Burying Drugs in Las Vegas

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where we're actually recording this one straight from my bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Natalie's on my left, Jason's on my right.

Hi guys, how you doing?

Natalie and I are sharing a blanket. Don't want to let you know what's going on underneath.

Some cozy vibes here.

And Jason's on the opposite side, totally creeped out.

He's in the corner all alone by himself.

I always get scared when Jason— have you ever thought about Have you ever thought about like sitting on a curb and then going to sit on your bed, how disgusting that is?

Uh, when were you sitting on a curb?

It's really gross, isn't it?

It is pretty gross.

Yeah, like I have— like I used to go outside and I used to like sit on curbs like when I would drink my like Arizona tea, and then I would go home and lay in bed. And how disgusting is that? Like I'd sit on the curb at 7-Eleven, everything's on my ass, and then I'd go straight plop on the bed. I don't know, it's kind of disgusting. It's kind of a weird intro to start off this whole thing, but Moral of the story: don't sit on curbs.

Natalie says something to me last night. She goes, she goes, did you like 2017 Natalie better? Oh my God. Or 2000— or 2020 Natalie better? And I go, well, 2017 Natalie didn't refer to herself in the fucking third person. I know that.

That's the best way to describe 2020 Natalie, is they're referring to yourself a third person. Oh man, wait, what do you mean? What was it?

Okay, the context was we were talking about our new assistant Taylor and how it's so funny how people come into the group when they first come in, they're very like shy and timid, and then like after some time they open up and like you can really sense someone's personality. Yeah, so Jason was talking about me in that sense, and I was like, yeah, well, in 2017 I literally just sat in the corner and like wanted to cry every day because no one would talk to me and I felt so like awkward and shy.

It's not true, I talked to you so much. Yeah, I literally went out of my way to make you feel good.

You're making this—

No, Jason was the nicest You're making this—

were other people not nice to you?

Yeah, this guy sitting right here.

Who?

Where is he? Is there another guy on this bed?

She's talking about you.

Oh, shit.

Yeah. Oh, well, well, that's, that's good. I'm glad you feel more comfortable. I like 2020 Natalie way better.

Thank you.

I mean, I like 2017 Natalie too, if she wants.

My favorite.

I like both.

Now, my favorite Natalie was 2013 Natalie when we were juniors in high school. That was my favorite Natalie.

Really?

Yeah. I went downhill from there. Oh, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

What was so great about it?

What happened?

She was the prettiest.

That was just—

that's when Allie was the prettiest in 2013.

I know, I know. I honestly feel like David really thinks that I like—

totally kidding.

High school.

I love how you've given this some thought because you talk about it a lot.

I've never said that you were prettier in 2013 as opposed to—

no, but like when you, when you joke, and you know how like when everyone jokes, there's a little bit of truth behind a joke. Like he always talks about how like in high school you were hot shit, but now it's like, I don't know.

I don't know. Today I had my first official photo shoot.

Yeah, it was so exciting.

Oh yeah, that was interesting.

I'm not allowed to talk about what it is. It's such an LA thing. It's such a Hollywood thing to say you did something and then just backtrack and go, well, I actually can't tell you guys anything about it. No, but I did a photo shoot. It was for somebody. And it was like a proper photo shoot. Like I dressed up and shit.

It was for fashion. It was like a—

It was interesting. When you saw the clothes on you, you were like, wow, he looks ridiculous. But then when you see the photos, you're like, oh, okay, I get it. With the light and stuff, it looks good.

Yeah, this was like my first photo shoot where like I had to like actually change into an outfit that wasn't like a black shirt, right? Which was pretty terrifying because it was like super out of my comfort zone.

Even like getting like makeup done, like when you walked out, I thought it was a prank.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I was like, oh, this is a prank.

I was like, what would be the payoff of that prank?

Oh yeah, Jason.

Like, I thought it was their version of a prank, like, we're gonna make him look so— and they were like, no, this is it. This is like—

oh yeah, Jason came to see the photo shoot and they had him like sit in like the lobby area, and I, I was coming out to like surprise him with the outfit I was wearing, and I walked out and it was like dead silence. Yeah, like, I remember you guys were just like completely quiet. Yeah, what happened?

I—

all I could see was this giant yellow fireman's jacket that you had on, this oversized fireman's— sure, jacket with—

don't spoil the art we, we have coming.

But, but when I saw the pictures, they look really good. You should be excited.

No, the photographer that we shot with was fucking insanely good. It was very bizarre.

He was very good.

Yeah, he was great.

Um, but yeah, and then, uh, Carly and I went to the women's shelter after.

Okay.

And, uh, we, we just drove down. I don't know, man. I don't know what's going on downtown. There's like, like 20 more— 20 times the homeless people that were there.

Yeah, it's so depressing when you go downtown. Like, you can go down— yeah, there's like an entire neighborhood That's like 20 blocks of just tents.

Yeah, they have a market called Skid Row Market.

Oh really?

Yeah, it's called Skid Row.

Everything's cheaper?

I didn't go in, but I don't think everything's cheaper. Maybe, maybe things are well priced. I don't know.

It's like an entire town of just literally of just homeless people, like the entire—

it's like a different world.

It's really, really scary to see.

Have you ever been somewhere and, um, you want to go and then they go, okay, Now we can open it up to questions. And then the people start asking the questions, and then you're like, God, fucking stop asking questions. I want to go.

No, what do you mean?

Oh, I was at some school last night and we were taking the tour and it was like really long. It's like, woman raises her hand, like she asked the questions, like, yes, there's a bus. We— yes, you can take a fucking bus. And it's clearly just somebody like wanting to hear themselves talk, like basically raising their hand and saying, I've been alone with myself all day, so this is going to be my opportunity to talk a lot.

No, I know what you mean.

Oh my God, I know what you mean. I hate when people ask questions.

You ever go like, when you're in school, did the teacher ever explain to you like a field trip and you never paid attention because you knew like it was just completely pointless, then the other kids were just gonna know what to do and you're just gonna follow everybody?

Oh yeah, all the time.

Like, do you know what I mean? Like, dude, like, you know what's pointless is like the beginning, the first day of school when they give you like your syllabus and they talk about the year. Like, that is the most boring thing in school you could possibly do because you don't even pay attention.

Yeah, but it's like the best day because you don't need to pay attention.

Oh no, it's for sure the best day, and I would hate if they took it away.

One time I was in science class and I asked, I go, hey, what happens when you eat cereal? This woman, her name was Miss Coppola, she was a real bitch. The first day school. I said, what happens with this? How does the cereal separate from the milk? Sure, you know what I mean? And she goes, don't worry, we're gonna learn that. Like that. And I waited all year and we never ever learned it. And on the last day I went up to her, I go, so what happens with the cereal and the milk?

Yeah.

And she was like, huh, what? Oh, I, I don't know, you, you'll have to look it up. Like that.

Wow.

And I thought it was a pretty good question.

No, that is a good question. You're saying like, what tube does what Yeah.

How does it separate?

I guess you're right.

I mean, is it like a strainer?

Well, he does have a good point. Like, does the cereal— No, no, you don't think so?

Like, no, because when you're— when you take a spoonful of cereal milk, you chew the cereal up a little bit.

Yeah.

And it all goes down the food pipe.

That's right.

Great. Okay. But then the milk is just fully liquid, so it has stomach. Great.

What pipe is it going to go down, guys? It all goes to your stomach. I'm very confused.

Well, do you— do you pee and poop or do you have just one everything?

Yeah. Do you just have like one thing that shoots out everything?

Oh, sorry, that's the pipe we're talking about?

Yeah.

So like, how does it split? How does it decide? How does liquids— how does the cereal go? I'm going to go down the poop pipe.

Bye.

And then it's not— that's not the way. That's not— it's not because like you're eating food that that's what you pee or shit out. It's, it's just like a matter of what your intestines are, are like absorbing.

Sounds like you don't know and you're kind of just bouncing around.

Sounds like you guys have no idea what you're talking about and I'm the only intelligent one.

Oh, I definitely don't. I've been worrying, worrying about this since third grade.

Yeah, fucking someone help.

This is like a pretty Straightforward answer.

Yeah, of course we should cut the podcast.

I'm always, I'm always talking to Jason about like, we're always like looking for stories to talk about on the podcast and he's always like, I'm out of ideas, I'm out of ideas, I don't have any stories. And the other day we were in Vegas just having dinner and then fucking out of nowhere he goes, he goes, you know, I buried cocaine here once and got it the next morning. And I go, I go, what the fuck? Why are you not telling these stories on the podcast? Like, how do you still have stories?

No, I buried it and got it like a year later.

What?

Even better?

Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

I don't know. I was in Vegas and I had all this cocaine. I don't know, like, I was with a lot of people and they all flew out and I was left with like all the cocaine. And I was like, how much would you say?

Like, how much? Like, what was the magic 8-ball? Okay, which is how much?

Which is like enough for everyone.

$200?

Yeah, yeah, $200.

Like, if you're gonna put it in a cup, like, how much would it be?

An 8-ball is like— that would be enough for like 20 people to have a good night. I think.

Wow, you're very generous. Okay, so then you didn't want to get on the coke?

I also, when I did cocaine, I wouldn't do a lot of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would only do like 3 lines.

We don't need actual fucking numbers.

I'm just letting you know, I wasn't like a fucking coke fiend.

No, I get it.

That's all.

But already saying 3 lines to some people is already like, whoa, Jesus, fuck. I thought like half a line was like, regardless, cocaine's not good.

The point is I wouldn't sit there and do an entire 8-ball in a night.

Okay.

Like that's a lot of cocaine, dude.

No one even knows what an 8-ball is.

Everyone knows! People know what fucking cocaine is!

Okay, you're talking about— I don't know. I don't know who's listening. And some— but someone's listening with their kids too, so we got to play it down.

Yeah. So anyways, I don't know. And then at the time I was like, well, I'm not going to throw out all this cocaine. It's like really good. And I wasn't going to fly with it.

Sure.

So I was like, I was like, oh, I'll just— I'll bury it. I was at the Hard Rock. I walked across the street and I started walking for a while. And then I saw like a hotel that was like a motel that was no longer in operation. And I just fucking dug a hole with your hands, with my hands. And I put it in and I put it in the rocks. And then I—

You sure you weren't a coke fiend? This sounds like something a coke fiend would do.

That sounds pretty fucking—

I don't think that's a coke fiend. I was like, I don't know when I'm going to be back in Vegas. Maybe I'll be back. Honestly, like more than a year later, I went back and I was like hanging out and I was like, oh, oh shit, that cocaine. I wonder if it's there.

Get the fuck out of here. There's no way.

This is 100%. I swear on your sexy body, David.

Thank you.

And on your photo shoots with fancy magazines. I 100% did this, and then that was it. And then I went over there and I was like, I took a cab over there and I was like, no way, there's no way it's still here. And then I just went and dug up the hole. I was like, oh yeah, that's it. And then I, and then I got back to my friends and they were like, man, we really need some coke. And I was like, I have some.

Did you tell them that it was from a year ago?

Yeah, I did. I told them, but I didn't want to tell them before and get their hopes up because I was like, there's no way it's there. So they were like, all went to breakfast, and I was like, I'm gonna take a ride And then I'll make their day if I bring it back.

This is the wrong question when talking about cocaine, but is it healthy to do cocaine?

It's really good for you, actually. No, like, a lot of people say it's not, but it's wonderful for you. I mean, it gives a lot of clarity, clears the sinuses.

Like, is it okay to do cocaine from a year ago?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, it didn't like decompose and like where the chemicals break down.

It's not okay to do cocaine to begin with. This is really good.

Wow, that's crazy.

It was like really pure.

Do you have more stories like this that you've just been hiding?

I have a ton, but I want this podcast to run 15 years, so I have to wait a little bit. Hey, you know what people come up to me in Boston? You know, someone, girl come up to me. This is what I hate. Yeah. And I love meeting fans, I really do. Sure. It really makes my life.

Yeah.

It makes me feel so good, like I'm someone and I'm important. This girl comes up to me and I hate— this has only happened a couple times. She walks up to me and she goes, hey, I know I'm supposed to be mean to you, like that. And I was like, I was like, why?

Sure.

She's like, I know I'm supposed to be really mean, but I just want to say I love the videos. And I was like, why do you have to be— why are you supposed to be mean to me?

Oh wow, that's funny.

That was odd.

Yeah, that is different. Well, I'm sorry that you get encounters like that.

I feel like every week you have a new encounter with somebody that you come and talk to me about.

I know.

This girl spit on me the other day, but then she asked for a picture. We went to— the, the reason we were in Vegas for the— in the first place was, um, because we went, um, our buddy Jeff— like, we were brainstorming vlog ideas, and late at night he goes, I'm gonna go put $20K on a color. And I was like, uh, okay, that's great, that sounds great. Like, I've never seen any of my friends do it, it's always my money, so I'm like, this is a great idea. So the next morning I invited him over and I was like, let's go do the Vegas thing. And he's like, fuck, I thought you would forget by now. I don't want to do it. But then after talking to him for a little bit, I kind of convinced him that it'd be a fun idea. So we got on a flight. It was me, Jason, Natalie, and Todd. Yeah, we flew over.

4:30 flight.

4:30 flight. We flew over to Vegas. Thank you for giving the specifics, Jason.

I like the specifics.

He's painting the picture. The sun was setting as we were taking off, if you need to know. So we landed.

Because we're supposed to be back on the 8:30.

Yeah, we're supposed to be back on the 8:30. So it's a short Vegas trip. So we get there, the casino gives us the fucking hardest time about giving them, giving them the money.

First, we need players cards. Yeah, we never needed before that.

We got to stand in this line to make the players cards. It's taking forever. It's— it took us about an hour before we could even play.

Todd and I get in line, and then we get up there, they go, you guys have players cards. We were like, what?

Yeah, and every, every time, every time we gamble, we unanimously decide on a color, and it's never like a debate ever. And this time it was black. So we put the $20K on black and we fucking won. That was it. We won. We were really excited about it. We couldn't believe it. And then we went to go cash it and there was like a problem cashing it. She was just confused about—

She was just slow.

She was just—

she just didn't want to help us.

Very, very slow person at the front desk, whatever, cashing the money. So then we got the money and we just fucking sprinted like to the airport. Because we— this was the 8:30 flight, was the last flight out that had seats available that we could fly back to LA. And we needed, we needed to be back that night because we had to shoot early in the morning. And then we missed the fucking flight. We literally missed it by like 5 minutes. So as we're leaving the airport, I have an idea. As we're leaving, as we're walking out of the airport, this couple walks by with like— and they're, they're fully decked out in red and they're have— they have these coffee mugs in their hand. With a little red lid on top of the coffee mugs. And I go, I have an idea. Let's go back to the casino. We put $10K on red, and if we win, we'll get a private jet to take us back to L.A. to make it home tonight. And we went back and we put $10K on red, and surprisingly, we won and we got our flight back that day. And that was— that was one of the craziest Vegas experiences.

It was fun.

Gone about 6 times and we haven't lost. Yeah, I don't know what it is. We've gone— we've bet $10,000 twice, $20,000 twice, and $10,000 another time, and we never— we never end up losing.

Never lost.

And every time I'm like, okay, I'm never going back because I don't want to test my luck. But this time I think I'm done. I'm done going to Vegas because— because I can't— I'm very happy with how our luck turned out. I don't want to fucking jinx it.

Even on the first spin, the ball, it landed in red and we all watched it. And then at the last second, it just jumped out in black.

The second time we came back to the casino to put 10 down for the private jet, um, Jeff was like super cocky and was like, yeah, we're getting free fucking money here, like talking to like, you know, like the, the guys that were running the tables and stuff.

Yeah.

And you could tell that they were not digging it. And, and then we won again, and just to see their reactions—

the pit boss had a really stern look on his face because I don't know who said it, but someone said, we're going home in a private jet. I got buried in the backyard, uh, twice this week. Yeah, I thought this was an entertaining story. David had a— David had a good idea, which was bury me in the backyard and then hide my head and then scare people. Now, this is not 2017 Jason, this is 2020 Jason, whose body is really decrepit at this point.

So about 55 minutes in, Jason just started fucking screaming. Get me the fuck out of here! And like screaming, like, like screaming like he's been buried alive for like 3 days.

Hang on.

And he was foaming at the mouth and he was screaming.

So foaming. Yes, you, you're No foam coming out of my mouth.

Yes, you are.

You, you both— you get in the hole. You get in the hole right now. I'll leave you there for an hour and 15 minutes. Tell me how you feel.

You look like a soccer coach whose team was losing. I look like fucking foam all around your mouth. And he was screaming so loud that my neighbor, who I haven't seen in 12 months, didn't even think lived next door to me, came out to see what was wrong. And I was like, it's fine, we're just digging my friend up. And then, yeah, and then we pulled him out, he showered No, no, no, no.

He pulled me out and I couldn't feel my legs. They were blue.

It looked like we had just pulled out a corpse from the ground, literally.

My legs were blue.

Yeah, Jason was fully like just white. Like, it literally looked like we got a dead guy and we just yanked him out.

Yeah, and I gotta say, I had a real moment with you where once you finished the prank, I was like really hurting, and then David— I'm gonna give you a compliment.

Thank you.

David got on his hands and knees and he started literally digging me out with his hands, and I was very, very touched by it.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah.

I got you.

I thought that was really good. And then when I came out, even though I couldn't feel my legs, I had like a new lease on life. But then the next day we were sitting here and David didn't get a thumbnail or an Instagram photo. So David and I are like, okay, you gotta go back in the hole.

Yeah, so we have to dig the hole again.

So then, and I was like, I was like, I was like, David, how the fuck did you not get a thumbnail? And he was like, well, you were screaming so badly.

I was scared.

And I was like, oh yeah, I guess I was screaming.

That's why we didn't get the thumbnail. And then, um, so recently, a couple days after that, we got to film with, um, Justin Bieber, which is great. That's, that's pretty insane to me, to film with Justin Bieber, because I told Justin about the story about how in high school there are these like, like these kids that were older than me and they used to make fun of me for having a Justin Bieber haircut, and they used to call me Bieber. I told him that story. I asked him if he'd fly, if he'd fly back to Chicago with me to kick their ass, but he says he's busy because he's got his album coming out. But I know that, I know that he's definitely He was definitely worried about me and that he'll help me out in the future. No, but he's, he's like the nicest, nicest kid you will ever meet. And it was so crazy because we did a bit where, where he hid in the back of my Tesla and we would surprise people. It's cool. Like when I get to surprise people, like a lot of people's reactions are like, they could be like a lot of fun reactions. Like people get really excited. But with Justin, like there was one girl in particular who like, who like was the biggest Justin Bieber fan like 5 years ago. Like, like when she was growing up, like, that's— she's in college now, but when she was little, like, that's all she would listen to. And like, when she saw him, it was like a part of her, like, memory that she didn't even know she had, like, just opened up and she just fucking started sobbing. And like, Justin was holding her and I literally felt like I was like third wheeling. Like, I felt like they were having this, like, intense moment and I was like, I don't even know what I'm doing sitting here. I feel like I'm, like, ruining this. But it was just so interesting.

My fans spit on me. Justin's fans start crying.

It's just so cool. It's so cool to see, like, Justin's fans because Justin's a singer. So, so many people have like— people have emotional connections to songs. So it's like, it's like really cool to see like their reaction to, to this guy who made some of the best songs that they grew up listening to. I don't know, it was— the whole thing was so great. And he's, and he's such a sweet guy. I can't, I cannot— like, literally, it's like he doesn't even know how to be mean. Like, if I told him, I was like, Justin, be mean, he wouldn't even know how to do it.

Oh, that's nice.

But I will say this, this part, like, really fucking really, really bothered me. It was, um, we pulled up to his house and it was like, and it's like, it's literally an army of security guards. Yeah. So like 5 to 7. I don't know. I couldn't see how many because there's just like 3 security cars. I don't know how many security guards were actually there, but it was like a, it was like a heavily guarded house.

Hey, hey, nice house.

Nice. Yeah, I think he's doing fine.

I would think so. Yeah, I would think Justin has a really nice house.

Yeah, he's doing good. And then down the street was a line of like 4 or 5 cars, and it was all paparazzi.

Gross. And they were awful.

And they sit there, he told me they sit there every day just waiting, just waiting to see what happens, just waiting for him to leave his house. And then when I picked him up and we went to like the UCLA area, they followed us to the UCLA area, which is like, doesn't bother me because it never happens to me, but like That's fucking crazy. Yeah, that happened to you every day. That, like, people— like, like, I would talk to my parents and I'd be like, I specifically talk about Justin Bieber, and I'd be like, I don't see what the problem is about, like, paparazzi. Like, he has so much money, like, what's— who cares if paparazzi take pictures of him? No, but like, when you see— like, I didn't understand it as a kid, but when you see it in person, that there's fucking all these, like, random strangers trying to document every single moment of your life.

Sound of the clicking. Like, I imagine when he goes to sleep, he must hear that.

Like, I don't know, it's— it was, dude, it was mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. They're, they're just—

they're people on a different level. It's of fame.

I felt, I felt so, so bad.

It sounds bad.

It sounds bad, but he is.

But hey, you have to look at it too like this. It's like, you know, he is— he's like really gifted. He has a gift.

Sure.

He makes millions and millions and millions and millions of people happy, like way beyond your level.

I mean, I get— I— it's like, it's like a—

and so it's almost like that's his—

he's so much better than you. He is.

You will You will never—

you are nothing.

But that's his— that's his, you know, that's— that's his gift, and that's his place in life, is to make people happy. And that part of it definitely sucks. But yeah, but yeah, hopefully he can get other good things out of it. Like, uh, hey, his wife's pretty hot, huh?

Goddamn, this is why we didn't invite you.

This is why we left you at home.

No, Jason— Jason was— Jason—

I wasn't gonna fucking say anything. Oh my God, I hate that you guys think that I'm gonna fuck things up with Justin.

No, no, no, no, that's not what's up.

That's bullshit.

I just thought— no, uh, no, uh, we're— we're trying Originally Jason was gonna come, but then he didn't come just because things changed, whatever. Jason was gonna come originally, and he was on his— on the phone with his real estate agent.

I am not name-dropping. You guys are such— no, it's actually the opposite. You guys are so into celebrity and such starfuckers that if I'm late, I told her I'm really close to— I go, oh yeah, I go, there's something with Justin Bieber today, that's why I canceled. In other words, like, that's the reason. I had already told her.

No, no, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go. Sorry, got to cancel the meeting. I got to shoot with Justin Bieber.

I— at that point we were going to shoot with Justin.

No, I know, I know we were, but it's just like, why throw that in?

Why?

Why? Because it's a— because it's a valid excuse for Karen. That's something that Karen would be like, oh, okay, it's not every day you fucking get to shoot with the amazing Justin Bieber. I guess that's why I said it.

I get it. It was just funny.

She's my real estate agent who I'm like really close with, and she wanted to bring me some scones. To thank me for buying the house.

What about—

but like, it's— why can't you just say that you're just David number 2?

2020, Nat.

Jason and Natalie have been going at it.

Well, you know, she fucking makes fun of my son, Jason, which is so obvious. It's so obvious that Natalie is jealous of the amount of time that I spend with Wyatt and not with her. Oh, you know what was funny the other day?

What?

Uh, when we had our little paintball competition going Yeah, David does this thing where he'll, you know, pay people and then he gets to shoot him with a paintball gun. And then it's over like a week of time, right? Yeah, go around shooting people. Yeah, David did this a bunch last year and I always said no. Yeah, but I agreed to it last week for a bit and, uh, man, it was really tough. No, it's— no, it's not the pain. It's literally just having walking around. So I went to my, my club, you know, the old man club that I go to.

Yeah. And I went and swam at night and, uh, you thought I was gonna pop out.

And then I was in the shower completely naked, and it pops in my head. I'm like, fuck, he's in here. Now there's no— I know you're not gonna go in there and shoot me, but then again, I would. You might.

That would be the best place to get you, like in the gym shower.

Yeah, I know, that's what I thought. So then I was like— and then I'm walking out completely nude, just wet, looking around at lockers. Then I go to my car, I have to look in the back seat. And it's awful.

Yeah, it's bad.

I don't like it at all. Then I get to my house and it's dark out and I'm sitting in my car and I'm sitting there for like 10 minutes and I'm checking your location where your car is because I have your location. And then Charlie comes to the door and she sees my car. She's like, Daddy, what are you doing? I'm like, Charlie, go inside! Go inside!

I'm picking the fucking house. It's not safe.

Then my mom's like, he's not here. He's not here. Come in. And then so I— and as soon as I walk in the house, like, oh, he's not here. She's like, but then again, he might be in the basement. I don't know.

Yeah, you were just living your life with paranoia. Yeah, I did this. I basically did this thing. I'm going to put it in the vlog, so I don't want to spoil it. But I did this thing where I paid my friends that I'll shoot them with a paintball gun any time in the next couple of days. And people got so paranoid that I just called it off because like Jeff would like— Jeff was like avoiding hanging out with me.

Yeah.

And like, I saw him at the bar. We were all at the bar and he was— he literally patted me down when he saw me. And then like to see if I had a gun on me. And then as he was leaving, as we were walking to our cars, he like quickly ran in his car and locked it and drove away rather than waiting for me to go to my car because he thought I'd pull out a gun. So I called off the whole fucking game because everyone was just so paranoid that I was going to shoot him with a paintball gun.

Also, I was wearing double-layered clothes the entire night and it was so hot.

Yeah, Jason came over. I was like, why are you sweating? It's like, I have 7 layers on in case you shoot me.

Well, weren't we talking about people's names the other day?

Yeah. Natalie brought up something about people's names.

Oh, yeah.

Are you saying that it was genius when she said it?

I was like, it was genius. Okay. I was just thinking about how everyone in our friend group with their name is so suiting for them, or just some people in general. Like, Todd is such like a Todd. Like, his name suits him and his personality.

Yeah. Like, Jeff. Jeff is like, Jeff. That's Jeff. That's a sexy guy. Natalie makes sense. Natalie, you're the only person that doesn't make sense is you. Because Jason's like a super cool name. You know what, when you, when you hear Jason, you go, fuck yeah, that's fucking— where's Jason? Where's this dude?

See, when I think of a Jason, I think of like kind of like a, like a slimy cheese ball kind of thing.

Really? Yeah, a cheesy person named Jason.

Yeah.

No, I think I know some cheesy Jasons.

No, I think I've like Jason Statham. Like Jason's a cool fucking name. I don't think your name that would be perfect would be like Walter, like Walter, or Gary, or Mort. Mort would be really good.

Kind of like a Mort. Yeah, yeah, I could see that.

Even Chucky.

Yeah, Chucky. I mean, but I could also see Natalie being named like Gwen.

No, you look like a Gwen. No, she doesn't look like— she looks like an Amber, if anything.

An Amber? No, she doesn't look like an Amber.

What do I look like?

Amber's like a squirrel.

Jason, I have a question. Why does your assistant Dima always take off time and do things at the most inconvenient times possible.

Oh, wow. Look, Natalie's complaining about other people taking vacations. That's ironic.

Yeah, I don't take—

How many days were you in Mexico?

Fucking 300.

6 days.

6,000.

David said it was 3 weeks. Is that true?

No, she was there for what? For him.

He just misses me so much.

I think what Natalie's saying is that Dima is gone right now and we were all just gone for the holidays, right? And then a week after the holidays, Dima takes a vacation, which kind of doesn't make sense.

I mean, I would say that to Dima's face. I literally told him, I was like, I was like, why are you gone right now? Like, you—

we—

everyone was just gone for the holidays.

But Dima does run on different time than us. He has vacation times are a lot different than the rest of us. Yeah, his Halloween is in July. That's why when we're all at the beach, he always comes dressed as Batman.

That makes more sense now.

We went to a Golden Globes afterparty. I'm just about— I'm just about to sink my teeth into some ribeye. I was so excited. J, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing eating? Put that down! No eating! No fucking eating! And I was like, what? Why did we come if not to enjoy something?

I did not sound like that.

Oh, you literally did, David.

Oh my God, Nylee was there! What the fuck? You do do that. You go, put that fucking down! Put it down! Put the fucking food down! And I was like, I didn't do anything. And then I go, I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything! And then I pulled it down.

It was just like rushed chaos. We were like— the after party started at 8:30. It was 8:30 when we left the house. We were already a little bit behind. David's like, what the fuck are we doing? Why weren't we leaving earlier? Like, we were supposed to be there earlier, blah blah blah. Like, okay, on everyone's—

like, okay, you fucked up. You were the one that was late. I was here ready to go.

We had 4 after parties to go to, and I wanted to make sure we would get all of them. I was the guy that was leading. I was chaperoning the group.

You weren't chaperoning, you were dictating. And there's a Someone has to take charge.

All you gotta do is, all you gotta do is like, come on, we gotta go, let's go.

I lost you for a while and I couldn't find you and I found you at the food station. Of course, to my—

of course I was at the food station. Is that what you're gonna say? No, of course everyone's, everyone's a big fat pig when they're eating, but when you eat, it's like, oh, it's time to eat, stop the world. You eat just as much.

I eat quick, which isn't good.

Doesn't make you better.

It's not good quality of life at all to eat quality life.

I'm just saying I get it done quicker.

Living your life in Constant angst and stress is not healthy.

You know, when you kicked me out of the Justin Bieber shoot, do you know what happened to me?

Yeah.

My entire body healed. I felt so great. My leg didn't hurt that day or anything.

Alex, I didn't kick you out of the Justin Bieber shoot.

Yes, you did. I saw you kick me out of it.

Sam and I both turned to each other and were like, Jason, maybe not on this one.

Maybe not. No, we didn't kick you out.

No, I know you didn't. I didn't care anyway. I was glad. I had to get a lot done. I had to go.

What did you tell Karen?

What did you tell your real mom? I walked in and she was having coffee with my mom and I was like, they fucking kicked me out.

The real estate agent you bragged to about shooting with Justin Bieber. Yeah, it's not happening. Justin was busy. Another day. Another day.

I was like, they chose Carly and Aaron over me. And they were like, oh, that's okay. Well, now you can sit with us. And I was like, yeah, I guess.

I went to a club the other night and it's because this guy, this guy invites us to go to clubs. He's always like, please come out, please come out. I'm like, yeah, okay, fine. We'll stop by.

Sure.

So we stopped by, he's like a promoter, and there's a, there's a woman there that's working the door. And I know, I know like the higher-ups at this, at this bar, but they're just not working there that day. So this woman's working the door. I've never met her before. And this guy's trying to get us in and she's like not budging. He goes, "They're YouTubers, they have a blah blah blah." And he like, he like talks about—

I hate that.

I hate that. It's like my pet peeve. But he said it and all I hear is We're like a good 10 feet away, and all I hear is her go— look at the woman go, "I don't give a fuck about YouTubers. Tell them to go get a real fucking job." That's what she says.

Ouch.

That's fucking crazy.

But didn't you get in?

No. Anyway, no, I just left. I was—

you did?

You just left?

I've just— that was like the— that was like the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard. Tell them to go get a real fucking job. What planet are you on?

Also, like, you're just working a host stand at, like, what makes you more significant than somebody else.

It was insane. I, I would never ever talk about anybody in that way. That doesn't— it doesn't compute. It doesn't make any sense to me.

She, she just has a poor definition of what it is. She thinks it's very easy, an easy job.

I understand that, but like, maybe for some people it is. No matter what, what the job is, I, I, I mean, I couldn't even agree. I couldn't even name a job that's pointless, but obviously But whatever you do, like, go get a real job.

100%.

Does that mean—

I don't know. Go, keep going.

Go off.

Yeah, go off, sis. Do it. Listen, this one, this one, you're right.

Amy that works at fucking— no, you know, I've decided I'm not even gonna say her name or the name of the club because I'm above that. I'm above that.

Mature.

But I did get her name because I pray to God there is an instance in 5 years where she applies for a job with me and I get to go, go get a real fucking job.

That would not be sweet.

I have her name.

And is that what you thought in the shower later that night?

No.

You go get a real job, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I wrote her name down and everything.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, no, she's like— it's like a— this is like—

not like you.

It's not. It's not. But you should have been there.

Yeah.

You should have seen how nasty this—

this— really?

That's all I heard.

Yeah.

Like, imagine what else she said that I didn't hear.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah, she was very nasty. And yes, I'll get her back later in the future.

Guys, we work hard. I was in a— I was fucking buried alive this week.

It's not even about that. It's not even about that.

Natalie was really shy in 2017 and now she's a fucking queen. So get it. Get it right.

No, it's not even about how hard we work. It's just about like— it's just about a person being like, just disrespectful. That's what it is. It has nothing to do with our jobs. All right, guys. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening to The Views podcast. Make sure you go check out Jason's merch. It's getting better.

Um, and so is ours because I'm making—

yeah, Natalie's getting it better. Natalie makes it in her room, little, little shop. Um, but yeah, thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys later. This is the Reviews Podcast. My name is Jeff. Bye!