.

Yes, but it's also like, but you're still spending money. I don't even— I've never ever bought anything because I'm like, I'm gonna save money here because I need to make this purchase. I also hate when people do this. I'm really complaining here about a really small thing, but when like I get something for somebody and they're like, that's not his money, the brand paid for that, like it's like a sneaky gallery. And I'm like, uh, everything in my life brands paid for. Every fucking piece of food I put in my mouth is paid for by brands. There is no such thing as me money if you're thinking about it that way. My entire life is Just paid for by brands. That is my job. So I get so confused when someone writes that. It's like the brand people are like, yeah, no shit, they have to. That's my job. Brands pay for things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, sorry. Back to this brand deal that Naveen has wasted at the grocery store.

Yeah, she spent on 2 extra spices.

Went to Gelson's. You're not supposed to go to Gelson's. It's like $40 for a steak. Yeah. $45.

I don't know. I'm pretty good with Subway. I've been having Subway and Chipotle the last like 3, 4 weeks and I just do that consistently. It's really good. I do it twice a day and that's about it.

How's that on the body?

It's all right. I pickleball a lot.

I mean, he has hemorrhoids. I feel like that's all you need to know.

Natalie, the hemorrhoids. We're only going to bring up one podcast. I don't want it to be a recurring segment.

You always pick on me, and David always says that I take like the biggest, nastiest poops or whatever. Like, he always puts finger at me.

Natalie, you're a legend for that.

Do you understand? Everything that you say about me is just a projection of how you feel about yourself. You just like to put it onto me. First of all, you're allowed PR.

We don't even know.

You take nasty shits.

We don't even know if it's a hemorrhoid.

I see you got that TikTok I sent you. How to talk to a narcissist.

Am I using the tactics?

Yeah, you're using the tactics.

So you're saying I've been projecting this entire time? Everything I've ever said about you?

Yes, when you say I'm lazy and I don't work, it's actually the fact that you're lazy and you don't work.

I'll take that one. But no one pees louder than you, and I stand by that.

That was unfair. That was out in Africa.

The loud peeing?

Yeah.

It was in Africa. It was in Africa.

Actually, there was no, like, 4 walls around her. That was just natural, huh?

To be honest, that's actually a good point. I guess if you ever hear any water in Africa, it is amplified because you're like, fuck yeah, water. I think that's what it was too. I was desiring it so much in the fucking tent we were at. So when she was peeing in that hole, my senses heightened. I was like, a waterfall's nearby. There's a water source somewhere. Ilya, wake up.

The animals.

I hear a water source.

A rose.

Dave, there's a bottle of water right here.

That's my favorite joke. The animals of the jungle coming because they hear a pond forming from Natalie's pee. Okay, guys, Naveen is here, Jason's wife. Naveen has a story to tell on the pod. We've heard, first of all, the most famous horrible stories Jason's Mexico border story. Yeah, that's at the top of the list of worst stories of all time. Then Taylor had her friend come, and Taylor was hyping this up for like 3 weeks. She was like, my friend has a really good story, she really should come in and tell him.

Oh, you guys kept asking?

Yeah, because Taylor was like, it's a legendary story, it's also about Mexico.

Yeah, she asked me, she was like, do you think it was good? And I was like, yeah, it was really good.

That is at the number 2 spot, and we've never put that in the pod because at least the Mexico story that Jason told was so bad where it was like, we got to put this in. Yeah, but Taylor's friend's story didn't quite make it. So let's see. Let's see. Let's see where you rank. And that's not to say that we have good stories. We've told the same stories over and over again. So who are we to judge how good your abilities are?

I have good stories, but I'm not insecure about that.

Naveen has this friend who's also really hot. So together they're quite a tandem.

Wow.

You know who I'm talking about?

Of course.

Yeah.

Fuck, it's so hot.

Right?

Have you guys ever all hooked up?

Yeah, a couple times.

Is this a sore subject? You answered really quick.

No, I wouldn't do that. No, no, even if they asked, I wouldn't.

I don't think she would do that.

No, I don't think she would either.

Naveen, would you?

I feel like it would make things easier because eyes opening, you could have like sleepovers and stuff. So like, to me that would be like fun because it's like, oh, it's like my two favorite people.

What's a sleepover entail?

Like just like fun gossiping.

Oh, but like she would sleep in the bed with us?

I don't know. I haven't thought about it.

Well, break it down right now.

Yeah. What would it entail? And that being said, whatever you're going to say, I wouldn't do it.

Right.

He's literally biting his nails and shaking in the corner.

I feel like, yeah, you would make it weird. I think I would. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would make what weird?

Because sometimes if Jason doesn't want me to get jealous of something, he'll like overcompensate. Yeah. So we like watch a show and this like beautiful girl will come on the screen and he's like, She's so fucking ugly, right?

She's literally perfect.

I did do that.

He's like, she looks like she probably like stinks. Like, she's so annoying, right? Right. And I'm like, it's okay. And he's like, no, I wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole.

We watch this one show and there's a girl that comes on.

I'll be like, I like her.

I'll be like, I'm like, oh, she fucking sucks.

So you think if it ever came down to like a threesome with Jay, he'd probably have to put this other woman down at the end of it?

I think he would accidentally ruin it by like saying something crazy to the person thinking that I would get upset if he didn't.

Now, what are you sensing here? Are you sensing something?

I'm sensing— I'm sensing Naveen would kind of be down and Jason would kind of be down, but Jason is the problem.

I'm sensing that Naveen's just saying that for the sake of this pod. Jason obviously wants to the most.

Maybe.

I think Naveen's just entertaining it to entertain it, but not with your friend.

I would never do something like that with a friend, right?

Yeah, yeah, but I could have a sleepover.

Okay, we'll talk later.

Okay.

Hi.

Sorry, Naveen. What's the story?

So my best friend started this, like, company. She really wanted to make it big, and she met this guy who's, like, crazy wealthy and just sold his business for, like, an insane amount of money.

Yeah.

He came to LA for a business retreat, and at the end of the retreat, it's all, like, multimillionaires, and they're all having a party at the end. And so he invites her to the party, and she's like, Naveen, please come with me, but like, you have to dress like businesswomen. Like, I want him to take me seriously. Like, I don't want him to just like sleep with me. Like, I want him to invest in my business. Yeah. And so she like forces us to wear like blazers and stuff. And we like roll up to this party and she's like, please like don't get too drunk, don't do anything. Like, this is serious. And we like pull up to like a classic LA, like Hollywood party where it's like drunk girls are outside in like club dresses and heels. And I was like, this is ridiculous. And it's just a party.

Yeah.

And so we like go upstairs and all the guys are like meeting upstairs in like a room. And she's like almost going to cry because she really thought they invited her to like a business meeting.

No, she's in a blazer.

Who?

No one wears a blazer.

So she like goes, oh my God, she goes into another room with the guy to like tell him how she feels. And so it's just like me sitting in like a circle of like a bunch of Asian guys. And one of them was like, hey, do you want to take this? And I was like, all right. So I like took something, I think. I don't know what it was.

So she leaves you alone for 4 minutes.

I just didn't know what else to talk with them. Like, I looked so silly. And so, right, I took the drugs.

That's crazy.

And then she came back into the room crying and she's like, we need to go home now. Oh my God. Oh my God. Can we stay for like a little bit? Because I took something and I don't know how it's going to affect me and I might need to be around like my new friends. And she was like, no, we need to leave now. And so like, she like forces me into the bathroom and had like a Japanese toilet that like kept closing. And she's like shoving her fingers down my throat. She's like, throw up the drugs, throw up the drugs. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm like crying. And then she did make us leave. And then like, I was like tripping all night, just like blasting music in my apartment.

What happened with the deal? Did she ever talk to the guy again?

Yeah, he didn't invest in her business, but he gave her really good business advice.

Oh dude, that fucking hurts. Yeah, that's like a real— that's like the beginning to like a sad like Disney movie or something where like a girl thinks she's like, this is it, yeah, and then she's taking me seriously finally. Yeah, and then she's completely like fucking let down. Yeah, this— that's, that's an important part of your character arc though. I feel like that had to happen. And maybe now it's hard being hot.

Yeah, I think you should just lean into it.

So hard.

Now how How do you balance work?

It's really tough.

Like, how do you know when people are calling you for work and not just have sex with you?

Sometimes, like, I get on the phone with these, like, these big brands.

Like T-Mobile will call and they'll be like, are you just trying to fuck me?

Yeah, I'm like, you're obviously just trying to fuck me. Like, we're not even doing business here, are we?

There are things that Natalie's gotten, like, I don't want to say, that she's definitely gotten, all jokes aside, from her looks and because the people have wanted to have sex with her.

Yeah.

Like, I mean, that's obvious, right? Like, isn't that— like, there'll be people that'll call just to give us more brand deals.

Deals.

Yeah, just because they want to have the conversation with Natalie on the phone, which makes very much sense. This is how it works. Yeah, because they can— a brand can send money anywhere and no one gives a fuck. Like, the brand doesn't care. They just have to spend $10 million a month or whatever, right? So like, if he wants to talk to Natalie, he's like, oh yeah, this will cost me a million bucks. Let me call her. Maybe we'll have sex.

That's romantic.

Yeah.

Yeah, I haven't really seen any of those opportunities through, but yeah, we like to keep the facade alive.

Yeah.

Have you ever gotten anything off your off your looks?

Like, all the time?

Like what?

My whole career?

Maybe when you were like, lived in Vernon Hills.

Did you ever—

No, I'm kidding.

Vernon Hills?

Jay, have I gotten anything off my looks? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. I don't think looks.

I think personality, just like charisma.

I had a job once. I worked for a woman that was like in her 40s, and there was no reason for her to keep me when I was like 21 years old. And she kept me around for 2 years. That makes sense.

Like an older woman. That makes sense. Like when I went back to Mike's wedding, there was this older woman. I'm going to say her name. I doubt she listens to this.

This.

And she was like— she really, really liked me. She was a great woman. And she kept saying, she's, she's like, if you caught me 30 years, 30 years ago, I would have run away with you. Wow. Yeah, she was really into me. That was— and, and she doesn't like— she didn't know who I was or anything like that. So I was like, this is kind of cool.

Yeah, you should go for it.

Like, I'm fully being hit on because I think she thinks I look good in this suit. I don't know.

Really?

Yeah. So that felt Wow. But no, I don't think I've ever gotten anything because of my looks.

Was this the same woman that told us she worked at TSA and that we can in fact smuggle drugs?

No problem.

That's what she told us. That's really funny. There was another woman. Yeah, that she works at TSA. And I was like, okay, so how many— how much drugs can you get through to the airport? I've always wondered. I was like, are they sniffing for drugs or are they sniffing for bombs? She's like, we don't look for any kind of drugs. Wow. She's like, it's all for bombs unless you have I think it's over—

it was like a large amount. It was like—

it was like a softball amount of cocaine.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

So if you have like— I mean, I don't know how many of our viewers— actually, probably a lot of our listeners need to know this. You're good to go. Naveen, what about you?

I think I've always just leaned into that because I feel like you should just get the most possible from anyone that wants to, like, give it to you.

Yeah. I hate when people are, like, embarrassed that they're hot when they're like, I'm more than being hot. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like, you wind up Anything like that makes me believe that you're not more than being hot. Like, if you were truly more than being hot, then lean into it and then fucking use that as a stepping stone to get anything else you want.

Yeah, right.

I don't know. I've never seen a person that's hot— I've never seen that be a curse. What's the craziest offer that you've gotten because of your looks?

Um, the person I dated that was like really wealthy— I think we talked about him before.

Yeah, the billionaire.

Just to sit at his house all day and not work or do anything else. He paid me like $16,000 a month.

Wow.

Yeah, but I couldn't leave the house.

That's basically what— that's basically the same job Natalie has. Yeah, sit at my house, do nothing. Um, wow, that's crazy. Yeah, you couldn't leave the house.

I couldn't leave the house, and he had to like— he would like monitor the calls coming into my phone. Okay, like he would like answer my phone and stuff, which is like—

which I would say is absolutely crazy, but if it is your job You know what I mean? I guess he did, like, which is also definitely illegal, but it's like the fact that he like is paying you for that and you're like, what was he paying just to sit next?

Like, is he working?

Like, I would be like, oh, like I can't hang out today. Like, I have to go do like this or this. And, you know, and he'd be like, well, so you're saying if it's— you're just leaving because of a money thing. So like, what if money wasn't an option? Would you be here all the time? And I was like, for sure. Then he's like, well, how much are you getting paid at that job? And I was like, around $16,000. I just made up a number because I thought he would— I honestly thought he would go lower. And then he was like, okay, so if I just gave that to you, you'd be here like all the time, but like you can't leave. And I was like, sure.

Wow.

Yeah.

How would he pay you that? Um, cash. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, we would have like a monthly therapy meeting, and if it went well, then at the end of it he would give it to me.

Oh my God, this is crazy.

Wow. The fucking—

what do you mean, what if it didn't go well?

I always made sure it went well, and I think I think the lady was in on it a little bit. Like, she— it was like a woman in Santa Monica, and she knew.

Like, Jay, you're never like thinking to yourself, like, Naveen, go back to this guy just for the sake of us? Like, for like 3 months, just go and go back to this man?

So I think for the sake of her, yeah.

$50,000 after 3 months.

Well, that I couldn't live with.

But no, I know, I'm kidding. But that's crazy.

I do, I do feel bad. I'm like— but then again, I think what's interesting—

but wait, why do you feel bad? The guy was fucking paying her to fucking hang out.

Yeah, obviously.

Billionaire.

That's what I feel bad about.

Yeah, obviously she likes you more because— totally.

But I wish she had— I wish she had— like, I wish— I think what's interesting is that point where you're like, you're getting the $16K a month, you're dating the billionaire, and then you're like, I can't do it. Like, I think that's so—

yeah. How did—

wait, how did it—

how did that end?

He was just too, uh, crazy, and everyone was like fighting me on it because they're like, dude, like, just shut up and just like go with it.

Yeah, all your friends.

And then I just like physically couldn't. Like, we would— like, he would make me bike ride a lot And we weren't allowed to watch TV.

And like, you said this, why weren't you allowed to watch TV?

It just— anything that took the focus off him, he would like lose his mind.

Did you guys go on vacations or was the only thing— okay, okay, okay. Yeah, but it was always right by his side.

We would go on vacations and we would always go first class, but there was one instance where there wasn't another first class ticket, and so he was like, hey, listen, you're gonna have to sit economy because I have like a bad leg, so I have to be first. And I was like, no, And so then he like pulled out cash on the plane. It was like 5 grand in cash. He was like yelling at all the people in first class and he's like, take this and move to the back, like, oh my God, let her sit up here. And he's like, I was like, never mind, never mind, I'll sit in the back. And so then like I sat in the back of the plane and he kept coming out of his seat and like checking on me to make sure I wasn't like watching anything like, no way, comedy that, or something that wasn't a documentary. And then he'd like keep coming back and I was Just leave me alone. And then that plane ride was like so annoying for me that I was like, I can't. Like, you're so embarrassing.

What was like the final thing?

Like, what? That's insane. That's insane.

No, no. Yeah.

Like, just what I'm waiting money in first class.

I'd be just like all of it and like, like yelling at people because he had like a little bit of like Asperger's, I think.

Oh my God. Also, I'm surprised he let you sit with other people in the back.

Yeah, no, I know. Me too. But then like after he was like fighting them, I was like, okay, no, no, no.

But he was checking to see if you were watching. Why did you say documentary?

You wrote So watching a documentary on a plane is okay, but watching a comedy or something like mindless was like— he just didn't understand it. So I would be like, oh, have you seen this like show? And he's like, what? What do you mean?

You seen Two Broke Girls?

Wow, he'd love Jason. That'd be so funny.

Knock him in the middle.

Can I see some of his work?

Wait, did— like, when you ended things with him, was he like, oh, this makes sense? Like, did he ever sense anything?

Or like, no, he would get like upset and then confused, and then he would like have people, like business contacts of his, email me like letters of recommendation as to why he is great and I have it all wrong.

Oh my God, this is wild.

Oh my God, this is like a movie. And then I would think that was like so funny, and then I'd be like, okay, let's have dinner.

This is what I— dude, this is, this is the type of shit that makes me so fucking livid. Like, I just fucking— there is nothing appealing to me about a successful person or anything like that. 'Cause people are fucking weird.

Yeah.

People are fucking weird. This is also hard to say because I'm sure people think this about me, but like, people are so bizarre.

Yeah.

And like Natalie and I will meet with someone who like wants to give us money for something and I'll be like, that guy's a fucking weirdo. Like fucking weirdo. Like genuinely like really scary and bizarre.

Yeah.

And it just like, it makes me like everything I grew up thinking about, like looking up to successful people and all of that is like so out the window for me. Me.

And like, what's interesting to me is just a person that's good, but the money accentuates.

Yes, yes, yes, for sure. And then makes you even fucking weirder.

Yeah.

Um, I don't know, but just hearing things like this, it's just like, whatever he is, like the CEO of Google, Yahoo, whatever he is, like, it just makes you think like, who cares? Like, it just like devalues everything he's ever done in his life. Cuz I'm like, this guy is a fucking freak. Well, I'm glad you got out of that.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, me too.

Now we share one car.

One car, one toothbrush, one And you got yelled at for going to Gelson's and buying too many things.

Do you talk about Gelson's to everyone?

I came in the other day and I said, you know, I did get a little— fall into a little money. And then that day you went wild at Gelson's.

You got two of the rubbing salts, Naveen.

Yeah, two of them.

John, what would it take for you to quit your job?

Make more money.

Yeah. How much can I offer you?

Go big. Yeah. See what he says.

$100K.

For a year?

Yeah.

$100K. How much you make now?

I'd say like $65K.

All right. How about this? How about $75K? Doing what?

I don't know.

I'll give you $75,000 a year if you quit your job tomorrow.

Bro, don't you get it? You don't have to do anything. You literally have to sit here with him and literally say like, oh, that is cool, Dave. Oh, that's not cool, Dave. That's all you have to say. Or just offer an opinion. All you have to do is go, I don't really like that.

I do that for free though.

So why not get paid for it?

Yeah, I say you take the job and we'll find something for you to do. First, it'll— yes, it'll start with just sitting with me.

Yeah, you have to train. Yeah, yeah, you have to have orientation.

Yeah, because you're not here during the day, so you don't know how I operate during the day.

Yeah, I could— all right, here, let me guess.

I just—

top of my head, I mean, I lay a lot, so— yeah, so here, here's what I'm thinking.

I'll send you TikToks.

No, no, not yet. He probably wakes Wakes up, I'd say like 2?

Noon to 1. Noon to 1.

Okay.

All right.

Okay. And it's getting, it's getting more summertime, so I'm going to start getting up earlier.

Yeah.

Because the UV index is high.

So like 11:00 AM?

11:00. Yeah.

Okay. Then what happens?

Okay. So he wakes up at 11:00.

Yeah.

I always come downstairs. First thing I do, no questions asked, I grab a blue lemonade Celsius.

Nice.

That is like my coffee. I do that every time.

I was gonna guess that, honestly.

Okay. So you could have that ready.

Yeah, yeah. So you'll— well, Taylor does that, but yeah, Taylor does that. Taylor always puts 2 fresh ones in the fridge for me when she gets here, because she gets here like an hour or 2 before I wake up.

Yeah, they're always just nice and cold Celsius.

Yeah, well, and it's nice because I drink like 5 or 6 Celsius a day.

One of my favorite things about your house is looking at all the beverages, and I think in the fridge, I think that's crazy.

Isn't that crazy, Jay? It's like a 7-Eleven here.

It's my favorite. And there's always new ones.

John, do you understand how cool that is?

That is really cool.

It's so fun when you come over and you're like, when I was a kid, yeah, like if I wanted to grab like a Celsius or even a beer, like if I wanted to like take a beer from my dad, yeah, my dad would have a 6-pack that was like for like for him and his boys, yeah, for like 4 days from then. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Like he was planning to have that beer in a couple days.

Let me get ready for Saturday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, grab a 6-pack. Yeah, yeah. But like sometimes you'd get like a 12-pack. I lose my mind. I'm like, he's doing really well. Like he had a good day at work.

You guys didn't have like—

and the fact Coke? There's like 30, 40 in there. No, I didn't have canned Coke.

You didn't have canned Coke in the garage where it's like super cold?

No, that was you, dude. That was you.

That was you.

Oh, we would have 2 liters with our Little Caesars. That's as far as we would go.

2 liters much?

The fact that 2 liters— the fact that our fridge, John, right now looks like fucking 7-Eleven is fucking such a blessing.

Dave was like having a serious conversation about something and he asked your opinion and we looked over and you were like wrapped in a blanket like eating Postmates.

Well, we were asking—

Dave was like, I don't know, I don't know, Dave, just keep paying the mortgage.

Yeah, we were talking about if I should make videos.

Yeah.

I'm like, I think it may get stressful if I make— like, I kind of like the freedom I have without making videos right now. And I'm like, it could get stressful making videos. And I'm like, John, what do you think? Like, as he— like, he had the blanket up to his neck and he was eating a popsicle.

Yeah, that's what it was.

It was just such a funny sight. And I'm just like, I just imagine in his head he's just thinking, I don't care as long as the mortgage is paid for.

You do you, bud.

Wait, is Julia here?

Yeah.

Yeah, John's girlfriend Julia is here. They got into a fight and I want to get in the middle of it real quick. Basically, they were driving around the neighborhood and they saw a house for sale, and Julia's like, imagine I move in there. And like, they're talking about it, blah blah blah, like I buy the place. And then Julia made a joke saying like, John, but you can't live there, like as a joke, right? And then John goes, that's fine, I'll just go drive up the street with Dave.

Yeah.

And Julia's like, so in 10 years you're gonna go up the street and live with Dave? And John's like, am I saying this right, Julia?

Yeah, no, 100%.

And then John's like, yeah, in 10 years I'm gonna live with Dave. And then, so what happened here with this argument?

Yeah, and then so I was just like, do you realize in 10 years you're gonna be like 40 and you're still gonna be living with Dave? And he was like, yeah, and we'll be playing like video games.

And then Julia comes to me because always got Julia's back because I think John is like fucking delusional. So Julia's like, can you believe this guy?

Yeah.

And I So, um, that is actually what we're going to be doing. It's like the one time I completely did not see eye to eye with Julia at all. I was like, you're being a crazy bitch. He's going to live here when he's 10, sweetheart. So in 10 years.

So imagine when you met me.

Yeah.

Right. And remember how weird it was?

What do you mean?

That I was like running around with kids.

Yeah, but that'll be you. No, no, no.

You and John playing video games at 40 is not gonna work.

No, that's not what she's saying.

Oh, what's she saying?

And Jay, that is gonna work.

Wait, wait, what are you—

we can't play video games at 40? That's crazy.

Together?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's what we're saying.

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it.

Yeah, at 40 we're still gonna be able to live together. Friendship will be forever. No, what are you talking about?

It just won't work.

Why would it not work?

Because it'll— it brings a certain stink to a man at 40 if he's like living with a bunch of guys.

Well, I think that's what Julia's point is.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, but what if it was like living together at 40 while successful? One guy successful.

No, but I'm telling you, this is—

we're all—

we're group successful. Yeah, like we all individually live in a $10 million house. I just so happen to have the primary bedroom, but we all live in the big house. We have all made it. We are all very lucky we've done it.

Sure.

And that's, that's by God or by something. We've all been here together and we've all been put together and now we all live together. So like, I don't care who made the money, we're all staying together till a 60.

Okay, let's not get crazy. 60.

John, you don't talk about yourself that way, man.

Yeah, don't let Julia talk to you that way.

No, not Julia. But don't say— don't say you're not going to be successful. You're a young guy, you're smart, you got a lot of time.

No, no, I was just saying for the moment.

For the moment, you could figure something out, John. First of all, John, take this job from Dave, then fucking build a business of your own.

Isn't that almost backwards?

What?

That's gonna make him live here forever.

Oh yeah, living off Yeah. I'm—

take this job from Dave. How long do you think we're gonna live together, Alex? I hate this question.

Why?

Because it makes me sad.

Because it's so good.

And I think I'm the only one that it makes sad. No, John, John's on board.

Oh, forever?

Well, Julia's putting an end to it.

Yeah.

Julia doesn't want us to live together forever.

My thing is if, because the whole scenario was that I would buy a house that's like down the road and the fact that even then he's still like, oh no, I'm gonna be with Dave still.

Well, you made a joke about kicking him out.

Yeah.

That's right. For a night. For a night.

And he was like, well, I'm just gonna go live with Dave then?

Well, yeah, I could never kick him out for any night.

Oh my God.

So you better check yourself if you're gonna be in a relationship with John. Yeah, I better show my man some respect, I guess. How long do you guys think? If my wife wanted you guys out, I would have to listen.

Wait, if she didn't, you would still keep us here?

Yeah. Oh, that's very nice. Yeah, like if I had a girlfriend. No, like, like a serious, serious girlfriend or whatever. Okay, I don't know what that means. Like, I've never gotten that far with a woman where like I feel like maybe I'll probably need my own privacy and like to like figure out how to like start a family. So maybe that'll be different. Yeah, we can help. But that— but I do think that my initial instinct will be like, I need to upsize. I need to get a new house with a guest house for the boys. I mean, that's where my—

sick.

That's where my head would go. Yeah, that'd be pretty perfect. Like a little compound for us.

Like, he's gonna be 40. You don't think we're gonna be at that place?

Or have you— or, or what if—

because the whole thing is that you have a life.

I'm not real. I'm a figment of everyone's imagination.

Well, no, then I would just buy— we'd all go to— we'd make a group decision. We'd all go to Vernon Hills and I'd buy like a cul-de-sac and it'd be like 5 homes and we're like a cult. We do like cult and we all pray and wear the same thing and stuff.

The cul-de-sac is literally going to be final endgame.

The cul-de-sac or the cult-issac. Yeah, genuinely, that's what it's going to be. Yeah, it's going to be amazing.

Imagine we have like a plastic cup and a string.

Yes. Well, we just have phones and FaceTime. You're just saying like more like—

Yeah, a cup and a string sounds cooler.

John, guess who I saw today at the airport?

Famous?

Yeah, super famous. Artist? CeeLo Green. Wow. We were both sitting in like this lounge area. It was just me and him and 3 other airport employees. And he was really trying to get this bag through TSA and they weren't really letting him. This is some top secret shit that I'm sharing because it was really intimate. It was just me, CeeLo, and 3 TSA agents. And he was like, this bag has got to go and it's got to be right next to me. There's a lot of expensive things in that bag. And he was making it very clear to the point where I had to like Google his net worth because I'm like, what the fuck is in this bag?

Bag. If I'm a celebrity, what kind of special treatment can I get at the airport?

I have traveled. Yeah, I've traveled with some real high roller celebrity friends. Yeah, it gets spooky. Yeah, yeah, you could do anything.

Not private jet, I'm talking commercial.

Commercial, you could do anything.

Yeah, it's incredible. I mean, you could drive right up, pull up to the tarmac. Yeah, you can drive right under the plane.

No.

Yeah, yeah, and you go right up the steps. Now this is the worst. One time I ran into a celebrity friend of mine at the airport and they were just like, just come with us because they like, they go before anybody boards the plane. Anybody steps foot on the plane, I think the people from the last flight are still on the fucking plane when these people are getting on the plane. Like, it's like very early.

Yeah.

And I was like, no, I'm good. And they're like, no, come on, just come on, just come on, come on. And then the TSA agent like working the gate made a big fuss and was like, I don't care who you are or how much money you're spending, you guys are using a third party. This has nothing to do with us. I make the final decision. And I'm standing there and this celebrity friend of mine is completely covered like head to toe and like you can't see who it is and it's just me standing there like just David and I'm just like, I'm like, I should have just fucking sat down. I should have just sat down. I should have just— why am I, why am I doing this? That really bit me in the ass. I hate special treatment. I don't know how people get fast passes when they go to Six Flags.

Oh, you have to.

No, but like walking by people.

Oh yeah, you give them the stink eye.

Fuck that.

I can't wait in line for rides with my kids. I can't.

Really? I can't walk by people. I think it's fucking so crazy.

You pay for it.

Yeah, but some people can't afford it and you're like literally right in their face. Yeah, I mean, like, what about the fast lane?

Like, I fly—

when I fly, I fly first class and I have to like bury your head.

I have to bury my head in shame.

Really?

Because it feels really weird.

It's just fucked up.

There's like, there's like women and children, obviously, that are going to the back.

It just, it just doesn't make sense.

And I'm a pretty young guy.

No, that's a good point.

Like, yeah, the fact that you're young, it's just bizarre. It doesn't feel right. And like, that's—

you haven't earned it.

That's kind kind of like what Six Flags is.

I think I've earned it, thank you very much. No, you feel like you have it. No, no, I'm kidding.

Yeah.

So what happened to your flight?

I was supposed to go to France today and my flight got canceled because I got to the airport, they said I wasn't on the flight. Turns out I was on the flight, but that flight was actually the flight from yesterday.

The whole thing was completely thrown off.

That's crazy. So they just canceled a flight and they didn't give you anything, like no voucher, no nothing?

I think they will, but I had to rebook my next flight and it was quadruple the price. Quadruple? I can't wait in line for rides with my kids. I can't really. I can't walk by people.

I think it's fucking so crazy. You pay for it.

Yeah, but some people can't afford it and you're like, literally right in their face.

Yeah, I mean, like the fast lane. Like, I fly when I fly. I fly first class. And I have to, like.

Bury your head.

I have to bury my head in shame, really, because it feels really weird.

It's just fucked up.

There's, like.

There's like, women and children, obviously, that are going to the back. It just.

It just doesn't make sense. And I'm a pretty young guy. No, that's a good point. Like, yeah, the fact that you're young, it's just bizarre. It doesn't feel right. And like, that's. You haven't earned it.

That's kind time though.

What does that mean? You don't— you've never heard of that term?

No, I don't know.

Pocket watch. Oh, pocket watching is like, oh, like, oh, you watch how much he's spending.

Yeah, you're pocket watching.

The fact that you think I just spent $40,000 on a one-way flight makes me think that you don't— that you don't really pocket watch properly.

No, no, no.

Well, cuz you said quadruple and I'm thinking $10 grand. That's a round trip, like last minute flight is $10 grand. I feel like that's like a normal— Naveen saw a bill the other day, the bill was $238, and she, she saw it and she was like, is that what things cost?

And I I was like, yeah, wait, really? She's like, she's like, I thought lunch would be like $80.

And I'm like, no, that's what things cost. Jay, I, I raised a stink when my pizza and hot dog from Hot Dog was almost $4.

Your pizza and hot dog from Hot Dog?

Dude, dude, what language are you speaking? Dude, that felt like, that felt like when someone's like being domestically abused and they call, they call Pizza Hut and they're like, I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza. That was like weird code.

My pizza from Pizza Hut. My pizza and hot dog from Costco.

There we go. Oh, my pizza and hot dog from Hot Dog was pizza delicious. Yeah, those stay the same price. What's something that you splurge on, Jon? Sometimes they're turkey provolone sandwiches. No, not at Costco. Like, what's something that you'd like spend a lot of money on? How much is dinner when you take Julia out to dinner? Usually between $60 and $65, depending on how good the service is. With tip. Yeah, that's with tip.

So sometimes you go 2% tip and sometimes 5% tip? Yeah, I hover between 15% and 20%. Really?

Yeah.

Okay. Because like the Korean place, that one, so good. That deserves a 20%. That's pretty good. You go to a Korean place for only $65. Okay, so when you and Julia go out to dinner, who covers the bill? Depends on how expensive it is. Oh, Julia, holy shit, this one's a lot.

Maybe I'll get the next one. How about I get ice cream after this? Well, do you guys switch off or what do you guys do? Yeah, we switch off. Much off.

Really?

Yeah. Have you ever felt like John is claiming the ones that are cheaper? Um, sometimes. No, sometimes I think it's like where I know like he won't do it is like if we're delivering food because he doesn't want to pay for delivery. So if he doesn't want to go out to dinner, he'll be like, oh, I'm so hungry. And then I'll be like, okay, let's order food. He's like, yeah, we should Postmates. Yeah, I used to when I had— when I was the only girlfriend I ever had. This is every time we made the exact same amount of money at one point. Sure. Every—

she'd love ordering Postmates, and I fucking— I'm so cheap, so I can't do it.

So I literally strategically would not eat for hours until she was like, you want something? I'll be like, yeah, whatever you're having. And like making like pretty decent money, really good money. I just could not do it.

I just could not.

There's something about Postmates where I was like, I can't, I can't pay this fucking extra price.

It's the delivery, the service charge.

It doesn't make sense. Why should I pay someone when I can pick it up? Yeah, but it makes sense when I do it.

Kind of.

So remember I told you that I got this brand deal and I was all excited?

$50,000.

Yeah, yeah.

And then Naveen went and spent all the money at Gelson's and I was mad at her. She didn't spend all the money, but she spent more money than she normally would.

She went ham at Gelson's. Literally ham.

She just got like a little bit too much ham. Yeah, brand deal was fake. It's a scam. What?

Wow.

Complete scam. What was it for?

Uh, It was for established titles.

You know what that is?

No.

It's like you can buy land in Scotland.

That's crazy. I think it's called like crown titles or something.

Have you ever seen that on YouTube?

No, but I'm sure it's a legit thing in some capacity. But the fact that that's what it was is so funny. No, I've done a brand deal for it before.

Yeah, a couple years ago. It's like you buy someone— it's like, here, Dave, here's a piece of land in Scotland. And now you're like a sir. And now you're a lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so fucked, and I was like, damn, I'm so sorry. I couldn't believe it.

I knew it. I saw a clip of you and Naveen talking about something where how long she would wait to date somebody. Yeah, after you died. Yeah.

What was the answer? A year.

A year?

Yeah. Were you offended? No, no. Naveen is like, a year's pretty good.

I mean, it's, it's, it's actually— if most people, most people wouldn't do a year, but I'm okay with it because that's like who she is.

If Naveen died, yeah, how long would you wait to have sex with like a really super hot hot girl? Wait to have sex? Yeah, like if a super hot girl approached you. Uh, over a year for sure. And I don't think I would ever, ever be with anybody if she died. Here, you want to watch John and Julia fight? Yeah.

John, what the fuck, dude?

Same question to you. If Julia passed away, how long would you wait? Oh God, it's a layup to answer this safely. It really is. Yeah, there is really no correct answer. No, genuinely, honestly, there probably is, but like, I don't know how How about this? Can you guys each text me how long you would wait? That's really funny.

And be honest, be honest.

How long you would wait to— I don't even want to say sex, just to date somebody else.

Is this like at this age right now?

Yeah, it's right now.

John dies tomorrow.

Oh, I thought you meant like— yeah, I thought later on too.

Really?

Right now?

Two days?

Yeah.

No.

All right, here, text me, text me.

You have to text me too. He dies like right now? He dies right now. How long are you waiting? How many days, weeks, months, or years are you waiting to sleep with someone else or date someone else? Date, sleep, Kiss, make out, pursue, all that.

I'm just taking it.

But I feel like those are all different. I don't know, because like, so just like pursue. Super hot guy, Julia. So your type, that most ripped Filipino dude. I don't know, I don't know what your type is. And John, be honest. Okay, I am. Okay, because she answered really honest.

I'm being genuine.

She answered really honestly.

Yo, this is not fair, dude.

Unfair. Send it, send it, send it, send it, send it. Uh, so Julia said— Julie said 2 years. 2 years? Whoa.

Yeah, to have sex with somebody.

Yeah, or just to like pursue or date or any—

Wow.

Yeah, that would be like really sad.

Yeah, 2 years though. 2 years is a long time. Over John?

If it happened right now, I'd be 27 by then.

Like, I would—

I'm not 30 yet, you know.

You don't want me to read it? Nah, nah, nah, you have to read it.

What did he say?

Okay, go ahead.

John just goes, yo, don't say my answer. Are you ready, Julia?

Yeah.

His is in weeks.

Weeks?

Wait, like actually weeks?

That's crazy. Read it out loud, dude.

What the hell? I know, I'm sorry. He said 52 weeks.

52 weeks?

Question mark. He said 52 weeks, question mark.

What does that even mean?

A year.

It's a year.

A year.

Okay, well we're like, yeah, I think that's fair.

Yeah, but 52 weeks sounds like he's fucking counting it down like he can't wait. Not a year, bro, like 52 weeks.

Week 1, week 2, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Okay, that's pretty good.

Yeah, let me—

I wonder if we would have never said the Naveen thing. Yeah, what you guys would have said, because, because he totally piggybacked off Naveen's answer of a year.

But I think I would have also still done like a year, cuz like I had to look back to—

it's also different when someone dies. Exactly, right? Like, that's, that's not like someone leaving you.

Yeah, dead.

So like, death is like, you have— yeah, like, no matter how— even if you are horny week fucking 4, you should wait a year. Yeah, like, you know what I mean?

But wouldn't you want Julia to move on quicker than that?

Yeah, John, if you died and there was like the perfect man came along for Julia 6 months in, you're looking down from heaven, and would you be angry?

No, I honestly wouldn't. I'd be like, she has to get happier. Like, I'd say even like 1 month months later.

Wow.

Wow, that's really sweet. That was fucking crazy.

Nice, John.

I mean, I just think about it, it's like, dude, that's a long time to be sad. 2 years.

Thanks, good to know.

And now, Julia, wouldn't you want John to find someone?

Fuck no.

That's funny. That's funny. All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you for everybody that joined us. Make sure you go check out all of their social medias. John probably doesn't have one, but if you can find it, it'd be really cool. He does post really weird things on his story that don't make sense, so if you find him, I commend you. Go check out Jason's podcast, All Good Things, and I'll see you guys when I get back from France.